Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie

Unsupportive OH

Options
  • 12-05-2009 9:23pm
    #1
    JoeyW
    Closed Accounts Posts: 113 ✭✭


    Anyone else got a totally unsupportive OH? I'm 11 weeks gone and have been so tired and moody but my OH instead of supporting me is almost starting fights with me and when I retaliate (sp?) he accuses me of being a moody teenager! I could literally swing for him right now. I'm having daydreams of running away when bubs is born to sunnier climes with NO MEN lol.
    It's pur first baby btw.


Comments

  • Options
    #2
    January
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23,862 ✭✭✭✭January


    Was it a planned pregnancy or unplanned?? Your OH may simply be trying to get his head around the fact that he is going to be a father. I know it's no excuse for him!!

    I think you may need to sit him down and explain to him that your hormones are all over the place at the moment and that you don't mean to be moody, but it really upsets you when he accuses you of things like that.


  • Options
    #3
    JoeyW
    Closed Accounts Posts: 113 ✭✭JoeyW


    It was planned and I have explained that my hormones are all over the place to no avail. I just hope he's a bit more supportive when the baby is here. It's almost like he's decided he doesn't want the baby anymore.


  • Options
    #4
    snowy2008
    Closed Accounts Posts: 468 ✭✭snowy2008


    how do you expect him to be supportive when you take his head off? - you've said yourself you're moody- i know your early on in the pregnancy but your not the only one ever to have a baby, its a change for him too you know


  • Options
    #5
    January
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23,862 ✭✭✭✭January


    teresa2008 wrote: »
    how do you expect him to be supportive when you take his head off? - you've said yourself you're moody- i know your early on in the pregnancy but your not the only one ever to have a baby, its a change for him too you know

    Are you serious?? When I was pregnant I was one of the moodiest women in the world (or so I thought). I really couldn't help it. I didn't know what was wrong with me and used to snap at my OH all the time, but seconds later I would burst into tears apologizing to him for being such a witch.

    Of course it's a change for him too, but at the same time she did say that this baby was planned so he should have really been prepared for this. I think a lot of men get cold feet once they know something is actually happening. He'll get over it soon enough. If you feel like you're going to snap at him, just leave the room for a little while and think about it.


  • Options
    #6
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    How much does he know of the process of pregancy and the changes you will be under going?


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #7
    livvy
    Registered Users Posts: 216 ✭✭livvy


    JoeyW wrote: »
    Anyone else got a totally unsupportive OH? I'm 11 weeks gone and have been so tired and moody but my OH instead of supporting me is almost starting fights with me and when I retaliate (sp?) he accuses me of being a moody teenager! I could literally swing for him right now. I'm having daydreams of running away when bubs is born to sunnier climes with NO MEN lol.
    It's pur first baby btw.

    I think when you are visibly pregnant it changes things. Your partner can see the discomfort you are in after having a long day at work and because of that he may react differently to you. I know you have a lot to take in but he does too.


  • Options
    #8
    IsThatSo?
    Closed Accounts Posts: 988 ✭✭✭IsThatSo?


    Thing is even if it was planned its still a shock when it happens:eek: Its great in theory but when you get that positive result there is a moment of "OMG what have we done!!" well, it was a moment for me, a bit longer for OH.

    BUT it passes quickly. I found that I got more excited than my OH did, in the earlier part of the pregnancy, he just found it hard to think of there being a baby around when he couldn't see anything, whereas, as far as I was concerned, we already had a child it was just a minor technicality that it wasn't born yet :D

    Wait until you start to show and the baby starts to move and kick, he will be excited (on top of being terrified lol) and next time around he will find it easier to adjust earlier :)


  • Options
    #9
    Woddle
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,492 ✭✭✭Woddle


    Get him a book or there was a website that I used to visit on our first and it would explain day by day what stage of development the baby was at, can't find the website maybe someone else knows.


