What is it lik to have a child?

midlandsmissus

In the near future I'm going to start trying for my first baby.

Trying to imagine what having a child is like when you have never had one is impossible!

I was wondering if people on here could put into a few words what having a child has been like for them. Is it a whole new life for you? Do you really feel a love more intense than you've ever felt before? Like what were your feelings when they were born.

I know you cant possible sum up having a child, but if you could even share one or two things about how you feel itd be great thanks!

Moonbeam

She is the best person in the world ever:)
I don't find life much different,but she is a good baby and I bring her every where with me.

January

Same as Moonbeam, best person in the world ever. My life hasn't changed much since I had her and I bring her everywhere with me.

One thing though you'll feel emotions you never thought you felt before ever... I wake up in the mornings and can't wait to see her smiling at me... and I never thought I'd be dancing around the room but I love doing it!!

Deliverance

midlandsmissus wrote: »

Is it a whole new life for you? Do you really feel a love more intense than you've ever felt before?

Yes, in a way. It is not like an intense love though, that kind of comes later when you get to know the child as a person. They are so dedicated to you as their parent and hang on every word you say. It makes you feel like the most important person in the world (which you are).

Like what were your feelings when they were born.

As a father I'd have to say that I felt amazed and very very protective. My little girl just stared at me and I stared at her. I got the feeling that we did not know what to make of each other. It was amazing and beautiful.

I know you cant possible sum up having a child, but if you could even share one or two things about how you feel itd be great thanks!

To sum it up... myself and my partner both agree that it is the best thing that has ever happened to us.

metrovelvet

midlandsmissus wrote: »

In the near future I'm going to start trying for my first baby.

Trying to imagine what having a child is like when you have never had one is impossible!

I was wondering if people on here could put into a few words what having a child has been like for them. Is it a whole new life for you? Do you really feel a love more intense than you've ever felt before? Like what were your feelings when they were born.

I know you cant possible sum up having a child, but if you could even share one or two things about how you feel itd be great thanks!

my child is only 2,so Im still a novice at all this. But this is what I can tell you so far:

1. Shell shock
2. You will never sleep or hear the same way again
3. Isolation
4. A kind of protectiveness that is nearly a force beyond you,like how fast you can react if you see them toddling into the road
5.how much you tolerate,how much patience you have for these little people.if it were anyonce else youd ask for a divorce or qualudes
6.how much of a sucker you are for their giggles and eccentricities.
7.the challenge of remembering to take car of yourself also.

Latchy

Can make a difference such as being the centre of your universe, at least for the first 20 years if not forever . It flys in the face of the whole singledom life but I never regreted being a parent for a sec and would recomend it to many .Those little humans depend on you for everything

Quality

I have brought 3 little people into this world..
3 little complex individuals.. they all have different ways.. I love them all soooo much.

My eldest was 10 last week and I feel as if the time has just flown by... I cant really remember a life before kids... I am so used to having them in my life...

It truly is the only thing in life worth doing!!

nesf

It's tough. There are some great pluses and large benefits but it's tough. Your life is no longer your own in the sense that it was before the child was born. You have to factor much more into most decisions than just what you want to do. There are some great moments and some really sucky ones. Overall I'm happy as a father and take a lot of joy from it but I'd be lying if I said that there wasn't a lot of hard work, despair and annoyance involved in the process.

Spon Farmer

raising a child is like having a heart attack for 15+ years.:D

It's awesome.

hallelujajordan

Quality wrote: »

It truly is the only thing in life worth doing!!

This was certainly my experience . . I wasn't one of those people who really wanted kids and couldn't wait yet when it happened I realised that it is in fact the only thing I am here to do . .

