Lying cheating b*****d

LegacyUser

Wibbs wrote: »

And again I would ask the question, why have you not responded at all to those asking you the real questions?

Which questions are you referring to?

How is it far fetched by the way? People cheat everyday, people just don't care about love and committment anymore, it is so sad.

AARRRGH

You obviously want to believe he was going to cheat on you (with his friend's mother who is twice his age and married) rather than the obvious explanation that it was a joke.

If I went for a walk with my friend's mother and when I got back a group of lads asked me did I enjoy the bang, I'd probably say ahh I couldn't get it up, thank god.

What are you hoping to achieve from your OTT worrying? Seriously, you are choosing to feel the way you do. You're not accomplishing anything except for a bit of drama.

Slow Motion

Unregistered wrote: »

Which questions are you referring to?

How is it far fetched by the way? People cheat everyday, people just don't care about love and committment anymore, it is so sad.

How about

Why you are still in a relationship where you say your OH is cheating?

Why you seem to have no real problem with being violent towards your OH?

Why you are really nasty about a woman who has done you no harm that you know of?

Why you want your OH to control his drinking and make no mention of the fact that you were drinking all day as well?

You say people don't care about love anymore and say you love your OH not very consistent!

CDfm

OP - guys make dumb stupid comments all the time as a tension release thing. If a guy was talking about something such as death and grief that would be a reaction.

There was no cheating and you let fly in rage whatever your oproblem is -it wasnt that incident.

I imagine if your OH posted giving his side of the story there would be a queue of people telling him to get himself on to www.amen.ie the helpline for battered men -which incidentally your OH now is.

He would also get advice on going to court and getting a safety/protection/ barring order to protect him from a violent partner and also be asked whether this is the first time and whether you had a drink problem.He would get them too because you are the one at fault.

Domestic violence isn't a gender issue and people like you always use excuses to avoid responsibility. You are boasting about it as if its something to be proud of when it really isn't. You are the one who is out of control and not in touch.

Its time for you to face reality and drop the excuses.

Why dont you call Amens helpline and see if they can suggest anywhere for you to go for help 046 9023718.

Wibbs

Unregistered wrote: »

Which questions are you referring to?

Everything you've posted so far is all about you and your reaction to this incident. But it comes across as seriously lacking in insight into the why of it all. That's what is making people doubt you. You're angle is very self centered. What about the questions? Ok why you would go for and then chose to stay with a man you say is a cheater? Is this a recurrent pattern in your life. Do you feed on emotional over stimulation, drama if you will? Is this the first time you have been violent in a relationship?

ManOfMystery

A few years ago I was at a party with my then gf. I went out of the room and upstairs to go to the toilet, and on the way out of the toilet I bumped into another girl (a mutual friend we all know) and we got chatting. There was no flirting or anything like that, just a civilised chat. In hindsight we probably chatted for 20-30 mins so I'm sure my gf was wondering what was taking me so long.

Anyway we came back downstairs together, I said something funny and we both giggled a bit, opened the door into the main room where everyone was, and all eyes were on us as we walked in laughing - people obviously thought we'd been having a bit of fun upstairs. To break the tension I let out a big breath and pretended to pull my fly up and adjust my trousers/underwear. People knew I was messing around and we all had a laugh about it, including my gf.

Did your boyfriend cheat? I don't know. But he could have been totally innocent and just partaking in a bit of male bravado for a joke, like I was above. Your reaction seems way over the top given that you have nothing at all to go on other than insecurities in your head.

Wagon

Unregistered wrote: »

Not being a bitch but I am not surprised he couldn't get it up for her. She is scrawny and a piss head. In fact, maybe they are well suited.

Are you sure you're not a bitch? The woman just lost her son a few months ago. Maybe she turned to drink to help numb the pain? Maybe she is losing weight to her and her husbands marraige strain since their son died? Maybe she is having terrible trouble dealing with it? Maybe your boyfriend was having a chat with her to help her out? Maybe he didn't want to tell anyone about it so made that tasteless joke?

I read the thread wrong. I thought you had definate proof of this! You're just assuming things. And this part here:

Unregistered wrote: »

I am wondering whether I should cheat to make myself feel better, and 'even'.

Jesus christ, break up with him. He deservers better. I couldn't believe that someone could shag their dead mate's mother so that's why i had a hard time digesting this thread but it turns out that it probably never happened!

Liam Byrne

Unregistered wrote: »

No I am not trolling, i just can't understand why he would choose to do that with someone like that when he has someone like me

Leaving aside the snide "someone like that" - do WHAT ?

And the more I read, I begin to see why he might be tempted - regardless of age. the "someone like you" is becoming less and less appealing.

Maybe he likes mature women that don't thump him over a stupid comment ?

Or MAYBE he didn't feckin'-well do anything!

The main question people have posed is WHY YOU CHOOSE to believe the worst of him with ZERO PROOF, and WHY YOU CHOOSE to THUMP him.

