"I give up..... chasing women"

miscac

Hey guys,

I decided to post this topic here to see what kind of feedback it gets from both sexes.

My experience of dating in Galway

For the past couple of months I have been asking out a few girls, some I knew, some I had just met at a bar and decided to buy them a drink to start conversation and wanted to see if they would go on a date. I'm a 25 year old university student, and should be in my prime for dating women, I'm also nice, funny, good taste in music/films, decent looking... you know... all the basics are there, nothing that would instantly turn a girl away. I have no problem talking to girls and have a sizable amount of friends of both sexes, pretty much 50-50, so I'm not socially retarded either. Well over the past few months I have asked several girls out and asked them for a drink, the majority accepted. But upon what I thought was a successful night with the girl (getting along with their friends, having fun, cracking jokes, sharing interests) I ask if we can do this again? And I get the the ubiquitous line "I think you are a really nice guy, but no." This has been my dating experience.

This whole "nice guy" thing seems to be pretty detrimental for dating purposes. Now maybe I should be metro-sexual and start wearing skin tight jeans and look depressed and into myself all the time, or beef-up, follow football, wear expensive shirts and go dancing to lame music in the cattle mart that is CP's, but that's not me, however these guys always seem to have chicks hanging off them. Even the guys who are out and out dicks, which just baffles me.

"I give up!"

Now I understand that people go through dry patches, this is not the first one and it wont be the last, but id like to share something that has helped my brain quite a bit to any male going through this same situation. So after a drunken 8am conversation with my male friend who has the same bother as me, he came out with a great piece of drunken insight... "I give up". This "I give up" idea is a complete shift of paradigm for me. I have stopped actively looking for women, and it actually frees up a lot of thinking space in your brain... if you can understand where I'm coming from there. Anytime that I meet a new girl now that could be potential dating material and those thoughts of "how can I get her to notice me?" completely vanish as soon as I remember "I give up". This completely changes the stance and actually makes your night more enjoyable than chasing women during the night only to watch your efforts go to waste. It also leaves a lot more time for the dancefloor, and it's cheaper. Ironically its also well known that if you try not to get with a girl, the chances of you getting with her increase... overthinking this point can lead to a brainfart of epic proportions. :eek:

So this will be my mantra for quite a while I think, until something random happens. I'd like to know your opinion on this stance, from both sexes preferably.

Fionn MacCool

tl;dr
Are you female, do you want a shag?

JohnCleary

Um, didn't you post the exact same thing (more or less) about a week ago under a different username?

Tell ya what, if yer givin up chasing women... if you decide to start chasing men, stay the feck away from me :eek:

ErnieBert

The root of your problem might be highlighted by the title of your thread..."chasing women".

Chill out and if it happens, it happens. Then it will happen.

as far as i can see, if you're not from galway city, the place is a disaster for dating and most people would agree..

trying to think now if i know any people who moved to galway and have started going out with someone not through college/student accomodation.. can't actually think of any.

mikom

Here's where you went wrong.... DATING.
It's Ireland.
What ever happened to going for a few pints, havin' the craic, and then seeing what follows.

What with all the Milkshake joints and dating, I fear we are becoming the 51st state.

gaeilgegrinds

The key is not to try...meet up with people, but not with anything in particular in mind. I spent ages feeling like you, Galway is notoriously bad for singletons, singles night this Thursday but think it's booked up. Then again that would be looking! Thankfully I'm happy out now but it took a long time!

Zzippy

Deleted User wrote: »

as far as i can see, if you're not from galway city, the place is a disaster for dating and most people would agree..

trying to think now if i know any people who moved to galway and have started going out with someone not through college/student accomodation.. can't actually think of any.

