Yet another "Where do I stand?" thread

LegacyUser

ok, been seeing this guy for 3 months. we're a 45min drive apart. currently see each other once a week, mid-week and maybe at w'end but they're hit and miss as we both have pretty busy social lives and that includes both having ties with family&friends in other parts of the country, so have to juggle that. we're both in our 30's, i'm 3 yrs older. i'd like to see this guy more often at this stage but haven't said so yet. we get on very well but have never discussed the "relationship". in fact, neither of us has shared our feelings at all really yet. i really like him but am afraid to tell him how i feel in case he doesn't feel the same. sounds stupid, i know, especially at my age!

physically, he is very affectionate so i've been going on that vibe but would like something to be said. as i said we get on well when together. we've met some of each other's friends recently, so that's progress, i guess.

are some guys just slow to say how they feel but try to show it non-verbally instead? i rem going out with a guy yrs ago. took him a year to tell me how he felt and we went out for years after. we were in our 20's. i know it's as much up to me as him to take the risk, but i'd prefer it to come from him first!

regarding up-ing the frequency of the contact, is it fair to suggest, at this stage, that we try to meet up at least part of the w'end as much as possible? at the moment it's as if, we get togther when there isn't any other pre-arrangements! this w'end, i have a girls nite (planned ages ago as my friends are coming up). had hoped we'd do the friday, but he has a stag. just the way it is....but another w'end of not hooking up. that kinda thing has happened a couple of times but we're equally to blame. are we too used to being single and making that time for our friends and family first? i know i'm ready to amke more of an effort to make time for him but not sure how he sees it.

LegacyUser

I was seeing a girl for a few months where by we would only ever meet up maybe once a week and then not see each other for a couple of weeks because either I had something on or she did. I really fell for her however and thought she liked me too but really wasnt so sure where I stood. I wanted to make the effort of seeing her more often and decided to ask the dreaded question "so, whats going on?"........not much it turned out! She just wanted some fun and since I was falling for her I didnt think I could go along with that without getting hurt so decided the best thing was just to leave it. I still think though if you want to know where you stand you should be able to ask, no point hanging around if the other person isnt looking for the same thing.

bluecell99

its still early days.I reckon in another three months the situation should be a lot clearer.In the meantime continue as you are but maybe make more definite proposals about spending time together in a neutral location ,just yourselves and where ye have a bit of time to talk and relax.its a balancing act at the best of times.Work and other people will always be there.The real test is when they become secondary to your own relationship.Not meaning that in a harsh way but priorities have to be worked out.

You should be able to suss it out in the next few weeks.But dont let things drift indefinitely.I agree that some of the chabge and moving up a gear should come from him.Nothing to stop you though either!

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

I wanted to make the effort of seeing her more often and decided to ask the dreaded question "so, whats going on?"........not much it turned out! She just wanted some fun

OP here again. aargh, yeah that's the crux of the issue i guess! have seen this issue come up many, many times in this forum. it's that cringy, risky question you know you gotta ask, yet have to prepared for the answer! not sure i want to end it yet so might give it a couple more weeks and see...