My kids have become my life and all of the hard work, emotional and physical exhaustion and stress (and there will be lots) are worth it a hundred times over . . .

lalalulu

My baby girl is definitely the best thing to happen me!
Although i agree it can be very tough especially at the beginning with hormones, sometimes pain (for mammy) and unexplained crying (from both parents and baby :P)
Trying to strike a balance is the hardest thing, you can get caught up with doing everything for baby and forgetting about your partner and the life you had before.
The lack of a social life can get ya down so it's very important to make time to do the things you were interested in before baby arrived.
I can't imagine my life without my daughter she makes me so happy and i'd recommend it to anyone no matter how tough it gets she's worth it!

I fell in love with her the second i saw her i couldn't believe i could love someone so much. I don't think i actually bonded with her till she was about 6 weeks old so don't be afraid if you don't feel it straight away it will come in time. Best of luck

Kashkai

I've got 4 kids aged 9 (girl), twin 3 1/2 year olds (girl/boy), 1 year old (girl) (oh and another one due in December that makes 5!!) so I guess I kinda like having kids in my life.

I'd say the biggest change kids bring is that there is absolutely no room left in your life for being selfish and doing your own thing. My whole life revolves around my kids (I've given up work to be a full time Dad and house husband as the childcare costs were higher than my salary). From the time I wake up until they go to bed, its feed the kids, dress the kids, get the eldest to school, play with the youngest 3, feed them, change nappy on baby, play with them, feed them, put baby to bed, play with twins, do some housework, make dinner, play with twins, get baby up, change her, feed her, collect eldest from school (bring her and other 3 kids to her swimming classes, pony class, drama class on relevant days), come home, do school homework, give them dinner, play with them, wife comes home, give her dinner, play with kids, get them ready for bed, read stories, say goodnight, AND THEN ITS ME TIME!!!!! Pity I'm too tired to do anything but watch the box for an hour before I fall asleep.

12 years ago it was a different story when I was single and I could go on several holidays a year, drive flash cars and go out 4 or 5 nights a week. Since I've had kids, I don't think I've had more than 5 holidays in 10 years (the last was a week in 2005) and I now drive a very unflashy kidmobile and I never go out. However, I wouldn't change my life for anyone elses as my kids (and the wife of course) are pretty much all I care about and the other things that used to seem so important and "must have" now seem so petty and unimportant.

I know I'm probably too wrapped up in my kids but thats the way I like it

irishgrover

Fear - I am not capable of looking after a child, nor is my wife..
followed by
Exhilaration and Curiosity - holy ****e!, I have a new baby, I wonder what she is like...
followed by
Exhaustion - I can't remember the last time I was not tired (we should really stop having children)
followed by
Complete and total love - unquestioning and total love
followed by
Responsibility - realising you are the most important think in the childs life, and visa versa
followed by
Exhaustion - I'm still tired..
followed by
Worry, I constantly worry about everything and how if will effect my children
followed by
Exhaustion - why didn't I sleep more in my 20's....


I have four daughters, 6, 4 and 13 months X 2,

Dades

Having kids is like drinking a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster. Dangerous to your health but oh, so worth it.

Quality wrote: »

It truly is the only thing in life worth doing!!

From an evolutionary point of view, perhaps. Though people with no kids might beg (rightly) to differ.

IsThatSo?

The first one is probably the biggest shock and really, its just as well that you don't have any other children when you have your first or you'd never cope (if that makes sense).

When my first was born I was looking at him in the hospital, in a bit of shock I think, thinking to myself "um, where did you come from?" It took about 24 hours for me to do the Mama Bear thing

I have 3 now (7 yrs, 19 months & 3 months) and am SAHM. Its brilliant, I love being with them, but its hard too at times. I don't think anyone will ever test your patience like your own children will.:pac:

I can remember my life BC (before children) and have no interest in it and think of the time wasting stuff I used to do, or not do lol.

I think of myself as a very lucky person, overall

beth-lou

For me, having kids is the most rewarding and amazng thing I have ever done.
Sure I've had great times, long lie ins, been to brilliant all night parties, back packed around Asia and Australia, been foot loose and fancy free and they were all great times, and I remember them well and look forward to heading off again when the kids are older. But I've never once felt cheated out of any of that by becoming a parent. Not once.

My first pregnancy was a shock to be honest and it took a long while to get my head around it. I never wanted kids, never. But once I accepted it, I enjoyed the pregnancy and even the birth. It was a whole new adventure. And once she arrived, well, you're right there are no words to describe the over whelming feeling of love that I felt. The best way I can describe it is to take the biggest love you have ever felt and multiply it by a thousand. It's a different type of love, but it is very powerful and it quickly washed away any selfish thoughts I had and replaced them with joy.

Yes it was a nervous time, and it takes a while to build up your confidence, but you quickly realise that you can do it. I was tired, but that's not an over riding memory of her first years. The things that spring to mind are the laughter, the wonder, the smiles, the first words, the first step, the snuggles, the cuddles and first kisses.

Yes it's a big responsibility, but you can't think about that too much. You just get on with it and take each day as it comes. There are challenges, and little heartbreaks but generally they are heavily outweighed by the special moments, little milestones and achievements that this wonderful little person has attained.

Ultimately for me it has been a great step forward. Sure my twenties were great, I had a blast, but I'm still having a blast in my thirties,just in a different way with two special girls to accompany me and my hubby and another one on the way in July. I can't recommend it enough, if it's something you are considering.

beth-lou

Deliverance wrote: »

Yes, in a way. It is not like an intense love though, that kind of comes later when you get to know the child as a person. They are so dedicated to you as their parent and hang on every word you say. It makes you feel like the most important person in the world (which you are).

I think that's where men and women differ. Most women feel it instantly, most men take a while longer as you have described. But ultimately, we all end up suckers for the little buggers.

midlandsmissus

Thank you so much everyone. It's very interesting reading!

They should make a book about this, I'd definitely buy it if I was pregnant.

I had a quick look in the pregnancy section at my local bookshop for info a few wks ago, and there were loads of books about physical changes and how to practically care for a baby, but none on how people actually FEEL after they have a baby.

Thanks so much everyone who posted, Im really grateful to hear evreyones experiences!

di11on

What a great thread!

Before you have kids and you try to imagine what it would be like having a baby, you kind of imagine the two of you and then superimpose a baby on top of all that!

The truth is, it is nothing like that at all. Your life is completely changed. The key to understanding how it changes is not to look at the physical stuff like nappies, or child care or even the great relationship you can have with this new person... the way to understand how completely this will affect you is to understand how it changes your perspective on life and the world.

Now you understand yourself as a partner to your partner and a child of your parents. You are blazing a trail on behalf of your family line. You see yourself out at the front.

When you have children, your place in life changes. Now you are responsbile for other people. You are a mother - a carer, a provider. Your role and place in the world has changed.

The way I see how it has impacted me is in how I now feel about death. Before I had children I had no fear of death. I was carefree and sometimes wreckless. Now I'm terrified of dying. Not because I fear death itself, but because I think of how it will impact my children and my wife. I just don't want my kids to loose their dad because the thoughts of that is so unbearably sad.

The feeling is most strong when I'm sitting on a plane and it starts down the runway for take off. I always think of my wife and children during take off and get a little emotional.

Silly daddy, as DD would say

IsThatSo?

metrovelvet wrote: »

I would echo this. It has on many occassions been the only thing that has stopped me from driving into the lake down the road, while also being the very reason I wanted to drive into the lake down the road, my child.

This sums up the extremes perfectly Its the best most important thing in the world and its also the hardest.......................and we do it willingly and more than once

beth-lou

di11on wrote: »

What a great thread!

The feeling is most strong when I'm sitting on a plane and it starts down the runway for take off. I always think of my wife and children during take off and get a little emotional.

I've felt that too, many times.

stovelid

Personally, it added richness and meaning to my life just as things begun to inevitably pall. The things I worried about like responsibility are there, but they just seem natural and an expected part of my life.

One of the best things about it is also that it contextualizes your relationship with your own parents for better or worse. Personally, I understand their efforts, hard work, and fears a lot more.

Nov2006

Its absolutely the best thing you will ever do. if you have lived your life, worked, travelled, partied and enjoyed a lot of lie ins they you should be ready for it.

They come along, they absolutely change the way you feel about everything, you see the world through their innocent eyes and it makes you remember what life was like when you were a child.

I have a 2 year old son and I can honestly say I laugh more everyday than I ever did before him. You find amazement in everything they do, no matter how trivial. I feel lucky to have him because it also picks you up from all this doom and gloom around, you realise that money is only just that, money but these little people are what truly matters.

we have another one on the way in 6 weeks so hopefully there is more of that to come....

best of luck and have fun trying!

Lizzykins

I have 4 kids aged 19,16,15 and 5!! I remember having the first put into my arms and thinking it was like a Paul Daniels magic trick! I'm a bit sorry now that I'm really too old to have any more. It's the best thing ever being a parent. Mind you career goes on hold or never goes anywhere! Doesn't bother me at all. I'm happy.

Jimdagym

My two boys (16 months and 4 weeks) are the best thing that either of us has ever done, by a distance of infinity.
There is an old phrase about kids that sums it up pretty well for me. Its that before you have one, you cant possibly imagine life with one, yet once you have one, you cant possibly imagine life without them!!!

lalalulu

di11on wrote: »

The way I see how it has impacted me is in how I now feel about death. Before I had children I had no fear of death. I was carefree and sometimes wreckless. Now I'm terrified of dying. Not because I fear death itself, but because I think of how it will impact my children and my wife. I just don't want my kids to loose their dad because the thoughts of that is so unbearably sad.

Thta's exactly how i feel, at times i lay in bed hoping and praying that nothing will happen to me and that i will see my beautiful daughter grow up and be there for all the important times in her life and have a good relationship with her. I can't bear the thought of her not knowing me. I used to feel i could live life carelessly but now i think of my babs and the thought of how happy she makes me and that amazing smile she gives me

Latchy

Children bring focus and meaning in your life .Your days of thinking of just you first and last are gone .Even if you know zilch about child rearing ,it's amazing how quickly you adapt once they come along .A lot of parents today are now are more hands on, sharing the burden (and the joys ) equally ie , nappy changing ,feeding and pushing a pram .Thankfully the latter is behind me now

PinkTulips

i have three, a 4 year old daughter, an almost 3 year old son and a 3 month old son.

i love them more than it's possible to imagine. i know that's a cliched phrase but it really is the only way to explain it until you have kids.... i could never have understood the intense physical, primal, mind encompassing, pure, unadulterated love i feel for my kids before i had them.

you would happily walk across hot coals for the rest of your days to keep them happy and safe, and in a way that's what you spend the rest of your days doing!

you have never felt anything akin to the complete and utter exhaustion of having a newborn, especially a difficult newborn who doesn't sleep and throws up every 20 mins. those times you stayed up for days on end and thought you were shattered by the time you got some rest ain't nothing compared to the zombie state you find yourself in with a newborn. the endless cycle of changing, feeding, sleeping, changing, feeding, sleeping, etc is draining, both emotionally and physically

everything become complicated, you can never again dash out of the house with just your car keys in hand... a baby needs more kit to leave the house with than you've ever brought on a 2 week long holiday... and the one time you chance going without it they will poo all over themselves, the carseat, you and the floor of the supermarket and you'll be stuck without so much as a babywipe to clean it up.

they piss, **** and puke all over you and your house and destroy all your belongings... it's like having a heavy metal band to stay for years on end

and yet, if someone were to offer you 10 million euros to take them off your hands you wouldn't even consider it and would probably punch whoever suggested you give up your baby.

the feeling you get when they smile at you, laugh at you and talk to you is the greatest high you'll ever experiance. they will absorb every waking thought. watching them grow will make you beam with pride and when they have siblings watching them play with each other, cuddle each other and get into mischief together will make your chest tight and your eyes well up with tears.

it will change your life so completely you'll wonder how you ever existed before they did... and the years fly by too quickly and before you know it they're starting school, wanting to do everything themselves, going to sleepovers and having lives without you and you wish to god they could be babies again

sazsaz

When I was pregnant I got the following poem from a friend I read it and thought it was lovely. I now have a 16month old boy who I'd do anything for - I have never loved anything/anyone as much I do him

Before I Was A Mum
I made and ate hot meals
I had unstained clothing
I had quiet conversations on the phone

Before I Was A Mum
I slept as late as I wanted
And never worried about how late I got into bed
I brushed my hair and my teeth everyday

Before I was A Mum
I cleaned my house each day
I never tripped over toys or forgot words of lullabies

Before I Was A Mum
I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous
I never thought about immunizations

Before I Was A Mum
I had never been puked on
Pooped on, Spit On, Chewed On, Peed On
Or pinched by tiny fingers

Before I Was A Mum
I had complete control of:
My thoughts, My body and my mind
I slept all night

Before I Was A Mum
I never held down a screaming child so that doctors could do tests or give shots
I never looked into teary eyes and cried
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin
I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep

Before I Was A Mum
I never held a sleeping baby just because
I didn't want to put it down
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces
when I couldn't stop the hurt
I never knew that something so small
could affect my life so much
I never knew that I could love someone so much
I never knew I would love being a mum

Before I Was A Mum
I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body
I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby
I didn't know that the bond between a Mother and her child
I didn't know that something so small
Could make me feel so important

Before I Was A Mum
I had never gotten up in the middle of the night
Every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay
I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love
The heartache, the wonder
Or the satisfaction of being a Mum
I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much
Before I Was A Mum

Julietta

This really is a lovely thread....but I am feeling some despair (with myself)while reading it While there is absolutely no doubt in my mind that I love my son very, very much, I find motherhood a daily struggle. I sometimes wish for my old life, not so much the lie ins (although it would be nice!), it's the freedom I really miss, I never realised until my first day out of hospital after my son was born how I would never do anything again without thinking of him, I think I only wanted to pop to the shops! I guess my circumstances don't help (single mum working full time living alone with 2 year old) and I often wonder would I feel differently if I had a partner....I guess I'll never know! I get frustrated with myself that I don't enjoy it all more but I find some aspects of being a Mum a little bit boring and very, very repetitive. There are definitely times when I feel like I love him so much that I want to jump into this cot and snuggle into him and I know that I am not one iota of sorry that I had him, I guess I'm just not as maternal as some maybe?

Very best wishes OP,

J

IsThatSo?

Julietta wrote: »

This really is a lovely thread....but I am feeling some despair (with myself)while reading it While there is absolutely no doubt in my mind that I love my son very, very much, I find motherhood a daily struggle. I sometimes wish for my old life, not so much the lie ins (although it would be nice!), it's the freedom I really miss, I never realised until my first day out of hospital after my son was born how I would never do anything again without thinking of him, I think I only wanted to pop to the shops! I guess my circumstances don't help (single mum working full time living alone with 2 year old) and I often wonder would I feel differently if I had a partner....I guess I'll never know! I get frustrated with myself that I don't enjoy it all more but I find some aspects of being a Mum a little bit boring and very, very repetitive. There are definitely times when I feel like I love him so much that I want to jump into this cot and snuggle into him and I know that I am not one iota of sorry that I had him, I guess I'm just not as maternal as some maybe?

Very best wishes OP,

J

There is no doubting its hard, and while its great being a parent, there are times when it gets on top of everyone so don't give yourself a hard time of it or doubt yourself, I think you are perfectly normal

I have to say I have major admiration for single parents, I honestly don't think I could do it on my own, I am practically standing at the door waiting for my OH to come home by 5pm!!!

Hold you head high with your achievement