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Should i involve social services?!!

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  • 17-04-2009 9:55am
    #1
    lalalulu
    Registered Users Posts: 186 ✭✭


    My friend passed away a few months ago leaving a three year old child behind. There were lots of problems involved, the child was in a dangerous enviroment for a long time, his father has given up any rights he had and the child now lives with his elderly grandparents. I don't think the child is in the right place as his grandmother is not capable of taking care of him she and her husband were awarded custody without even so much as a visit from a social worker. The grandmother gets no support from the grandfather and is struggling to cope. The child has been sent for assessment as he has many problems. My question is how do i help? what can i do? Does anyone have any experience of this? I can see this child slipping through the cracks and becoming a major problem child as the years go on. :(


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    #2
    barbiegirl
    Registered Users Posts: 1,846 ✭✭✭barbiegirl


    Before going to social services offer your help. Take the kid at the weekends, give the grandparents a break and the kid someone he can trust and talk to as well as them.
    Get involved, don't just shift the problem. He's 3 and parentless he needs someone who can help him and as his mothers friends tha person could be you.


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    #3
    lalalulu
    Registered Users Posts: 186 ✭✭lalalulu


    barbiegirl wrote: »
    Before going to social services offer your help. Take the kid at the weekends, give the grandparents a break and the kid someone he can trust and talk to as well as them.
    Get involved, don't just shift the problem. He's 3 and parentless he needs someone who can help him and as his mothers friends tha person could be you.


    Sorry i didn't mention in my first post that i have the child two days a week i also drop him to playschool and collect him. I also have my own child i'm not trying to shift the problem but should my family suffer while i take on the other child who has major difficulties? I need to think of my own daughter! It's not a case of me being selfish, it's a huge responsibility.

    Shouldn't social services be involved??? he's an at risk child and i'm not qualified in that area.


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    #4
    ntlbell
    Registered Users Posts: 16,288 ✭✭✭✭ntlbell


    can you not ring the social services and have a chat with someone to get their advice without given name's and address's etc to see what they think then act based on that information?


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    #5
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    If you think he is a child at risk and needs help then do get socail services invovled.
    There are offical support and services which can be put in place but not if they don't know.


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    #6
    Latchy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 21,191 ✭✭✭✭Latchy


    It seems like you have really gave a lot of thought into this OP so my advice would be to discuss this with other people friends family , before any decision is made and if you still think it's necessary to contact social services than do so .


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    #7
    Taltos
    Registered Users Posts: 20,830 ✭✭✭✭Taltos


    Children have to be protected.
    All you need to do is advise them to your concerns, they should have the ability to fully audit the situation and determine the best course.

    If you are concerned at your relationship to the grandparents - ask ChildSvcs to keep you anonymous and to explain their visit as part of a follow-through since the funeral.


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    #8
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    Any report made to child services under the child protection act is kept anon.


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    #9
    luckat
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,366 ✭✭✭luckat


    Kind of an obvious question, or questions, but have you talked to the grandmother about this, and are there any more outlying family who might take an interest in the child? Is it possible for his father to be involved and helpful, or any aunts on either side, say?

    The fact that the grandma is struggling doesn't necessarily mean she's not able to cope - but she might do better with some help and support.

    Bless you for helping her by taking the little lad for two days a week. Lucky kid.


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    #10
    lalalulu
    Registered Users Posts: 186 ✭✭lalalulu


    luckat wrote: »
    Kind of an obvious question, or questions, but have you talked to the grandmother about this, and are there any more outlying family who might take an interest in the child? Is it possible for his father to be involved and helpful, or any aunts on either side, say?


    I have spoken to his grandmother on so many occasions about asking for professional help but she is very oldschool in that she doesn't think she needs help and refuses to talk to the child about why he is now living with her and what happened to his mammy :( She has completely buried her head in the sand, i understand she is grieving but i really fear for the child.

    His father doesn't want to take responsbility he went to court with the grandparents and handed over guardainship to them.
    There is no other family unfortunatley. It's a very sad and complicated situation.


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    #11
    luckat
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,366 ✭✭✭luckat


    Are the grandparents reasonably young? No other family? Hm.

    In what way are they struggling, exactly?


