Bulmers pear (best laxative known to man?)

G-Money

I'm glad I found this thread. I haven't tried it yet but I was curious as to what it was like. A friend of mine had it recently and said it was nice, although I don't know if there was a mushroom cloud over the jax afterwards though. Must ask him.

I think if you order it, instead of giving you a receipt, the bar staff should give you a roll of toilet paper.

All I can say is, you's are lucky you were in a bar with a decent jax. I've been in bars and the toilets are so bad you'd need to either be like spiderman and climb the sides of the walls and go then. Or be hoisted in from the ceiling in some sort of rock climbing gear and be about 2 feet above the bowl. They'd make the jax in trainspotting look like Buckingham Palace.

vang

Had 4 bottles on Sat. night after the match with no problems and enjoyed it, my wife also had a couple and no problems. Had a burger on the way home and was up bright and breezy on sunday.

EdgarAllenPoo

Found that for some reason with the old stuff I could drink the cans with no side effects but two pints in the pub and you couldn't swipe a credit card between the cheeks of my arse. Haven't tried the new stuff yet, reckon it'll be like New Coke, they'll go back to the old recipe just as soon as enough people complain about the new one.

Dr. Feelgood

I find the whole thing absolutely hilarious

CathalDublin

Its just hit New Zealand now"magners pear", doesn't say new recipe on it.
Bet they've just relabelled all the bottles they cant shift in Ireland

ei.sdraob

So can anyone report any sideefects from new Bulmers Berry red cans

Fear Uladh

Kopperberg is the way forward lads.

Teddy Chips

Funny thread. I don't drink Bulmers but the stomach after a feed of stout doesn't be the may west.

ei.sdraob

Chillaxe wrote: »

Kopperberg is the way forward lads.

which way do you **** :eek:

opm

I got on the wrong side of a 6-pack of Bulmer's Pear last July. I immediately googled for any side effects, but found nothing at the time. I think it must have been fairly new to the Irish market back then, and I haven't touched the stuff since.

I'm primarily a Guinness man, with the occasional Bulmers Apple Cider, especially during what little we get of the summer. Never had any problems. So when the Pear came out, I tried it, and really liked it. That was just the one can though.

So the following weekend, I'm at a house party, and I brought 8 cans of the pear cider with me. To say it gave me the runs would not do it justice, it would severely underplay the very rapid transformation from happy-go-lucky socialising party person to industrial strength sh*t cannon.

This was after 4 cans of the poison. I suddenly got a stomach cramp and felt the need to pass wind, coupled with the knowledge that any attempt to do so would result in the direst of consequences.

Well I tightened up my butt cheeks, and still smiling and making small talk, made my way to the loo. Luckily for me, and everyone in a 100 metre radius of my rectum, there was a downstairs loo with someone just leaving. I hadn't touched the seat before I had to release.

And then the world fell out of my bottom. And not slowly. The first few nanoseconds of the big bang come to mind. I thought I'd break the bowl, and I was never so glad to see a toilet brush. And the best thing is, I didn't blame the Bulmers, and went back out for more. I know, I'm not quick. After the 3rd such episode it dawned on me that the food probably wasn't to blame, and 8hrs after arriving I left 1 stone lighter. (supermodels take note!). My poor asshole took a while to recover too.

I've read some comparisons between the pear experience and the stout experience, but really they're worlds apart. Guinness does create a massive volume of internal gas, sometimes enough to heat a home, and it's odour is almost always of the deadliest kind. I've woken myself up when a blast of under-blanket air escapes from the bed during the night. And the morning after you might well pebble-dash the porcelain. But...

Guinness never liquidised my intestines, upper and lower, and then forced an immediate evacuation. I know that pear is a natural laxative, and perhaps Bulmers' problem is that they took what they did for apples, and blindly applied it to pear. Who knows.

I didn't see any cans labelled with the "new recipe" last weekend, but if I can find some I'm braving the potential sh*t storm and embracing the pear again this Saturday. I'll keep you posted.

- opm.

dekbhoy

opm wrote: »

I got on the wrong side of a 6-pack of Bulmer's Pear last July. I immediately googled for any side effects, but found nothing at the time. I think it must have been fairly new to the Irish market back then, and I haven't touched the stuff since.

I'm primarily a Guinness man, with the occasional Bulmers Apple Cider, especially during what little we get of the summer. Never had any problems. So when the Pear came out, I tried it, and really liked it. That was just the one can though.

So the following weekend, I'm at a house party, and I brought 8 cans of the pear cider with me. To say it gave me the runs would not do it justice, it would severely underplay the very rapid transformation from happy-go-lucky socialising party person to industrial strength sh*t cannon.

This was after 4 cans of the poison. I suddenly got a stomach cramp and felt the need to pass wind, coupled with the knowledge that any attempt to do so would result in the direst of consequences.

Well I tightened up my butt cheeks, and still smiling and making small talk, made my way to the loo. Luckily for me, and everyone in a 100 metre radius of my rectum, there was a downstairs loo with someone just leaving. I hadn't touched the seat before I had to release.

And then the world fell out of my bottom. And not slowly. The first few nanoseconds of the big bang come to mind. I thought I'd break the bowl, and I was never so glad to see a toilet brush. And the best thing is, I didn't blame the Bulmers, and went back out for more. I know, I'm not quick. After the 3rd such episode it dawned on me that the food probably wasn't to blame, and 8hrs after arriving I left 1 stone lighter. (supermodels take note!). My poor asshole took a while to recover too.

I've read some comparisons between the pear experience and the stout experience, but really they're worlds apart. Guinness does create a massive volume of internal gas, sometimes enough to heat a home, and it's odour is almost always of the deadliest kind. I've woken myself up when a blast of under-blanket air escapes from the bed during the night. And the morning after you might well pebble-dash the porcelain. But...