  • Options
    #10
    duploelabs
    Registered Users Posts: 11,422 ✭✭✭✭duploelabs


    Sounds like a knee jerk reaction as he's being forced to serious changes in his life. Happens to all us first time fathers, some of us channel it in different ways. Send him to 'the fathers thread', we're nice there!


  • Options
    #11
    Mick Shrimpton
    Registered Users Posts: 280 ✭✭Mick Shrimpton


    Woddle wrote: »
    Get him a book or there was a website that I used to visit on our first and it would explain day by day what stage of development the baby was at, can't find the website maybe someone else knows.

    Yeah, these two books got me through...they're both excellent and throw a humourous light on what's happening, while at the same time being really informative (in a bloke's kinda way!). Really helped diffuse the tension

    http://www.amazon.co.uk/Fatherhood-Truth-Marcus-Berkmann/dp/0091900638/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1243503086&sr=8-1

    http://www.amazon.co.uk/Lad-Dad-Ultimate-Pregnancy-Blokes/dp/1905410409/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1243503230&sr=1-1


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #12
    galwaygirleen
    Closed Accounts Posts: 154 ✭✭galwaygirleen


    I found tho that it was easier to read out what stage you were at week by week to him, my fella def not a guy who would sit down a read a book bout pregnancy and birth. Might be a lil easier if u get him involved a lil more.


    Some guys just dont understand the moodiness.
    Just remind him u were sane before u got pregnant he may understand then.

    I know i can be snappy but i will nearly always apologise a lil while later...even when it kills me sometimes but just easier as it stops a lil sulking!


  • Options
    #13
    Kashkai
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,399 ✭✭✭Kashkai


    Our 5th child is on the way (due December) so "been there, done that" as regards pregnancy mood swings :eek:. My normally placid, easy going wife can in an instant, turn into a complete cow, no actually a whole herd of them on a bad day.

    Even though I know there's a reason for it, it's a pain in the ass biting my lip so often when my natural reaction would be "Would you ever take a run and jump" or "Why do you keep on wanting babies if it turns you into a bloody monster".

    I see from the other posters that the consensus is that the hubbies should put up with it. Well to a point maybe but you ladies wouldn't like it if the tables were turned and the hubbie launched into snide comments or started arguments for no apparent reason.

    It has to be give and take on both sides, hormones can't be a "get out of jail free card" whenever you feel like throwing a moody.


  • Options
    #14
    galwaygirleen
    Closed Accounts Posts: 154 ✭✭galwaygirleen


    Prosperous Dave wrote: »
    I see from the other posters that the consensus is that the hubbies should put up with it. Well to a point maybe but you ladies wouldn't like it if the tables were turned and the hubbie launched into snide comments or started arguments for no apparent reason.

    It has to be give and take on both sides, hormones can't be a "get out of jail free card" whenever you feel like throwing a moody.


    Of course id never INTENTIONALLY lose the cool sometimes i dont even realise what im saying until ive said it.

    you would think after going through 5 pregnancies though you would see that this is not a normal reaction for your wife.... Maybe a lil understanding from men would be nice after all they did help make a baby!!!!

    For the OP as it is a first baby maybe he just doesnt realise whats happening re the influx of hormones and what it can to do!


  • Options
    #15
    gowayouttadat
    Registered Users Posts: 506 ✭✭✭gowayouttadat


    My bf was getting his haircut during the week and ended up telling the guy gutting his hair that he was expecting a baby. The hairdresser asked my bf if he'd had to deal with any of the "hormonal tantrums" yet. My bf just laughed and said no. The hairdresser said his gf was unreal when she was pregnant. Tearing the head off him.
    I've been pretty good so far in that I tend to recognise when I'm about to launch off on one and stop myself because I know it's either 1) hormones or 2) tiredness that's making me grumpy.
    When my bf came home and told me the story he said he didn't know what to say to the hairdresser because he hasn't noticed any change in me. I'm glad I haven't turned into a raving lunatic anyway!!


Advertisement