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    #12
    shelly.m
    Closed Accounts Posts: 65 ✭✭shelly.m


    to be honest i think it would be worse for the child to go to them he has had enough upset all he needs is attention and love and stabillity,


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    #13
    ~Trixiebelle~
    Registered Users Posts: 106 ✭✭~Trixiebelle~


    lalalulu wrote: »
    My friend passed away a few months ago leaving a three year old child behind. There were lots of problems involved, the child was in a dangerous enviroment for a long time, his father has given up any rights he had and the child now lives with his elderly grandparents. I don't think the child is in the right place as his grandmother is not capable of taking care of him she and her husband were awarded custody without even so much as a visit from a social worker. The grandmother gets no support from the grandfather and is struggling to cope. The child has been sent for assessment as he has many problems. My question is how do i help? what can i do? Does anyone have any experience of this? I can see this child slipping through the cracks and becoming a major problem child as the years go on. :(

    Hey, its sounds like a really sad situation.... the little lad is only 3!!! still a baby!! It sounds to me he needs stability and lots of love. Is he getting that?? and when you say he has some issues, is he aggressive or is it an attention disorder?? I think when the little guy starts school he and the grandmother should get alot more support. They have a great project in most schools called "rainbows", they help children who have experienced berevement and separation. My daughter went as she had some emotional problems even at 5 and they REALLY helped!! I would ring the social worker and discuss your worries...it is so important!! i would not leave things to chance.

    Good Luck...


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    #14
    p
    Registered Users Posts: 2,119 ✭✭✭p


    shelly.m wrote: »
    to be honest i think it would be worse for the child to go to them he has had enough upset all he needs is attention and love and stabillity,
    Absolutely. Social Services, even with the best intent, can really wreck families, especially if the kid has already lost his mother. However, finding out about support would be a good thing. Even if you could research if there's any monetary support that the grandparents can get that would be good. Is the father paying maintenance, he should be doing that even if he's not involved directly. Simply having more money generally makes things easier.


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    #15
    lalalulu
    Registered Users Posts: 186 ✭✭lalalulu


    ~Trixiebelle~ wrote: »
    Hey, its sounds like a really sad situation.... the little lad is only 3!!! still a baby!! It sounds to me he needs stability and lots of love. Is he getting that?? and when you say he has some issues, is he aggressive or is it an attention disorder?? I think when the little guy starts school he and the grandmother should get alot more support. They have a great project in most schools called "rainbows", they help children who have experienced berevement and separation. My daughter went as she had some emotional problems even at 5 and they REALLY helped!! I would ring the social worker and discuss your worries...it is so important!! i would not leave things to chance.

    Good Luck...

    I know, it's heartbreaking :( He is getting lots of love but i don't know about stability, as you can imagine his grandparents are devastated at the loss of their daughter they haven't looked for help yet to deal with their own grief so the little fella isn't getting any help yet to deal with his.
    I haven't heard of that rainbow's project it sounds like it's excatly what he needs. I'm going to contact the social worker tomorrow in the hospital where my friend passed away and get some advice. I love the little fella and can't stand by and do nothing!

    Thanks for all your advice.


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    #16
    luckat
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,366 ✭✭✭luckat


    I wasn't really suggesting he should go to them, but it might be helpful if he had some contact with them - some babysitting, some aunties and uncles bringing him out and there to chat with him.

    The more family he has directly involved with him, the safer - as a general rule.
    shelly.m wrote: »
    to be honest i think it would be worse for the child to go to them he has had enough upset all he needs is attention and love and stabillity,


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    #17
    shelly.m
    Closed Accounts Posts: 65 ✭✭shelly.m


    luckat wrote: »
    I wasn't really suggesting he should go to them, but it might be helpful if he had some contact with them - some babysitting, some aunties and uncles bringing him out and there to chat with him.

    The more family he has directly involved with him, the safer - as a general rule.
    ya i suppose,its a really tough decision i guess,just get some advise from them.


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    #18
    ~Trixiebelle~
    Registered Users Posts: 106 ✭✭~Trixiebelle~


    lalalulu wrote: »
    I know, it's heartbreaking :( He is getting lots of love but i don't know about stability, as you can imagine his grandparents are devastated at the loss of their daughter they haven't looked for help yet to deal with their own grief so the little fella isn't getting any help yet to deal with his.
    I haven't heard of that rainbow's project it sounds like it's excatly what he needs. I'm going to contact the social worker tomorrow in the hospital where my friend passed away and get some advice. I love the little fella and can't stand by and do nothing!

    Thanks for all your advice.

    Thats a great idea to ring the social worker from the hospital, they have alot of experience with these situations and prob know the history... there is nothing wrong with going to social services and looking for help for this family's grief, especially for the little boy. Thats what they are there for!!! to HELP, not just ridicule and take the child away. Of course everything is not going to be rosey with the family's life after what they have experienced, they just need help and support to find away of dealing with it.


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    #19
    Redpunto
    Registered Users Posts: 2,024 ✭✭✭Redpunto


    The best place for him would be with his relatives but only if they are capable of caring for him both emotionally and physically but to take him away from them after just losing his mother? Obviously its a very complicated issue but kids need support from as early as possible and any delay in getting that support will cuase problems in the long term


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