Boyfriend didn't even get me a card

pookie82

Ok aside from the fight fest which has kicked off here, just giving my two cents on the whole issue. My OH has never given me a card for anything - correction, I think our very first xmas, shortly after we got together, he grabbed a last minute xmas card out of a box of cards in the house and scribbled a nice little message on it :-) Since then, nothing for birthdays, Valentine's or xmas. He complains about hall mark holidays but to me that's a bit of a cop out.

I don't make a big deal out of it anymore cos it just doesn't make sense. But I do love to get cards and would love it if he wrote them to me. The reason is not material - he gets me gifts which I love and cost way more but I still miss the card. A few weeks ago I was going through an old shoe box at home and found loads of old cards which I got from friends and old boyfriends, parents and siblings etc for all different occassions, and I really enjoyed reading back over them. Some of them really made me smile and remember occassions/events I would otherwise have forgotten. I have no idea what these various people may have bought me at the time but their cards were something I could keep and read years later.

I think that's the real point of a card. It's not just the card itself, it's the sentiment, the message inside, and the thought.

From listening to the OP, who freely admits she usually glances over cards before chukcing them in the bin, it sounds like a much bigger issue of him not conveying his love for her in the proper manner at a time when she feels he should be pushing the boat out.

I suppose what I'm trying to say is these things mean different things to different people. Just because one person doesn't get the whole "card thing" and writes it off as materialistic bs, doesn't mean that anyone who feels differently is an idiot.

dudara

Did he ring you to wish you a happy birthday?

He is taking you out for dinner so he is aware of your birthday. If you would like small tokens of affection, make sure to let him know. Otherwise he might not think of it.

Salome

Firstly, OP, you don't give great presents so you'll get great presents in return. You give a present to give a present. Full stop. It's not a competition.

Secondly, I'm still waiting to hear if he called you on your birthday. Not everyone is a card person but if he acknowledged your birthday by calling or texting, I think you're being a little unfair to him by complaining that you didn't get a card. Maybe he wants to make an effort on the night out he has planned for you? Ever thought of that?

Clarify what he did on the day of your birthday please. I'm not the only person to ask.

Quint

What is it with women and cards? My mate took his wife to New York, 5 star hotel and to a flash restaurant and she still got stroppy and wouldn't talk to him cos he didn't get her a card.

Silverfish

Quint wrote: »

What is it with women and cards? My mate took his wife to New York, 5 star hotel and to a flash restaurant and she still got stroppy and wouldn't talk to him cos he didn't get her a card.

Off-topic and unhelpful replies can earn you a ban from this forum.

Please read the charter before posting.

Thanks.

mardybum

It's sounds to me like the underlying problem here is that the OP feels like she's the one making all the effort.

The effort involved in forgiving a cheating ex, buying him a nice present etc.

And she thinks that this effort is normal among people who care for each other - the lovely flat mates making dinner etc.

I can understand feeling a bit bummed, but I say put it behind you, it doens't mean that when he could have been posting a letter he was off shaggin someone! Boys are stoopid, they just don't think about stuff like that. Hell, girls are stoopid too, and don't think about stuff like that too half the time!

Enjoy dinner, have lovely I-missed-you-loads sex, and tell him in a while that you love getting cards.

upmeath

birthdayblues wrote: »

How dare you be so judgemental. How's it feel to be perfect and unaffected by things? Bet your single too.

A fairly childish retort, OP, it belongs in the playground. Makes it sound as though you're only in a relationship for the feeling of security.

The guy said he'd bring you out for dinner, unless you have shares in Hallmark I can't see why a card means more than the promise of spending quality time together and enjoying a nice meal. And in these times he may well be enduring financial hardship, we can't all pull money out of thin air at the minute.

NickNolte

Folks - the OP hasn't even replied to clarify whether or not her boyfriend contacted her to wish her a happy birthday or acknowledged it in any other way. Until then you can all voice your completely uninformed opinions but it won't matter a jot.

