Interaction with Women

Nevyn

Xiney wrote: »

Yes, everyone does it to some extent. Sometimes you have to look around you to figure out how to act in a social situation. People on the lowest end of the self monitoring scale are probably those with no social skills at all - this is a pathology.



However, in the middle, in the normal range, there still exists a spectrum.

I am aware of how it is a spectrum and how it correlates to those who are on or near the autism spectrum.

But I don't think lack of caring or need to fit in certain grouping automatically means a person is non neurotypical.

Gender streaming does happen, and those who step outside of those norms or trends get treated differently. As my 8 year old daughter says somethings are seen as girls and other things are seen as boy things and it should be just about what is cool and interesting to a person and no one should be treated differently because of what they like or excluded.

Xiney

I wasn't suggesting that a lack of need to fit in is not normal at all. In fact, it's very normal to have people who go against the grain and stick to their personalities yet do so with social grace, just as it is normal for others to conform just that little bit more according to those who surround them.


We're all individuals - and it should be about what is interesting to us. But the question is, why do women push out those who may be less inclined to conform? Our experiences seem to be that men are far more accepting of us as we are.

LouOB

Xiney wrote: »

We're all individuals - and it should be about what is interesting to us. But the question is, why do women push out those who may be less inclined to conform? Our experiences seem to be that men are far more accepting of us as we are.

A pervious poster said its out of fear
And I tend to agree

I have seen this where a group or department dont know how to label you, IMO and from what Ive experienced in one company.
They cannot put you into a box with intructions at the side - therefore they keep you at arms lenght.
This could be true for men cliques also - who dont follow football, who have girlfriend etc. Therefore you are sidelined as other people in the groups feel more comfortable with those who they can converse with on their level - so they themselves dont have to self monitor with you (or make the effort to)

Nevyn

It's also control, if they can get you to conform then you fall with in their ranking and rating and can sway you and others rating of you on their scale.
The Lone wolf is outside of the rating and ranking and that one is a threat.

Das Kitty

You know, this thread has helped me a lot. Anytime I've found myself getting worried over unintended hurt feelings I catch myself and have been able to drop it instantly. This is brilliant as this was one of the things that I would constantly fret over when I was very very down last year. I'd be sick with worry over nothing. So thanks chicas, you've actually helped push back the darkness a bit more.

Nevyn

There are a lot more women who are this way it's just we don't tend to flock together in obvious groups.

http://thefeministagenda.blogspot.com/2009/03/guy-culture.html

Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Guy Culture

I tend to have more male friends than female friends. I always have. As a kid I was always very athletic but not particularly good at the social "games" the girls in my class played. I wasn't that interested in gossip or Barbies or nail polish. I didn't have any negative feelings toward other girls, and they didn't seem to have negative feelings toward me. But they generally seemed like puzzling creatures from another country to me. There was a sort of "language barrier" there.

This sort of continued as I got older. I went to a private high school where the standards for "girling it up" were very high. If you didn't anguish over your clothing choices every day, spend hours on your hair and makeup, and have all the right accessories, you were not cool. And by high school these girls who had seemed puzzling but benign to me in our younger years were flat-out brutal.

Fortunately I was still an athlete, and in my high school, being a good athlete, especially if you were involved in a number of different sports, gave you automatic "acceptable" status. You could stumble into your first class in sweats and a tank top, with wet hair, no makeup, and still brushing your teeth after early practice and nobody would raise a carefully groomed eyebrow.

So I rode out high school with the same few athletic female friends and a variety of male friends. In college I majored in male-dominated fields (engineering and philosophy), and so still avoided making many female friends. This trend continues, and I still tend to have mostly male friends.

RacoonQueen

Oh there are loads of us.

I have two female friends and I wouldn't be anywhere near as close to them as I am to guys. In work, my department is predominantly female, I can have a laugh with a couple of them but with others, conversation is very strained...the lads are OK. I generally talk to all the lads from other departments etc

Women are too hard to read and I never have anything to talk to them about. :pac:

Madame Razz

I get on better with men than women, always have done, always will.

Don't get me wrong, I have a number of good female friends and acquaintances, but I find it much easier to strike up a conversation with a man than a woman in the main.

Though of course there are exceptions.

I'm quite a girly girl in the sense that I like to look well etc, but I don't have a girly girl demeanour in the slightest. I like to think, I'm very much my own person, and some of the activities that I partake the average man has not enough balls to do. And a lot of women think that is very very strange indeed....

