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To grass or not to grass

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  • 18-05-2009 2:53pm
    #1
    MonicaBing
    Registered Users Posts: 611 ✭✭✭


    Mods, feel free to move if in wrong place...


    Now, have a 14 yr old son who has been in and out of trouble over last 2 yrs, i thought lately in the last 3 months we had come to an understanding between us as things came to a head, i dealt with it and he realised error of his ways. Yeah right, he was expelled from school today after they found a weed cigarette in his locker and i brought him to doc for a urine test as he denied smoking pot. He was holding it for someone he maintains. So he's since told me of a kid same age, up the rd, who he got it from and that this kid has quite a substantial amount of hash and paraphenalia in his house, he's also supplying at 15(!) other kids in the area. So my question is, do i ring guards and tell them, is it really any of my business? Do i let it go on knowing this kids mum, is like me, a struggling single mum doing our best for our kids, and has struggled seriously with her kid in the last yr. Or would i only make things worse for my guy?


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    #2
    beth-lou
    Registered Users Posts: 729 ✭✭✭beth-lou


    What about telling the other kids mother instead of going to the police. Tell her you are having the same problem with your guy. I would try to be as diplomatic as you can if she is a neighbour and you might be able to support each other if she is willing to tackle the issue head on.


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    #3
    meditraitor
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,207 ✭✭✭meditraitor


    Do not bring the Guards into it, its a minor criminal matter and could effect a young boys future.
    Do talk to his mother,

    Don't be to hard on your son, its a common story and I would try to explain to him the damage he is doing to himself at that age smoking weed.


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    #4
    di11on
    Registered Users Posts: 1,262 ✭✭✭di11on


    meditraitor wrote: »
    Do not bring the Guards into it, its a minor criminal matter and could effect a young boys future.
    Do talk to his mother,

    Don't be to hard on your son, its a common story and I would try to explain to him the damage he is doing to himself at that age smoking weed.

    The guy is supplying illegal drugs. It's not a minor criminal offence. I don't see why the guards shouldn't be involved and why the guy in question shouldn't be given the fright of his life. Your future gets effected when you sell drugs to other people. That is so society can function properly.


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    #5
    MonicaBing
    Registered Users Posts: 611 ✭✭✭MonicaBing


    Tbh, the kids given his mum hell of it, he's only just back from 3 months of living with his dad in the UK as she carted him of in the hope it would straighten him out from his last scrape with the law. But now its my kid who's been sucked into this ****e.
    We've been through enough ourselves and im trying to deal with this the best i can, but i really honestly dont know what im doing here.
    I know pot smoking is to some people a rite of passage but my guy has made a bong and knows all about PCP AND TH something, and is mad into ''head''(?)
    shops and Amsterdam and legal hash and all that crap, so it looks to me like more than just a passing interest.
    His dads a pothead/alcoholic and im terrified my kid is looking emulate his dad, but i have cut him from our lives, so i basically am doing this solo.


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    #6
    beth-lou
    Registered Users Posts: 729 ✭✭✭beth-lou


    You could have a chat with your local community Gard, every community has one and ask him to talk to your son. but once they have him flagged as a smoker they will search him regularily on the street when they see him. I've seen this with my brother. It can have both a negative or a positive effect depending on what type of person your son is. Either he'll get the fright of his life or he'll become withdrawn and defensive and rebelious.

    It sounds as though your son is in it as much as the other guy, and if he wants it he'll get it from countless other sources. It's very easy. Talk to oyur son about what he wants to do withhis life, the risks associated with smoking hash and in particular grass or hydro as it's called, (I know far too much about this ****) and how it can cause serious mental health issues in teenage boys as their brains have not fully developed. I have unfortunately experienced this with my brother and other issues. The best thing you can do is get information and talk to him. Don't try to use scare tactics as he will disregard what you say. Get as informed as you possibly can so he can't brush you off as being hysterical or clueless.

