Wanted: crew for heist (nobody gets killed)

tony1kenobi

dublinario wrote: »

Last chance to go straight Tony. I could use a man like you, but your woman is right. Why not knuckle down and continue to work that minimum-wage, probation-approved job? Who knows, in a year or two, you might be drying the dishes instead of washing them? I'd like you with us, but I'm advising you to walk away. Just walk away man. I'm telling you this as your closest personal casual internet acquaintance.

You know exactly how to push a guys buttons Sparky.....you know I'll never make it. The straight life isn't for me....I'm up for it.....I am all in....deal the hand.

The Citizen wrote: »

attempt to heist the innocent people of the city will result in a face to face encounter with me. Are you prepared for battle with.... the citizen?

I'm ready, as long as you don't cry when you get punched in the vagina.

dublinario

thelordofcheese wrote: »

So....What if you do got me boxed in and I gotta put you down?
Cause no matter what, you will not get in my way. I will not hesitate. Not for a second.

Yeah, exactly.

henke08

dublinario wrote: »

And you're ok with the fact that you'll most likely die in a hail of bullets, slumped on the steering wheel with the horn sounding endlessly, while the rest of us scurry from the crashed vehicle beneath a torrent of gunfire? I'm not saying that will definitely happen, I'm just saying that it might, and wondering if you're prepared to take that risk?

Mmm I'm not sure if I really thought this one out... I guess it's probably 90% likely, right? Ah no, sure this'll be my last job ever - I promised it to my heavily pregnant, debt-ridden, amazingly hot new bride (who, incidentally, is also your half-sister).

thelordofcheese

javaboy wrote: »

I like fillums too.

really?
cool!

We should hang out some time....

Queen-Mise

dublinario wrote: »

No fatalities? What, are you turning over puppy farms? What's the point?

Yes stupid boy, puppies worth thousands and thousands of pounds to begin with. Have you not realised what people will pay for tiny yapping dogs.

It's no wonder, your on here pimping. You don't have a clue.

*off to raid a truffle farm in Italy, with my new gang*

dublinario

tony1kenobi wrote: »

You know exactly how to push a guys buttons Sparky.....you know I'll never make it. The straight life isn't for me....I'm up for it.....I am all in....deal the hand.



I'm ready, as long as you don't cry when you get punched in the vagina.

You always were a crazy bastard Tony. And if things go how I suspect they go, I promise I'll take care of your woman, and any illegitimate offspring you have floating about. They'll all be put on the straight and narrow, although your eldest, despite my protests, will insist on following in your footsteps. Ultimately I'll take him under my wing, and constantly tell him how he reminds me of his father. I'd like to tell you differently, but ultimately, I'd imagine he's a goner too, on some heist or other. Same as his dad, head on steering wheel, horn going bonkers.

LD 50

dublinario wrote: »

What's with the jokes? Does this look like a joke thread to you? What, are we clowns? Do we amuse you?

Why so serious?

dublinario

henke08 wrote: »

Mmm I'm not sure if I really thought this one out... I guess it's probably 90% likely, right? Ah no, sure this'll be my last job ever - I promised it to my heavily pregnant, debt-ridden, amazingly hot new bride (who, incidentally, is also your half-sister).

I told her not to get involved with a guy like you...a guy like me. Our overly Catholic mother despises me for luring her into this world. She spits in my face literally every time we meet, which is two or three times a week.

dublinario

LD 50 wrote: »

Why so serious?

I deal in death. I also sell second-hand hoovers. But that's just to keep the wolf from the door, and throw off the feds.

Queen-Mise

LD 50 wrote: »

Why so serious?

Would you like to join my gang LD 50. We have a comedy open mic, every night 7-9pm, before we go on heists.

dublinario

Queen-Mise wrote: »

Would you like to join my gang LD 50. We have a comedy open mic, every night 7-9pm, before we go on heists.

You and your cronies can do what you like. Just stay off the West Side. Also, if we catch you on the North, South or East sides, you're dead. So that pretty much just leaves you with the middle. Stay out of there too.

LD 50

Not if we fight you for it. And subsequently win said fight. Then your bases belong to us. Aswell as all your wimmins.

The Citizen

Queen-Mise wrote: »

Would you join my gang good sir. My aim is to destroy this gang that is threatening to harm this good country of ours.

Count me in.

thelordofcheese wrote: »

So....What if you do got me boxed in and I gotta put you down?
Cause no matter what, you will not get in my way. I will not hesitate. Not for a second.

Once I let the fists fly, the battle will be short lived.

tony1kenobi wrote: »

You know exactly how to push a guys buttons Sparky.....you know I'll never make it. The straight life isn't for me....I'm up for it.....I am all in....deal the hand.



I'm ready, as long as you don't cry when you get punched in the vagina.

Even Star Wars cannot prepare you for the vast skill and powerful tactics of... the citizen.

Now I must go. I will return.

:mad:

dublinario

LD 50 wrote: »

Not if we fight you for it. And subsequently win said fight. Then your bases belong to us. Aswell as all your wimmins.

Our women would rather die than defect to your side. Then again, I suspect they're all cheating on us with regular Joes. You know, the kind of guys with steady jobs and steady incomes, who can provide a stable environment for our children. Jesus, I think they're planning to leave us.

dublinario

The Citizen wrote: »

Count me in.



Once I let the fists fly, the battle will be short lived.



Even Star Wars cannot prepare you for the vast skill and powerful tactics of... the citizen.

Now I must go. I will return.

:mad:

You don't scare us Citizen. Granted, you unsettle us, and maybe the younger crew members might be scared, and certainly I'm scared, but you don't scare all of us Citizen.

Shaniev

Hi guys this sounds good. I did sports injuries,massage and sports fitness in college so if ya need me to run through some drills to get the fitness up before hand and maybe if someone get injured I can sort that for you guys and a massage as well..

LD 50

dublinario wrote: »

Our women would rather die than defect to your side. Then again, I suspect they're all cheating on us with regular Joes. You know, the kind of guys with steady jobs and steady incomes, who can provide a stable environment for our children. Jesus, I think they're planning to leave us.

Perhaps they'll poison you, then run off on you, and claim any life insurance you may have. Watch what they feed you. Make sure you get your children to taste it first.

GLaDOS

Queen-Mise wrote: »

Ok, I am going to set up a rival gang who want a Ninja Queen as leader. First job is to take out your gang.

Anybody want to join my gang.

I'm in.

One of Hawkeyes stray bullets hit my 15 year old son, who was a gifted football player. The bullet cracked his femur, leaving him in a wheelchair that squeeks constantly, no matter how much I oil it.

I want revenge!

dublinario

Shaniev wrote: »

Hi guys this sounds good. I did sports injuries,massage and sports fitness in college so if ya need me to run through some drills to get the fitness up before hand and maybe if someone get injured I can sort that for you guys and a massage as well..

You're in, but you'll need to learn how to dislodge bullets from buttocks, arms, legs and brains. I suggest you hit the local library. Or watch a box set of Scrubs. Either is good.

LD 50

Shaniev wrote: »

Hi guys this sounds good. I did sports injuries,massage and sports fitness in college so if ya need me to run through some drills to get the fitness up before hand and maybe if someone get injured I can sort that for you guys and a massage as well..

No offense, but the idea of a guy massaging me is a little weird.

Anyways, I'm man enough to not need medical treatment when I get injured. I just man up and suffer.

dublinario

LD 50 wrote: »

Perhaps they'll poison you, then run off on you, and claim any life insurance you may have. Watch what they feed you. Make sure you get your children to taste it first.

I doubt they'll poison us. Deep down they still love us, but can't stand being terrified every time the phone rings, that it's to say we've been killed outside an Ulster Bank.

But for the record, the pecking order of tasting food when you suspect poison is puppy, child, grandmother, spouse, yourself.

dublinario

ScienceNerd wrote: »

I'm in.

One of Hawkeyes stray bullets hit my 15 year old son, who was a gifted football player. The bullet cracked his femur, leaving him in a wheelchair that squeeks constantly, no matter how much I oil it.

I want revenge!

He'd kill me (probably accidentally) for telling you this, but Hawkeye is the mysterious stranger who's been sending your kid candy and money every week. I know you thought it was a predatory paedophile, but you were wrong.

tony1kenobi

dublinario wrote: »

You always were a crazy bastard Tony. And if things go how I suspect they go, I promise I'll take care of your woman, and any illegitimate offspring you have floating about. They'll all be put on the straight and narrow, although your eldest, despite my protests, will insist on following in your footsteps. Ultimately I'll take him under my wing, and constantly tell him how he reminds me of his father. I'd like to tell you differently, but ultimately, I'd imagine he's a goner too, on some heist or other. Same as his dad, head on steering wheel, horn going bonkers.

I know Butch is doomed by destiny....I also hear you with the steering wheel thing but hey.....it was good enough for Lady Di eh?...and we know the big Arab Fay Ed got away with the diamonds that time........

The Citizen wrote: »

I must go. I will return.

...to bed....because your mum sent you........pussy.

dublinario

tony1kenobi wrote: »

...to bed....because your mum sent you........pussy.

Easy Tony. In this crew we respect our enemies, even if they are big fat, oaf-like pigeon-raping coddle-eating dork-faces.

Shaniev

dublinario wrote: »

You're in, but you'll need to learn how to dislodge bullets from buttocks, arms, legs and brains. I suggest you hit the local library. Or watch a box set of Scrubs. Either is good.

Yes sir! I know of a night course starting Friday night that takes all that in I can sort that out tomorrow no problem, will this be a night time job or daytime have experience of a night job personally a day time one would be fun

LD 50

Shaniev wrote: »

Yes sir! I know of a night course starting Friday night that takes all that in I can sort that out tomorrow no problem, will this be a night time job or daytime have experience of a night job personally a day time one would be fun

I'm sure you've plenty of Night time experience. You and your "massages". perv:pac::pac:

Shaniev

LD 50 wrote: »

No offense, but the idea of a guy massaging me is a little weird.

Anyways, I'm man enough to not need medical treatment when I get injured. I just man up and suffer.

Dont worry LD I have soft hands and oils you could close your eyes no difference ok! But take it for the team

Shaniev

LD 50 wrote: »

I'm sure you've plenty of Night time experience. You and your "massages". perv:pac::pac:

Just trying to help my wounded team thats all!

Queen-Mise

tony1kenobi wrote: »

...to bed....because your mum sent you........pussy.

Those cheap insults dont land here. My team are the best, as you will know soon enough.

*spy operative sent in to infiltrate your team.*

tony1kenobi

dublinario wrote: »

Easy Tony. In this crew we respect our enemies, even if they are big fat, oaf-like pigeon-raping coddle-eating dork-faces.

For clarity and respect of site rules you are not referring to any one person but any big fat, oaf-like pigeon-raping coddle-eating dork-face....whose mum sent them to bed............right?

tech77

Some day they're gonna make a movie about this... :pac:

GLaDOS

dublinario wrote: »

He'd kill me (probably accidentally) for telling you this, but Hawkeye is the mysterious stranger who's been sending your kid candy and money every week. I know you thought it was a predatory paedophile, but you were wrong.

Well with the recession the little money he gives is welcome tbh

Queen-Mise

tech77 wrote: »

Some day they're gonna make a movie about this... :pac:

So so true. So who will i get to play the part of the evangelical queen. The queen who wipes scum of the face of the earth.

Saibh

Queen-Mise wrote: »

Those cheap insults dont land here. My team are the best, as you will know soon enough.

*spy operative sent in to infiltrate your team.*

Of course your team is the best now that you have me on your side

The power that dublinario thought he had is long gone once he revealed his plans to the rest of the world

useful_contacts

dublinario wrote: »

I'm putting together a crew for a particularly dangerous heist. The risks are high, but the rewards are worth it. For me, this will be my last job before retirement. I want to settle down with my sweetheart, maybe buy a house with a porch, a nice white picket fence, raise a family.

Anybody who comes in on this, does so on the condition that nobody gets killed. Plus, know that there's a tough, unorthodox, loose cannon detective all over me like a cheap suit. It's personal (I killed his partner, and accidentally killed his young son), and although he's been stripped of his badge and piece, he seems to be working the case now in his own time. I'm no psychiatrist, but from my dealings with him, I'd say he lives life firmly on the edge. I just thought I should make all the facts available.