Maybe if you're a loser who doesn't know how to talk to people. Galway has a huge number of people who weren't boen here and moved here for work, are you saying none of them have a chance?
I'm here 5 years and have "dated" several women here, both from Galway and other places in Ireland, currently with a Galway girl, have several friends not from Galway also going out with Galway girls, and other going out with people they met here.

cornbb

I think you're right OP. Going out on the chase just isn't some people's "thing". If you don't go out with the intention of finding a wimmins chances are you'll have a much better night. Make having a great night your objective for the night, not scoring, and if you DO happen to get lucky some night then its just a big bonus.

Hang on... this isn't PI... :eek: eh I mean PICS OR GTFO!!!!111

bigeasyeah

You prob try too hard.

Pete4779

Forget that you are a nice guy, forget about buying them a drink (what person would refuse free booze). Is there any reason for them to be attracted to you? Since when were all the things you mentioned "the basics" - the basics of what? Are these the traits exhibited by men who are successful with women?

Hopefully you won't just "give up". Celibacy is not the answer. MTFU.

Fionn MacCool

What sort of mug buys burds drinks? You can be nice without offering to buy a drink you know, and any burd who demands a drink can get tae ****.

Zzippy

Zzippy wrote: »

Maybe if you're a loser who doesn't know how to talk to people.

did you call me a loser?

miscac

Hah, I thought that this topic would get some responses. Well to answer a few questions:

Fionn MacCool wrote: »

tl;dr
Are you female, do you want a shag?

Nope male.

JohnCleary wrote: »

Um, didn't you post the exact same thing (more or less) about a week ago under a different username?
Tell ya what, if yer givin up chasing women... if you decide to start chasing men, stay the feck away from me

Nope not me, can you put the link up here? And no wont be chasing men

mikom wrote: »

Here's where you went wrong.... DATING.
It's Ireland.
What ever happened to going for a few pints, havin' the craic, and then seeing what follows.
What with all the Milkshake joints and dating, I fear we are becoming the 51st state.

Well when I say "dating" I mean getting their number and then texting them to see if they want to meet up in a pub for drinks. If that initial one works out well then we can take it from there. In my experience, they worked out well, no awkwardness a few jars and a few laughs, but at the end of the night they wouldn't want to know.

Pete4779 wrote: »

Forget that you are a nice guy, forget about buying them a drink (what person would refuse free booze). Is there any reason for them to be attracted to you? Since when were all the things you mentioned "the basics" - the basics of what? Are these the traits exhibited by men who are successful with women?
Hopefully you won't just "give up". Celibacy is not the answer. MTFU.

Well not having the brain of a woman I don't really know what they find attractive in men. Are they traits of men who are successful with women? Well since they are my traits I would say not likely. "The basics" are things that I think wouldn't send a woman screaming in the other direction, but good point.

Not being celibate either, just not trying anymore. MTFU... is probably the best advice for any given occasion.

stevecrow74

i'm a blow in, stopped looking/chasing after women due to medical reasons (knee is in dire need of surgery)...

and guess what happens, i've been seeing someone from Galway for just over 2 weeks now..

dont give up hope... just go out and have the craic regardless, you'll have more chance of finding someone when your not looking than when you are... possibly something to do with when your not looking your being yourself, and when you are looking your trying too hard!!!!

jayoo

i think when it comes to girls its all about confidence, Unfortnatuly i have none:(. Prob reason i dont go out much.

I usually end up hooking up with friends of friends, girls who get to know me, and thats cool, but wish i could just stroll into a nightclub and feel confident Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh, DAMN DAWN AND A DOUBLE HELPING OF DAMN FOR THE WEEKEND:mad:

JohnCleary

TBH you're also looking in the wrong places. You're looking in a pub, and your ice breaker is to byu them a drink? Way off the mark buddy.

What are your hobbies? Join a club or something, at least that way if you find someone you like you know you have something in common. All you know you have in common with some mucker in a pub is that ye both like drinking. She could be a total knobhead other than that.

cL0h

JohnCleary wrote: »

TBH you're also looking in the wrong places. You're looking in a pub, and your ice breaker is to byu them a drink? Way off the mark buddy.