    Most teenagers do smoke hash or grass at some point, but he needs to be aware that it is not without its own risks. It could be a phase, but better to inform him and hopefully he will leave it at that. Best of luck with it.


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    #7
    Fighting Irish
    Registered Users Posts: 7,065 ✭✭✭Fighting Irish


    Stay out of others peoples business and tell your kid not to hold weed for someone
    MonicaBing wrote: »
    Mods, feel free to move if in wrong place...


    Now, have a 14 yr old son who has been in and out of trouble over last 2 yrs, i thought lately in the last 3 months we had come to an understanding between us as things came to a head, i dealt with it and he realised error of his ways. Yeah right, he was expelled from school today after they found a weed cigarette in his locker and i brought him to doc for a urine test as he denied smoking pot. He was holding it for someone he maintains. So he's since told me of a kid same age, up the rd, who he got it from and that this kid has quite a substantial amount of hash and paraphenalia in his house, he's also supplying at 15(!) other kids in the area. So my question is, do i ring guards and tell them, is it really any of my business? Do i let it go on knowing this kids mum, is like me, a struggling single mum doing our best for our kids, and has struggled seriously with her kid in the last yr. Or would i only make things worse for my guy?


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    #8
    hallelujajordan
    Registered Users Posts: 2,080 ✭✭✭hallelujajordan


    di11on wrote: »
    The guy is supplying illegal drugs. It's not a minor criminal offence. I don't see why the guards shouldn't be involved and why the guy in question shouldn't be given the fright of his life. Your future gets effected when you sell drugs to other people. That is so society can function properly.

    Fully agree, I wouldn't hesitate for a second if I knew someone who is dealing, even if it is only pot ! . . this guy is making money selling drugs . . He is buying his drugs from others who most likely do not limit themselves to selling pot . .

    The right thing to do in the interest of your son and countless others is to try to shut down this source and do a very small bit to eliminate the drug problem. .


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    #9
    Fighting Irish
    Registered Users Posts: 7,065 ✭✭✭Fighting Irish


    hallelujajordan wrote: »
    Fully agree, I wouldn't hesitate for a second if I knew someone who is dealing, even if it is only pot ! . . this guy is making money selling drugs . . He is buying his drugs from others who most likely do not limit themselves to selling pot . .

    The right thing to do in the interest of your son and countless others is to try to shut down this source and do a very small bit to eliminate the drug problem. .

    In the interest of her son, she should keep him safe and don't get drug dealers pissed off with him


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    #10
    hallelujajordan
    Registered Users Posts: 2,080 ✭✭✭hallelujajordan


    Fighting Irish wrote: »
    In the interest of her son, she should keep him safe and don't get drug dealers pissed off with him

    Nonsense . . anyone can make an anonymous call and tip the Gardai off . . If we were all to take your attitude the drug dealers would get away with murder . . . oh sorry that's right, they do !


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    #11
    Fighting Irish
    Registered Users Posts: 7,065 ✭✭✭Fighting Irish


    hallelujajordan wrote: »
    Nonsense . . anyone can make an anonymous call and tip the Gardai off . . If we were all to take your attitude the drug dealers would get away with murder . . . oh sorry that's right, they do !

    I know people can make anonymous calls to gardai, but what if someone figured out who might(thats all it might take for these people to react) have made the call. I wouldn't put my own childs safety at risk to protect other people from doing stupid things.

    There's only one way to stop drug dealers and i won't mention it because i don't want to debate it

    ps i don't do drugs


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    #12
    stovelid
    Closed Accounts Posts: 27,252 ✭✭✭✭stovelid


    I see little need to saddle the kid with a possible criminal record for selling hash. Let's have a little perspective here.

    By all means, inform his mother though.


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    #13
    hallelujajordan
    Registered Users Posts: 2,080 ✭✭✭hallelujajordan


    stovelid wrote: »
    I see little need to saddle the kid with a possible criminal record for selling hash. Let's have a little perspective here.

    By all means, inform his mother though.

