Problem with Work Colleague

LegacyUser

Hi,

I am saying colleague but we are good enough friends. Basically, I work in a small team (10) in a large bank. I am above 7 people and am responsible for their work.

One of the lads, who I am usually quite friendly with, go to lunch everyday etc, has really started to act up. This is only a recent thing and was never a problem before. On one occasion he blatantly refused to implement a small process change (for no other reason than it didn't particularly suit him). In the end he did and of course went back to being friendly as ever with me.
On another occasion, when asked to do something, he turned and said, I am not doing that I am doing this etc (blatant refusal as oppose to just saying that he is overloaded). I shrugged that off.
This week, I asked him about some of his work that was wrong and he straight away started to get angry saying that it is not wrong (I never actually even directly said that it was wrong, I asked him to explain his calculations, it was wrong though). After much protesting without even looking at it, he realised it was wrong ie. looked at it and then fixed it.

I said all of this to my manager (who I am also friends with), nothing formal, just over a lunch, saying that I could understand he might be frustrated as he has not been promoted because of the recession cut backs and he could feel that he should be in my position (and if that was the case i would be in my managers position). My manager agreed that that could be the problem and that he had noticed his behaviour. I asked the manager for some light reinforcement to avoid the situation getting worse which he said he would do.

Come today then, a problem with a report he submitted and i asked him to change it. He dropped it back to my desk and told me that it was now online (we print everything for backup). I asked him for a print out and he told me (in front of the entire team) that if i wanted it to print it myself (I would have absolutely no problem printing it if he just asked me?). The manager did hear this and asked him to print it which he did. To me, this is not reinforcement, the fact that he is not doing his job or not doing what i reasonably asked was not even questioned. My manager "does not like conflict".

He has also started to go straight to the manager with questions that he should ask me. I have also said this to my manager and he has agreed that it is undermining but "finds it hard not to answer when he knows the answer".

No doubt this guy will be my best friend again by the time it comes to going out for pints tomorrow evening, he will be all chat for the day to get things back to normal. I am so pissed off at him, but of course dont want to be fighting with anyone, especially someone I work with and we also have friends in common.

I am just as pissed off with my manager for being so spineless and not doing anything about this at a blatantly obvious oppurtunity. This guy is "putting it up to me" in front of everyone and on one occasion literally did in front of the manager, with the manager just staying quiet looking at computer screen, pretending he couldn't hear.

So, what do i do now? I am now giving both the cold shoulder (to prevent myself from telling them both to fck off). I am not a pushover, quite the opposite in fact, but often bite my lip and restrain myself for the sake of getting on with everyone and being professional. I feel that this is being taken advantage of now because I am not being given any respect by this "friend" and my manager does not want to deal with it because it does not directly effect him (and doesn't like conflict of course).

Sorry for the rant, I am just so pissed off with all of this. Its all so petty and rediculous. I would be grateful for any advice.

Keano

Are you his boss? If so, call him in and give it to him straight. Be firm and dont let the conversation go wayward. He needs to understand that you are his boss and if he cannot respect that then you will have to inform senior management. He can go off and mouth off about you to the office but you are the boss and sometimes hard calls have to be made.

doolox

It would be a lot simpler if you were not friends. Personal relationships at work,especially between people of different grades, is difficult and makes doing the job harder than it needs be.
This is one of the pitfalls of being a boss, you cannot be one of the lads anymore and this is hard in a small organisation such as a local bank or parish school where there are no peers to converse unlike a big organisation where the supervisors tend to stick together and the different grades tend to stick together for social purposes.
I remember an incident where a fellow worker, eating his lunch in the canteen got up with his tray and moved tables when one of our managers came up to our table at breaktime attempting to socialise with the workers......
It doesn't work.
Some workers, alienated from the social and functional mind-set of management see any contact with them as an imposition and an effort and resent any perceived reduction in their breaktimes which contact with the management can be perceived as. Many prefer to do their jobs with minimal contact with management. Many workers see breaktime as a time to unwind, be frank about their feelings for their peers and overseers etc... this can't be done if the boss is around.
Whether you like it or not you are a constant reminder to your work colleague of his failure to reach your position. It is probably wiser to keep the personal relationship stuff to a bare minimum. You mention drinks etc after work....any manager will tell you that this is when you keep drink to an absolute minimum and treat such encounters as work, a thing you do cold stone sober. Most good supervisors I have known will stay on the dry during work functions and other work gatherings in order to minimise any bad feelings which may arise between different layers in an organisation or between rivals etc....
In my last place of work arguments and conflict at functions came under the scope for disciplinary action, hence letting the hair down and having a few too many drinks at works functions is risky business.
As mentioned in the last reply you are going to have to decide to be the boss, you can't always count on having workers as your friends as well.

Vegeta

Are you his boss? That is, do you carry out his review?

Call him in to an office and tell him out straight how it is. That sort of behaviour will do him no favours come review time.

homeOwner

I may be off the mark here but I am guessing you are female. You are trying to be friends and keep everyone on side which is what I used to do, until I realised that as the manager I am responsible for getting things done and being friends with my staff is not the main concern.

