Wanted: crew for heist (nobody gets killed)

kwestfan08

dublinario wrote: »

I like your verve. You've just promoted yourself up the crew ranks. Do me a favour: don't buy a boat called 'The Live Forever', or talk endlessly about your beloved wife and daughter. I might need you for future jobs (despite this being my last job before retirement).

This can't be the last big heist of your career dublinario, otherwise this heist will be undermined by clichés

stabmasterarson

Ok im in if my codename can be heistmonkey and i can affect a speech impediment to mislead the doubtless legions of feds on my trail. eg. itchh like a chhecret echhcape hatcch...

Saibh

dublinario wrote: »

it won't be the cops that get you, but one of the sixty or seventy potential double-crossers who have posted in this thread.

Are you including yourself as one of these double-crossers?

giggsy664

Ja. So ven is das heist?

Also,
iCanHazChzbrgr?

dublinario

kwestfan08 wrote: »

This can't be the last big heist of your career dublinario, otherwise this heist will be undermined by clichés

Clichés? Where? I won't tolerate them. Anybody caught indulging in clichés during this heist will be summarily shot, and buried on an ancient Indian burial ground (or possibly in the Pet Cemetery, if we don't have time to drive out to the Indian Burial ground).

dublinario

Saibh wrote: »

Are you including yourself as one of these double-crossers?

My word is my bond, and I never double-crossed a man I didn't subsequently kill. Some of them even deserved it. I can't say fairer than that.

tony1kenobi

dublinario wrote: »

Clichés? Where? I won't tolerate them. Anybody caught indulging in clichés during this heist will be summarily shot, and buried on an ancient Indian burial ground (or possibly in the Pet Cemetery, if we don't have time to drive out to the Indian Burial ground).

I'm with you on cliches.....but please tell me Dennis Hopper is involved somewhere along the way.

dublinario

stabmasterarson wrote: »

Ok im in if my codename can be heistmonkey and i can affect a speech impediment to mislead the doubtless legions of feds on my trail. eg. itchh like a chhecret echhcape hatcch...

No deal. You will restrict your affectations to a mild limp, a mild lisp, and a reluctance to make eye contact. You will also be the first to panic when the sh*t hits the fan, and our token psycho starts shooting civilians in the face for little or no reason.

dublinario

tony1kenobi wrote: »

I'm with you on cliches.....but please tell me Dennis Hopper is involved somewhere along the way.

We have a man called Frank Skipper who bares more than a passing resemblance to Dennis Hopper, though is a foot taller and left-handed instead of right. Close enough?

LD 50

I like the sound of this. You're going to need a distraction. Every good heist needs a distraction. I'll volunteer myself for that position. And a sniper. You'll need one of those too. I'll do it if nobody else will. NO... I won't take no for an answer.
Perhaps I can combine these two roles.

Hand wants to come aswell. Can hand come?

giggsy664

Ven ist das heist. Herr grant-mutti ist getting colding

Queen-Mise

I want in, I can do some distraction of guards and such like, with my many charms.
I am also a ninja specialist - I can kill people in hundreds of differant ways with my hands. Sometimes guns just aren't enough.

Can I be in - please, please.

dublinario

My old buddy Hawkeye from Nam will be the sniper. He's as blind as a bat and a terrible shot, but he owns his own rifle. He's accidentally shot me several times on bungled heists, but I'd trust him with my life.

You can certainly be the decoy though. We'd like you to perform Riverdance, in its entirety (both the male and female parts) while we set up. Be warned: you'll probably get accidentally shot by Hawkeye when things kick off.

kwestfan08

So when is this heist going down then

dublinario

Queen-Mise wrote: »

I am also a ninja specialist - I can kill people in hundreds of differant ways with my hands. Sometimes guns just aren't enough.

Oh no, I'm not falling for that again. No way am I working with ninjas ever again. You end up without the loot, and a ninja star lodged in your testicle. Been there, done that, bought the T-Shirt, no thank you mam.

S.I.R

dublinario wrote: »

I'm putting together a crew for a particularly dangerous heist. The risks are high, but the rewards are worth it. For me, this will be my last job before retirement. I want to settle down with my sweetheart, maybe buy a house with a porch, a nice white picket fence, raise a family.