    He is supplying at least 15 kids, prob more . . . making a lot of money and according to OP has already had other scrapes with the law . . I think he has made his choices and ought to live with the consequences . .


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    #14
    Fighting Irish
    Registered Users Posts: 7,065 ✭✭✭Fighting Irish


    hallelujajordan wrote: »
    He is supplying at least 15 kids, prob more . . . making a lot of money and according to OP has already had other scrapes with the law . . I think he has made his choices and ought to live with the consequences . .

    Yes, and he'll get caught out soon enough. No need for this kid to be put more in the mix.


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    #15
    hallelujajordan
    Registered Users Posts: 2,080 ✭✭✭hallelujajordan


    Fighting Irish wrote: »
    Yes, and he'll get caught out soon enough. No need for this kid to be put more in the mix.

    Point is, if everyone took the attitude you take, he won't !


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    #16
    di11on
    Registered Users Posts: 1,262 ✭✭✭di11on


    stovelid wrote: »
    I see little need to saddle the kid with a possible criminal record for selling hash. Let's have a little perspective here.

    By all means, inform his mother though.

    The guy should have a criminal record because he's a criminal.


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    #17
    meditraitor
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,207 ✭✭✭meditraitor


    di11on wrote: »
    The guy should have a criminal record because he's a criminal.
    The guy is 15 FFS, some of you people sicken me. Somebody has let this child down badly and all you want to do is lock him up.


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    #18
    IsThatSo?
    Closed Accounts Posts: 988 ✭✭✭IsThatSo?


    Ok, why not take a middle ground then and tell the boys Mother now and if he keeps supplying your boy then report him.........................


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    #19
    metrovelvet
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,376 ✭✭✭metrovelvet


    Heres what I would do.

    1. Anonomously tip off the guards

    2.give your son a medical article on how pot causes impotence

    3.see if you can give him a tour of a prison and scare him straight

    4.remove all privaleges from him and cash for a limited time as punishment for carrying drugs and you could even take it so far as to make it hard for him to buy drugs by making him pay for everything he neeps but his three meals a day,for a couple of weeks.Expect him to hate you for a while.


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    #20
    Beruthiel
    Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 42,362 Mod ✭✭✭✭Beruthiel


    Wait till the boys are in school.
    Go round and have a chat with the mother.
    Tell her that you have heard with regards to her son. Explain you would rather she did not say where she heard the info, thus saving your son from any grief.


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    #21
    lostinnappies
    Closed Accounts Posts: 827 ✭✭✭lostinnappies


    MonicaBing wrote: »
    Mods, feel free to move if in wrong place...


    Now, have a 14 yr old son who has been in and out of trouble over last 2 yrs, i thought lately in the last 3 months we had come to an understanding between us as things came to a head, i dealt with it and he realised error of his ways. Yeah right, he was expelled from school today after they found a weed cigarette in his locker and i brought him to doc for a urine test as he denied smoking pot. He was holding it for someone he maintains. So he's since told me of a kid same age, up the rd, who he got it from and that this kid has quite a substantial amount of hash and paraphenalia in his house, he's also supplying at 15(!) other kids in the area. So my question is, do i ring guards and tell them, is it really any of my business? Do i let it go on knowing this kids mum, is like me, a struggling single mum doing our best for our kids, and has struggled seriously with her kid in the last yr. Or would i only make things worse for my guy?

    Im sorry im just responding to the OP here. I dont understand why there is even a question here.

    So far this kid has gotten your child expelled, supplied drugs to him, supplied drugs to other people, and is getting those drugs probably from an undisireably source.

    HOW COULD YOU NOT GRASS? Im sorry but you need to protect your own child FIRST, who else is going to do it? To say that your son is not affected by it ... hello, he got expelled. something needs to be done.

    Dont worry about the mother of the other child, if her son is using and selling drugs to other CHILDREN and your son then she obviously needs help, and her son needs to deal with the consiquences.

