Ieeling sad after breakup

LegacyUser

Hi,
I'd like some advice on getting through breaking up.
I'm a guy and I was with my now ex-girlfirend for 2 years. We both work in the same building but in a different department, and met there. I can say that things started going downhill about 6 months ago: lots of silly arguments, spending less time together, infrequent sex etc. Anyway she broke up with me about 2 months ago, and I didn't put up much resistance to this as I had being having similar thoughts.
About two months previously she had an ad to rent a room in her house. A guy called to view the room but the room was given to someone else. Anyway this guy stayed in contact with her, and they used to meet up, She told me that she was helping him with English (she's not Irish). Less than 1 week after we broke up, I saw her in a pub kissing this guy. I felt really sickened by this. I confronted her about it the next day, and she said that she had been developing feelings for this guy when we were still together, but she hadn't kissed him. I was really hurt by this. She wanted to stay friends with me, telling me how how she loves talking with me, that we have similair sense of humour etc. But I wasn't able to, because I kept thinking about her with this other guy and felt very jealous (you don't know what you have until you lose it, I guess).
She called me last week, and told me, through tears, that she wasn't sure if she had made the right decision to break up, and that she really misses me and wants to meet me. She told me that when we had started meeting she had a boyfriend in her own country ( I didn't know this before). And that she has had 6 boyfriends in 8 years (we're both 25), and never been single... And that she doesn't want to continue like that.
I agreed to meet her, and started remembering all the good times we had together, and I was thinking that things could have been fixed if we had both communicated more. Unfortunatly, when we met she didn't have much interest in talking, she just apologisied for ringing me, and said that she was sure again that we had no future together, and that she was still meeting this other guy. This was Thursday, and since then I've been very sad, and can't stop thinking about her... Part of me still wants to be with her, but most of me knows that it's a stupid idea as the same silly arguments would happen again, and that she's not the most faithful...
Anyway, I'd really like some advice from anyone who's been through something similiar. At the moment we have agreed not to contact each other, which is a bit awkward as we have many of the same friends, get lunch in the same canteen etc., but I am finding it hard not to call her or send her a text. Much harder than when we initially broke up.
Thanks in advance for any replies

LegacyUser

Hi i am so sorry to hear it didnt work out for you and that you are feeling so sad
I Have no advice to give sorry ,Just wanted to wish you best of luck and happiness for future.

Wagon

She sounds like a mess. Just cut contact.

empty_vessal

That sure is a very sad story. In my own experience getting over somebody is as hard or as easy as you make it.
Constantly having to deal with seeing the person is really tough but so long as you face up to how you are feeling it will get easier. Its important to be brutally honest with yourself and how you are feeling, accept it and it'll become less of an issue. Don't bury any feelings, thats really tough in the short run but much better in the long term. Be analytical and decipher what went wrong with you two. As time progresses you will come to realise that there were more flaws than you knew of.
The mutual friends thing will resolve itself with time. Some friends will hang with you, others with her. Thats natural.
Lastly, keep your chin up and remain positive in general and focus on whats good about your life. You were happy before this girl and you'll be as happy or even happier again soon with the added bonus of having learned a great deal more about yourself.

LegacyUser

Wagon wrote: »

She sounds like a mess. Just cut contact.

Easy to say, hard to do...

LegacyUser

empty_vessal wrote: »

That sure is a very sad story. In my own experience getting over somebody is as hard or as easy as you make it.
Constantly having to deal with seeing the person is really tough but so long as you face up to how you are feeling it will get easier. Its important to be brutally honest with yourself and how you are feeling, accept it and it'll become less of an issue. Don't bury any feelings, thats really tough in the short run but much better in the long term. Be analytical and decipher what went wrong with you two. As time progresses you will come to realise that there were more flaws than you knew of.
The mutual friends thing will resolve itself with time. Some friends will hang with you, others with her. Thats natural.
Lastly, keep your chin up and remain positive in general and focus on whats good about your life. You were happy before this girl and you'll be as happy or even happier again soon with the added bonus of having learned a great deal more about yourself.

Thanks for that advice. It's a bit weird getting advice from a total stranger, but I see now why this forum is so popular :-)

I think your advice is good, although I hope the post you based it on wasn't too biased in my favour...

I guess these things take time. My only other serious relationship ended due to long-distance issues, and I found it quite a bit easier to handle. Your last sentence is nice, I hadn't thought of it like that before.

empty_vessal

Unregistered wrote: »

Thanks for that advice. It's a bit weird getting advice from a total stranger, but I see now why this forum is so popular :-)

I think your advice is good, although I hope the post you based it on wasn't too biased in my favour...

I guess these things take time. My only other serious relationship ended due to long-distance issues, and I found it quite a bit easier to handle. Your last sentence is nice, I hadn't thought of it like that before.

Yeah, it can be a bit odd but its prob the best advice in some senses. Strangers are unbiased, the have nothing to gain nor lose from offering their opinions and they won't tell you what they think you want to hear. Dunno if it helps you or not but that was based on my own situation and how I got past it to where I am today... replying to you!!!:)

You are right, it does take time but don't worry about that. Don't focus on how long its been or waiting for an epiphany. You need to be positive from the get-go. So just focus on the last sentence I wrote, then before you know it you be have a list as long as your arm of stuff to be happy about. Also, what really helped me was writing stuff down, its funny you can think something as often as you like and it can be relatively meaningless but if you say it or write it down it becomes more real. It also helps you get your head around things.

Honestly, no matter how bad a situation is, there is always a silver lining.

LegacyUser

empty_vessal wrote: »

Yeah, it can be a bit odd but its prob the best advice in some senses. Strangers are unbiased, the have nothing to gain nor lose from offering their opinions and they won't tell you what they think you want to hear. Dunno if it helps you or not but that was based on my own situation and how I got past it to where I am today... replying to you!!!:)

You are right, it does take time but don't worry about that. Don't focus on how long its been or waiting for an epiphany. You need to be positive from the get-go. So just focus on the last sentence I wrote, then before you know it you be have a list as long as your arm of stuff to be happy about. Also, what really helped me was writing stuff down, its funny you can think something as often as you like and it can be relatively meaningless but if you say it or write it down it becomes more real. It also helps you get your head around things.

Honestly, no matter how bad a situation is, there is always a silver lining.

Thanks again.