Should i??????????

I hope he dosent take it out on the monkey, Id hate to think of it getting a spanking...

CianRyan

Now what kind of ass hole would spank a monkey?:eek:

junior_apollo

There has been nothing from Tim over the last week.
Bit disappointed he gave up so easily to be honest.

Nonetheless I have sent one last email in the hopes of putting the red hot poker... errrm.. well in the red hot poker orifice.

Here is my mail to Tim:

Hey again Tim,

I waited for your emails but they didnt come. I did my best to make it happen, why didnt you cum for me Tim?
Since we last spoke I have started new negotiations for adoption of a capuchin monkey with a nice chap called Jim.
Jim is from Cameroon, and has already sent me documents for his capuchins health papers along with her birthcert and proof of his identity.
He told me that he has a monkey farm, where they are very well looked after. And he sends them out for adoption.
I am very happy with the dealings so far with Jim and hopefully I will be sending the money to him this week via Western Union.

I informed Jim that I was talking with yourself before and that I was hoping to adopt your monkey.
He informed me that I should be very careful of people who do not provide proof of identity and birth-certs.
He seems very good at this and very helpful always to me.
So although we are good friends now I find it difficult to know who to trust anymore.

I am waiting for some more information regarding payment details and transit details from Jim, but personally because we have gone so far together I hoped it would be Hanahah I adopted.
I hope that you will come back to me Tim, and I am glad you got a promotion. You obviously deserve everything you get and I am glad for that.

Hope to hear from you soon,
Your once friend,
Steve

If he does come back to me I will provide him with Jim's email address (which will be another of my email addresses and hopefully we can oust him via conversations between Tim and Jim)

Very busy week in work this week also .. so apologies to everyone for my lack of responses.. I really hope this isn't the end.. although i fear the worst..

Thanks again to everyone for joining me on my journey to acquire Hanna :pac:

Tirabaralla

TY for this lol

Sean Quagmire

excellent, if another scammer 'chopping his dolla' doesnt fire him up then i dont know what will!

Write to him via Jim, or I could do it?

'my guy, tanks for settin up this mugu steven for dey fall. he send money quick and i have major plan for him. consider dis i warning ok, do not contact stephen agin coz the darkness falls on the one who is blind and my oga Adubola will necklace those who cross. you are small boi that do not know how to complete deal ooooo, dont even know how to provide form? poor boy.

be warned

jim kunle'


bring on the stress!

junior_apollo

Sean Quagmire wrote: »

excellent, if another scammer 'chopping his dolla' doesnt fire him up then i dont know what will!

Write to him via Jim, or I could do it?

'my guy, tanks for settin up this mugu steven for dey fall. he send money quick and i have major plan for him. consider dis i warning ok, do not contact stephen agin coz the darkness falls on the one who is blind and my oga Adubola will necklace those who cross. you are small boi that do not know how to complete deal ooooo, dont even know how to provide form? poor boy.

be warned

jim kunle'


bring on the stress!

Haha.. thanks a got a good laugh outta that one.. much appreciated.. Ill let ye know when/if he comes back to me.. and we can work from there.. haha...

junior_apollo

Ladies and Gentlemen... we have a fish on the line:

Hello My best Friend,I am very sorry for the late reply but as i told earlier i am busy person and i have been so busy all this why so there is no reason for you getting a monkey elsewhere.I am now back and we can proceed with all of our arrangements.You said you have found someone in Cameroon who want to sell a monkey to you but let tell you this Hanna is home trained and she knows how to leave with people than a money who is from a local breeder.So Hanna birth certificate is attached and also some pictures of me and her How was your vacation?.Greet everybody in your family for me.
Waiting to read from you soon.
Thanks.

He also attached her birth cert which looks a lot like a word document.. and the signature is a flail at the page.. not actual letters haha... Also I would hate to be the poor lad in the pictures.. whomever it is .. i can assure you it is not Tim...

Nonetheless.. I shall be back... Yehhhhhh.... :cool:

gaz wac

Ahh lads, I dont know...he has pictures !!!

Monkey Name..........