Tell ya what - save yourself the hassle, because if he happens to come on here and start a thread saying "I cracked an admittedly stupid joke and got a beating from my g/f - what should I do", then I know what advice he'll get and I hope he follows it.

I'll say it again - YOU. HAVE. NO. PROOF.

And while suspicion can cause you to investigate or doubt, without proof your reaction is WAY OTT. And beating someone black and blue is unacceptable.

If I were him I'd be long-gone, and that mature lady that I was a friend to and consoled the other night before I got beaten up would look VERY appealing.

King of Kings

i hope he has left you....

994

Trí wrote: »

You decide your own fate. You don't have to be one of those women. You have a choice.

Let me tell you something. Love shouldn't hurt. A person who loves you will not treat you like sh1t.

You need to love yourself first though, as Oprah as it sounds. Your idea of what love is is skewed. This is not love. And, like everyone else, you deserve happiness.

If you don't move on, you will become more unhappy. If you do move on, it will hurt for a while but you will be proud of yourself. That pride can then be used to work on yourself.

She "beat him black and blue" and thus should not "love herself" and perhaps does not "deserve happiness". Stop encouraging narcissism.

Toots

Yes, your bf did cheat.
Yes, this woman is totally ugly and he's mad to be even thinking of cheating on a stunner like you with this old slapper.
Yes, beating him up was a completely rational reaction and it's OK cos you're a girl and didn't do him any real damage anyway. And cheating on him would be the perfect way to get even with him.
Yes, he was probably telling the truth when he said he couldn't get it up, cos we all know that nobody ever makes stupid tasteless remarks when they're drunk.

Is that what you wanted to hear? Cos that's what it sounds like. Any rational questions you've been asked so far have been ignored. You're obviously trying to get sympathy with all the "I'm not eating, I'm so upset" remarks, and you seem very self obsessed TBH> "I'm beautiful and he knows I'm lucky to have me"? Well I've got news for you, beauty is only skin deep. You can be the best looking person in the world and still have a very ugly personality.

FFS, you're trying to justify beating your OH black and blue!! That's not normal behaviour, and as others pointed out, if the situation was reversed, people would be lighting torches and sharpening their pitchforks. Why should it be ok for you to hit your OH? Would you be ok with it if he hit you? Somehow I doubt it.

My advice is break up with the OH (he deserves better), get yourself a good therapist, and give up the booze.

Tar.Aldarion

What I get from this:

Man drinking makes sexual joke
Woman goes bat crazy and hits him
Thinks she is maybe wrong.

As far as I can see this is a great success as a woman nearly admitted she was wrong. :pac:

And to be serious, break up with him, you are either crazy overreacting person and he was joking like I would, and I'd say something like this every day, or he wanted to cheat on you, so yeah, why stay together.

the_syco

Unregistered wrote: »

Two faced as well, earlier in the evening she said she would love for her other son to have a girlfriend like me as I am gorgeous.

You don't take complements well, do you?

Unregistered wrote: »

if he had said oh yeah I gave her one over a car bonnet, or something stupid like that then maybe I would let it go

So, if he said he f**ked her, it would've been okay, but as he said he didn't f**k her, you bet him up? You need psychological help.

Wurly

994 wrote: »

She "beat him black and blue" and thus should not "love herself" and perhaps does not "deserve happiness". Stop encouraging narcissism.

You have missed my point entirely. Encouraging narcissism? With all due respect - no I am not.

What she did was utterly disgusting. No excuse for violence.

What I am saying is - she has to take responsibility for her actions. She has to make healthier choices. If she reacts by hitting people, she does not love herself. By loving herself, she will treat herself with more respect and therefore the people around her.

It's the angry, unfulfilled people with low self confidence and worth that hurt themselves and then others around them.

I stand by that theory.

LegacyUser

Me and boyfriend went for a walk last night to talk things over.

Basically, this woman's husband came back to the mates house the morning after to collect his car, he said he chatted to her and asked if anything went on, she said no, they went for a walk because she was upset about her late son, which is understandable. You know, I don't even know if she is aware of his dirty comment.

His mate was like, come on, what happened? My boyfriend said he swears nothing happened, she is old enough to be his mum and she is his best mates auntie. His mate said why the **** did you make a comment like that and he said he really doesn't know and promises he can't even remember saying it.

His mate said people were **** stirring to make a drama out of it, hence me kicking off, people really were at me saying he was up to no good, even though THEY had no evidence, I was drunk and believed them, simple as really.

I hold my hands up, I SHOULD NOT have hit him, I regret hurting him. His bruises will heal, my emotional bruises will take a hell of a lot longer, but by saying this, I am not condoning what I did. I just wish he was a little more respectful to my feelings.

However, his mate said everyone was pissed out of their heads and this is why it all got blown up. The family had a chat about it the next day.

My boyfriend said he knows he has made stupid comments in the past (which is why I am insecure) but he swears it was all bull****. I said he needs to grow up, it is the sort of thing an 18 year old would say, not a 29 year old - in his girlfriends presence!

I have no choice but to put it down to a pathetic drunken mistake. I also have to take comfort in the fact that he could not indeed get it up so he didn't ACTUALLY cheat even though the intention could very slightly possibly have been there, but even if it had, they were too ****ed to know what they were doing.

He has told his family what he did (had no choice given the black eye but there you go) and although they don't exactly think he deserved a slap, they aren't happy with him for causing this trouble.

I have broken our engagement off and will take things slowly (he was upset I refused to put my ring back on but it is to be expected), it is too soon to be making harsh decisions like walking away completely, we have a house and a car together, plus underneath all this crap, we really do love each other. I don't want to all lose that because of his stupid behaviour. We all **** up and I am certain others have been through it on here. It is too easy to say dump him, I always stood by the fact that I would dump a cheater but you don't know until you are in the situation and also it is 50/50 - no one has admitted anything but it is a bit fishy in my opinion.

He knows now it is time to grow up. He doesn't want to split, he wants us to get through it.

One question, how can I stop this running through my head? Even if I left him, it won't change the fact I can't stop thinking about what he said.

CDfm

OP - I really dont think you get this and its sad that you don't because it will harm your relationships and is harming your relationships.. You are articulate and are not stupid.

From what you post "the ring thing" you are using emotional blackmail to get your own way. The "assault and battery" you explain away.Then you say we love each other.

The drama also went out and affected another innocent couple and probably other people too. You have hurt a lot of people just on the one night.Doesn't that tell you anything.

If it was my son/brother and you were the girlfriend I would be down on my knees praying to God that the relationship was over for good.

If I was a friend or relative of yours(or his) I wouldn't invite you to any occasion and would certainly not leave you mind kids as I would be afraid of what you would do if you got violent.I really would.

If you were a bloke I would post the same here and I would expect you to feel ashamed and have been in touch with people apologising and maybe even looking for help.

Have you gone to your GP to discuss this at all? Do you think you should? If you have odd thoughts its what you should do.

Doesn't it strike you that both women and men posting here find your behavior very unacceptable and not normal and they are strangers who have just read your version of events which is probably edited. ?

fatmammycat

Unregistered wrote: »

Me and boyfriend went for a walk last night to talk things over.

Basically, this woman's husband came back to the mates house the morning after to collect his car, he said he chatted to her and asked if anything went on, she said no, they went for a walk because she was upset about her late son, which is understandable. You know, I don't even know if she is aware of his dirty comment.

His mate was like, come on, what happened? My boyfriend said he swears nothing happened, she is old enough to be his mum and she is his best mates auntie. His mate said why the **** did you make a comment like that and he said he really doesn't know and promises he can't even remember saying it.

His mate said people were **** stirring to make a drama out of it, hence me kicking off, people really were at me saying he was up to no good, even though THEY had no evidence, I was drunk and believed them, simple as really.

I hold my hands up, I SHOULD NOT have hit him, I regret hurting him. His bruises will heal, my emotional bruises will take a hell of a lot longer, but by saying this, I am not condoning what I did. I just wish he was a little more respectful to my feelings.

However, his mate said everyone was pissed out of their heads and this is why it all got blown up. The family had a chat about it the next day.

My boyfriend said he knows he has made stupid comments in the past (which is why I am insecure) but he swears it was all bull****. I said he needs to grow up, it is the sort of thing an 18 year old would say, not a 29 year old - in his girlfriends presence!

I have no choice but to put it down to a pathetic drunken mistake. I also have to take comfort in the fact that he could not indeed get it up so he didn't ACTUALLY cheat even though the intention could very slightly possibly have been there, but even if it had, they were too ****ed to know what they were doing.

He has told his family what he did (had no choice given the black eye but there you go) and although they don't exactly think he deserved a slap, they aren't happy with him for causing this trouble.

I have broken our engagement off and will take things slowly (he was upset I refused to put my ring back on but it is to be expected), it is too soon to be making harsh decisions like walking away completely, we have a house and a car together, plus underneath all this crap, we really do love each other. I don't want to all lose that because of his stupid behaviour. We all **** up and I am certain others have been through it on here. It is too easy to say dump him, I always stood by the fact that I would dump a cheater but you don't know until you are in the situation and also it is 50/50 - no one has admitted anything but it is a bit fishy in my opinion.

He knows now it is time to grow up. He doesn't want to split, he wants us to get through it.

One question, how can I stop this running through my head? Even if I left him, it won't change the fact I can't stop thinking about what he said.

Urgh, people like you make me sick. It's all about you and you're ignoring the thing that you should be focusing on most, the fact that you actually assaulted your partner. I hope the poor man walks away and find himself a real partner, one who understands love does not involve black eyes.

ellie1

Op, your post makes me feel ashamed to be female.
You need professional help.

CDfm

ellie1 wrote: »

Op, your post makes me feel ashamed to be female.
You need professional help.

Well hopefully the OP will get help or the OH will have a lucky escape.

Stheno

Unregistered wrote: »

His mate said people were **** stirring to make a drama out of it, hence me kicking off, people really were at me saying he was up to no good, even though THEY had no evidence, I was drunk and believed them, simple as really.

That's an excuse you are using for your behaviour.

I hold my hands up, I SHOULD NOT have hit him, I regret hurting him. His bruises will heal, my emotional bruises will take a hell of a lot longer, but by saying this, I am not condoning what I did. I just wish he was a little more respectful to my feelings.

What about his emotional bruises from being given visible injuries as a result of your inability to control yourself?

And what about your respect for his feelings?

My boyfriend said he knows he has made stupid comments in the past (which is why I am insecure) but he swears it was all bull****. I said he needs to grow up, it is the sort of thing an 18 year old would say, not a 29 year old - in his girlfriends presence!

He needs to grow up? He does indeed, he needs to realise that having a partner who batters him so that he is black and blue with a damaged face is utterly facile and not the way forward for a healthy long term loving relationship.

He has told his family what he did (had no choice given the black eye but there you go) and although they don't exactly think he deserved a slap, they aren't happy with him for causing this trouble.

And no one in his family thought it strange/extreme/unacceptable that you battered him so badly that the results were visible so he had to tell them?

I don't want to all lose that because of his stupid behaviour.

What about your irrational and violent behaviour?

He knows now it is time to grow up. He doesn't want to split, he wants us to get through it.

Again it's all his fault, he needs to change/grow up/make things right, accept he is responsible for this, nowhere in your post do you personally accept any responsibility for your behaviour, it's excuse after excuse after excuse, with you then being "gracious" about his "**** up"

One question, how can I stop this running through my head? Even if I left him, it won't change the fact I can't stop thinking about what he said.

Get some help, honestly, you really need to change your perspective on what is a good and healthy relationship.

Wibbs

IMHO it's still down to lack of self examination and insight on your part. It's all surface and external for you and only becomes internal for you when it's what you want or what affects you, not what others may want or how it affects them.

The thumping bit is one example. Yes you hold your hands up and say you should not have hit him, but you still don't quite know why. You're still justifying it to yourself and avoid why you would get to that point and what were your reasons. Hence I think you'll do similar again as you don't understand the steps that led to that. That you were upset and flipped out are not the steps BTW.

The cheating bit is another. You are expecting him to cheat and I think some part of you, actually a large part of you wants to proven right. The self justification of he couldn't get it up, though the intention may have been there, stands out for me. Even after all this back and forth you still reckon he cheated, but just couldn't get it up, so it never happened. Just maybe he's telling the truth you know, though that seems to have been ignored in your self fulfilling feedback loop you have going on.

Liam Byrne

Unregistered wrote: »

His bruises will heal, my emotional bruises will take a hell of a lot longer

Sickening.

Please don't move, OP, as the resulting wobble as the world attempted to reposition itself would cause a catastrophe.

LegacyUser

I appreciate I was totally out of order for reacting the way I did but it wasn't me that started this sorry mess so why have I ruined the evening, to be quite honest, his mate kicked off with him first, I was saying what the hell is going on then this all came out, I am ashamed to say I did hurt him.

He said last night, he deserved it. I don't think he did to that extent but he certainly didn't deserve a pat on the back.

Maybe you are right wibbs, maybe I will never believe a word he says until it is the dreaded news of him cheating, maybe in a way I want to be proven right even though I really, deep down, would be distraught.

Maybe it is because every single man I have been out with has done it, whether I was with them 5 minutes or 5 months. I have never been a violent person before, I admit I scared myself when I saw what I had done to him, I blacked his eye, I bust his lip and cut his nose. I feel like ****, I don't deserve to be loved, but I also don't deserve for this to have happened on what was otherwise a brilliant night.

Sorry for what I did, I have apologised to him I don't know how many times but he was in the wrong. Whether he cheated or not, he made an insensitive comment, which NO ONE took as a joke. If it was intended as a joke, it would have come across that way, especially to a mate who has known him for 20 years.

CDfm

Unregistered wrote: »

I appreciate I was totally out of order for reacting the way I did but it wasn't me that started this sorry mess so why have I ruined the evening, to be quite honest, his mate kicked off with him first, I was saying what the hell is going on then this all came out, I am ashamed to say I did hurt him.

You still dont get it but what are you going to do to get help or are you?

Do you read the level of blame you put on others and how you blame everyone else. You are the central character in this drama.

ManOfMystery

Unregistered wrote: »

Maybe it is because every single man I have been out with has done it, whether I was with them 5 minutes or 5 months. I have never been a violent person before, I admit I scared myself when I saw what I had done to him, I blacked his eye, I bust his lip and cut his nose. I feel like ****, I don't deserve to be loved, but I also don't deserve for this to have happened on what was otherwise a brilliant night.

If you act like this you're going to drive him to cheat.

Unregistered wrote: »

Sorry for what I did, I have apologised to him I don't know how many times but he was in the wrong. Whether he cheated or not, he made an insensitive comment, which NO ONE took as a joke. If it was intended as a joke, it would have come across that way, especially to a mate who has known him for 20 years.

Maybe he made the comment, but your reaction was so OTT it's laughable. He may have started this, but IMO the majority of the blame (and sorrow) should be at your door. I had an ex who did something very similar to me over a small throwaway comment, had a total over-reaction which led to days of fighting and many phsyical/emotional bruises on me - through it all she still maintained that I 'started it' so I was to blame more than her. What a childish attitude - guess why she's an ex now.

Wagon

Unregistered wrote: »

Sorry for what I did, I have apologised to him I don't know how many times but he was in the wrong. Whether he cheated or not, he made an insensitive comment, which NO ONE took as a joke. If it was intended as a joke, it would have come across that way, especially to a mate who has known him for 20 years.

Big load of bollocks.

You were in the wrong. You hurt him pretty badly, maintain it was still his fault and then came back here saying that you can't trust him and then even had the balls to right this:

Unregistered wrote: »

I hold my hands up, I SHOULD NOT have hit him, I regret hurting him. His bruises will heal, my emotional bruises will take a hell of a lot longer, but by saying this, I am not condoning what I did. I just wish he was a little more respectful to my feelings.:(

This part made me laugh quite a lot. Come on, what kind of self indulgent horseshít is that?!

Tell you what, im glad you cancelled the engagement. I'm glad you want him to cheat. I'm glad that you might want this to end. I hope it does. You don't sound like a 29 year old women but a 17 year old, dramatic teenager. He deserves a woman with cop on and a sense of humour. I really really hope that you might actually pull your head out of your hole and see the real issue is with you and your own insecurities but frankly, i can't see that happening. I don't think you'll ever change because you don't want to. So the best i can hope for is that your boyfriend see what mistake he is making and dump your ass befose he throws his life away on you. People like you make me sick.

LegacyUser

Right, as wrong as I was - let's take the hitting out of the equation. I mean this, just for one minute.

His mate did not see it as a joke, I was not there when he said it, I was in the other room and his mate stormed over in anger and told me what he had said.

That is not the actions of someone who is partaking in a 'lad joke'.

I was wrong for hitting him - but it doesn't change the fact that he disappeared with another woman then said what he did.

Why can't we concentrate on this issue because brushing it under the carpet isn't going to change anything.

LegacyUser

Unregistered - I have been following this thread and think you were in the wrong for your reaction but there is far too much nastiness on here regarding it. She knows she shouldn't have done it but hindsight is a wonderful thing.

Only you know what type of person he is. He may have cheated on exes but if he was going to do it to you, I doubt it would be his dead mates mum, someone twice his age who also happens to be related to his best mate. He may, in a moment of drunken madness, have said something inappropriate to her or vice versa but be realistic. She was crying her heart out over her dead son, she is hardly going to be in the mood for going on her knees as you put it.

He is a total idiot for saying what he did but stop letting your imagination run wild. His mate was drunk you said, people take things the wrong way when drunk, people exaggerate.

How is your relationship outside this incident?

AARRRGH

I don't think I've ever met a guy who would openly tell a group of people at a party that he was unable to get an erection, nevermind openly admit to trying to bang his dead friends mother.

It was obviously a joke.

OP you're an unstable drama queen and you need help.

Liam Byrne

Unregistered wrote: »

Right, as wrong as I was - let's take the hitting out of the equation. I mean this, just for one minute.

We can't, because your posts continuously try to excuse yourself by saying things like "his injury will heal - mine won't". PLUS the fact of the matter is that your "injury" is self-inflicted, since - as almost everyone has pointed out - you've CHOSEN to ASSUME that he cheated.

I'll repeat that - you've CHOSEN to ASSUME that he cheated - with ZERO PROOF.

Unregistered wrote: »

His mate did not see it as a joke, I was not there when he said it, I was in the other room and his mate stormed over in anger and told me what he had said.

You already said that his mate might have been stirring ****. And you're basing your blinkered view on second-hand information and interpretation.

Is it true that the "mate" was stirring ? We don't know - just as WE DON'T KNOW whether or not it WAS just a stupid comment.

Bottom line is that if you're with someone you give them the benefit of the doubt; and if you can't - for whatever reason, whether it's them or you - you leave, because it isn't healthy for either of you (been there, done that).

Unregistered wrote: »

That is not the actions of someone who is partaking in a 'lad joke'.

Who says the mate was "partaking" ? The question is whether your boyfriend meant it, not how the mate interpreted it or relayed it to you.

Also, isn't the mate being equally insensitive ? Why did he ask such a stupid question if he knew your b/f was consoling someone who'd been through crap ? He's equally at fault if he put your b/f in a position where he had to come up with a stupid macho response that didn't make him look like a "softy".

Unregistered wrote: »

I was wrong for hitting him - but it doesn't change the fact that he disappeared with another woman then said what he did.

Interesting that you used the phrase "the fact"; because those are, indeed, the only facts. Anything else (e.g. your thread title) is completely fictional and conjecture.

Unregistered wrote: »

Why can't we concentrate on this issue because brushing it under the carpet isn't going to change anything.

OK, let's go with it your way for a moment and forget the fact that you thumped the living daylights out of him and are lucky that you haven't been charged with assault (which people would be screaming for if it were the other way around).

As an aside, if your b/f reckons he "deserved it" then you're both in trouble; whatever about the pros and cons of a slap on the face (which I personally wouldn't agree with, but which might be a reaction) beating him and giving him a black eye and other injuries is COMPLETELY OUT OF ORDER.

But like I said, let's go your way for a sec. If you'd posted here saying with a relevant thread title saying "my boyfriend passed a stupid comment, does it mean he cheated or would cheat ?" and described the scenario and his comment, I'd reply that he's a bit insensitive but he probably didn't cheat.

Happy now ? I doubt it, but that's what you asked me to do.

Liam Byrne

loopylaura wrote: »

..... you were in the wrong for your reaction but there is far too much nastiness on here regarding it

Question for you laura (not baiting, just a genuine question)....

Would you be as considerate if it were a guy that were posting that he'd beaten his girlfriend black and blue ?

If there's "too much" on this thread, then how much "nastiness" is appropriate to someone who gave someone a black eye and cut lip and bruises ?

And someone who then says "those injuries will heal; mine won't" ?

Like I said - genuine question.

MissFlitworth

Unregistered wrote: »

That is not the actions of someone who is partaking in a 'lad joke'.

I was wrong for hitting him - but it doesn't change the fact that he disappeared with another woman then said what he did.

Why can't we concentrate on this issue because brushing it under the carpet isn't going to change anything.

Because that's not the issue? Your boyfriend went off to talk to his dead friends mother coming up to his anniversary, which was probably a comfort they both needed, came back made a stupid comment and ended up getting beaten up for his troubles. Beaten up by someone who thinks that the fact that she kicked the ****e out of her boyfriend enough to blacken his eye, bust his lip and cut his nose is less heinous than someone making a stupid comment. By someone who's still insistent that someone taking a drunken comment out of line whilst also being drunk is reason enough to go mental, break off an engagement and bully her boyfriend. You need help, there's defo someone in your relationship that needs to control their behaviour and their drinking and it's not your boyfriend! Doesn't matter one tiny bit that you were cheated on in the past. Could you imagine if you were a man trying to justify blackening your girlfriends eye over some stupid drunken comment she made!! If anyone at that party had had the slightest bit of sense you should have been taken away in a Garda car that night

It's heartbreaking to think of someone who suffered that kind of abuse at the hands of a loved one running after them apologising and trying to make things up to them. Really wish this was your boyfriends PI so people could tell him to get away and help him see how truly scary you are.

It would also seem that you have been saying this to the mother and father of your boyfriends dead friend, and if so you owe them a massive, massive apology for causing them this kind of heartache coming up to the anniversary of their son's death!!

AARRRGH

MissFlitworth wrote: »

Really wish this was your boyfriends PI so people could tell him to get away and help him see how truly scary you are.

I agree.

O'Coonassa

Unregistered wrote: »

everything kicked off and I beat him black and blue.


...what should I do?

An anger management course, you're out of control.

Sinall

OP, you don't sound mature or stable enough to be in a relationship. Regardless of what you think your boyfriend may or may not have done, your posts are coming across as selfish, self-obsessed, unstable, immature and you are making all kinds of excuses and throwing all kinds of accusations and insults around. TBH, that kind of behaviour does not reflect well on you. I suggest you read back over your own posts pretending that someone else has written them and see what you would make of that person.

Perhaps your boyfriend isn't emotionally ready for a relationship either, I don't know. But I do think you have an awful lot of work to do on yourself and a lot of growing up to do. You don't sound happy as you are and your behaviour comes across as very self-destructive. My advice would be to closely examine your own actions and your reasons for those actions and take some time away from relationships altogether.

Acoustic

sounds like that was he wake-up call to get thee fook out of there pronto

op sounds like a ball buster ( literally )

Sinall

Unregistered wrote: »

Right, as wrong as I was - let's take the hitting out of the equation. I mean this, just for one minute.

I was wrong for hitting him - but it doesn't change the fact that he disappeared with another woman then said what he did.

Why can't we concentrate on this issue because brushing it under the carpet isn't going to change anything.

From my reading of this, your boyfriend isn't allowed to disappear with another woman for a conversation - even if its his dead friends mother? And he is also not allowed to make jokes?

Yes, the joke might have been in poor taste, but I'm sure you have said things you shouldn't at times - and you certainly have done things you shouldn't - like hitting your boyfriend!

So, if you want everyone to forget the awfulness of you beating your boyfriend black and blue, why can't you forget the joke he made? Why hang onto it and continue to make it such a huge issue?

It seems to me that there are other, much bigger issues here and you can't see them.

LegacyUser

It wasn't ME throwing accusations around, it was everyone else. All I did was scream and cry then unfortunately did the terrible thing of attacking him.

It wasn't me who started this, he was stupid to make the comment but then a good 10 people were on the case causing a scene, what would you have done in that situation? (I know you wouldn't cause violence though).

What would you think if you had everyone coming up to you saying your partner nearly cheated but couldn't get it up?

At that point, they took my boyfriend outside to keep him away from me so I didn't actually get any explanation from him, all I had to go on was what everyone had said and it certainly did not come across as something said in jest. 3 people heard him and they all stuck with the story that he had done something (or nearly) but now have thought, oh **** I might have gone a bit far with that, leaving me feeling like my world is crushed.

My personal opinion? Something was going to happen but they were so drunk, they can't remember the ins and outs (pardon the pun).

Sinall

Unregistered wrote: »

It wasn't ME throwing accusations around, it was everyone else. All I did was scream and cry then unfortunately did the terrible thing of attacking him.

It wasn't me who started this, he was stupid to make the comment but then a good 10 people were on the case causing a scene, what would you have done in that situation? (I know you wouldn't cause violence though).

What would you think if you had everyone coming up to you saying your partner nearly cheated but couldn't get it up?

At that point, they took my boyfriend outside to keep him away from me so I didn't actually get any explanation from him, all I had to go on was what everyone had said and it certainly did not come across as something said in jest. 3 people heard him and they all stuck with the story that he had done something (or nearly) but now have thought, oh **** I might have gone a bit far with that, leaving me feeling like my world is crushed.

My personal opinion? Something was going to happen but they were so drunk, they can't remember the ins and outs (pardon the pun).

If that is your personal opinion then you shouldn't be in the relationship.

I know you can't go back and change what happened, but you can change things going forward. Honestly and truthfully, this relationship does not sound healthy for either of you. It doesn't matter who started what, the fact is that you have this problem now and you either work things out and move on together, or you go your separate ways.

What makes you think something was going to happen? Why can't you believe that your boyfriend was just having a conversation with the mother of his dead friend? It sounds to me that you are determined to believe that your boyfriend either cheated/will cheat/wants to cheat. These are your psychological issues and something you need to address before you can be happy in any relationship.

LegacyUser

So let me try and understand, HE is the one who caused this by going off with another woman and trying to get it up, and I am the one who has to take the blame and walk away?

I would understand if it was me who cheated, I would understand why people seem to be taking his side but he said it for a reason, things like that aren't just plucked from thin air - he tried to get an erection with another woman.

Kimia

Ok stop attacked the OP for a minute.

First things first - she should not have attacked him. I think this has been said to death, and again hindsight is a great thing, but if I don't say this I'll be lambasted.

I think that what the boyfriend said was outrageous. I would be enraged too. How dare he make such a disrespectful 'joke'. It was not funny, there was nothing macho about it, and to be honest I would also be inclined to think the boyfriend tried to cheat.

It's different from having a laugh, pulling up your fly like someone said. He said he tried to f*ck this woman but couldn't because he was too drunk to get it up. That is not on whatever way you look at it.

So OP you need to decide whether you believe him or not. I would be so mad. And to everyone else, just because she 'bet' him (which obviously is terrible and shouldn't have happened) doesn't immediately wipe out whatever he did. That issue is still there.

Sinall

Unregistered wrote: »

So let me try and understand, HE is the one who caused this by going off with another woman and trying to get it up, and I am the one who has to take the blame and walk away?

I would understand if it was me who cheated, I would understand why people seem to be taking his side but he said it for a reason, things like that aren't just plucked from thin air - he tried to get an erection with another woman.

You seem to be varying between saying it was a joke and saying it wasn't a joke/he intended to cheat. So which one is it??

Nobody here seems to think that he had any intention to cheat. If you think he intended to cheat then you have your answer - walk away. You two don't sound healthy for each other at all.

If you really believe that he wanted to cheat and coupled with your beating him then I think you both need to walk away.

AARRRGH

Unregistered wrote: »

So let me try and understand, HE is the one who caused this by going off with another woman and trying to get it up, and I am the one who has to take the blame and walk away?

I would understand if it was me who cheated, I would understand why people seem to be taking his side but he said it for a reason, things like that aren't just plucked from thin air - he tried to get an erection with another woman.

Ah is this a joke or what.

Will you try to open your mind to the fact that you're choosing to believe an unlikely story?

Why is this - self hatred? A love of drama? An excuse to break up?

