Management Course

tryu

FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE
>
> Lesson 1:
> A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up
her
> shower, when the doorbell rings.
> The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
> When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.
> Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that
towel.'
> After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands
naked in
> front of Bob.
> After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
> The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
> When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'
> 'It was Bob the next door neighbor,' she replies.
> 'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he
owes me?'
>
>
> Moral of the story:
> If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk
with your
> shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable
> exposure.
> Lesson 2:
> A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs,
forcing her
> gown to reveal a leg.
> The priest nearly had an accident.
> After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
> The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?' The priest removed his
hand.
> But after changing gears he let his hand slide up her leg again.
> The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
> The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'
> Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her
way.
> On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm
129.
> It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up you will find glory.'
> Moral of the story:
> If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great
> opportunity.
>
> Lesson 3:
> A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking
to lunch
> when they find an antique oil lamp.
> They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, 'I'll give each
of you
> just one wish.'
> 'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk 'I want to be in the
Bahamas ,
> driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'
> Puff! She's gone.
> 'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii ,
relaxing
> on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina
Coladas
> and the love of my life.
> 'Puff! He's gone.
> 'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
> The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after
lunch.'9
>
> Moral of the story:
> Always let your boss have the first say.
> Lesson 4
> An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
> A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like
you and do
> nothing?'
> The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not. 'So, the rabbit sat on the
ground below
> the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on
the rabbit
> and ate it.
> Moral of the story:
> To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very
high up.
>
> Lesson 5
> A turkey was chatting with a bull.
> 'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed
the turkey,
> 'but I haven't got the energy.'
> 'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the
bull.
> '6They're packed with nutrients.'
> The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave
him enough
> strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day,
after eating
> some more dung, he reached the second branch.
> Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at
the top of
> the tree.
> He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
>
> Moral of the story:
> Bull **** might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
>
> Lesson 6
> A little bird was flying south for the winter.
> It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large
field.
> While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on
him.
> As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to
realize
> how warm he was.
> The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and
happy, and
> soon began to sing for joy.
> A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
> Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of
cow
> dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
>
> Morals of the story:
> (1) Not everyone who s*** on you is your enemy.
> (2) Not everyone who gets you out of s*** is your friend.
> (3) And when you're in deep s***, it's best to keep your mouth
shut!
> THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE.