A few good ones :-)

marcsignal

I met a 14 year old girl on the internet. She was clever, funny, flirty and sexy, so I suggested we meet up. She turned out to be an undercover detective.
How cool is that at her age?!
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I just saw that Harry Potter film. A bit unrealistic if you ask me. I mean, a ginger kid, with two friends?
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I had a mate who was suicidal. He was really depressed, so I pushed him in front of a steam train.
He was chuffed to bits.
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When I got divorced, my wife said she would fight for custody of the kids.
Took her out with one punch.
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My granddad gave me some sound advice on his deathbed.
"It's worth spending money on good speakers," he told me.
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A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year-old daughter.
Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them..... they are bound to be curious about sex at that age."
"Curious about sex?" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her appendix out!"
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I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pick pocketed.
How could anyone stoop so low?
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I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet.
I shouted up to him, "What's up, won't it start?"

The Volt

Jimmy Carr =]

Podge2k7

Good stuff.!

Luno

Haha nicee

marcsignal

guy walks into a pet shop and says "I'd like to buy a wasp please".

The owner replies "I'm sorry, we dont sell wasps

the guy says "There's one in the window" ?

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"Doctor I can't feel my legs?"

"Yes I'm sorry, we had to amputate your arms"

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why does a dog lick his balls ??

because he can

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how did hitler die ?

he had a stroke when he got the gas bill

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Hollywood are making a movie about Dr. Harold Shipman

Robert De Niro will play Shipman

in the Hollywood Bolckbuster

"The Old Dear Hunter"

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Insect Overlord

Some brilliant jokes in there.

FrCrilly

marcsignal wrote: »

I met a 14 year old girl on the internet. She was clever, funny, flirty and sexy, so I suggested we meet up. She turned out to be an undercover detective.
How cool is that at her age?!

Reminds me of below joke.

Gary Glitter arrives home to find his girlfriend in an upset state.

She asks "What's all this in the papers about you being a Paedophile".

He replies "Paedophile, that's a big word for a 12 year old".

marcsignal

2 Jehovas Witnesses knock on the door of a suburban house one afternoon.

A 9 year old, scantily clad boy answers the door, holding a brandy in one hand, a Cuban cigar in the other, and flanked by 2 Algerian Hookers.

"Are your Parents Home ?" says one of the Jehovas Witnesses

"What the fuck do you think????" replies the boy