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Is marriage the only real committment?

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    #32
    GirlInterrupted
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,440 ✭✭✭GirlInterrupted


    stovelid wrote: »
    Marriage felt right for me. It doesn't mean that it's right for everyone, and while I admit (and apologize to GI) that I'm overreacting by referring to it as a lecture, the fact remains that I am in little need of having the benefits of marriage explained to me. Especially by people who are not married.

    You misunderstand.

    I was explaining why I thought a legal commitment is a greater one than a non legal one in my opinion. As I've said.

    I've zero interest in explaining anything to you.


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    #33
    Quality
    Registered Users Posts: 6,900 ✭✭✭Quality


    I love being married. After being with Mr Q for 12 years we got married and it did make a difference to our relationship.
    I dont know why but our relationship really cemented when we married. I know some people think that being married is only a piece of paper.. But it meant much more to me. I have committed myself to Mr Q for life. All our friends and family were there to support us.

    It has definitely tightened our bond together.

    I can see stovelids point of view and agree with his comments.

    But there are those that should not be married, or marry for the wrong reasons. Or that cant commit to marriage for whatever insecurities they have.


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    #34
    SeekUp
    Registered Users Posts: 1,072 ✭✭✭SeekUp


    GirlInterrupted wrote: »
    Of course there are committed couples that aren't married, but I wouldn't dismiss it as just a piece of paper.

    Nor do I, don't misunderstand!!! In fact, I find it discouraging that so many people are so jaded as to only see marriage as "just a piece of paper" . . . that mindset undoubtedly contributes to the number of divorces there are.

    That being said, I don't think it's the "only real commitment," as originally asked. It's the right thing for a lot of people and their particular situations. Still, having to choose between marriage and a ltr, maybe without the possibility of children, is rough; glad it's not me, tbh . . .


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    #35
    stovelid
    Closed Accounts Posts: 27,252 ✭✭✭✭stovelid


    Perhaps I sounded a little unemotional when discussing marriage, which isn't really the case. I loved my wedding day, and I am very happy to be married. I loved taking the vows in front of everybody. I like wearing my ring; I love how words 'my wife' sound, but I'm still convinced that marriage is a personal choice that does not have to suit everyone. And I'm convinced that many people have lives of real commitment outside of marriage.

    I'm very wary of the idea that marriage somehow confers commitment, rather than simply being a formalization (for want of a better word) of existing commitment.

    Also personally speaking, I don't really think that marriage itself tightened any bonds for me, as I felt they existed already. I feel parenthood - utterly in my opinion only - took the relationship to a whole other place, but not the simple fact of marriage.


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    #36
    Malari
    Registered Users Posts: 18,150 ✭✭✭✭Malari


    Quality wrote: »
    But there are those that should not be married, or marry for the wrong reasons. Or that cant commit to marriage for whatever insecurities they have.

    Aren't you forgetting about those who don't want or need to? As opposed to "can't" or "shouldn't"?


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    #37
    Quality
    Registered Users Posts: 6,900 ✭✭✭Quality


    Malari wrote: »
    Aren't you forgetting about those who don't want or need to? As opposed to "can't" or "shouldn't"?

    Yes of course.

    Or what about those who want to marry and cant because they are same sex couples..


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    #38
    b3t4
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,325 ✭✭✭b3t4


    Is marriage the only real commitment?
    Nope. But it's the only legal one available in Ireland, that I am aware of. As Crumble Froo points out, in NZ, there is such a thing as de facto partners which I think is after two years (not sure on that) which affords you legal rights. In England, I believe that after 10yrs together you are a common law partner.

    Marriage can shake up a relationship for better or worse. Often both partners will take a serious look at their relationship and ask themselves if this is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. Sometimes it's all too easy to bumble along in a relationship and not really think about it. A friend bumbled along in a relationship for five and a half years and five months before the wedding met someone else. The wedding is now firmly off.

    When I get married I'll do so in good faith that we are both committing to figuring this out as we go along. I want the legal security both for me and for him. I want to know that should I die he gets everything. I want to know that if I end up in hospital he's the one calling the shots. I want to know that I've tied up any legal obstacles without having to spend a fortune in solicitors fees and consultations. I want to protect him and any future children we may have.

    The law is Ireland is pretty crap but I can understand why it's developed the way it has. I'm know that it will evolve to becoming a fairer system for men but that it's going to take time and changes in attitude.

    Perhaps Ireland should shake up the laws so that ltr's can be recognised legally? It works for other countries.

    A.


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