Boyfriend's past in the present

LegacyUser

OK, so I know everyone has a past, but my problem is that my boyfriend's past invades the present. He's from a smallish place and so sees several exes on a regular basis and he's also in contact with a girl he was seeing casually (sleeping with but not girlfriend), on Facebook and texts, which really bothers me because it was fairly recent. I just don't like it - to me it's too much, too friendly contact. I don't want to see little messages from a girl my bf recently slept with every time I log onto Facebook. Am I mad or would this bother anyone else?

star-pants

I can understand why you might be bothered by it, personally I wouldn't be overly comfortable and I've been in a semi similar situation before. But all you can do is just ignore the comments etc. Your bf didn't date her and isn't with her. He's dating you now and that's all that matters right now.

Nervous Wreck

You basically just need to get over it. If he's from a small town and it's inevitable that he's gonna see these girls, then there's nothing you can do. Also, it's very healthy to remain friends with past loves/trysts/whatevers. Some people can't handle it but some people really can and you can't really fault someone for being mature enough to remain friends with an ex. This is all assuming that there's no reason to doubt his fidelity, of course but since you've said nothing about that being a possible issue, I reckon its safe to assume that he's doing nothing wrong. Am I right? If so, let it go. Be happy that yer bf is a nice, mature chap. Don't bother getting jealous. It'll only ruin your relationship.

PCPhoto

everyone has a history

Look at it like this - who is he dating .... YOU !!! ..... so plain and simple.

Another way to look at it... if the girl way a guy ...would you feel any better ? just because she's got boobs doesnt make her a threat to you - be happy that he's with you.

Terodil

Would bother me too tbh.

I don't have any advice to offer but my sympathy. TBH if it really annoys you, I think you should talk with him about it. It's better than bottling up and letting it eat at you. =/

Kimia

I would be annoyed too. Are you with him long?

Tbh, it's inappropriate but he may not know it bothers you so maybe speak to him about it. Again if you're not with him long you don't want to come across super possessive either.

If you're only with him a short time and you say - look I don't like the way you're still texting and facebooking girls that you used to be with - and it could go two ways then:

1) he could tell you to deal with it - they're only friends. In which case you'll have to decide if you want to and whether you're willing to put up with it

2) he could say he never realised it bothered you and that he'll stop because he's not great mates with the girls he doesn't care if he speaks to them or not.

LegacyUser

I'm with him about 4-5 months. He really doesn't seem to think it is a problem, the messages are left on his facebook wall for all to see so he isn't trying to hide anything. I just think it's a bit disrespectful to me

Salome

At least if it's on Facebook for you and the world to see, then he's not hiding anything.

I know it's hard but try to resist interrogating him - you'll come across as a needy, posessive harpie and he'll run like billy-o.