My little woman

TURRICAN

hi all
i need some help about my daughter here.she is only seven yrs old.
she is very nervous around people she dosent know.in school at dance class basically everywhere.
she is also very naive and vulnerable.
i need to help her before its too late as it is making me feel so sad.
i cant bear to think of her having problems going thru life.
thanks

Nevyn

Well do you take her out places and introduce her to people?
How much does she interact with people outside of family?
How much is she praised and encouraged so that her self confidence grows?
Every child is different some are more out going then others and some are just shy
but it's some thing that parents can work on.

coralcathy

recommend reading The Highly Sensitive Child by Elaine Aron.

Also have a 7 year old.

Hard on parents when they always "hang back" and are painfully quiet and shy.

Remember everybody is different and learn to help her without trying to change her.

TURRICAN

Thaedydal wrote: »

Well do you take her out places and introduce her to people?
How much does she interact with people outside of family?
How much is she praised and encouraged so that her self confidence grows?
Every child is different some are more out going then others and some are just shy
but it's some thing that parents can work on.

hi
i do take her out to meet people but it takes a while (many visits)before she actually comes out of her shell.
as for interaction she does not do it too much.
she does get praise and encouragement but there seems to be always going about it the hard way,like she gets given out to first which i know is wrong,then she sees the light.

she is shy aswell.

TURRICAN

coralcathy wrote: »

recommend reading The Highly Sensitive Child by Elaine Aron.

Also have a 7 year old.

Hard on parents when they always "hang back" and are painfully quiet and shy.

Remember everybody is different and learn to help her without trying to change her.

thanks for the reference.
yeah i dont like seeing her hanging back.
i think also she could be so shy other children see it and kind of bully her a bit.

Chelle1

Do you ever think of sending her to something like Karate? My friend has a son and like that he wouldn't say boo to a ghost. Very quiet and introverted child. She sent him to karate about 9 months ago and he has really come out of his shell. Even his teachers have commented on how much he has changed. I think it just really gave him the confidence he needed. Although he is only in senior infants.

I'm not sure if this would help, i just thought I would mention it.

deisemum

Turrican I just wanted to let you know that when I was young I was painfully shy. I was 3 months in Junior Infants before I said my first word in school and that was "anseo" when the roll was called.

It wasn't until I left school that I gradually started to emerge from my shell and gained more confidence. Now I have no trouble mixing with new people, regularly speaking on radio and occasionally to groups plus a couple of times on tv.

I think the more I achieved the more confidence I gained.

TURRICAN

Chelle1 wrote: »

Do you ever think of sending her to something like Karate? My friend has a son and like that he wouldn't say boo to a ghost. Very quiet and introverted child. She sent him to karate about 9 months ago and he has really come out of his shell. Even his teachers have commented on how much he has changed. I think it just really gave him the confidence he needed. Although he is only in senior infants.

I'm not sure if this would help, i just thought I would mention it.

im in the process of sending her to dance classes at the moment and i have stayed with her for a while and she wont mingle with the rest of the girls.
im going to give it another while and see what happens.


to deisemum
anseo....u made me laugh and feel sad.
i might try some sort of contact sport also and see what happens.
take care ,thanks

snowdaze

as regards the dance classes and staying with her for a while....

just a thought, but are you not showing you don't have confidence in her ability to socialise by staying with her...perhaps you are passing on anxiety to her?

it can seem hard but by dropping kids at their classes in a cool confident way and saying a quick seeya later, you are showing you know they are able to handle themselves rather than hanging on for a bit...

At school, the children who settle in faster are those whose parents drop them and say bye rather than coming into the classroom and hanging on until the tears arrive

TURRICAN

snowdaze wrote: »

as regards the dance classes and staying with her for a while....

just a thought, but are you not showing you don't have confidence in her ability to socialise by staying with her...perhaps you are passing on anxiety to her?

it can seem hard but by dropping kids at their classes in a cool confident way and saying a quick seeya later, you are showing you know they are able to handle themselves rather than hanging on for a bit...

At school, the children who settle in faster are those whose parents drop them and say bye rather than coming into the classroom and hanging on until the tears arrive

easier said than done though.
its also a very fine line as to where i could just drop her in and go,then i hear these footsteps coming after me ,she didnt stay.that makes it harder .
so then i just say well if she dosent want to go she dosent want to go .

Deliverance

TURRICAN wrote: »

easier said than done though.
its also a very fine line as to where i could just drop her in and go,then i hear these footsteps coming after me ,she didnt stay.that makes it harder .
so then i just say well if she dosent want to go she dosent want to go .

v.v. hard to dot TURRICAN, I couldn't leave my little one like that either. It is tough. I think that from my own experience that your child just has a v.sensitive personality. My little brother was the same. He was chronically shy and didn't write his own name until v.late despite the fact that he could play chess 'once it was with me'. I suspect that he was so shy that he didn't want to draw attention to himself.

As his big brother I took him under my wing, played one to one games with him 'like chess' and taught him to stand up for himself and mix etc, eventually he did and he is doing ok. He just needed that extra bit of encouragement and support. I think that (from experience) that some kids need it a lot more than others.

Having a 'cool' big brother helped my little bro a lot. The parents took him to phychiatrists and all that but the thing that helped him the most 'I think' was the one to one attention and encouragement and support that I gave him.

He is still a shy lad but with a lovely personality and the ladies love him;). Chronic shyness in my opinion needs lots of support and attention, a more hardline approach of just leaving kids with this shyness to tough it out would only make things worse.

shaca

My little lady was the same. Tried her with dancing and basketball and there wasn't a hope of her staying without me even though I got her cousin to join too. In the end I sent her to art classes and she loves it. She didn't even ask for me to stay and I think that is because there was nothing competitive about it and she wasn't afraid of making a fool off herself. I also got more friendly with her friends parents and arranged for the friends to call over and she goes to their houses too so she is getting used to being around other people. I have to say that there has been such a difference in her the last year or so.

TURRICAN

im going to bring her dancing tomorow again and change some tactics and see what happens.wish me luck.

Aysha

My daughter was painfully shy as a child, I always hated when people said hello to her on the street as she never ever said hello back. I spent many nights worrying about her and how she would fit in as she got older. She is now 14 and although she is still quiet, she is happy and does have friends, admittedly, her friends are the quiet type too but I have to be honest, as she is a teenager now, I am quite happy about that.

Chelle1

Hi just wondering how your daughter is getting on?