Thursday Funnies

Homer

Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, "I
must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhoea in the
convent."
"Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of
chardonnay."

---

A Doctor was addressing a large audience at a medical conference . "The material we put >into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining.
Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none
of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking
water.
But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have,
or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the
most grief and suffering for years after eating it?" After several seconds
of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly
said,

"Wedding Cake."

---

An Hawaii woodpecker and a California woodpecker were arguing about which
place had the toughest trees. The Hawaii woodpecker said Hawaii had a tree
that no woodpecker could peck. The California woodpecker accepted his
challenge, and promptly pecked a hole in the tree with no problem.
The Hawaiian woodpecker was in awe.

The California woodpecker then challenged the Hawaiian woodpecker to peck a tree in California that was absolutely im-peckable (a term woodpeckers like
to use). The Hawaiian woodpecker expressed confidence he could do it, so
accepted the challenge.

After flying to California , the Hawaii woodpecker successfully pecked the
tree with no problem.

So the two woodpeckers were now confused. How is it that the Californian
woodpecker was able to peck the Hawaiian tree and the Hawaiian woodpecker
was able to peck the Californian tree, but neither one was able to peck the tree in their own state?

After much woodpecker-pondering, they both came to the same conclusion -

Your pecker is always harder when you're away from home.

---

The old man struggles to get up from the couch then starts putting on his coat. His wife, seeing the unexpected behavior, asks, "Where are you going?"
He replies, "I'm going to the doctor."
She says, "Why, are you sick?"
He says, "Nope, I'm going to get me some of that Viagra stuff."

Immediately the wife starts working and positioning herself to get out of her rocker then begins to put on her coat. He says, "Where the hell are you going"?
She answers, "I'm going to the doctor too." He says, "Why, what do you need?"
She says, "If you're going to start using that rusty old thing, I'm getting a tetanus shot."

Podge2k7

Good stuff Homer.!

dh0661

LOL Homer - have some stars