Guinness never liquidised my intestines, upper and lower, and then forced an immediate evacuation. I know that pear is a natural laxative, and perhaps Bulmers' problem is that they took what they did for apples, and blindly applied it to pear. Who knows.

I didn't see any cans labelled with the "new recipe" last weekend, but if I can find some I'm braving the potential sh*t storm and embracing the pear again this Saturday. I'll keep you posted.

- opm.

Pissed myself laughing at this post as i can relate to it fully, im also curious to know is the new recipe any better than the old , i wont be touching the new recipe till im certain its nothing like the old .

Nulty

A fantastic prose! I was really in there living it with you.

5 Stars:p

admiralofthefleet

anyone having side effects off the berry? i tried it last week but it was foul

An tSaoi

I've definitely experienced this phenomenon before, but never realised it was the Bulmers Pear's fault. Looking back, every night I've had a dose of the shits is also a night I've been on the Bulmers Pear. I'm on the Magners Pear (as it's known up here) at the minute, and feel quite, er, bottom-heavy. I'd better stop now or I'll be stuck on the bog all night.

Thanks for bringing this to my attention. It's still not as 'heavy' as Kopparberg though.

Is the "new recipe" pear related to this phenomenon by any chance?

xsiborg

anything with artificial sweeteners like saccharine can have this effect too! i drank normal coke for years, never really touched the diet, sugar free, and certainly not the zero stuff, as they do NOT taste the same-'same great taste', my nut!

but my OH who has for years drank diet this and diet that, was convinced she must suffer from IBS, and never made the connection till recently that these diet drinks are not as healthy as one might be led to believe!

Kormeera X

bulmers pear and berry are rotten. the nicest is the origonal. wouldnt you agree???

Mr Benevolent

I can confirm that the new recipe does NOT rip out your insides and show them to you. Tastes crap though.

opinion guy

xsiborg wrote: »

anything with artificial sweeteners like saccharine can have this effect too! i drank normal coke for years, never really touched the diet, sugar free, and certainly not the zero stuff, as they do NOT taste the same-'same great taste', my nut!

but my OH who has for years drank diet this and diet that, was convinced she must suffer from IBS, and never made the connection till recently that these diet drinks are not as healthy as one might be led to believe!

Someone led you to believe coke of any variety was healthy. Hmmm, I see......Did I tell you about my new business venture...EurosforGold ?? Yes just send me all your spare gold you have lying around and I double-promise I'll give you better than market rates for it...

AnonoBoy

What people are forgetting is that Bulmer's Pear was originally designed to go after the 'bad pint of Guinness' market.

And on that level they succeeded wildly.

xsiborg

opinion guy wrote: »

Someone led you to believe coke of any variety was healthy. Hmmm, I see......Did I tell you about my new business venture...EurosforGold ?? Yes just send me all your spare gold you have lying around and I double-promise I'll give you better than market rates for it...

not that coke of any variety is healthy, of course i know REAL coca cola (before some other smart arse jumps in to make a wisecrack about real coke :rolleyes:) isnt healthy because its full of sugar, but at least its REAL sugar, not artificially sweetened píss marketed as being healthier for you than normal coke because it doesnt contain any sugar! say one thing though, they may be on to something calling it diet, because it passes right through you taking everything else with it!

on a sidenote while i think of it- did we all have the rumored next door neighbour growing up that used to used to clean her toilets with coke? presumably because of its more abrasive qualities? perhaps those who suffer the bulmers pear effect should ask for a bottle of coke with their pint in preparation for the lavatory assault clean up operation!

and we're back on topic...

Kiera

opm wrote: »

I got on the wrong side of a 6-pack of Bulmer's Pear last July.........

- opm.

I dont usually read poo stories but did read this and got such a laugh. Thanks

Handsome Bob

Haven't had any issues with the Pear, but I'm drawing the line at the Berry. There's something about the look of the cans which says to me "do not enter".

Bonito

chem wrote: »

Tried the new pear bulmers last night. Love the taste etc...... but dont enjoy the side effects :eek: spent most of the night in the jacks!!! And it wasnt my head in the bowl. Has anyone else had this side effect with bulmers pear?

I did with the old recipe. With the new recipe I haven't had a problem.

opinion guy

Kiera wrote: »

I dont usually read poo stories but did read this and got such a laugh. Thanks

Lol - is that like a personal belief or something ?

LZ5by5 wrote: »

Haven't had any issues with the Pear, but I'm drawing the line at the Berry. There's something about the look of the cans which says to me "do not enter".

Yeah I only heard of this Berry crap recently. Alls I can say is....ewww. Trygin to create a market for less popular fruit much ? On th eplus side my mum likes collecting berries so maybe we could become a supplier :P

Kiera

opinion guy wrote: »

Lol - is that like a personal belief or something ?

Nah its just the nice way of saying i dont read flubbers posts :P

old hippy

Haven't tried the Bulmer's Pear but Aspinalls or Addlestones can have a similar effect after 3 pints; for me, at any rate.

opinion guy

Any lager does it for me!
Bulmers Pear is what I choose to drink because it doens't do this to me!

opm

Kiera wrote: »

I dont usually read poo stories but did read this and got such a laugh. Thanks

And I don't usually write poo stories, but life-defining experiences need to be shared, even if fecal in nature. Life is too short not to open up, much as I did that night.

- opm.

Kiera

opm wrote: »

And I don't usually write poo stories, but life-defining experiences need to be shared, even if fecal in nature. Life is too short not to open up, much as I did that night.

- opm.

I agree, opm