Anybody who comes in on this, does so on the condition that nobody gets killed. Plus, know that there's a tough, unorthodox, loose cannon detective all over me like a cheap suit. It's personal (I killed his partner, and accidentally killed his young son), and although he's been stripped of his badge and piece, he seems to be working the case now in his own time. I'm no psychiatrist, but from my dealings with him, I'd say he lives life firmly on the edge. I just thought I should make all the facts available.

Any takers?

gonna go and rob mary harnyes virginity... the only epic quest worth doing imho....


tape it anyways...

dublinario

kwestfan08 wrote: »

So when is this heist going down then

You'll be visited by a man with an envelope. Inside the envelope will be a number. You'll ring it (reverse charges) and a poorly disguised voice at the other end will give you the specifics. That voice may or may not be me, but know this: it will be me.

Jamfan

I have a fine selection of heist movies on DVD that we can use for research purposes... Thunderbolt and Lightfoot, Palookaville and Sewers of Gold.

Does that get me in on the job?

giggsy664

*ringing*
Me: Hallo?
Other Voice: Is this the German.
Me: Ja.
OV: Good. Get you gun and go now.
Me: But to whe---
*Phone call abruptly ends*

You mean bastardly ****

Queen-Mise

dublinario wrote: »

Oh no, I'm not falling for that again. No way am I working with ninjas ever again. You end up without the loot, and a ninja star lodged in your testicle. Been there, done that, bought the T-Shirt, no thank you mam.

your fear resides in you having a testicle, has that ever been proved to be a fact :pac::pac::pac:

Ok can I just use my charm and persuasion and be a part of the team.

tony1kenobi

dublinario wrote: »

We have a man called Frank Skipper who bares more than a passing resemblance to Dennis Hopper, though is a foot taller and left-handed instead of right. Close enough?

I think we both know Hopper is a leftie.......I like your style.

I am back in, although I did have an entire scene to myself where I had a long conversation with my hot black girlfriend about how I feel like a failure having not gotten a job since I got out of the can, and feeling like a sponger living off her wage as a hot shot lawyer ( who gives awesome blow jobs).

Can we not bother with masks? I think this might be everyones last job........but that it'll be worth it. (c) tagline tony1kenobi 2009.

dublinario

Jamfan wrote: »

I have a fine selection of heist movies on DVD that we can use for research purposes... Thunderbolt and Lightfoot, Palookaville and Sewers of Gold.

Does that get me in on the job?

Do you know what it feels like to kill a man, son? Do you? Because it isn't like your films, or video games. Play time's over. Now is for grown-up talk. So to answer your question, yes, you're in.

henke08

If Leroy dies I can take over the driver role? I've always wanted to pull off an amazing, almost impossible stunt whilst being pursued by the police; a stunt so spectacular that people may even witness it in slow motion and that causes an alcoholic homeless guy to stare open-mouthed before shaking his head accusingly at his open bottle of hooch!

I would also very much enjoy the opportunity to frantically run across the a busy road, steadying myself on the bonnets of the cars driving by.

Can you make this happen for me?

dublinario

Queen-Mise wrote: »

your fear resides in you having a testicle, has that ever been proved to be a fact :pac::pac::pac:

Ok can I just use my charm and persuasion and be a part of the team.

A ninja never changes her spots. So you're out. And if I see as much as a set of nunchakas, or a samurai sword, anywhere near our crew...I'll probably be internally furious, but outwardly like normal.

Joey the lips

Ya i'm in "say hello to my little friend"

LD 50

dublinario wrote: »

My old buddy Hawkeye from Nam will be the sniper. He's as blind as a bat and a terrible shot, but he owns his own rifle. He's accidentally shot me several times on bungled heists, but I'd trust him with my life.

You can certainly be the decoy though. We'd like you to perform Riverdance, in its entirety (both the male and female parts) while we set up. Be warned: you'll probably get accidentally shot by Hawkeye when things kick off.

As long as it's not fatal, I can live with it.

Queen-Mise wrote: »

your fear resides in you having a testicle, has that ever been proved to be a fact :pac::pac::pac:

Ok can I just use my charm and persuasion and be a part of the team.

If by charms and persuasion, you mean boobs, then yes.:p;)

dublinario

tony1kenobi wrote: »

I think we both know Hopper is a leftie.......I like your style.