Sean Quagmire

I love the signature on the birth cert ha ha. and you are right, that is not our Tim in the pics.

time to drag this sucker out. maybe leave the money with your friend 'Eric' to go to the westurn union office and hopefully eric doesnt double cross you and strike a deal with tim via many email

junior_apollo

Sean Quagmire wrote: »

I love the signature on the birth cert ha ha. and you are right, that is not our Tim in the pics.

time to drag this sucker out. maybe leave the money with your friend 'Eric' to go to the westurn union office and hopefully eric doesnt double cross you and strike a deal with tim via many email

Yup .. my thoughts exactly... Im gonna put a few documents together today to really throw him for a loop... sit back and relax.. ill be a few mins....

gaz wac

Send him a pix of you playing with your other monkey....well you know the rest

lucylu

absolutely brilliant.
Well Done JA

BeatNikDub

Excellent!

You guys might appreciate this also:

http://www.geekologie.com/2009/06/the_ducks_are_not_mine_david_t.php

junior_apollo

BeatNikDub wrote: »

Excellent!

You guys might appreciate this also:

http://www.geekologie.com/2009/06/the_ducks_are_not_mine_david_t.php

Haha.. brilliant stuff..

junior_apollo

Ok so here was my reply to Tim... time to tighten the vice i think... lets see how he deals with pressure....

Hello my bestest friend,

Do not worry about the delay in reply.. we can get past this. Any good relationship has its ups and downs and this is to be expected.
I am glad you are busy with work.. It shows you are a hard worker, and well deserving of your promotion.
Some people though Tim, I'm sure you'll agree, don't deserve promotions...
A perfect example of this is Billy on the first floor. He has done nothing but kiss bottoms since his arrival at this company 17 years ago this week.
He spends all day trying to sweet talk managers and supervisors, he sickens me with his bull-poop. I am only working at this company a few months but I have never seen anyone with such a brown mouth.
Billy was recently promoted also, but he didnt deserve it one bit, I think he is a fudge-packer Tim. Do you know the meaning of this?
It means he packs fudge... not the tasty kind either Tim.
Nonetheless Billy has been given the promotion and is now in charge of the first floor toiletries and sundries. I hate him.

So anyway... The pictures you have sent me of Hana and yourself are somewhat confusing.
The birth cert looks nothing like the birth cert i received from Jim (see attached).
I can only assume that the United Kingdom, which is in England going by the document, does not have proper paper for this sort of document.
Also the pictures of yourself and hanna... although adorable are puzzling.
Puzzling because in your original photos you sent me - Hannah has no brown stripe down her forehead.
In the pictures now, HanaH has a stripe.
Are you sure these are the same Hananah?

Im getting more and more worried Tim.
Jim has told me if there is any issues that we should both contact him with any questions.
Is it ok for me to pass on your details to Jim so that he may contact you? He has a few questions for you I believe...
I hope this would be ok and we can get the threesome started as soon as possible.

I look forward to sending you the adoption money as soon as we can get this sorted..
I will also increase the money to €350 as I apologise for the delay, I hope you can forgive me Tim, I need to be sure I can trust fully.

Also please always remember that I like you as a friend more than Jim, Jim sometimes talks funny and I find it hard to understand him.

Kind regards,
Your only friend,
Steve

I also attached a picture i doctored using MSPaint.. even with paint I did a better job than Tim, I apologise also for my delay in putting this up.. but it was rather difficult to get Robert Mugabe's signature into the document and make it look convincing :eek:

Sean Quagmire

spot on.

Honey-ec

gaz wac wrote: »

Ahh lads, I dont know...he has pictures !!!

Monkey Name..........

Oh noes! He has pictures so he must be legit! Because the internet isn't filled with 50 bazillion pictures of pretty much anything you could want to attach to an email...

junior_apollo

Honey-ec wrote: »

Oh noes! He has pictures so he must be legit! Because the internet isn't filled with 50 bazillion pictures of pretty much anything you could want to attach to an email...

What?!... you mean you dont believe Robert Mugabe signed Briannah birth-cert?

Damn...

junior_apollo

Timm-ah is back emailing anyway.. looks like I've got him good again...