    What would you say if I turned around and said, " oh this 15 year old up the road from me is dealing drugs to his class mates, and getting others expelled, and im not going to grass because his mother is a single mother "..... what about the other childrens lives he is distroying because of drugs?

    Sorry for the rant but I would think its a no brainer.


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    #22
    My name is URL
    Registered Users Posts: 25,069 ✭✭✭✭My name is URL


    lostinnappies wrote: »
    Im sorry im just responding to the OP here. I dont understand why there is even a question here.

    So far this kid has gotten your child expelled, supplied drugs to him, supplied drugs to other people, and is getting those drugs probably from an undisireably source.

    HOW COULD YOU NOT GRASS? Im sorry but you need to protect your own child FIRST, who else is going to do it? To say that your son is not affected by it ... hello, he got expelled. something needs to be done.

    Dont worry about the mother of the other child, if her son is using and selling drugs to other CHILDREN and your son then she obviously needs help, and her son needs to deal with the consiquences.

    What would you say if I turned around and said, " oh this 15 year old up the road from me is dealing drugs to his class mates, and getting others expelled, and im not going to grass because his mother is a single mother "..... what about the other childrens lives he is distroying because of drugs?

    Sorry for the rant but I would think its a no brainer.

    Ah now come on. If the kid didn't get the stuff of that dealer he probably would have got it off someone else.

    It (weed) is such a widespread issue in Ireland today that it's surprising that parents and teachers don't have a more understanding view of it.

    You can blame others and pass the buck all you want about 'who's in the wrong', but at the end of the day, the OP's son is the one that got caught doing something that he knew was illegal. Expulsion from school over it is ludicrous though, imo.

    The best thing is to discuss drugs with your own kids, and hope they take heed of your open views on it and why it can be very dangerous, rather than sweeping it under the carpet altogether and putting it down to the fact that others have forced your son into making the decision to use it.

    Kids experiment all the time, they always have, and they always will. It's part of growing up..

    If I was you, I'd organize a meeting with the principle and ask him to invite the parents of the other kid along, so that the issue can be dealt with in a manner that doesn't require giving a child a criminal record.


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    #23
    Fighting Irish
    Registered Users Posts: 7,065 ✭✭✭Fighting Irish


    hallelujajordan wrote: »
    Point is, if everyone took the attitude you take, he won't !

    Well if it was my kid i wouldn't say sh1t, i'm not on this earth to enforce the laws

    Look out for your own, there will always be drug dealers


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    #24
    Fighting Irish
    Registered Users Posts: 7,065 ✭✭✭Fighting Irish


    Beruthiel wrote: »
    Wait till the boys are in school.
    Go round and have a chat with the mother.
    Tell her that you have heard with regards to her son. Explain you would rather she did not say where she heard the info, thus saving your son from any grief.

    what if the mother is a bit of a knack and goes ape **** and then says to her son "your mates mother called around saying you were selling drugs"


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    #25
    hallelujajordan
    Registered Users Posts: 2,080 ✭✭✭hallelujajordan


    My name is URL wrote: »
    Ah now come on. If the kid didn't get the stuff of that dealer he probably would have got it off someone else.

    It (weed) is such a widespread issue in Ireland today that it's surprising that parents and teachers don't have a more understanding view of it.

    You can blame others and pass the buck all you want about 'who's in the wrong', but at the end of the day, the OP's son is the one that got caught doing something that he knew was illegal. Expulsion from school over it is ludicrous though, imo.

    The best thing is to discuss drugs with your own kids, and hope they take heed of your open views on it and why it can be very dangerous, rather than sweeping it under the carpet altogether and putting it down to the fact that others have forced your son into making the decision to use it.

    Kids experiment all the time, they always have, and they always will. It's part of growing up..

    If I was you, I'd organize a meeting with the principle and ask him to invite the parents of the other kid along, so that the issue can be dealt with in a manner that doesn't require giving a child a criminal record.