Can I give you some advice.

I am now giving both the cold shoulder (to prevent myself from telling them both to fck off). I am not a pushover, quite the opposite in fact, but often bite my lip and restrain myself for the sake of getting on with everyone and being professional. I feel that this is being taken advantage of now because I am not being given any respect by this "friend" and my manager does not want to deal with it because it does not directly effect him (and doesn't like conflict of course).

Dont do this. Dont go around giving people the cold shoulder because it makes you out to be "moody" and "psyco-lady", honestly I know where you are coming from. Be straightforward in your reaction. Tell your manager (not over lunch but in a meeting in his office) that you expect him to support you and that you are not happy with his side-stepping of what is turning out to be a serious performance issue with one of his staff. Make it clear to your manager that you will be forced to bring HR into it if the situation doesnt improve because its effecting the whole team.

Unregistered wrote: »

On one occasion he blatantly refused to implement a small process change (for no other reason than it didn't particularly suit him). In the end he did and of course went back to being friendly as ever with me.
On another occasion, when asked to do something, he turned and said, I am not doing that I am doing this etc (blatant refusal as oppose to just saying that he is overloaded). I shrugged that off.
This week, I asked him about some of his work that was wrong and he straight away started to get angry saying that it is not wrong (I never actually even directly said that it was wrong, I asked him to explain his calculations, it was wrong though). After much protesting without even looking at it, he realised it was wrong ie. looked at it and then fixed it.

You have tried the nice approach. You have given this guy the benefit of the doubt and some leeway due to the fact that he has been a good performer in the past and this "acting up" has only been recent.
Now its time for him to toe the line. He is undermining you in front of the rest of the team and on top of that his work isnt up to scratch.

Next time he does similar to the above, you need to calmly stand up to him. Something like "I know I can print the report myself but I have asked you to do it, I am busy checking over 7 people's work at the moment, if you have a problem with helping out then lets talk about that" and say it in front of the whole team so that they know you are not a push over. Put the ball back in his court.

Dont raise your voice. Dont get upset. The problem is on his side. Not yours. If he doesnt back down, then request he steps into the managers office with you to discuss.

Situations like this only escalate. Its already gone too far. You are now ignoring your manager and a junior team member. You are doing the classical moody female boss act, being chatting one minute and being cold the next. At least that is how it is going to be interpreted.

Good luck with it. Keep it professional. Show your manager you are capable of handling the situation without loosing your cool.

thebouldwhacker

I have come across the same issue, The people I work with are great but there is always one :mad:

Identify your role

Identify what it is you are supposed to do (just coz he reports to you may not mean you can discipline him) if it is part of your role then a private meeting between the two of you should be held. No need for him to have a rep, just an informal meeting no minutes kept etc. This will not constitute a verbal warning but should things escalate then it can be used to show you tried to help.
If its not your role then get a paper trail set up to your manager requesting more support and identifying the problem. It is his duty to ensure a safe work place to you... see where this leads.

Pick your battle

Don't focus too much on specific events, otherwise it seems like you are nit picking. I.e. if the meeting is about him not printing he can defend his actions all day, i didn’t have time, my printer was out of toner etc and straight away you are on the back foot. Be clear on the subject for discussion, his general attitude and his treatment of you, you can use examples of behaviour but dont make them the main focus. You are showing respect by discussing this in private therefore if he has issues with you he should show the same respect etc. If like you say he is a mate he should realise what’s going on and will accept it, to allow this do not be confrontational, the aim is to get him back in line, not to feel better by shouting at him!!!

Never go it alone or wing it

Try the approach above, report back to your manager and see what happens. If nothing changes perhaps a verbal warning should be issued, make sure your manager is kept up to date. Pull out your disciplinary procedure and follow it to the letter. Make sure you report every step to your manager that way if anything should go wrong there is a record of proper procedure, there is a hierarchy of responsibility and your manager can become involved when/if necessary.

Keep full records

For this end make sure everything is written down, like a diary. Who, where, when, how, why etc. These are SO IMPORTAINT! if this guy decides to make up porky pies your covered. No records = no defence

They do not have to be official but keep a record of events, if this guy decides to go down the route of constructive dismissal because you are bullying him you will be glad of them....

Give him space

Dont get caught up in his stress, always pull back and see the human! Try to resolve the issue and if sucessful you may never have a staff member treat you like this again, go for blood and very quickly you will become the badie. Try and find out why he is acting out, informal meetings are great for this.

Call time

He has no right to treat you like this, and has no right to bring down the entire office. If he needs to be pulled up and given a warning etc do it. Pull him up on it, identify that all steps to assist him have been taken and this is a verbal warning, follow it up with a letter stating 'i gave you a verbal warning' (this is for those importaint records)and after that reopen the 'I'm here to resolve this' phase.

I hope this isnt to long winded. Base point, you dont have to take such crap from a co worker, keep records & follow procedure tothe letter