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Want daughter to meet my new partner.

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  • 14-05-2009 10:37am
    #1
    Pharrell
    Closed Accounts Posts: 41 ✭


    I have a 10-year-old daughter and want her to meet my new partner. I will ask my daughter first if she wants too but the only thing is her mom, she will definitely say no, that it isn’t going to happen.

    It would make my life a lot easier. Is there anything I can do in this situation, I see my daughter 4 times a week and have a good relationship with her.

    Which is the best way of going about this?


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    #2
    Dades
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,558 Mod ✭✭✭✭Dades


    I can't imagine you need her mother's permission to introduce your child to people when you are with her.

    There's no legal aspect to this - only the question of damaging whatever relationship you have with her mother if you don't get her 'blessing'. But it's going to happen sometime whether she likes it or not, personally I don't see any sense in delaying it and leaving your partner in the cold. You need to impress on the mother that is it an inevitability.


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    #3
    Pharrell
    Closed Accounts Posts: 41 ✭Pharrell


    Thanks for the reply, I know the mother has no right to tell me who my daughter can see and who she cant see but she could make my life a living hell when it comes to seeing my daughter. I am thinking of sitting down with the mother tonight and just saying I want our daughter to meet my partner and see what happens, the thing is if she had a new partner I wouldn’t stand in the way of her introducing her to him.


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    #4
    fiona stephanie
    Registered Users Posts: 80 ✭✭fiona stephanie


    its a tricky situation for all involved! when i split up from my kids father i had issues regarding new partners!!! i told him i would prefer him not to introduce a gf to the kids unless he was with her for a considerable amount of time and it was a serious relationship! and the same went for me, i was with my previous partner for a year and a half before i introduced my kids to him!!! i wanted to make sure that i was 100% sure about him before i got the kids involved!!!

    there is no point introducing them to every tom dick and harry!! that wud only upset them!!

    if your serious about your current partner, sit down and talk to your ex about how you feel and why you want her and you daughter to meet, im sure if your daughter has no problems meeting her.. her mother shouldnt really mind! after all your daughters opinion is the most important one!!
    good luck:)


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    #5
    Jumpy
    Registered Users Posts: 7,606 ✭✭✭Jumpy


    If you do, remember first impressions last!
    The first meeting I had with my stepmother (I was about 7) didnt go too well, she seemed a very sour person. Even though this changed over time, it was too late, I HATED her. This kept until I was mature enough to see what she was really like, and now we get on great.
    This may have gone differently if she was a nice sweet person at our first meeting.


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    #6
    metrovelvet
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,376 ✭✭✭metrovelvet


    Is this the first time your daughter is confronting your sexuality. If so do your best to get mom on board.


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    #7
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    I disagree, it is not about confronting sexuality it is about meeting someone in your life you care for and they care for you. I have have never had any issues with my children meeting people in my life I am close with. Usually acquaintances don't get to meet my kids, friends do and they are used to me having friends and any new person should be imho be introduced as a friend first and foremost.

    And then eventually as a bf/gf.


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    #8
    hunnymonster
    Registered Users Posts: 5,365 ✭✭✭hunnymonster


    I agree with Jumpy that at 10, first impressions really matter. I was the new partner being introduced to my fiance's son when he was that age. We did it very casually and informally and it worked well. Stepson-to-be is used to meeting a variety of H2B's friends and I was just a different type of friend. Met for coffee at first, then a day out, then a weekend etc. When we moved in together he was more interested and excited about the new visitors bedroom he was getting than anything more emotionally deep. Luckily H2B's ex is great a very sensible woman so there were no issues there. Are you still on ok terms with your ex? Could you ask her opinion "at what stage do you think it's appropiate". Assumes she would be reasonable though.


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