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Isolated Virgin

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  • 13-04-2009 1:37am
    #1
    SoItsMe
    Closed Accounts Posts: 32 ✭


    Hey guys. I am a 23 year old girl. I have recently (over about the last eight months) started to come-out of the closet as a lesbian. Most people know at this point, and have been fine with it. I have had no negative reactions.

    However I have been feeling very isolated. I have never had a girlfriend and I am a virgin. I feel embarassed about this, and know it is probably a bit unusual. Since coming-out I have made a number of steps to meet other gay people. I joined my lgbt society at college, where I have made a few friends, and been going on nights out with them. But I still feel a bit alone, because most of the guys and girls from the society are a little younger than me but have been out of the closet way longer. To add to this, a lot of them knew each other already through being on the scene. So while I get along with them, I still feel too embarassed to share how I have been feeling, with them. It is coming up to the Summer holidays and I am afraid my feelings of isolation will be even worse over the Summer as my lgbt society meetings will not be on, and I may not see the others from the society over the Summer, as most of them have other big groups of gay and lesbian friends who they have to socialise with also, so the society is not their primary group of gay friends.

    I was just wondering if anybody out there has been through this, or if anyone has any advice on dealing with all this? Many thanks.


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    #2
    lushballs
    Registered Users Posts: 196 ✭✭lushballs


    Hi Soitsme, absolutely nothing to feel embarassed about. You are going thru a very normal process of coming out & building up ur confidence. Very positive step you took to join the LGBT society. It takes time to get to know people. Be patient with yourself. Don't worry about being a virgin. Let it happen when it feels right for you.
    Keep connected to all the people in your life until you build up more gay friends.
    What about making friends over the net? Might lead to new friendships etc.
    Mind yourself!


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    #3
    spurious
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Education Moderators Posts: 27,188 CMod ✭✭✭✭spurious


    SoItsMe wrote: »
    I feel embarassed about this, and know it is probably a bit unusual.

    It's not unusual in any way.
    Have you been in touch with Belong2?


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    #4
    SoItsMe
    Closed Accounts Posts: 32 ✭SoItsMe


    lushballs wrote: »
    What about making friends over the net? Might lead to new friendships etc.

    Thank you for your response lushballs, it has provided some reassurance. But I was just wondering how you mean to make friends over the net? I had considered some online dating sites but was a little hesitant about them.


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    #5
    SoItsMe
    Closed Accounts Posts: 32 ✭SoItsMe


    spurious wrote: »
    Have you been in touch with Belong2?

    Thank you for your response spurious. I was thinking of trying Belong2 but I think I am just about over the age group that they cater for.


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    #6
    Monkey61
    Registered Users Posts: 1,137 ✭✭✭Monkey61


    Hey I sent you a PM.


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    #7
    im...LOST
    Registered Users Posts: 1,784 ✭✭✭im...LOST


    There are some sites that aren't simply dating sites like. QueerID.ie is just a discussion forum. Everyone there is pretty friendly and there are meet ups and discussions about everything. Might be worth a look :D


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    #8
    Lemon
    Closed Accounts Posts: 138 ✭✭Lemon


    im...LOST wrote: »
    There are some sites that aren't simply dating sites like. QueerID.ie is just a discussion forum. Everyone there is pretty friendly and there are meet ups and discussions about everything. Might be worth a look :D

    Hey SoItsMe,
    I'd totally second what I'm Lost suggested - QueerID is a great networking site. They are a friendly bunch, they have regular meets (for example Monday nights in Pantibar) and have a good mix of guys and gals. Best of luck :)


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    #9
    baby and crumble
    Registered Users Posts: 8,512 ✭✭✭baby and crumble


    hey there,

    i know that this thread is kinda old, but i felt like i should write, since you're basically me a few years ago! I started coming out when i hit college, but for one reason or another i never felt that confident or happy in the LGBT soc- like you said, everyone already knew each other etc.

    I was heavily involved in other societies during my timei ncollege, and actually met more gay people that way than through the lgbt. plus what i liked about that was that i had something more incommon with them that just being gay, if that makes sense? I'm not a drinker, not much of a partier, and tbh most of the conversations and stuff i had at lgbt soc nights out/gatherings felt really forced.

    Oh, and I was a virgin til I was nearly 22, and I make no bones about it. I'm glad of it, actually, because when it finally happened it was the most natural thing in the world, and I was well chuffed. I'm still with my 1st girlfriend, over 5 years later. (Who incidentally I met through other college socs!)

    I guess what I'm trying to say is don't worry about it, don't get too hung up on meeting 'gay' people. I did for along time and I really wasn't happy. When I chilled out a bit, was comfortable with who I was (which meant I was out, and it became easier for people to know I was gay) and things kinda fell into place.

    With regards to online friends and stuff, I'm not sold on dating sites, but places like afterellen.com aren't dating sires, but you'll meet some nice people on there.

    Zo


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