Are you always like this or are you just not thinking straight at the moment?

shellyboo

Unregistered wrote: »

So let me try and understand, HE is the one who caused this by going off with another woman and trying to get it up, and I am the one who has to take the blame and walk away?

You don't know that definitely happened. All you know for sure is they talked. And then you gave him a beating.

Unregistered wrote: »

I would understand if it was me who cheated, I would understand why people seem to be taking his side but he said it for a reason, things like that aren't just plucked from thin air - he tried to get an erection with another woman.

You don't know if he cheated. OP, do you think your partner would be warranted in beating you up for talking to another man? Of course he wouldn't. You were so unbelievably out of order that you're lucky he hasn't already left you.

What you need to do is find out from him IF he cheated, and if he did, walk away. If he didn't - and it doesn't sound to me like he did - you need to BEG his forgiveness and get yourself some counselling for your violence issues.

t-ha

Daaaammn - this is 7 pages of straight craaaazzayyy!!!

Xiney

t-ha, please remember that posting off topic in this forum will get you banned.

Ta.

Xiney

Liam Byrne

Unregistered wrote: »

It wasn't ME throwing accusations around, it was everyone else. All I did was scream and cry then unfortunately did the terrible thing of attacking him.

You're missing a step AGAIN......before you screamed and cried you CHOSE TO BELIEVE THEM.

If my friends or partner accused me of something nasty, I'd be pretty sure that most people wouldn't believe them (aside from stupid and/or the occasional insensitive-but-no-malice comments, which they're well used to).

Unregistered wrote: »

It wasn't me who started this, he was stupid to make the comment

Agreed. But I'm completely confused now. Your thread says that he's a "lying, cheating b*****d", and you believed your own interpretation of events enough to assault and injure him ?

With the above, are you FINALLY admitting that it was just a comment ? If so, at least we've made some progress....

He passed a stupid comment. Fair enough. People do that 30% of the time they open their mouth, and maybe 50% while they're drunk. Most people laugh them off.

Your choosing to believe that comment is what caused the serious problems and you can count yourself lucky that you weren't arrested for assault.

Unregistered wrote: »

what would you have done in that situation?

Erm.....laughed it off as a stupid comment ? Taken him aside and said "what's that about ?"

Unregistered wrote: »

What would you think if you had everyone coming up to you saying your partner nearly cheated but couldn't get it up?

Aside from the fact that the phrase couldn't apply....? I'd have either (a) laughed it off or (b - if I'd thought there was truth in it) had a discussion with them and then eventually (if it occurred a few times) said "feck this, can't trust them - what's the point".

In case you missed it, I said I've been there with that one.

Unregistered wrote: »

At that point, they took my boyfriend outside to keep him away from me

Sounds like a great character reference.

Unregistered wrote: »

My personal opinion? Something was going to happen but they were so drunk, they can't remember the ins and outs (pardon the pun).

You opinion is not based on any tangible facts whatsoever.

And even if it were, your actions are those of a common thug and would not be accepted if the roles were reversed, and your "remorse" comes across as crocodile tears as they're your own imagination and self-convinced and they still put you as the centre of attention with your "emotional bruises".

LegacyUser

Kimia wrote: »

Ok stop attacked the OP for a minute.

First things first - she should not have attacked him. I think this has been said to death, and again hindsight is a great thing, but if I don't say this I'll be lambasted.

I think that what the boyfriend said was outrageous. I would be enraged too. How dare he make such a disrespectful 'joke'. It was not funny, there was nothing macho about it, and to be honest I would also be inclined to think the boyfriend tried to cheat.

It's different from having a laugh, pulling up your fly like someone said. He said he tried to f*ck this woman but couldn't because he was too drunk to get it up. That is not on whatever way you look at it.

So OP you need to decide whether you believe him or not. I would be so mad. And to everyone else, just because she 'bet' him (which obviously is terrible and shouldn't have happened) doesn't immediately wipe out whatever he did. That issue is still there.

This is EXACTLY what I have been trying to get across but me being stupid by hitting him has completely taken it off the original subject. Don't forget this was and is still raw, I am bound to have wrote it how I did like it was nothing but I know violence is wrong, from both sexes.

Please guys, read this quoted post then comment.

Liam Byrne

Unregistered wrote: »

HE is the one who caused this by going off with another woman and trying to get it up

WTF ????? A few posts ago he "caused this" by passing a stupid comment.

Now you're back to saying that it wasn't a stupid comment and stating the above as if it were a fact ?

I give up! :rolleyes:

Sinall

Unregistered wrote: »

This is EXACTLY what I have been trying to get across but me being stupid by hitting him has completely taken it off the original subject. Don't forget this was and is still raw, I am bound to have wrote it how I did like it was nothing but I know violence is wrong, from both sexes.

Please guys, read this quoted post then comment.

OP, which one do you think it is? Do you think he

• made a tasteless joke
• or was serious about what he said and intended to cheat

Before you can see the best way forward you have to decide which you think it is. It can't be both.