Car Problems.

Capt'n Midnight

A blonde pushes her BMW into a garage. She tells the mechanic it died.

After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.

She says, "What's the story?"

He replies, "Just crap in the carburettor"

She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"

Capt'n Midnight

A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing
her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up
her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak." Arriving at the
convent, the nun went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It
said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."

Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss
a great opportunity.





We knew exactly where the one cow with Mad-cow-disease was located among the millions and millions of cows but we haven't got a clue as to where thousands of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of immigration.

Capt'n Midnight

A rabbit one day managed to break free from the laboratory where he had
been born and brought up. As he scurried away from the fencing of the
compound, he felt grass under his little feet and saw the dawn breaking
for the first time in his life.

"Wow, this is great," he thought. It wasn't long before he came to a
hedge and after squeezing under it he saw a wonderful sight - lots of
other bunny rabbits, all free and nibbling at the lush grass.

"Hey," he called. "I'm a rabbit from the laboratory and I've just
escaped. Are you wild rabbits?"

"Yes. Come and join us," they cried. Our friend hopped over to them and
started eating the grass. It tasted so good. "What else do you wild
rabbits do?" he asked.

"Well," one of them said. "You see that field there? It's got carrots
growing in it. We dig them up and eat them." This, he couldn't resist
and he spent the next hour eating the most succulent carrots. They were
wonderful. Later, he asked them again, "What else do you do?"

"You see that field there? It's got lettuce growing in it. We eat that
as well." The lettuce tasted just as good and he returned a while later
completely full.

"It's fantastic out here in the world!" he told them.

"So, are you going to live with us then?" one of them asked.

"I'm sorry, I had a great time but I can't." The wild rabbits all stared
at him, a bit surprised. "Why? We thought you liked it here."

"I do," our friend replied. "But I must get back to the lab. I'm dying
for a cigarette."

Kieo

woman writes to male agony aunt:
on my way to work today the car started to jerk and conked out so when i got it going again i drove straight home rather than risk a complete breakdown. When i arrived home i could hear groaning noises coming from the bedroom so i went up to see and when i opened the door there was my husband having sex with our nextdoor neighbour. They were so busy they didn't even notice me. I am completley numb and want to confront them. Please give me some advise.

Male agony aunt replies:
If the car started to jerk and conked i recommend that you bring it straight to a qualified mechanic and get an overhaul as this could cause serious problems if not fixed. It could be the carbourator or maybe just somthing minor but you need to sort it now. Happy driving!

coldfire1x

Ha haa haa... first one was brilliant