What to do...another one!

LegacyUser

So I know this guys for YEARS. He was my first love when I was 17/18 and he was 20/21. It was a very intense relationship, we were madly in love, it went from holiday romance, to long distance because he was in college in the UK. Towards the end, however, it had kind of ran its course. I was in a stage of change in my life (leaving school/going to college), I did the dirt on him and then I decided to end it without telling him, because I felt he would never forgive me. I beat myself up for doing the dirt on him for a year afterwards, I know I’ll never do the dirt on anyone again because of it. In the next two years, we would meet up under the friends guise, generally have a few drinks (never a good idea) and it would end up with me begging him back, pathetic, in tears, and him saying no.

So years pass, I’m now 26 and he’s 29. We’ve stayed quietly in touch throughout, the odd phone call, the odd text, the even odder meet up. I’ve had other serious relationships, I’m sure he has too but it seems to be an unspoken rule between us that we don’t talk about them. Other life events have come and gone, sometimes with surreal parallel. We’re now living in the same, away from home city and we meet up from time to time.

Bottom line is I still think about him, and always have done.....even through my serious relationships he’s always been the one my mind comes back to. I’m worried, however, that I’m hung up on an idea of him that’s been idealised through the rose tinted glasses of memory, and it’s just because I haven’t met the right person that I haven’t gotten him out of my system. I think it’s safe to say he’s not the same person he was nearly 10 years ago, but there’s key formation going on at that age which rings through to the person you become. Sometimes these days when we talk I feel I really get him, and sometimes I think that he feels I really get him. I guess I also feel that I put my neck in the noose enough times in those two years after we broke up that I’m so weary of telling him how I feel and looking like a total fool....AGAIN...and if he has similar feelings, it should be up to him. I also really don’t want to lose him from my life.

So tell him what’s going on in my head or suffer in silence? Can’t there not be an in between option?!?

Thanks for reading.

Kimia

No there's no in-between.

Tell him you like him and see what happens. At least then you'll know and won't be suffering in silence anymore.

mardybum

Hey, had a similar deal with a guy. Thought i was over it, then realised I'd never love another as much (!), got back together and we are so different its unbelievable. So another break up and at least I don't have to worry about him being 'the one' or reminiss through the old pink glasses.

So that's really positive!

On the other hand, you might both have a really lovely new relationship and that'd be great too.

Either way you'd be better off than always wondering.