I am back in, although I did have an entire scene to myself where I had a long conversation with my hot black girlfriend about how I feel like a failure having not gotten a job since I got out of the can, and feeling like a sponger living off her wage as a hot shot lawyer ( who gives awesome blow jobs).

Can we not bother with masks? I think this might be everyones last job........but that it'll be worth it. (c) tagline tony1kenobi 2009.

Last chance to go straight Tony. I could use a man like you, but your woman is right. Why not knuckle down and continue to work that minimum-wage, probation-approved job? Who knows, in a year or two, you might be drying the dishes instead of washing them? I'd like you with us, but I'm advising you to walk away. Just walk away man. I'm telling you this as your closest personal casual internet acquaintance.

S.I.R

Joey the lips wrote: »

Ya i'm in "say hello to my little friend"

this is a heist , not a comedy porn movie... put it away and grab yer' gun please :rolleyes:

dublinario

Joey the lips wrote: »

Ya i'm in "say hello to my little friend"

How many freakin times...NO MIDGETS. They just complicate things. You're in, but your friend is out.

Queen-Mise

dublinario wrote: »

A ninja never changes her spots. So you're out. And if I see as much as a set of nunchakas, or a samurai sword, anywhere near our crew...I'll probably be internally furious, but outwardly like normal.

Ok, I am going to set up a rival gang who want a Ninja Queen as leader. First job is to take out your gang.

Anybody want to join my gang.

dublinario

henke08 wrote: »

If Leroy dies I can take over the driver role? I've always wanted to pull off an amazing, almost impossible stunt whilst being pursued by the police; a stunt so spectacular that people may even witness it in slow motion and that causes an alcoholic homeless guy to stare open-mouthed before shaking his head accusingly at his open bottle of hooch!

I would also very much enjoy the opportunity to frantically run across the a busy road, steadying myself on the bonnets of the cars driving by.

Can you make this happen for me?

If Leroy dies? Surely you mean 'when'? I could definitely use a good wheels man, with a seemingly preternatural instinct and knowledge of back-roads. I want you to plot a get away route through the highly populated wooden crate and glass pane market.

S.I.R

Queen-Mise wrote: »

Ok, I am going to set up a rival gang who want a Ninja Queen as leader. First job is to take out your gang.

Anybody want to join my gang.

*insert gary glitter song here*

dublinario

Queen-Mise wrote: »

Ok, I am going to set up a rival gang who want a Ninja Queen as leader. First job is to take out your gang.

Anybody want to join my gang.

She's bluffing. But anybody who goes with her is dead to me. They also lose their health benefits, and pension dues.

dublinario

S.I.R wrote: »

*insert gary glitter song here*

What's with the jokes? Does this look like a joke thread to you? What, are we clowns? Do we amuse you?

RandolphEsq

I can be the Italion stallion with the designer shirts and the sleek bowler bag and a pair of oversized 70s sunglasses.

My specialty; espionage

henke08

dublinario wrote: »

If Leroy dies? Surely you mean 'when'? I could definitely use a good wheels man, with a seemingly preternatural instinct and knowledge of back-roads. I want you to plot a get away route through the highly populated wooden crate and glass pane market.

Well you've come to the right fella then; I can't even drive down to Tesco's without getting someone's washing line caught on my windshield...

The Citizen

dublinario wrote: »

I'm putting together a crew for a particularly dangerous heist. The risks are high, but the rewards are worth it. For me, this will be my last job before retirement. I want to settle down with my sweetheart, maybe buy a house with a porch, a nice white picket fence, raise a family.

Anybody who comes in on this, does so on the condition that nobody gets killed. Plus, know that there's a tough, unorthodox, loose cannon detective all over me like a cheap suit. It's personal (I killed his partner, and accidentally killed his young son), and although he's been stripped of his badge and piece, he seems to be working the case now in his own time. I'm no psychiatrist, but from my dealings with him, I'd say he lives life firmly on the edge. I just thought I should make all the facts available.

Any takers?

I am not a mod on this site so I cannot close this thread but I am a mod against crime, along with an upholder of justice, so I am closing the suggestion by issuing the following warning:

Any attempt to heist the innocent people of the city will result in a face to face encounter with me. Are you prepared for battle with.... the citizen?