OP - if your b/f rang you to wish you a happy birthday and acknowledged your special day by arranging a dinner out for the two of you then that should be enough. If you're looking, specifically, for a card then you should probably tell him that you expect one because there are a lot of people who don't really do the whole card thing. Men in particular. No disrespect to pookie82 but buying a card for your OH in the hope that some day she'll find it in a shoebox and remember the good times is a bit of a batsh1t bonkers reason for doing so. Cards are a small token of thoughtfulness but, by and large, don't mean dick.

On the other hand, the OP's failure to answer the question as to how exactly her b/f did/didn't acknowledged her birthday has all the hallmarks (excuse the pun) of someone doing a bit of market research.

CDfm

birthdayblues wrote: »

I don't have an obsession with 'f*cking cards' so there's no need to be so rude.For mine he got me nothing
We broke up cause he cheated and he's apparently making amends and trying to make it up to me

.

BB you have every right to ask where the ****is my ******* card IMHO.

How dare you be so judgemental. How's it feel to be perfect and unaffected by things? Bet your single too.

Yup and every right to be upset too

Enjoy dinner, have lovely I-missed-you-loads sex, and tell him in a while that you love getting cards.

Blue_Wolf

birthdayblues wrote: »

He says he has no money but I think if you really cared you'd pull the money from somewhere.

If he could pull money from somewhere than he would never be broke. I think you are being selfish although he should have DONE something for you as opposed to BUYING something.

Blue_Wolf

birthdayblues wrote: »

I normally read it and then throw it in the bin or shove it in a drawer but it's the sentiment that matters to me..

Sentiment? So you throw something sentimental to you..in the bin??

genericguy

pcardin wrote: »

Runaway from him. You don't need to spend yourself with a man who has no money even for single rose or chocolate bar. Sex for free is no longer in vogue!

you must be very popular.

Chocoholic84

MagicMarker wrote: »

He said he's taking you out for dinner, wtf is people's stupid obsession with fúcking cards?

Unbelievable :rolleyes: Like it or not, it's normal for people to receive cards on birthdays, deal with it!

This is lax behaviour for a normal b/f, but for a fella who's trying to make up for cheating on his g/f? Sorry, but what a tool.

OP, he could have a made a card, anything just to have given you on the actual day itself. Fair enough if he's bringing you for dinner mext week , but your birthday's over then!

Sounds like a thoughtless pleb.

I reckon you should have kicked him to the kerb permanently!

smileysurfer

Chocoholic84 wrote: »

Unbelievable :rolleyes: Like it or not, it's normal for people to receive cards on birthdays, deal with it!

This is lax behaviour for a normal b/f, but for a fella who's trying to make up for cheating on his g/f? Sorry, but what a tool.

OP, he could have a made a card, anything just to have given you on the actual day itself. Fair enough if he's bringing you for dinner mext week , but your birthday's over then!

Sounds like a thoughtless pleb.

I reckon you should have kicked him to the kerb permanently!

I really dont think not giving a card is a dumpable offense! Granted it would have been nice to recieve one but... hes away, is bring you out for dinner, give him a break!!

NickNolte

Chocoholic84 wrote: »

Like it or not, it's normal for people to receive cards on birthdays, deal with it!

Says who? Hallmark? Neither I nor any of my extended family ever give cards to each other for birthdays, Christmas, etc. We'll always ring up on the day and send our regards. To me, this is normal behaviour - and more thoughtful than spending money on some soppy card which only serves to:

1. make Hallmark richer,
2. waste time, effort and money for a thoughtless token gesture,
3. massage the egos of sentimental, insecure girlfriends the world over.

Women calling for this guy to be dumped because he didn't buy her a birthday card need to wise up. If anything, she should dump him because he cheated on her. Either way, we're still waiting to find out what he did do on her birthday. Without that, every call for this guy's head is just a retarded reactionary affectation.

LegacyUser

Op here..

Wow, I wasn't expecting so many replies! I had to go out yesterday so couldn't reply.
On my birthday he texted me in the morning to say happy birthday. He also called in the afternoon.

I know I sound ungrateful but as a few people have said, it's not about the card. I don't even want a card. I meant teh card as as symbal. I just wanted a little more effort then taking me for dinner for which he would do anyway. I often take him for dinner too before people call me greedy. It just doesn't feel special or like he's trying to make an effort at all. If I had cheated on him and torn his world apart I would make damn sure he felt great on his birthday.

When he cheated I felt like nothing and I kinda feel the same now. Silly maybe - true definetly.

NickNolte

Break up with him. I honestly don't mean any disrespect but you sound a way too immature to be in a relationship. The fact that something so trivial is causing such problems coupled with the fact that he's already cheated on you - I just don't think there's enough emtional maturity on either side to necessitate a serious, adult relationship.

I agree with some previous posters but for completely different reasons - end the relationship.

*nods head in despair*

Noopti

birthdayblues wrote: »

Op here..

Wow, I wasn't expecting so many replies! I had to go out yesterday so couldn't reply.
On my birthday he texted me in the morning to say happy birthday. He also called in the afternoon.

I know I sound ungrateful but as a few people have said, it's not about the card. I don't even want a card. I meant teh card as as symbal. I just wanted a little more effort then taking me for dinner for which he would do anyway.

So he text you Happy Birthday, and also rang you, and also said he will take you to dinner for your birthday? And that isn't enough of a "symbol" that he is acknowledging your birthday?

I am completely confused by this. You say the card is only a symbol, and that it is about the effort? Well I think texting someone in the morning, ringing them in the afternoon and also arranging dinner takes far more effort then paying a card company to do the work for you.

CathyMoran

I can understand that you are still upset over him cheating on you, but he can not be made pay for it forever, it is only when it is in the past that you can move on...

Would he have sent you cards in the past? Sure, my husband makes a big deal about my bd but he always has, he is that type of man, it depends on the person in question.

Beruthiel

birthdayblues wrote: »

On my birthday he texted me in the morning to say happy birthday. He also called in the afternoon.

I know I sound ungrateful but as a few people have said, it's not about the card. I don't even want a card. I meant teh card as as symbal. I just wanted a little more effort then taking me for dinner for which he would do anyway.

Texts.
Phones.
Brings you out to dinner.

But you want more.
He cheated on you before, but you still took him back. Now you are expecting him to jump through hoops in order to make up for what he did in the past.
Why did you take him back?

Think long and hard about staying with this guy because your expectations of what you want from him will always be too high and he will never be good enough.

When he cheated I felt like nothing and I kinda feel the same now. Silly maybe - true definetly.

Again, why have you taken him back if he made you feel like this?

NickNolte wrote:

I just don't think there's enough emtional maturity on either side to necessitate a serious, adult relationship

Couldn't agree more.

bronte

The title of the post is a tad misleading..it kinda implies he did NOTHING for your birthday op.
I think you might be expecting a little bit too much.
He did get in contact and will be taking you out.
Maybe you are still angry about what happened in the past and its manifesting this way.

bubblewrap

Ok so the guy cheated, he couldn't even be bothered to send you a card and is taking you for dinner even though you would have done that anyway?? He should be bending over backwards to make up for what he did. You can get a card for 99p FFS!!! No one is that skint!!!

Why are people sticking up for him? Whether you are into cards or not, he cheated and should have made an effort one way or another.

Terodil

bubblewrap wrote: »

Ok so the guy cheated, he couldn't even be bothered to send you a card and is taking you for dinner even though you would have done that anyway?? He should be bending over backwards to make up for what he did. You can get a card for 99p FFS!!! No one is that skint!!!

Why are people sticking up for him? Whether you are into cards or not, he cheated and should have made an effort one way or another.

Bubblewrap, she forgave him and took him back.

