personal hang ups/failures affect relationship with new girl

LegacyUser

hi,

im currently seeing a girl about 2 months, we were mates for about 1 year before we got together. anyway i've always had a small set of friends, my family is quite small and seperated.
she is has many close friends and a large family. i havent met any of these (yet). but lately ive been feeling quite insecure about it. i feel somewhat inadequate or that i cant bring as much to the table as she can. these are stupid feelings and i want them gone.
this is actually giving me a sick feeling in my stomach. can anyway offer words of wisdoms on this? i nearly feel like ending it over this.

SarahSassy

The more you think like this the more realistic you make it. Just turn your thoughts around and think positive... She would not be with you esp after knowing you for a year if she thouht you were a loser...

LegacyUser

i am trying to be positive but now and again i slip back into this way of thinking. Its draining me to the point I am worrying about it. I know she is going out with me for me, but i feel like im holding her back as i dont have this big social circle to introduce her to. I never felt this way with girls, maybe this girl has just exposed this, i dunno...

polevault

"personal hang ups/failures affect relationship with new girl "

You need to be more specific with us here. I had a similar feeling with a girl but it turned out to be all in my head. What is it that is making you feel this way?. Is there an age gap between the two of you. Is she older than you are? working? Your still i college?.

LegacyUser

im 28 she is 27. both working. basically im afraid she will get bored with me for the reasons above. Is that mad of me to think that way? I suppose she always has events coming up to do with family or friends as she has so many of them...where as i dont...i dont have this vast array of people to introduce her too... i dunno. im making no sense

broly

Heya I'm coming from the opposite perspective to you. Like the girl your seeing I have a big group of friends, a huge family, and a busy life. I'm no longer with my boyfriend but he was like you, a small family etc. He only had a couple of good friends that didn't live near him and he was actually unemployed so really it did'nt seem like there was much going for him. But I loved him for who he was and the whole time i was with him all i wanted to do was meet the people close to him and believe me it doesn't matter how many! you're intimidated by her big family so just think how much easier you're making it for her! Something you really have going for you! I don't think that it's a good enough reason to end what you have and lets face it of she isn't happy with what you have to offer, it's her fault.

pwd

She's not meeting you to expand her social network: She already has her own friends!
If you had no friends it might set alram bells off for her but a small set is fine. Don't worry about it.

Snowie

IneedSomeAdvice wrote: »

im 28 she is 27. both working. basically im afraid she will get bored with me for the reasons above. Is that mad of me to think that way? I suppose she always has events coming up to do with family or friends as she has so many of them...where as i dont...i dont have this vast array of people to introduce her too... i dunno. im making no sense

hey dude im a lot like you Ive got a brother a mother and dad, and two dogs and a cat thats my familly Ive no cousin's uncles antie's or anything. Does it bother me ? no
Is this to do with fammilly's is it you ?
Reason why I ask is Your doing pretty good for your self you've got a job You've got a girlfriend. Yet your failing to see that she's like's you, I think you gotta Start thinking more proactivley and less negitively about your self maybe stop worrying to. You've known her a year before you got togeather.

That says something, if she's risking a friendship turning into a possible relationship, that's a pretty ballzee thing to do...Bye any one's standered.

Your worried she'l get board of you then stop worrying and use it proactivly to suprise her its the most exceiting time of the year flower's blossiming nice weather .
Pitnic's country walks beach walks b&b's in stunning place's all over the country with veiws romance... fun stuff go sea kaying or surfing togeather have fun do stuff togeather not play the xbox.... Even picnic lunchs work , if you work near each other... or take a half day.....:D
If you sit in every night watching east ender's and soing the same old same old, she'le get board its up to you man and you alone to create excitment dont be emmbarissed if your doing something romantic serously lap it up as her heart melts :cool:
Make a rule every time you think negitively catch your self and then as punish ment you have to think of an exciteing thing for a weekend or something

I'd like to add allways make time for your mates ...

... you seem to be using the number of friends you both have as some kind of measurement of your value to each other?

You're impressed by the fact that she has many friends ... you think she's great, so of course you can understand why many, many others do.

BUT then you're translating this idea into the exact opposite when applying it to yourself ... you don't have so many friends, therefore something is lacking in you?

Apart from the fact that I'm fairly sure she doesn't see it this way, when it comes to friends, quality is so much more important than quantity. Don't let your insecurities take over, enjoy yourself.

LegacyUser

thanks to last the last few posters...it has cheered me up! I guess i was using her popularity or volume of friends and felt intimidated by it. i know im a good person and i am doing quite well in many areas of life and i do have a lot to over...i guess this exposed one insecurity i never thought i had and i was finding it difficult to handle. and it made me start thinking why i never had that many friends...all be it we did have very different up bringings (mine being not as pleasant!)

LegacyUser

IneedSomeAdvice wrote: »

thanks to last the last few posters...it has cheered me up! I guess i was using her popularity or volume of friends and felt intimidated by it. i know im a good person and i am doing quite well in many areas of life and i do have a lot to over...i guess this exposed one insecurity i never thought i had and i was finding it difficult to handle. and it made me start thinking why i never had that many friends...all be it we did have very different up bringings (mine being not as pleasant!)

I'm in a similar position to you OP and am glad you posted this and got those replies cos it's done me some good to read them too. Let's keep positive!