WHAT TO DO NEXT???

shezzie

i need help in knowing what to do next...

last may i received my non identfying information and today on my own search i finally found my original birth cert. it has her full name but no other details ... where can you find the next piece of puzzle..

the nun who gave me my non identfying info said she spoke to bm and she seemed possitive but the nun has claimed since last may she cant get hold of her, so i think that line of enquiry is finished as she never really gets in contact with unless i have rung and left a message and the only thing she says is that she cant get a hold of bm -i dont understand in nearly one year why you cant get hold of someone -

what can i next do i know i have a brother only 2 years younger than me and two sister one 4 years younger and the other 13 years younger ..i am 32..

pls pls help me if you can it will be greatly appreciated - it has taken me so long to build up the courage to search and now i have i dont know where i am in this process

Ostrom

Hi Shezzie,

Your next step is to corroborate other details on your non-identifying information with other documentation. It would help if you let us know (without specifics) exactly what you have. I did exactly what you are doing about two years ago.

Do you have marraige details?
Know anything about her siblings?
Where she may have lived?
Her job?
Her own parents names?
Anything specific about her life after your birth?

LG26

Hi Shezzie

Elfa is right. You need to try and gather as much information as possible. Is it possible that you can meet with the Nun and see can you get some further information from her? I know it's meant to be confidential unless the BM gives consent but it could be worth a try.

One good thing is that you have her Full Name. I remember when I got my Non-Identifying Information, it only gave me her First Name and the Region of where in Ireland she was from South-East. Does it give anything like this in your letter about Region??

Fortunatley, I was lucky in a sense as my adoption agency did everything for me. Took 3 years to find her as she was in Canada and there were no records for her in Ireland. What my adoption agency did was send a letter to the last known address for her, making it look like it was for a school reunion and left a number on the bottom for her to call, which was a direct line to the agency. Her mother who still lived in the house she grew up in posted it to her in Canada. She is now coming over in May with all herfamily to meet me.

So sorry after my rant, what you could do is narrow it down by region, you already have a full name which is great. Do you have any other info you could go by??????

shezzie

thank you both

i know her full name and the county she lived in my birth father first name only he was married at time and had a family of his own thats why i was given up

i have three siblings from bm one brother and two sisters

got onto one site family search or something and may have her birth date will have to check the records on that - only got that info bout an hour ago

my agency gave me the non identfying info and they would phone her my bm seemed positive at the start but since the nun says she cant get through to her which makes no sense as its nearly a year since i started this process - she doesnt really contact me - i do her but she keeps saying she has no more news - she isnt really that proactive she is 80 years of age so i dont think she is as interested or able to help any more

i know she got married and her husband died a few years ago when i dont know - its all up in the air

best of luck meeting your birth mother and family that is truly great news to hear - i hope it works out for you both

LG26

Hey Shezzie

Yeah it's tough if the Nun is that old. So you have her name, county and maybe her date of birth, thats a really good start. If you can confirm her DOB then you may be able to find her marriage cert and other details. And alot also has to be said for Google, I found out loads about my BM and her family on that. Do you know the names of her children, they may be on Facebook/Bebo etc.

Have you ever spoken to your BM?? How long was she in touch with the Nun for before it stopped.

Sorry for asking so many questions on this, I just feel really passionate about this issue and obviously because I was in the same boat, I totally understand where you are coming from. You could also go on the internet and find maybe a local paper from her area, go back through the archives and see can you find anything on her. Again you have probably tried this but what about the phone book??

LG26

Shezzie

shezzie

ask away that is no problem at all

dont know her married name
dont know her childrens name
have never spoken a word to bm
nun had one phone call where she actually spoke to her
dont know bf surname either
only know her surname before marriage

i suppose i am aware of some details like i may find her birth cert but some things arent for fact yet

cant get my originol birth certificate due to secrecy act or somethin

LG26

Shezzie

I thought you might find this helpful http://www.adoption.ie/

LG26

Did the Nun tell you what they discussed?

The one thing that I suppose you need to remember is that maybe her family do not about you? That was one thing I was afraid of.

I have to ask you this but please don't answer if you don't want to, but do you feel this is something you have to do?? Can you go through the rest of your life not knowing??

shezzie

it was from her one conversation with my bm that i found out i had three sibling from her side. my bm was shocked obviously after i was 31 when i started the trace. she had agreed to meet the nun but no commuication since

this has been something that has affected me in one way or other all my life it took that 31 years of courage to start this - its so difficult but i am alot stronger than i used to be bout it used to be really emotional privately bout it - publically i must have seemed the happiest person in the world - its those deep thoughts that keep swirling round - the why and background its that one percent of not knowing fully who i am - i wanna know and need to know the information even if i never meet her - a letter or something

she did tell the nun that her husband passed away a few years ago and he never knew and her children dont know either - maybe i am just beating my head against a wall - am capricorn and stubborn i dont wanna give up on this its important even for closure sake

LG26

The reason I asked "Can you go through the rest of your life not knowing??", is because I was exactly like you, I needed to know. It's not the fact that you want a relationship with her like a mother. It's more about closure and in my case I also used the phrase "finding the last piece of the jigsaw".

Are your parents supportive of you doing this??

It did cross my mind that maybe her family didn't know and that explains why maybe she hasn't been in contact. If you have a need to know then I wouldn't give up.

How about writing her a letter and asking the Nun to pass it on. Write whatever is in your heart, let it all out. Tell her from the point you found out you were adopted to now. Leave your contact details (phone number) maybe not address and leave it to her and see what happens.

You never know, a heartfelt letter might do the trick and make her come around, it will also help you I think clear your mind because believe me I totally know the thoughts and emotions that go around your head when you start thinking "Why".

The amount of letters I have written to my BM, even though I have never given them to her, i felt it cleared my head....

Sheezie, this is only my tuppence worth but I really hope it helps....

If you ever want to talk privately please PM me...xxx

kathy finn

hi shezzie,
don,t give up. if i was you i would try for a marraige cert for her you have her name so just look up the records for the years after you where born.
if you can,t find a marraige cert their look on the web in england all their records are online i found my mothers their.
keep ringing the nun i found if you really keep the pressure on they willl eventually take you serious.
where your other siblings adopted or kept because you could always search for them, take a look at the adoption ireland search guides located here. good luck.....kathy