How do I find out if he's interested-without seeming desperate!??

LegacyUser

I have been visting a male medical professional for some routine procedures in recent times and have developed a major attraction to this guy. I have had 7 appointments with him over the last number of weeks and each time we meet we have a really good laugh and afterwards I spend the following few days thinking about him a lot. We are the same age (late 20s) and I get the impression he is also single, and perhaps interested in me. During the course of each appointment he invariably asks me what my plans are for the coming weekend and always remembers anything I may have mentioned previously. I have not yet given him any indication that I am single . While I am quite a confident person ordinarily, I am unsure how to find out if hes really interested in me and perhaps suggesting we go out. I have my final appointmnet with him next week and dont want to let it pass without letting him him know that I am attracted to him, without coming across as desperate!any advice please???

sam34

it would be extremely unethical for him to become in any way romantically involved with you.

it is an offence reportable to the medical council and is considered professional misconduct.

he is probably just being polite and friendly.

i wouldnt read anything into it and i wouldnt act on it.

PK2008

Depending on the type of treatment- a doctor who crosses this boundary can leave themselves open to allegations of abuse, sexual assault and/or rape and can be criminally prosecuted.

They undergo alot of training which instructs them not to become involved in romantic relationships with patients so its more likely you are picking this up wrong

Leave it and/or possibly switch to another doctor

A Primal Nut

She's no longer a patient after next week!

bluecell99

A Primal Nut wrote: »

She's no longer a patient after next week!

True and its not as if professionals are not entitled to a private life.I would imagine though that a fairly long period of time would have to elapse before anything could happen.Its walking on eggshells alright and an ethical minefield.

sam34

A Primal Nut wrote: »

She's no longer a patient after next week!

i cant remember the timeframe of the top of my head, but the medical council expect a minimum period of time to have lapsed from last prefessional contact to anything personal.

i could be wrong but i think its about a year.

LegacyUser

OP here- many thanks for comments. Just to clarify that I have already established that there is no major ethical issue surrounding any potential romantic involvment .I have friends in the same medical field and I have been assured that dating would not give rise to an ethical conflict...

sam34

bluecell99 True and its not as if professionals are not entitled to a private life.

of course we're entitled to private lives but they have to be free from allegations of sleaze/misuse of authority or position etc.

not directed at the OP, but if the relationship/fling soured, she could very easily turn around and accuse him of all sorts of inapprepriate behaviour and such allegations could ruin his career.

no doc worth their salt would get involved with a patient.

anyway, and i really mean no offence to the OP or anyone else, when youre seeing someone in a prefessional capacity, you see them in a totally detached way, you dont see them as attractive/unattractive/potential etc.

they're a patient, you're their dctor, you examine tehm professionally and objectively, end of story.

i can honestly say i have never thought of any patient as a potential score. im friendly to patients, get on well with them generally, but thats it.

sam34

Unregistered wrote: »

OP here- many thanks for comments. Just to clarify that I have already established that there is no major ethical issue surrounding any potential romantic involvment .I have friends in the same medical field and I have been assured that dating would not give rise to an ethical conflict...

what???

you're telling us this guy is a medical professional? if that is so, there IS an ethical conflict. End of story. No matter what branch of medicine he is in.

ellie1

I thought that ethical thing only applies in certain cases such as if the patient or client is in a vulnerable position eg: doctor, therapist etc

If the op crush was an optician, a choropidist etc .... it think thats different.... but I dont know.

OP, if its cool professionally, let him know what you are doing the weekend and invite him along in a casual way.... he can only say yes or no....If he says no, it may well be he is not interested or may be ethically bound.

Hope he says yes!!!!

LegacyUser

Ellie, cheers for your comment! His profession does fall within one of the fields you mentioned . My original question related more to the manner in which I could let him know I was interested, as opposed to the ethical implications of same. As I mentioned I am satisfied that there is no ethical conflict.

sam34

I thought that ethical thing only applies in certain cases such as if the patient or client is in a vulnerable position eg: doctor, therapist etc

If the op crush was an optician, a choropidist etc .... it think thats different.... but I dont know.

when the OP said "medical professional" i assumed she meant a doctor.

opticians/chiropodists etc are not medical professionals.

ellie1

when the OP said "medical professional" i assumed she meant a doctor.

I thought doctors didnt assume.


Op, just be really casual/flirty about it.."hey ,im going ..... on Sat night.....do you fancy coming with me..... flutter eye lashes....

fabbydabby

ZING!

@ Sam:
What? Why not? Is this official or is it acedemic snobbery on your part?

Anyway to ask the OP's question, I would suggest planning something for that weekend of your last appointment that would be easy to invite the medical "professional" :rolleyes: along to, and do that and see how he reacts.

sam34

fabbydabby wrote: »

ZING!

@ Sam:
What? Why not? Is this official or is it acedemic snobbery on your part?

Anyway to ask the OP's question, I would suggest planning something for that weekend of your last appointment that would be easy to invite the medical "professional" :rolleyes: along to, and do that and see how he reacts.

its not the word "professional" i was querying, its the word "medical".... to me, that implies a doctor.

its not snobbery, certainly not.

an optician is a professional, but is not medically qualified, as i see it.

LegacyUser

Thanks guys. I am having a party on Sat night so I could always extend him a casual invite. Worst case scenario he says no and I wont have to see him again for months! I have yet to ask a guy out so the prospect of doing it is nerve wrecking! Comments questioning whether he is in fact a medical professional or not are irrelevant in any event.

sam34

Unregistered wrote: »

Thanks guys. I am having a party on Sat night so I could always extend him a casual invite. Worst case scenario he says no and I wont have to see him again for months! I have yet to ask a guy out so the prospect of doing it is nerve wrecking! Comments questioning whether he is in fact a medical professional or not are irrelevant in any event.

the medical professional issue was very relevant when it wasnt clear what job he was in and what ethical issues there may or may not have been.

anyway, good luck whatever you decide to do

LegacyUser

Thanks for the good luck wish Sam- the point regarding him being deemed a medical professional is irrelevant in the context of my actual question,as I was not seeking clarity regarding the ethical issues associated with dating him. I had already established it wasn't an issue.

G-Money

Unregistered wrote: »

I have yet to ask a guy out so the prospect of doing it is nerve wrecking!

Welcome to the man's side of the fence. Where we have to go through this all the time - nerves, worry, fear, potential rejection. Only to have to dust ourselves off and act like it doesn't bother us and start over again.

We hope you enjoy your stay