Also I find women can be quite threatened by me, particularly if I am friendly with their partner; which wrecks my head tbh....

Most recently a married woman in my sports club banned her husband from talking to me.....despite the fact that I am very happy in my own relationship and the only association I have with this man is that we both partake in the same activity, as do all of the other members of the club. I'm 'dangerous' apparently:rolleyes:. And I have been victim of this sort of 'demonising' from women before....drives me ****ing insane:mad:. These womens partners are forbidden to laugh with other women it seems.....pathetic.


And I wonder why my faith in women lags? And why I prefer men:rolleyes:

liah

Madame Razz wrote: »

I get on better with men than women, always have done, always will.

Don't get me wrong, I have a number of good female friends and acquaintances, but I find it much easier to strike up a conversation with a man than a woman in the main.

Though of course there are exceptions.

I'm quite a girly girl in the sense that I like to look well etc, but I don't have a girly girl demeanour in the slightest. I like to think, I'm very much my own person, and some of the activities that I partake the average man has not enough balls to do. And a lot of women think that is very very strange indeed....

Also I find women can be quite threatened by me, particularly if I am friendly with their partner; which wrecks my head tbh....

Most recently a married woman in my sports club banned her husband from talking to me.....despite the fact that I am very happy in my own relationship and the only association I have with this man is that we both partake in the same activity, as do all of the other members of the club. I'm 'dangerous' apparently:rolleyes:. And I have been victim of this sort of 'demonising' from women before....drives me ****ing insane:mad:. These womens partners are forbidden to laugh with other women it seems.....pathetic.


And I wonder why my faith in women lags? And why I prefer men:rolleyes:

Sounds like a page taken straight from my book.

Well, at least now I know I'm not that strange.

Madame Razz

liah wrote: »

Sounds like a page taken straight from my book.

Well, at least now I know I'm not that strange.

LOL:D

What I love about boards!!


The world is not kind to singular women.....it'd bother me if I gave a rats ass...... I stopped giving a rats ass a long time ago;)

Acacia

I'm kind of the same as the OP, I'd prefer going out with a big group of guys and being the only girl, rather than a big group of girls. It's probably because I had bad experiences with big girly gangs when I was growing up (always drama, always bitchiness , and if you didn't have the right clothes/hair/music tastes- forget about it! :rolleyes:) With guys, I find there's less superficial bullsh1t, you can just hang out and have a good time, and if you click with them, you're just friends, and that's that.

Having said that , I have more guy friends than girl friends, but my very few best friends are girls.

ellenmelon

First off, best thread I've read on Boards in ages!

I, like most people here went to an all girls secondary school which has only about 400 pupils, and generally a small enough senior year so it was gossip central and there were some pretty horrible girls that went there. I was bullied quite a lot, in that horrible snarky way that teenage girls do.Despite that, as I was going into my final years and finding a bit more of my personality I did find girls that I could be myself around. I build up quite a mixed group of friends. I'm still in touch with a few girls from school, only one would I be myself around really 'cause we're both a bit mad The guys I'm in touch with are really great, a cool mix of cynical and a bit mad but we'll talk about deep sh!te too.

Generally, I do find myself shying away from certain types of girls in social situations. I find a lot of them far too shallow and make snap decisions on what I'm like. I'm a very open and lovely person if I do say so myself but on the flipside am quite cynical and sarcastic so maybe that taints my view of certain girls but unfortunately I'm proven right more than I'm proven wrong.

Guys, I've found, are more honest and we can chat away and there's not the subtext of wierdness that I sometimes get when I hang out with a group of girls. I can argue with guys better than with girls as there isn't an instant "she's being such a cow" vibe that I can get from girls..and guys don't hold grudges as easily too.

I have trouble making friends anyway, making that jump from acquaintance to friends and while I shouldn't be picky in a way I'd rather have a few good quality friends than a big group of people that I know only so much about. If you know what I mean.

As for how my personality changes..it depends person to person. There are some girls who take my opinionated, cynical, sarcastic personality and way of saying things quite personally and they get on the offensive. When I find a girl who give as good as they get then we're buddies instantly (I find it really attractive too ) Same with the dudes of course. I do, however, have some tact and won't push it in certain situations.

Clare Bear

I get on with sound people, regardless of whether they're guys or girls. I'm not friends with bitchy girls, my best friends that are girls are just like any of the lads. I stay well clear of anyone that isn't like that.

I also find that while I might have more guy friends at certain times (like in college I had much more guy friends than girls), it's always the girls that last the long haul.