Mood killer...

LegacyUser

I've been with my boyfriend for about a year and a half. We have our ups and downs, maybe a few more than a normal relationship, but most of the time we get on well, and we have what I thought was a good sex life. I'm satisfied, and when I ask him he says yes, and how sexy I am and how much I turn him on etc etc. The only problem I have - intimacy wise- is that he rarely hugs or kisses me outside the bedroom, and he doesn't really like me being 'all over him' either. I've asked him to make more of an effort loads of times and he says he will, but to be honest there hasn't really been much of an improvement.

Now to get to the problem. Whenever I ask him to be more affectionate he says he will try, but I have to initiate sex more. He feels like I don't show him I want him enough. I've expained to him that if he pushes me away when I'm trying to be affectionate downstairs it doesn't exactly make me want to jump him as soon as we get into bed.

So last night we were in bed, each of us reading a book, and I made a move on him. Its kind of hard for me to do that, because I don't have much confidence, and I'm really scared he will reject me and I'll feel a fool, which I have told him before (I know its dumb, and I'm trying to work on it). So anyway, I started kissing his neck, and down to his chest and belly, and I'd just taken his underwear off and was taking my top off when he laughed and said 'you've never done this before, have you?'. I was so humiliated. I couldn't keep going. I just don't understand why he had to say that when he did... Its completely knocked my confidence back again, and I don't know what to do. Any suggestions?:)

P.S: I'd just like to point out, he isn't my first sexual partner, and he isn't some immature teenager, he's 38.

gagomes

Why do you feel humiliated? You have to start somewhere. Simply enjoy the fact that you're exploring it with your OH and have fun, even if you're looking pathetic, just keep on doing it and laugh about yourself, if you need to. Just have fun with him and yourself. He's a bit too arrogant to actually point out your lack of experience given you were both intimately tied together. I mean, I personally would never tell a girlfriend of mine if she was doing something wrong or looked inexperienced... but that's just me and I reckon people are different. If you would like to boost your confidence on how to approach men, look for seduction techniques, pole dancing classes, etc..

nomorebadtown

yeah that probably wasnt the best thing he could have said...but just think of the millions of men every minute of every day trying to initiate something just like you did and being rejected or having some off putting comment directed at them by the female...its just part of the whole package...you have to put yourself out there and sacrifice your ego sometimes if you want some rumpy:)

Salome

He sounds a bit controlling - maybe he didn't like that you took the initiative?

My OH is completely the opposite of yours - very affectionate and not afraid of PDA's. Lucky me!

CaptainSkidmark

well i really dont think he ment to insult ya. us men say silly stuff with not much taught gone into it. what we say in a playful non malice way could be taken to heart by women. and yes its stupid of us of course because we are not as sensitive but i really would not read into it.

PS im actually really bad for saying stuff in a messing way and not realizing that it could cause hurt.

LegacyUser

That was very inappropiate, he obviously got nervous and reacted like a teenager. No wonder you felt humiliated. What happened next? did he apologise? Did you tell him something? He deserved you had him sent to sleep in the coach.

You should have answered: not to you..

SheRa

Unregistered wrote: »

I've been with my boyfriend for about a year and a half. We have our ups and downs, maybe a few more than a normal relationship, but most of the time we get on well, and we have what I thought was a good sex life. I'm satisfied, and when I ask him he says yes, and how sexy I am and how much I turn him on etc etc. The only problem I have - intimacy wise- is that he rarely hugs or kisses me outside the bedroom, and he doesn't really like me being 'all over him' either. I've asked him to make more of an effort loads of times and he says he will, but to be honest there hasn't really been much of an improvement.

Now to get to the problem. Whenever I ask him to be more affectionate he says he will try, but I have to initiate sex more. He feels like I don't show him I want him enough. I've expained to him that if he pushes me away when I'm trying to be affectionate downstairs it doesn't exactly make me want to jump him as soon as we get into bed.

So last night we were in bed, each of us reading a book, and I made a move on him. Its kind of hard for me to do that, because I don't have much confidence, and I'm really scared he will reject me and I'll feel a fool, which I have told him before (I know its dumb, and I'm trying to work on it). So anyway, I started kissing his neck, and down to his chest and belly, and I'd just taken his underwear off and was taking my top off when he laughed and said 'you've never done this before, have you?'. I was so humiliated. I couldn't keep going. I just don't understand why he had to say that when he did... Its completely knocked my confidence back again, and I don't know what to do. Any suggestions?:)

P.S: I'd just like to point out, he isn't my first sexual partner, and he isn't some immature teenager, he's 38.

After a year and a half together, you initiate sex, after him saying that he'd like you to do it more, then he takes the piss? Im sorry, but even if he is joking thats very hurtful and humiliating.

You need to sit down with him and talk to him about this OP and repeat what I've bolded. Then depending on his answer you might seriously want to reconsider your future with him. Why would you want to stay with someone who makes you feel bad?