Any takers?

whats the pay like?

dublinario

Shaniev wrote: »

Just trying to help my wounded team thats all!

We appreciate all that you do for the crew. But I'd ask you not to be standing over me every time I wake up. It's bad for morale.

dublinario

Saibh wrote: »

Of course your team is the best now that you have me on your side

The power that dublinario thought he had is long gone once he revealed his plans to the rest of the world

Many industry-leaders have questioned the prudence of advertising heists on public forums. But I think public internet forums are one of the most secret-tight, leak-proof mediums over which to discuss illegal shenanigans, in the world. Now, granted, I drink heavily, so my judgement is questionable.

Saibh

dublinario wrote: »

Many industry-leaders have questioned the prudence of advertising heists on public forums. But I think public internet forums are one of the most secret-tight, leak-proof mediums over which to discuss illegal shenanigans, in the world. Now, granted, I drink heavily, so my judgement is questionable.

Talk of a worried man I'm afraid.

To show your worth as leader, maybe you could help this fella out - he seems to have lost something

dublinario

Saibh wrote: »

To show your worth as leader, maybe you could help this fella out - he seems to have lost something

That's my worthless, evil twin brother. He looks exactly like me, except with a goatee.

Sean Quagmire

I'l be in your gang but bagsy not being the black guy, they always get killed.

dublinario

Sean Quagmire wrote: »

I'l be in your gang but bagsy not being the black guy, they always get killed.

I refuse to play God. There'll be no Michael Jackson skin bleaching in my crew. If you're black, and in, then you are by default 'the black guy'.

Sean Quagmire

dublinario wrote: »

I refuse to play God. There'll be no Michael Jackson skin bleaching in my crew. If you're black, and in, then you are by default 'the black guy'.

Fair enough, can I be called '8-ball'?

dublinario

Sean Quagmire wrote: »

Fair enough, can I be called '8-ball'?

Can I have the weekend to think it over? Either way, you're codename is Gloria.

motherfunker

Is it just real people we are not allowed to kill or are cops included in that?

Queen-Mise

Saibh wrote: »

Of course your team is the best now that you have me on your side

The power that dublinario thought he had is long gone once he revealed his plans to the rest of the world

With LD 50, The Citizen and Saibh all on my team. We cannot lose.

Sitting back to watch dublinario make fatal flaw in plans so we can wipe his team of the face of this planet.
Be careful those who wish to join his team for heist, it will fail.

dublinario

motherfunker wrote: »

Is it just real people we are not allowed to kill or are cops included in that?

Only real people, although if we could keep the pig homicides down to the low, single-digits, it will stop the mayor from getting on the DA's ass, the DA on the chief of police's ass, the chief of police on the ass of the grizzled cop who's obsessed with tracking me down etc etc.

Mr Benevolent

Do you need any meek hostages who turn out to be the son or husband of a cop?

dublinario

Confab wrote: »

Do you need any meek hostages who turn out to be the son or husband of a cop?

Two. Perhaps you and your kid? It would also help if your kid is diabetic, on the one day you've forgotten their insulin.

henke08

dublinario wrote: »

Only real people, although if we could keep the pig homicides down to the low, single-digits, it will stop the mayor from getting on the DA's ass, the DA on the chief of police's ass, the chief of police on the ass of the grizzled cop who's obsessed with tracking me down etc etc.

Hey guys I just heard... there's a new rookie cop in town, looking to cut his teeth foiling a caper like this one. He graduated first in his class and plays things by the book. Fortunately for us he's been paired with a washed up old detective who stinks of cheap booze and cheaper women; a partnership so unlikely that it just can't work. In fact, they impede each other so much that their black superior has given them just 24 hours to start getting some results or he'll "have their badges AND their asses on a plate!".

I think we'll be okay provided they don't eventually gain a grudging respect for one another's methods and become a formidable crime fighting force. But that's not likely to happen, right?

Mr Benevolent

I don't have a kid but I can get one. Speed adoption is a wondrous thing.