Do you know what 'forgiving' means? The way you talk here one could believe it's some kind of conditional re-acceptance contingent on sufficient levels of pampering. :rolleyes:

bubblewrap

Maybe she hasn't forgiven him yet, maybe she just didn't want to be without him even though what he did was awful. If I cheated on my bf and he took me back, I would move heaven and earth to prove to him how sorry I was. He doesn't appear arsed tbh, and he should be.

bubblewrap

bubblewrap wrote: »

Maybe she hasn't forgiven him yet

Then she has no business remaining in the relationship with him. He is supposed to be her partner, not her emotional punch-toy.
Either you forgive someone and take them back or you don't. You do NOT say "i'll take you back if you grovel for x years and treat me like a spoilt princess and then maybe i'll think about forgiving you if I'm in the mood but I'll still reserve the right to bring it up in the future if I'm cross about something entirely different". Not if you want any kind of healthy, fair, non emotionally unfair relationship.

maybe she just didn't want to be without him even though what he did was awful.

Then she has a lot more to be worrying about in her life than a card. Starting with wtf is she playing at.

If I cheated on my bf and he took me back, I would move heaven and earth to prove to him how sorry I was. He doesn't appear arsed tbh, and he should be.

We don't know he isn't. All we know is her moaning about not getting a card that, iirc, she'd just throw in the bin anyway.
What actually appears to me is her being demanding and greedy about her birthday and that we completely lack any info on his intentions, beyond the fact that he's texting and calling and taking her out to dinner.

MagicMarker

bubblewrap wrote: »

Maybe she hasn't forgiven him yet, maybe she just didn't want to be without him even though what he did was awful. If I cheated on my bf and he took me back, I would move heaven and earth to prove to him how sorry I was. He doesn't appear arsed tbh, and he should be.

Texting in the morning, calling in the afternoon and taking her out for dinner is him not being arsed?

No no, I think you'll find NO text, NO call, NO dinner isn't being arsed.

NickNolte

bubblewrap wrote: »

Maybe she hasn't forgiven him yet, maybe she just didn't want to be without him even though what he did was awful. If I cheated on my bf and he took me back, I would move heaven and earth to prove to him how sorry I was. He doesn't appear arsed tbh, and he should be.

The only way he has to earn her forgiveness is by never cheating again.

I'd agree with bronte - I think this whole thread has very little to do with a birthday card and more to do with the boyfriend's cheating manifesting itself. Why even bring his past infidelity up in the original post?

John Mason

bubblewrap wrote: »

Why are people sticking up for him? Whether you are into cards or not, he cheated and should have made an effort one way or another.

the OP's problem isnt about him cheating Bubblewrap its about the fact that he didnt send a useless piece of cardboard through the post, adding to his carbon footprint.

OP, you need to grow up,you are coming across as very spoilt and selfish.


he is bring you out for dinner ? i would prefer that to anything anything else. me and oh were too skint for my birthday to go out for dinner, do you think i should have dumped him?

NickNolte

OP - do you mind me asking how old you are?

ohdelightful

birthdayblues wrote: »

Hi Guys,

Not a huge issue I know but just wondering what your views on my boyfriend not even getting me a card for my birthday. We have been together for 3 years although we broke up just before Christmas and recently got back together. It was my birthday on Friday and seeing as he broke up with me and hurt me badly I thought he'd go all out for my birthday and get me something special. I'm not materialistic at all and would even appreciate a home made card and a single rose or something but he got me nothing.

He says he has no money but I think if you really cared you'd pull the money from somewhere. We don't live in the same city so he couldn't cook me a meal or anything but I expected a little present in the post. Nothing. No present, no card even. He said that when he comes to visit next weekend he'll take me out for dinner as a birthday present but that just feels lame to me.

Am I being unreasonale or greedy by expecting a small gift? I especially think that since were just back together (2 months) and he claims that he's so sorry for hurting me and wants to 'make up for all teh pain' that he would treat me a better then this??!!

Thanks guys

Did he even send u a msg or an email wishing u a happy birthday?? he really mite have a lovely romantic suprise arranged for you at the wknd so lets not judge him just yet, but i must admit if I were you i'd be upset to!!!

smileysurfer

ohdelightful wrote: »

Did he even send u a msg or an email wishing u a happy birthday?? he really mite have a lovely romantic suprise arranged for you at the wknd so lets not judge him just yet, but i must admit if I were you i'd be upset to!!!