:mad:

S.I.R

dublinario wrote: »

What's with the jokes? Does this look like a joke thread to you? What, are we clowns? Do we amuse you?

" so MJ says to gary, ill swap ya 2 5's for a 10 "

dublinario

henke08 wrote: »

Well you've come to the right fella then; I can't even drive down to Tesco's without getting someone's washing line caught on my windshield...

And you're ok with the fact that you'll most likely die in a hail of bullets, slumped on the steering wheel with the horn sounding endlessly, while the rest of us scurry from the crashed vehicle beneath a torrent of gunfire? I'm not saying that will definitely happen, I'm just saying that it might, and wondering if you're prepared to take that risk?

Queen-Mise

dublinario wrote: »

She's bluffing. But anybody who goes with her is dead to me. They also lose their health benefits, and pension dues.

Don't listen to him, he is expecting you all to die in your heist, so he won't have to pay your health benefits and pensions, by that inept sniper he has hired.


Join my *very not gary glitter gang*, My gang has succeeded in all it's heists so far, and has fulfilled all contracts 100% with no fatalities.

Jamfan

Sound man, dublinario, you won't regret it!

Forgot to do the feckin' Lotto tonight so I that's why I need in.

dublinario

The Citizen wrote: »

I am not a mod on this site so I cannot close this thread but I am a mod against crime, along with an upholder of justice, so I am closing the suggestion by issuing the following warning:

Any attempt to heist the innocent people of the city will result in a face to face encounter with me. Are you prepared for battle with.... the citizen?

:mad:

We ain't got no beef with you Citizen. We do our thing, and you do your thing. You get in our way, we'll have to make a citizen's arrest...with a bullet.

dublinario

Queen-Mise wrote: »

Don't listen to him, he is expecting you all to die in your heist, so he won't have to pay your health benefits and pensions, by that inept sniper he has hired.


Join my *very not gary glitter gang*, My gang has succeeded in all it's heists so far, and has fulfilled all contracts 100% with no fatalities.

No fatalities? What, are you turning over puppy farms? What's the point?

Queen-Mise

The Citizen wrote: »

I am not a mod on this site so I cannot close this thread but I am a mod against crime, along with an upholder of justice, so I am closing the suggestion by issuing the following warning:

Any attempt to heist the innocent people of the city will result in a face to face encounter with me. Are you prepared for battle with.... the citizen?

:mad:

Would you join my gang good sir. My aim is to destroy this gang that is threatening to harm this good country of ours.

dublinario

Jamfan wrote: »

Sound man, dublinario, you won't regret it!

Forgot to do the feckin' Lotto tonight so I that's why I need in.

In heist college, they teach you that the number one reason people get involved in such capers is forgotten lottery entries.

javaboy

The Citizen wrote: »

I am not a mod on this site so I cannot close this thread but I am a mod against crime, along with an upholder of justice, so I am closing the suggestion by issuing the following warning:

Any attempt to heist the innocent people of the city will result in a face to face encounter with me. Are you prepared for battle with.... the citizen?

:mad:

dublinario wrote: »

We ain't got no beef with you Citizen. We do our thing, and you do your thing. You get in our way, we'll have to make a citizen's arrest...with a bullet.

We don't want no trouble. :eek:

dublinario

Queen-Mise wrote: »

Would you join my gang good sir. My aim is to destroy this gang that is threatening to harm this good country of ours.

Go on, take her Citizen. Just guard your balls with titanium Y-fronts.

thelordofcheese

The Citizen wrote: »

I am not a mod on this site so I cannot close this thread but I am a mod against crime, along with an upholder of justice, so I am closing the suggestion by issuing the following warning:

Any attempt to heist the innocent people of the city will result in a face to face encounter with me. Are you prepared for battle with.... the citizen?

:mad:

So....What if you do got me boxed in and I gotta put you down?
Cause no matter what, you will not get in my way. I will not hesitate. Not for a second.

dublinario

javaboy wrote: »

We don't want no trouble. :eek:

You better clear out of here mister. Go on now. Storm's a brewin.

javaboy

thelordofcheese wrote: »

So....What if you do got me boxed in and I gotta put you down?
Cause no matter what, you will not get in my way. I will not hesitate. Not for a second.

I like fillums too.