What I've Learned From Watching Porn

coldfire1x

Women wear high heels to bed.

If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she will not scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he have sex with her.

Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with sperm.

Women enjoy having sex with ugly, middle-aged men.

Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blowjob.

A blowjob will always get a woman off a speeding ticket.

All women are noisy ****s.

People in the 70's couldn't **** unless there was a wild guitar solo in the background.

Those tits are real.

A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman's butt.

Men always groan "OH YEAH!" when they cum.

If there is two of them they "high five" each other. (and the girl isn't disgusted!)

Double penetration makes women smile.

Asian men don't exist.

If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the bushes, the boyfriend won't bash seven shades of **** out of you if you shove your cock in his girlfriend's mouth.

When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman by giving her a brisk slap on the butt.

Nurses always suck patient's penises.

When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend, she'll only be momentarily pissed off before ****ing the both of you.

When a woman is sucking a man's cock, it's important for him to remind her to "suck it".

A man ejaculating on a woman's butt is a satisfying result for all parties concerned.

Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man's trousers and find a cock there.

Men don't have to beg.

When standing during a blowjob, a man will always place one hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman's head and the other proudly on his hip.