He texted and called, how many more forms of communication are needed?

ohdelightful

bluewolf wrote: »

Then she has no business remaining in the relationship with him. He is supposed to be her partner, not her emotional punch-toy.
Either you forgive someone and take them back or you don't. You do NOT say "i'll take you back if you grovel for x years and treat me like a spoilt princess and then maybe i'll think about forgiving you if I'm in the mood but I'll still reserve the right to bring it up in the future if I'm cross about something entirely different". Not if you want any kind of healthy, fair, non emotionally unfair relationship.


Then she has a lot more to be worrying about in her life than a card. Starting with wtf is she playing at.

We don't know he isn't. All we know is her moaning about not getting a card that, iirc, she'd just throw in the bin anyway.
What actually appears to me is her being demanding and greedy about her birthday and that we completely lack any info on his intentions, beyond the fact that he's texting and calling and taking her out to dinner.

I am with the other poster on this subject if i did the dirt on my bf and they took me back I would ensure that there special day was a day never to forgot full of happiness & love. Its all about the money! you could create a perfect nite in with €20! The issue is not actually NOT getting the card, it is what not getting represents!!!!!

MagicMarker

ohdelightful wrote: »

I am with the other poster on this subject if i did the dirt on my bf and they took me back I would ensure that there special day was a day never to forgot full of happiness & love. Its all about the money! you could create a perfect nite in with €20! The issue is not actually NOT getting the card, it is what not getting represents!!!!!

How can he create a perfect night in when he lives in another city?

Did you even read the original post?

ohdelightful

ohdelightful wrote: »

I am with the other poster on this subject if i did the dirt on my bf and they took me back I would ensure that there special day was a day never to forgot full of happiness & love. Its all about the money! you could create a perfect nite in with €20! The issue is not actually NOT getting the card, it is what not getting represents!!!!!

He lives in another city and is coming over shortly to take her out to dinner, texted and called on the day.
Did you miss all that or what?

pikachucheeks

birthdayblues wrote: »

just wondering what your views on my boyfriend not even getting me a card for my birthday. We have been together for 3 years although we broke up just before Christmas and recently got back together. It was my birthday on Friday and seeing as he broke up with me and hurt me badly I thought he'd go all out for my birthday and get me something special.

You shouldn't have expected he'd"go all out" because that's left you disappointed
It's a shame, considering he cheated and hurt you, that he didn't get you something nice for your birthday. But perhaps, he was thinking that if he had done that, you would have thought he was trying to buy you back, and fix your relationship issues by simply giving your gifts?

If he's usually bought you cards and presents for previous birthdays, then I'm surprised he didn't this time. Maybe he has something special planned?

If it turns out that he was just too lazy, then call him up on it and explain to him that he's hurt you.
You're not being greedy, or selfish - It's your birthday. You deserved something from your boyfriend!

*Honey*

birthdayblues wrote: »

Op here..

Wow, I wasn't expecting so many replies! I had to go out yesterday so couldn't reply.
On my birthday he texted me in the morning to say happy birthday. He also called in the afternoon.

I know I sound ungrateful but as a few people have said, it's not about the card. I don't even want a card. I meant teh card as as symbal. I just wanted a little more effort then taking me for dinner for which he would do anyway. I often take him for dinner too before people call me greedy. It just doesn't feel special or like he's trying to make an effort at all. If I had cheated on him and torn his world apart I would make damn sure he felt great on his birthday.

When he cheated I felt like nothing and I kinda feel the same now. Silly maybe - true definetly.

OP, to be honest, I was in agreement with you on this IF he hadn't acknowledged your birthday at all and only mentioned dinner AFTER you complained about not getting a card. I asked the question several times, as did other posters.

He texted, phoned and is taking you out to dinner? I've done long distance and I'd have been damn happy with this (who's to say he's not gonna do the flowers and chocs at the dinner too? or some other big deal thing to make a fuss of you? Even if he doesn't, he's certainly done enough to acknowledge your birthday).

