Christening Dispute

luohaoran

Just happened on this thread by chance, and instantly realised it was started by my lovely wife. I see the thread is now stale, but for posterity...
(sorry but since the thread is old , I'm going to give all my opinion in one big post.)

Obviously, I'd have to disagree with the picture my wife cast of my stance(s) on the issues she raised.
Put simply, I've always held the view that my number one preference is to have our children brought up in sync with our own ideals.
Its a long and sometimes painful road coming from a religious upbringing to being atheist, or anti-theist. One could argue that that journey is worth making for ones personal development, but it makes better logic imho to not create mountains to climb for yourself, or your kids. Its better to help them on their way to dealing with their own modern day mountains. I'd like religion to be a thing of the past.
I broadly agree with everything everyone has said, I think all your opinions are correct, and I believe you've all contributed to my wife's coming to terms with my irreconcilable position. The decision, is alas, black or white, to baptise or not to baptise child #2. I knew we wouldn't agree (we'd discussed it often enough even before #2 arrived) so it seemed fair to me to postpone the decision until child #2 wanted to make their own call. Seemed like a perfect compromise to me, and a door slammed shut to my wife. :-)

I should point out that I accepted child #1 being baptised as I felt it was a necessary evil, yes still in today's Ireland. Particularly in education, particularly away from the larger conurbations. Whether to go RC or COI? I initially thought it best to acknowledge the support given during pregnancy and birth by my in-laws by letting the first child sign on the RC dotted line. I was also making an allowance for the fact that mom in law is the most religious of the four grandparents.
Several years passed and #2 arrived and I felt and we had agreed that if, (IF) #2 had to be baptised that it would be fairest to both sides of the family to go COI this time. My wife was reluctant since she thought it was divisive to have them different but I felt it would be academic, (excuse the pun) since #2 would follow #1 into the same RC ethos primary school. Also I would have a slight preference for my own COI route, as I feel it has been better to date, at nurturing self determination and creating your own belief. (perhaps I'm biased)
It has always been my full intention however, to bring our two kids up atheist. This is harder than I thought. We live in an estate, and our first child is smart and likes to talk and there have been plenty of moments where I've worried that we might get a knock on the door from a neighbour asking us to tell our kid to keep their atheist beliefs to themselves. Fortunately though, it seems we are not the only non believers. When the subject comes up now with other kids around, I just hold our atheist line and always remember to allow for the other side of the coin. (Wouldn't want to be the first atheist accused of indoctrinating kids. The irony would kill me.)
And , well to be franc , the level of indoctrination in our, otherwise excellent, primary school is nothing short of scary. It sometimes seems that they spend maybe 30% of teaching time, hammering "the faith" into them.
Why anyone , in this day and age thinks its ok to tell small children what to believe about a subject as difficult as God, is beyond me.
I hate it.
Why wouldn't they give them an early look through some microscopes instead.

Ok, if you are still reading , fair play to ya. I'll try and wrap it up now.

I think the biggest problem for my wife is that being atheist is a scary thing for her, and she does not want our kids to feel the same emptiness.
I've tried to explain how for me its pure liberation, from everything, and now I can just be good because its the best thing for me, on every level.
There is only good news in Atheism.
Its this fear, in my wife, that I'd like to think my kids will never have to deal with.
Once you baptise a child RC, you put them on a train, that is not that easy to stop. My lovely intelligent, logical daughter is now confused about whether or not to belive her parents or what she hears in school. And next up is first communion, which does not help.
If I could, no baptism , from the word go.