Priorities

barbiegirl

Ok we're trying to conceive but I have to say I'm getting worried. I'm not from Dublin and all my mates down home have both kids and a life. The kids are generally well behaved, Mammy and Daddy get out for nights out, for the odd weekend away, and have interests other than the kids.
But my mates up here and my SIL seem to be totally wrapped up in the kids. To the point where one good mate of mine says she sometimes doesn't eat cause her 6 month old babs takes all her time. Where my sister is almost viewed as bad parent for dropping her three up to me for the weekend so her and hubbie can go to a wedding or a weekend away of something.
I was brought up that the priority is the family, and the individual priority rotates, sometimes hourly, crying baby priority number 1, baby quitened, then toddler needs food, it becomes priority, 8 year old needs help with homework and then it switches again, Mammy needs a break she gets priority, baby in play pen, toddler and 8 year old in front of tv, mammy with cup of tea and magazine for twenty minutes and unless it's urgent everything and everyone else can wait.
Am I wrong, is it so different up here. Will I be viewed as a bad mother (if I hopefully ever get there) for letting baby entertain itself on the floor, or in cot, under supervision, for not constantly providing stimulous, for sometimes putting myself first, cause again I was thought that a happy mum leads to a happy and well adjusted kid.
Plus to be honest I don't think it does the kid any favours to expect to always be number one and to always get what they want. Learning the value of No and to wait a little for what you want are in my opinion important life lessons.
Or am I just selfish?

themadchef

Are you going to raise your children the way you and your husband want to raise them, or are you going to raise them in a way to make other people happy, or conform in some way?

Personally i don't think you know the type of parent you will be until you finally get that wrinkly little buldle of pinkness in your hands . Kids differ so much. As do parents.

Love and raise your children the best way you can. BUT do it for you and them, not to please some neighbour or wannabe baby whisperer.

Of course you need time to yourself as a person and time for you both as a couple. People dont stop living because they have children.

Do it your way Barbiegirl and best of luck.

There's a trying to concieve section here on parenting too. Hope you post up when you get there!

IsThatSo?

Its a good point Barbiegirl, I like the way you said about priorities changing hourly, its so true. You have a good headstart if you have figured that out without even having kids yet

I have 3 children, 7 yrs, 19 months and 12 weeks old. I love them to bits and yes, they are my priority. I don't often get time to myself, as in completely alone, but when I do I make the most of it. Best I can do for now is have a few mins every day on Boards with my 19th month old sitting on my lap and typing with one hand :pac:

My opinion...............go with the flow and do what works for everyone. Personally I believe that your sister getting nights out and weekends away is a much healthier approach than the "I can't see past my kids" thing.

Once my youngest hits 6 months (and the middle one will be 2) myself and hubby are going to abandon them to whoever dares take them and get a weekend away

Nevyn

barbiegirl I don't think that as selfish what so ever, I think it sensible and sane.

Too many people loose themsleves when they have kids and then wonder why thier marriage is miserable and failing,
tbh as the saying goes it takes a village to raise a child.
A lot of people live to far away from family and don't have the support families once had
and we dont' have the connection and community with our neighbors as well which
can have parents esp new parents being very cut off and isolated, which is not
a good thing at all. Happy coping parents make for happy kids.

barbiegirl

Thanks guys, I was begining to think I was mad. I agree I won't know til I actually have one, but I do know I don't want to lose who I am and who my hubbie is.
For now I'll offer all the help I can to my mates up here and hope when my time comes it will be reciprocated.

littlebug

barbiegirl wrote: »

Thanks guys, I was begining to think I was mad. I agree I won't know til I actually have one, but I do know I don't want to lose who I am and who my hubbie is.
For now I'll offer all the help I can to my mates up here and hope when my time comes it will be reciprocated.

Fair play! I'm one of the people who has no family around who can babysit etc and such offers are greatly appreciated.

your own style of parenting will emerge as you have your baby(ies) and you will do whatever works best for you as a mother and you all as a family. Your style may vary from child to child as their personalities differ.

lalalulu

barbiegirl wrote: »

Thanks guys, I was begining to think I was mad. I agree I won't know til I actually have one, but I do know I don't want to lose who I am and who my hubbie is.
For now I'll offer all the help I can to my mates up here and hope when my time comes it will be reciprocated.

It's so true the shock of having a baby sometimes makes mammy retreat into her own little bubble. I have a six month old and it hit me the other day i have completely cut myself off from my friends (most of who don't have children yet) and stopped doing all the things i loved to do before i became pregnant. I had no clue having a baby would be so scary and i worry every minute of every day that something will happen to her if i'm not with her 24/7
but it's time to realise i am still myself and to put myself and my partner first sometimes. My babs is happy, healthy and such a lovely baby so i don't think a few night's out and days to myself is going to harm her. I never thought i would be that person but then i hadn't a clue how much a little person turn's your life upside down. Best of luck with conceiving a little babs of your own:o