Now I'm afraid you come off as ungrateful and out to punish him. If you took him back because you really want to make a go of this relationship, then make a go of it and stop punishing him. If you don't, keep feeling sorry for yourself and acting ungrateful cos the relationship will surely end with that attitude anyway.

ellie1

op,

I know people are saying its just a card however it comes across that this card was a huge huge deal to you. Thats understandable. Sometimes when my o/h washes up before i get home, I will be in a great mood for the rest of the night. The smallest gestures which means the least to one person means a hell of alot to another.

However, even though he didnt send you a card, i am sure he will suprise you at dinner.

Cheating is very difficult for some people to forgive and forget. She has chose to stay with him thus doesnt make it any easier to pretend it never happened.

Good luck op, hope it all works out.

easyeason3

*Honey* wrote: »

OP, to be honest, I was in agreement with you on this IF he hadn't acknowledged your birthday at all and only mentioned dinner AFTER you complained about not getting a card. I asked the question several times, as did other posters.

He texted, phoned and is taking you out to dinner? I've done long distance and I'd have been damn happy with this (who's to say he's not gonna do the flowers and chocs at the dinner too? or some other big deal thing to make a fuss of you? Even if he doesn't, he's certainly done enough to acknowledge your birthday).

Now I'm afraid you come off as ungrateful and out to punish him. If you took him back because you really want to make a go of this relationship, then make a go of it and stop punishing him. If you don't, keep feeling sorry for yourself and acting ungrateful cos the relationship will surely end with that attitude anyway.

Well said. I think we can agree on it now

*Honey*

easyeason3 wrote: »

Well said. I think we can agree on it now

Ha, I was happy to agree to disagree - all I wanted was a bit more info before I made any decisions on it all .... information is a powerful thing!

Salome

OP, either you forgive him or you don't. You don't want him to "buy" your relationship back to how it was. He acknowledged your birthday for goodness sake - do you want him to do the whole "sackcloth and ashes" thing too?

Look, if self-flagellation is to be his punishment for cheating on you, do him a favour and end it with him. He'll just keep disappointing you when he doesn't live up to your expectations about how he should behave on your special days. Or grow up and realise that real life isn't about grand gestures.

lynsalot

Hi OP

Firstly i'm shocked at the lack of compassion some posters have shown when they're clearly using a forum called personal issues. I'm so gald the mods stepped in!!

I think you're still dealing with the bf cheating and funding it hard. So the smaller gestures are going to be a big deal to you. So he didn't make the effort to come up and see you on the your birthday - the romantic in us wants that big gesture. that romance and it's very hard when you feel that you deserve so much more. I think you probably haven't fully dealt with him cheating. You have that constant wonder in your mind if he really values you and that's the real problem.

My advice to you is to get some head space and think about exactly where you're going with the relationship. I don't think this card would be such a big deal if he hadn't cheated. I don't think it's immature but I do think you're probably best to be single for a while and just give yourself some space and time.

Hope this helps. Best of luck

ontour

OP How do you know he hasnt bought you a card.. He might have bought one and a present to give you when he sees you? Im with my bf 7 years and I wouldn't expect him to post me a card ever. I would wait until I was with him to get it. Your seriously over reacting wait until you see him then you will see what effort he made.

LegacyUser

I seriously do not think you are over reacting at all OP. It's the day of your birthday that really counts, he could have sent flowers on the day.

Myself and my other half live miles away, I always get flowers sent if he can't be here. Last year I was busy so he drove up and back (400 miles round trip) just to leave my present and spend a half an hour together.

What does he usually do for your birthday (i'm sorry if you said already I just read the first page and last)?

NickNolte

Unregistered wrote: »

Last year I was busy so he drove up and back (400 miles round trip) just to leave my present and spend a half an hour together.

Your boyfriend is treading the thin line between romance and stupidity to be perfectly honest.

Stheno

Unregistered wrote: »

I seriously do not think you are over reacting at all OP. It's the day of your birthday that really counts, he could have sent flowers on the day.

