Teenagers

niffle

any ideas on how to deal with a 15yr old who will not study for exams, is moody and hanging around with a bad crowd:mad:

My name is URL

Don't fund them, whatsoever.

Limit their time for recreations such as

• watching tv in the livingroom, change the channel etc..,
• internet usage.. block their laptop from the wireless connection..

The reason I italicized 'recreation' is because their ideas of it atm are probably being a moody little brat around the house, they probably think they have the upper hand there.

Basically if they're been a pest, be a pest right back to them. If they get angry, ignore it.

As for hanging with a bad crowd, theres not alot you can do really. Threats will make it worse, and bargaining will reinforce the idea that they're in charge.

Having a sterner presence in the house will hopefully make them see sense

--

niffle

thanks for that, sometimes its hard to know if you are doing the right thing but i guess i will just have to persever and wait until thay become normal again it can be difficult if you do not get back up from other half though, always makes you second guess the decisions made :cool:

Nevyn

Parents have to show a united front tbh when it comes to parenting if at all possible.

taram

If for example they hang out with the crowd on a Saturday, try break that routine by having a family day out, they'll probably be all 'whatever' but it worked a treat with my sister, get ice-creams and go to the beach, visiting the grandparents, doesn't matter what it is, just get them away from the bad apples and with the family.

If they throw a hissy fit, just yawn at them and pay no attention. Ask them why they're not studying, I was a pain in the arse for my parents for the leaving cert, but I found the subjects I was good at boring, and the bad ones terrifying so I avoided them.

niffle

cheers for that I think I can keep them apart at weekends but they sit together all day at school. the teachers have finally copped on and split them up so heres hoping. i really appreciate all the feedback thanks a lot

lalalulu

taram wrote: »

If for example they hang out with the crowd on a Saturday, try break that routine by having a family day out, they'll probably be all 'whatever' but it worked a treat with my sister, get ice-creams and go to the beach, visiting the grandparents, doesn't matter what it is, just get them away from the bad apples and with the family

He's 15!! Not 5!! He would most likely laugh at the idea of a trip to the beach and ice cream! I agree to make more time with the family but be prepared to have it thrown back in your face. God i dread my daughter becoming a teenager, i was a nightmare :eek:

Johnny Storm

This book was recommended to me by parents of troubled teenager, FWIW:-
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Get-Out-My-Life-First/dp/1846680875
Good luck!

nesf

A betting scheme used to get me studying. X amount for an A, Y for a B and so on.

Apart from that, restrict money and ability to leave the house if necessary.

KittyeeTrix

Hi OP
I have a 15 year old too. Has the odd mood but not really directed at me yet.
We live out in the country and he goes to a school almost 25 km away in Galway city. Best thing I ever did as he hasn't got the opportunity to hang out with a bad crowd, he's heavily involved in rowing and spends about 3 hours each day after school training whilst hanging with his mates.
As for the study thing, I too wish he would show more interest but he doesn't seem to get it at the moment. I am hoping that when he goes into 3rd year that the extra maturity will have a knock on effect with regards school work.
I'm not fretting too much to be honest.

I have spoken to him about it and explained to him that I want him to do well for himself as it will have a huge impact on his future and not mine.
I told him that in the short term I would be disappointed and annoyed with him if he didn't do well but that in about 15 years time I would be obviously over those emotions and he would be living with the consequences of not having done well.....

We are not a well off family and I always use this to get the idea of doing well in school to him, eg. when he asks for extra money at the weekend I explain that because I wasn't bothered to work a little more in school that now he can't have extra money cos I don't have a good enough job to afford it. I tell him it sucks but that's my consequence of not doing well when I had the opportunity---- It's not preaching, it's not on his back about studying but believe me it is sending him a powerful message about the consequences of not studying
Don't forget they may be teenagers and a bit daft at times but they are still human ( i think) and are ultimately interested in self preservation!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Try when you speak to him not to be preachy, remember what it was like to be a teenager yourself
For me personally, it works to bring the situation around to him and how it will affect him in the longterm.
I also don't get on his back about stupid irrelevant things like whether his hair is too long or whether his room needs cleaning......
So when I do get onto him he knows it is an important issue and I'm not just being a nagging auld one:)

MarthaT

nesf wrote: »

A betting scheme used to get me studying. X amount for an A, Y for a B and so on.

Apart from that, restrict money and ability to leave the house if necessary.

That used to work for my children, they always wanted to earn extra money from working hard to get good grades

paddyboy23

a good kick up the arse thats what he wants kids today think they no it all id love to take them all back even 25years ago that would show them how bloody lucky the are they have no respect

PoisonIvy

I resent that, stop painting us all with one brush.

JuliusCaesar

I've a (just) 16 year old, and i think the trick is to get them involved in some interest, whatever it is - football, choir, canoing, anything. It keeps them busy and shows them a very enjoyable life outside drinking, drugs, sex.

VaioCruiser

niffle wrote: »

any ideas on how to deal with a 15yr old who will not study for exams, is moody and hanging around with a bad crowd:mad:

My guy is 17. The moodiness is par for the course and there is very little you can do about it. It's hormonal and will get worse, I promise you. The important thing on this is to NOT let it get to you. Try to make sure you and your partner don;t get dragged down and keep a good relation with him through it. He will come out the other end.

On the study issue, I guess it is the Group Cert. It is hard to motive for this exam because intelligent kids feel it is not overly important and it's the leaving that really matters. Note - I am not necessarily agreeing but it is a good argument. I find that good tactics here are a) when you try to explain why it is actually quite important please try not to sound lecturing. They get hypersensitive to this at that age. b) Sent up some kind of benefit swap system. If he sits and studies for an hour every evening you will maintain his pocket money or computer game set up. If not, then his pocket money suffers and games too.

I am reluctant to tackle the bad crowd thing. We often grossly over interpret our kids friends as being a bad crowd when they are just other moody kids. Not approving of friends makes them hugely more attractive then they are. Alternative recreation activities is a good idea, though at 15 they rarely enjoy anything organised by their parents.

All the best.

~me~

hey OP,

all really good advice so far!
why do you think this is a 'bad' crowd? like do they drink/do drugs or is it a hunch you have?
and does he/she have one particular friend from the group or are they all close mates?
the reason i ask is cause teenagers generally all look like a bad crowd to parents at that age! :pac:
they may be harmless! if not then maybe have a chat with him and tell him why you dont want him hanging around with them or at the very least tell him you dont want him to get into their bad habits.
the money for good grades is a good idea, or else you could offer a 'study or chore' system where for an hour each night he can either study or do.. choose the chore he least likes doing!
another way of encouraging study is to remind him of the results day- everyone opening up their results together and him seeing all fails cause he didnt study, no matter how insignificant the exam is the results day is always a big deal tbh! remind him that although everyone else says they're not studying they probably are cause they dont want the embarrassment of all fails either.
thinking of the shame of telling my granny that i failed is what made me study! worth a try!

good luck with the next few years, if my teenage years are anything to go by you'll need it!