    I'm genuinely amazed at the amount of feedback from people who consider that this is no big deal, that it is wrong to involve the Gardai and that this is just kids being kids and an issue that should be resolved by the parents.

    The 15 year old child OP mentions is a DRUG DEALER who is making a lot of money by selling drugs to teenagers. He is probably buying from another local dealer but ultimately from ORGANISED CRIMINALS. Without such routes to the teenage population, organised crime would not proliferate in the way that it does. It is right and appropriate and not one bit unfair that this 15 year old suffer the consequences of his actions straight away and that such supply routes are closed down . .


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    #26
    metrovelvet
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,376 ✭✭✭metrovelvet


    If you go to the mother chances are shes going to deny it. Very few mothers will incriminate their sons.

    So when that fails and you tip off the cops she and her son will know its you and then youll have a drug dealer pissed at you. Not a great position to be in.

    Dont do anything to risk your anonominity and chances are this guy is dealing more than pot.


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    #27
    di11on
    Registered Users Posts: 1,262 ✭✭✭di11on


    meditraitor wrote: »
    The guy is 15 FFS, some of you people sicken me. Somebody has let this child down badly and all you want to do is lock him up.

    I don't think he should be locked up, but I see no harm in him experiecing negative consequences for supplying illegal drugs to other people for profit. No harm having to stand in front of a judge and give account for his actions. Why should this not happen? It'll scare him and his parents hopefully.


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    #28
    stovelid
    Closed Accounts Posts: 27,252 ✭✭✭✭stovelid


    metrovelvet wrote: »

    see if you can give him a tour of a prison and scare him straight

    The penal services may have a more pressing priority list than arranging prison tours for 15 year-old hash smokers. You know, incarceration of murderers, rapists and the like.


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    #29
    oh well , okay
    Registered Users Posts: 93 ✭✭oh well , okay


    The OP's son was the one caught with the joint and seems to be familiar enough with drug culture considering he's visiting head shops and making home made bongs for himself so I doubt he's innocent in the whole episode . He only brought the chap up the road into it once he was caught so I'd be wary of going to the guards on the word of a 14 yr old who's trying to get himself out of trouble . For all we know he blurted out this lads name because he knew he'd been in trouble before and therefore would make a believable villain .

    Accusing a 15 yr old boy of drug dealing is a huge step to be taking and I'd want more proof than has been furnished on here to do it.

    I'd deal with your son as you see fit then talk to the other chaps mother and see how that goes before taking things any further .


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    #30
    goodmum
    Closed Accounts Posts: 160 ✭✭goodmum


    I'm also genuinely amazed at peoples attitudes here.

    It's typical Irish 'Ah, sure mind your own business' similar to a recent thread about 'Should I report the single mother who's claiming Lone-Parents whilst living with her rich boyfriend, and they are both driving 08 cars' or similar title.

    And the replies were all 'It's got nothing to do with you' of 'Keep your nose out of other peoples business.

    I have two close family members who both smoked pot from 15. Both are now in their 30's, still smoking it and are, to coin phrase 'cabbages'. No jobs, no interest in anything and general apathy towards everything and everybody.

    This 15yr old is supplying drugs to CHILDREN. Report him to the Guards pronto. And get your son away from him. You did the right thing going solo on this one, and ensuring that his own father doesn't influence him re drugs or alcohol and I'm sure you're doing a great job. The very fact that you came on here looking for help confirms that. I'm sure the 15yr olds mother is looking for help for him, for which she should be ashamed.


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    #31
    ebmma
    Closed Accounts Posts: 631 ✭✭✭ebmma


    goodmum wrote: »
    I'm also genuinely amazed at peoples attitudes here.


    I have two close family members who both smoked pot from 15. Both are now in their 30's, still smoking it and are, to coin phrase 'cabbages'. No jobs, no interest in anything and general apathy towards everything and everybody.

    That really means nothing I have family members who did it since that age and still do it on occasion and are fully functional human beings with 3rd level education, jobs and families.

    does it prove anything? No. People are just different


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