Her bf both texted and telephoned her on her birthday, so he did recognise the day. I don't see that the whole card issue as being that big a deal, well it wouldn't be for me personally, I'm not a fan of cards for occasions overall.

The OP imo is jumping the gun on the basis of not getting a card, she knows he is going to take her to dinner, and it's possible she may get a card then, so she's jumping to conclusions in a sense.

CDfm

Unregistered wrote: »

I seriously do not think you are over reacting at all OP. It's the day of your birthday that really counts, he could have sent flowers on the day.

My gf gave me a lovely birthday as I dont do celebrations terribly well.

Was really spoilled rotten all day and loved it.

Me me me.

LegacyUser

Men! I had a similar situation recently. got nothing. well a card, but no pressie. like you, i dont want an expensive gift, but even just a token gift means a lot. Apparently its a man thing tho. Make sure he buys you dinner,and wine, cocktails. Get all you can out of him. Then he'll be sorry he didnt get you a €1.99 card ha!

LegacyUser

nouggatti wrote: »

Her bf both texted and telephoned her on her birthday, so he did recognise the day. I don't see that the whole card issue as being that big a deal, well it wouldn't be for me personally, I'm not a fan of cards for occasions overall.

The OP imo is jumping the gun on the basis of not getting a card, she knows he is going to take her to dinner, and it's possible she may get a card then, so she's jumping to conclusions in a sense.

I do not think just a phone call is sufficient enough fuss for your other half on their birthday, especially when the OP made her bf's birthday special.

The OP's other half cheated on her - he has some amount of grovelling to do in my opinion. I am not saying that he needs to throw a load of money at her to make it up but he should show that he cares.

She should wait and see how the dinner goes and see if he has done anything like get her a special present if not I think she should get rid of him. He obviously hasn't learnt from his mistakes..

Stheno

Unregistered wrote: »

Apparently its a man thing tho. Make sure he buys you dinner,and wine, cocktails. Get all you can out of him. Then he'll be sorry he didnt get you a €1.99 card ha!

Lovely attitude :rolleyes:

Unregistered wrote: »

I do not think just a phone call is sufficient enough fuss for your other half on their birthday, especially when the OP made her bf's birthday special.

The OP's other half cheated on her - he has some amount of grovelling to do in my opinion. I am not saying that he needs to throw a load of money at her to make it up but he should show that he cares.

She should wait and see how the dinner goes and see if he has done anything like get her a special present if not I think she should get rid of him. He obviously hasn't learnt from his mistakes..

They are in a relationship where they live in different towns/cities.
I am also in such a relationship and on my birthday this year will not be free to see my bf, I'd love it if he remembered it was my birthday and texted or phoned, it can be celebrated another time, the day itself isn't of itself hugely important to me, I'll just be in work, woohooo.

Her bf madethe effort to call and text on the day, and has promised to take her out for dinner to celebrate, the OP seems to assume it is another mundane, ordinary dinner, without knowing any different.

He has made an effort, he texted and called, and is taking her out, if the OP chose to take him back after he cheated, then she should make a fresh start and move on, she chose to take him back, it's not as if her hand was forced to do so. Making him grovel or learn from his mistakes are pointless, the OP needs to have realistic expectations, personally I'd prefer a bf who doesn't cheat again after having done so once, than a fancy piece of paper in the post.

As for the OP's reaction, the quotes below really struck me, essentially this thread has nothing to do with the card, more so that he is not meeting her revised expectations now that he cheated, they broke up and she has taken him back.

Bit of a rethink needed imo, preferably one which involves breaking up with the bf and being a bit more mature. Not that I am a fan of people who cheat, but if you take back someone who does, it can't be hanging over them forever.

I don't expect much at all and cards actually annoy me, I normally read it and then throw it in the bin or shove it in a drawer but it's the sentiment that matters to me.

It just doesn't feel special or like he's trying to make an effort at all. If I had cheated on him and torn his world apart I would make damn sure he felt great on his birthday.

When he cheated I felt like nothing and I kinda feel the same now. Silly maybe - true definetly.