Here is his latest response...:

Hello my best Friend,
The pictures are i sent to you are recent pictures i took with Hanna so there is nothing to worry about because i came across the internet to locate a good home for hanna not deceive nor to tarnish my image so you just have to trust me as well as i do trust you and i promise you that you will not regret doing this.You should understand that i am a very responsible man i will not like you to share my email address to other people.Instead i will like you you to give me Jim's email address so that i can contact him.You should understand that you are my very good friend and i am not going disappoint you because apart from hanna i love you as a friend.Dear friend i must confess that what you told me about Billy is very Funny and it makes me laugh.He must be a very funny guy.Hanna is doing well ok.Greet everybody in your family for me and tell them that hanna is doing well.
Waiting to read from you soon.
Thanks.

Queue my alter ego... Jimm-ah... to make an appearance..

Oh this could go on forever!.. haha

Mr. Gruff

junior_apollo wrote: »

apart from hanna i love you as a friend

Looking good...

junior_apollo wrote: »

... as a friend

Oh, crap, friend zone

junior_apollo

Mr. Gruff wrote: »

Looking good...


Oh, crap, friend zone

Why does this always happen to me?... Just when im getting somewhere.. "i think of you as a friend"...

junior_apollo

My reply to Tim, I've blocked out my email address just for this post but its an alternative one for me which doesnt contain my name...

I also hope ye enjoy humming for the afternoon with me.. coz now i have the song stuck in my head...

Heya Tim,

Thanks for the mega-quick reply.. this is good as we can get a lot more done with quick replies..
I trust you like a Catholic priest is trusted in a creche my friend.. that is why I believe you when you tell me your truths.

I think Jim is a little bit weird and perhaps he is not telling me the whole truth.. I have not seen health documents for Briannah but he assured me he will send them to me soon.
His email address is xxxxxxxx@yahoo.com, he said that it is ok for me to give you his email address.

Please let me know what you say to him and what he says to you and soon we can find out the truth. The truth shall set us free Tim.
I want to break free from Jim's lies, he's so self satisfied I don't need that, I want to break free.
God knows Tim, God knows I want to break free. I've fallen in love with Hannah, I've fallen in love for the first time with a capuchin,
And this time I know it's for real, I've fallen in love, yeah. God knows, you know Tim I've fallen in love.
It's strange but it's true, I can't get over the way you love me like you do, But I have to be sure
When we walk out that door, Oh how I want to be free, baby Hanah, Oh how I want to break free,
Oh how I want to break free!
But life still goes on, I can't get used to, living without, living without, living without Hannah by my side
I don't want to live alone, hey Tim you knows, got to make it on my own, So Tim can't you see
God knows, gods know, gods know I want to break free.

I hope to hear from you again soon,
Thank your for everything,
Your one and only friend,
Steve

Tim is now replying quickly to me by the way...

IvyTheTerrible

It'd be funny if a bunch of people on boards.whatever were pretending to set someone up to buy a monkey...

junior_apollo

From Tim:

My best Friend,
Thanks very much for getting back to me.As i told earlier,you just have to trust me as well as i do trust you and i promise you that you will never regret doing this because i am a person of my words and i know the pains it may caused to someone to pay for something and at the end do get what he has paid for.I promise you that you will not regret doing this because i am also considering our friendship and the love you have Hanna.I promise you that someday Hanna will be in your arms OK.Just keep on believing that Hanna is yours and i promise you that you will not regret it.So how is your day Today?I hope everything is moving on well.
Thanks and i will be waiting to read from you soon.
Thanks.

junior_apollo

I gotta run out the door, and wont have access to my work emails until monday again... so I just sent Tim a mail to say similar...

I will however have access to my yahoo alternate account so perhaps Tim will email me there ... and I can try to gain his trust as a fellow 'scam' artist - Jim...

Any info i get ill be sure to drop by and update ye all... enjoy ye're weekends,
-Jr

junior_apollo

I received this email from "JIM" :eek:
From his name at yahoo.com

Hello Steve
This Jim from Cameroon and i am writing you regarding the monkey you want adopt from me.I am very sorry to write to you through a different email address but the problem here is that i don't want you to contact me through my first email address again because i have just lost the password of that address.I went to an internet caber that has spy ware so my password was stolen there and i don't want you to reply to any mail coming from that address again because those who stole the address may use it to contact you and i don't want that to happened.You should delete every mail coming from that address because i am no longer the user.You should SPAM the address so that you should have no access to it again ok.This is my new email address so i wish that you should contact me using this address ok.I appreciate your concern and as for your monkey Briannah,she is doing extremely well.
Please get back to me asap.
Jim

Now my first thoughts here were... ok which one of the lads has sent me an email to take the p!ss...

BUT then it dawned on me...

This was TIM!... pretending to be my fictional character Jim in order to ruin my deal with Jim (even though it didnt exist) and take control of dealings from both sides...

The crafty bugger!...

Im rather impressed if the truth be told...
Incase people dont remember.. Jim doesnt actually exist.. I created him last week.. but Tim obviously thinks he's being muscled out of a client... :eek:

junior_apollo

And to be honest I was ready to give up today and not bother with Tim anymore as he was starting to bore me.. but that move on Tim's part was legendary... I SO have to keep this going now...

Never give in... never surrender... :cool:

PS - the reason I know both are Tim.. is the IP address is the same from Jim's emails as Tim's emails...

TobyZiegler

Brilliant! Ah Tim the cute hoor, I didnt think he had it in him! Fair play to you for this very entertaining enormous waste of Tim's time.:D

junior_apollo

TobyZiegler wrote: »

Brilliant! Ah Tim the cute hoor, I didnt think he had it in him! Fair play to you for this very entertaining enormous waste of Tim's time.:D

Well now Tim is gonna have to use his split personality to try and scam me from two people.. which should get funny.. especially when he has to choose which one of the two people he would rather win me.. haha...

Let the games begin!

antodeco

If you want to really confuse him, bcc to Jim's email and to Tim's email. He wont know which is which and will have to reply!

RonMexico

The poor bastard :pac:

speedboatchase

Can you someone briefly recap this all for me? 15 pages is a lot but I do love a good Nigerian scam

antodeco

speedboatchase wrote: »

Can you someone briefly recap this all for me? 15 pages is a lot but I do love a good Nigerian scam

Well get the country right first, its actually Cameroon.

You big racist :pac:

Sean Quagmire

Jr.Apollo emails tim (the scammer) pretending to want to buy the monkey to lure him in and waste his time.
JA emails tim saying that he has decided to buy a monkey off a friendly Cameroon gentleman call jim (JA made him up). Tim the scammer now thinks that another scammer, or guyman as they call each other, is stealing his job.

Tim emails JA pretending to be Jim (the fictional character) telling him not to deal with him thus making JA deal with Tim.

All about wasting his time and winding him up. What we do need though is scammer-to-scammer chat. i.e get sending him mails pretending to be a fellow guyman chopping his dollar (like my email a few pages back). This way we can see what his motives are.

Hank Scorpio

lol

fair play lads.

speedboatchase

Sean Quagmire wrote: »

Jr.Apollo emails tim (the scammer) pretending to want to buy the monkey to lure him in and waste his time.
JA emails tim saying that he has decided to buy a monkey off a friendly Cameroon gentleman call jim (JA made him up). Tim the scammer now thinks that another scammer, or guyman as they call each other, is stealing his job.

Tim emails JA pretending to be Jim (the fictional character) telling him not to deal with him thus making JA deal with Tim.

All about wasting his time and winding him up. What we do need though is scammer-to-scammer chat. i.e get sending him mails pretending to be a fellow guyman chopping his dollar (like my email a few pages back). This way we can see what his motives are.

Lol sweet. So when does he get the monkey? [

Super-Rush

Looks like Mr Jupitals is smarter than we think. He still won't answer me back

kazza90210

Just spent ages reading this thread absolutely hilarious!!! well done guys

junior_apollo

Ok so today i finally got to speak to "Jim"... my imaginary friend who Tim stole on me...

Hi Jim,

I feel like this is the first time we have ever spoken, but of course this isnt true... thats a crazy idea.

I am really sorry to hear about your unfortunate mishap regarding your email account.
It reminds me of this one time I went to Oakwood in Wales. Ya see we were camping in the Fethard-on-Sea area of Wexford (you should look into camping it is great fun).
We arrived on the saturday and spent the entire day and evening setting up camp and getting the foundations for everything sorted.
Sunday was very much the same, finishing off anything else we had not completed the previous day.
It was hard work Jim, but I'm sure you know all about hard work, what with you being a Waste Process Engineer for your local Nuclear Reactor...
You promised in your last email you would tell me EXACTLY what your job entails.. I am very interested to hear more about your job.
Please tell me all about it. I also hope your children are doing well.
Please tell Calista, Shani'qua, Joanna, Crystal, Valence, and Jacinta that I said hi and that they are very lucky to have you as a loving husband.

I received the birth-cert you sent me and I thank you for this. In return I sent the €100 as you requested to your account, which you said u received with no problems.
Hopefully you will now send me the rest of Briannah's documentation.
I would like to see her health certs please and would also like some pictures of her.
If you could also send me your identification I will send the remainder of the money to you (€375) to the same account.

So on the monday we were finished all the work which needed to be done to complete the campsite and we decided to hit the beach.
Do you live near a beach Jim?... I am not sure of the Cameroonian geography except that you are bordered by Nigeria, Zimbabwe and New Zealand.
It must be a very beautiful country Jim... I would like to visit some day.

You would like my country too.. it has very beautiful scenery. There is a lot of poverty here though Jim.
Some people cannot afford to travel properly here and as a result they must drive their own cars to places like the shopping mall and schools instead of using drivers and home schooling.
I can only assume you had the finest of home schooling also Jim, your english is very good. You done learned good Jim... you done learned good.

After the beach we were all pretty tired and decided to hit the arcades for a spell before returning to camp. We spent a lot of money on the machines and some people decided to phone home or email friends and family using Bebo.
Do you have a bebo account Jim? We could become bestest friends and write notes to each other on our 'walls' and we could upload pictures of ourselves n4ked for everyone to see.

One of the kids, Kim, was using her bebo account but forgot to sign out before leaving her machine.. as a result her account details were stolen and 'someone' started sending messages to everyone on her friends list.
Poor Kim did not know of these procedings and as a result everyone thought that she was a closet thespian.. could you believe that Jim.. a thespian!..
Do you know any thespians? I do.. her name is Kim.

You'd like Kim.. well, better make that you 'would have' liked Kim. That was before she became pregant at 14 and had her first child. I say first because she has had a number over the years now.
She is currently on child number 6 at the age of 23 and lives off the social welfare and benefits. She is also a crack-heroin addict. Crack heroin is much more addictive than any other substance as I'm sure you are aware...
You were lucky people didnt start sending emails to others in your address book. It was very nice of the peoply who stole you account to not do anything with it infact.
Bit puzzling why they stole it at all actually...

Nonetheless this bring me to my point of this email:
How much is a carton of milk in your local Tesco?

I await your documents and immediately your additional money will be on its way to you soon,
Kind regards,
Your new friend,
Steve

While i was writing that I got contact from "Tim"... *Keep up people this is gonna get confusing mighty quick!*

Tim wrote:

Hello Steve.
I am so very happy to hear from you, So we can get things done this time.I have contacted Jim with the email address you gave to me and he did not responded so i don't know what is going on.But why do want me to be contacting him?this is not really necessary.I have enough time this week so i prefer that we should just get everything done so that hanna can come to you this week because as from next week i will be very busy.So you should just think about it and get back to me and let me know.So how was your trip?i hope everything is moving on well.As for me i am doing fine.Greet everybody in your family for me and i hope to read from you soon.
Your best friend
TIM

Ill go write a reply to Tim.. Ill be back...

For new-comers to this thread I started my journey on page 6 .. wow.. i cant believe this has lasted so long.. as i said.. i was ready to give up yesterday.. until Jim arrived from my imagination to contact me. If you think about it .. I created life with merely a thought... I should be careful of the things I think from now on! :eek:
Imagine the possibilities... NO WAIT! DONT!.. be careful... think happy thoughts.. think happy thoughts.. :P

Im so glad i have something constructive to do in work now as a result today...

junior_apollo

I replied to Tim just now...

I decided to concentrate my inventive emails on Jim.. and finally tighten the vice on Tim... As Stewie would say... Where's my money man?... I just want my money...

Hi Tim,

How was your weekend?
I believe Jim's email address was stolen over the weekend and as a result his new email address is xxxxxxxx@yahoo.com
Jim has been really helpful in your absence.. and he has sent me a lot of information and documentation regarding his monkey.
I have placed a deposit with Jim for his monkey yesterday.

I have been speaking with my acquantance Peter again and he would like me to continue my adoption of Hannah with you also and he will care for her like a second cousin once removed.
So in that light I would ask that you do the same procedure as per my transaction with Jim. You will need to send €50 to my account to verify your account details and then I will send the deposit of €100 plus your €50 in return.

Once this has been done I would like you to then send Hannah and on her arrival I will send on the additional €300 to your account and then we can continue as life long friends forever and ever Tim.
I look forward to this day... And perhaps we can visit each other also.

Please send me your address so that I may send you my account details for the tranfer of the money,
If there is any problems please do not hesitate to contact me immediately.

Kind regards,
Steve

Lets see this worm squirm...

Sean Quagmire

If I know guyman like I think I do he will be licking his lips right now.

You need to email Tim with Jim's account and rip him apart. 'wetin dey you cross me?? ooooooo. Be expect dey govner to come deal with you soonest - jim kunle'

A bit of lad v lad banter can be hilarious.

Tirabaralla

Oh gosh....
I have been away for a while and this is getting HUGE lol

junior_apollo

Sean Quagmire wrote: »

If I know guyman like I think I do he will be licking his lips right now.

You need to email Tim with Jim's account and rip him apart. 'wetin dey you cross me?? ooooooo. Be expect dey govner to come deal with you soonest - jim kunle'

A bit of lad v lad banter can be hilarious.

Haha I totally agree Sean... this could go lots of funny directions now.. im glad i held out those extra few days.. haha... long may it continue...

mik_da_man

Great work JA - keep it up

junior_apollo

Maybe I should also charge Tim for stealing Jim on me... Much like this -> Imaginary Friend Sale

Thanks to my better half for sending that on to me..

Lazare

Well done JA, excellent baiting.

The funny thing about this thread is the amount of people that still had their doubts about it being a scam, (lol at the guy who looked for 'faketown' on google maps), 419's etc are obviously hugely successful scams.

AnotherYou

Hana's health check wrote:

Future Sex Ability: Good

(https://us.v-cdn.net/6034073/uploads/attachments/99233/80433.JPG)

Lucky monkey, Its got me beat on prospects

junior_apollo

Tim believes he can scare me into a decision... pfft...

Hello Steven how are you today
i think you have all my information and now am waiting on you to send the money for Hannah arrangements so that she can get to you,its been too long we have been communicating now and every day my job keeps getting more serious am sorry to say this but if you don't do some thing fast to take Hanna ,then i will be forced to give her to some one else .
as i said you have all my information ,so am waiting for the money of hannas arrangements to be send.
waiting for your reply.

If he wants hard ball.. ill play hard ball!...

I'll be back...

junior_apollo

My reply to Tim...

Hi again my dear dear friend,

I do not understand your use of aggression in your previous mail. Your not trying to anger me I hope Tim, you wouldn't like me when I'm angry..
I'm not sure if you remember what happened to Diarmuid but lets just say that he is merely a shell now of his former self.. all because he thought he could mess with me.

You state that I have all of your information but this is not true Tim...

I asked you for your address so that I may send you on the bank account details...
The only address details you gave me are:

NAMES...........................Jonathan Matlock
COUNTRY........................United States of America
STATE/CITY.....................Arkansas

Not sure if you realise or not but this is not a full address Tim.. There is no house number, street name, suburb etc etc...
I need your postal address so that I may send the bank account details for the transfer of money to my account.
Tim I feel as though you are being very obtuse on this matter...
I am trying my best to make the magic happen.. but when your beautiful assistant turns out to be a window-licker it gets more and more difficult.

Your not a window-licker are you Tim? Well then get your rump in gear and forward on your address details.

I want this to finish just as much as you do..

Now scuttle along and get me those details I requested and the money can be transfered at the soonest time possible... I would hope today to be totally honest..

Regards,
Your lifelong friend,
Go hIfreann leat!
-Steve

Me thinks ill have to set the "lads" on him in my next mail... :cool:

Dusty87

Fair play. Absolutely brilliant JA.