What are your hobbies? Join a club or something, at least that way if you find someone you like you know you have something in common. All you know you have in common with some mucker in a pub is that ye both like drinking. She could be a total knobhead other than that.

I agree with JohnCleary.
What are you expecting for this drink anyway? If a girl accepts a drink and then says "See ya later!" an hour later then she's not a nice person right? So then she's not your type.
So most nice girls (that I know at least) won't accept a drink in the first place if they suspect in any way that you want something from them.
Do any of your friends have a girlfriend? Suggest going out with them and her friends. Don't try and hit on them after two drinks, don't even do it after two nights out cos you'll just close off the potential options that will arise in time.
You can talk to girls the same way as you talk to boys instead of with the immediate idea that you nedd a shag (or eternal married bliss).
If none of your friends have girlfriends or female friends then your problem is that your group is too male oriented and see girls as an alien species. That's when you need to join a club or something and meet people in a neutral context.

chinapples

I don't understand why your going out to try and date women?surely a woman will see a desperate guy(i am sorry but this is what you sound like)....whatever happened to heading out on a night out,enjoying the craic,few pints and then wayhey! if you end up scoring,you do-but jesus do not be going out of your way to buy women drinks and going to the bar to spark up conversation with them-that is merely giving all those women who see a "free drinks" guy at the bar an easy opportunity to take advantage and an easy way to save their money.I have several friends who I know would do this, it is really horrible and I think if you are as nice a guy as you say,it'll come eventually...but stop giving those "scabby" women the chance to take you for granted....I genuinely have never gone out to score a guy, never! Thanks be to god,I have a great boyfriend who I am with 3years and he didnt have to buy me a drink to chat me up....Stop thinking you need to buy women drinks all the time to get noticed....you'll have a burnt pocket and a dodgy burn smell from your chinos if you do!

JohnCleary

The amount of times that my GF comes back from the bar with a free drink for me is gas. I tell her I didn't want a drink and the usual reponse is "Some guy insisted on buying me a drink, so I got one for you" - Keep up the good work OP

PopeBuckfastXVI

JohnCleary wrote: »

The amount of times that my GF comes back from the bar with a free drink for me is gas. I tell her I didn't want a drink and the usual reponse is "Some guy insisted on buying me a drink, so I got one for you" - Keep up the good work OP

pics or it's not true...

ScumLord

miscac wrote: »

For the past couple of months I have been asking out a few girls, some I knew, some I had just met at a bar and decided to buy them a drink to start conversation and wanted to see if they would go on a date. I'm a 25 year old university student, and should be in my prime for dating women, I'm also nice, funny, good taste in music/films, decent looking... you know... all the basics are there, nothing that would instantly turn a girl away. I have no problem talking to girls and have a sizable amount of friends of both sexes, pretty much 50-50, so I'm not socially retarded either.

Ah well, there's your problem right there. Everybody loves a retard.

biko

http://therword.org/

mikom

Chasin' women, Stewie-style.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MDX5c3nXexc

Mike...

Hang around Supermacs from 1.30 onwards....Its like a human slops tray

JohnCleary

PopeBuckfastXVI wrote: »

pics or it's not true...

Here's a picture taken of us last week on a romantic weekend away:



muwahahahahaha :pac:

PopeBuckfastXVI

JohnCleary wrote: »

Here's a picture taken of us last week on a romantic weekend away

Can I buy her a drink?

Zzippy

Deleted User wrote: »

did you call me a loser?

I dunno. Are you?

Zzippy

Zzippy wrote: »

I dunno. Are you?

nope.

Mighty_Mouse

Mmakin the same mistake a lot of single women make.
Dont view every member of the opposite sex in terms of date/not date.

JohnCleary

PopeBuckfastXVI wrote: »

Can I buy her a drink?

Best buy her a few :pac: