ending to my short story

pheonix696

basically the main character is in world war 2 in the trenches and is engaged.He is told in the morning their charging across no mans land and being replaced by new soldiers.Its ok up to here.The current ending his father who he has never seen or met is in the new soldiers. The father recognises him but says nothing they talk and the father knocks him out and replaces him in the morning. The main character wakes up and its revealed he knew it was his father. anyone have suggestions for a knew ending?

Swizz

pheonix696 wrote: »

basically the main character is in world war 2 in the trenches and is engaged.He is told in the morning their charging across no mans land and being replaced by new soldiers.Its ok up to here.The current ending his father who he has never seen or met is in the new soldiers. The father recognises him but says nothing they talk and the father knocks him out and replaces him in the morning. The main character wakes up and its revealed he knew it was his father. anyone have suggestions for a knew ending?

Wha..?

Nice 1st post.

Dmullar

Thats a good ending, I wish I could come up with something like that!

Why exactly do you want a new ending? I really like that one!:)

pathway33

New ending.


His bird has shaved her head and is in the new soldiers. She recognises him. He doesn't recognise her but feels a strange attraction to this soldier and questions his own sexuality and his love for his bird who he thinks is back in england because how can he fancy his bird if he is attracted to this soldier like a soulmate.
During the night she batters him over the head hoping to knock him out but fails and he awakens to a crunching sound around his head. He sees his soulmate standing over him ready to pounce with the broom. He goes to strike his soulmate but freezes and takes the blow, for there is no greater gift a man can show than to lay down his life for his soulmate.
The main character wakes up in england and reveals he knew it was his bird all along, and he knew the real reason she was there was to tell him that she was pregnant with his fathers baby

Gloom

He woke up to discover it was all a dream! :pac:

jefreywithonef

He wakes up to discover it was all just a dream. Lying back down with a warm smile on his face he thanks the Lord for not being involved in any wars. Then with a sudden jolt he jumps up and screams "Ah bollocks, I've the Leaving in a week!! :eek:''.

electrogrimey

pathway33 wrote: »

New ending.


His bird has shaved her head and is in the new soldiers. She recognises him. He doesn't recognise her but feels a strange attraction to this soldier and questions his own sexuality and his love for his bird who he thinks is back in england because how can he fancy his bird if he is attracted to this soldier like a soulmate.
During the night she batters him over the head hoping to knock him out but fails and he awakens to a crunching sound around his head. He sees his soulmate standing over him ready to pounce with the broom. He goes to strike his soulmate but freezes and takes the blow, for there is no greater gift a man can show than to lay down his life for his soulmate.
The main character wakes up in england and reveals he knew it was his bird all along, and he knew the real reason she was there was to tell him that she was pregnant with his fathers baby

I like it, but I think they should have sex first, before he realises it's a woman, as she happens to love anal. But anyway, arn't you banking on there being a picture of a soldier in one of the texts? I'm doing the short story, but will think of one in the exam. Apparently they're being stricter this year on obivously learned-off stories, so I'd watch that.

pathway33

He wakes up to discover it was all just a dream. Lying back down with a warm smile on his face he thanks the Lord for not being involved in any wars. Then with a sudden jolt he jumps up and screams "Ah bollocks, I've the Leaving in a week!! ''. So instead of doing the leaving he joined the irish army but after 2 weeks he found out they didn't have any.......

SligoBrewer

pheonix696 wrote: »

basically the main character is in world war 2 in the trenches and is engaged

EPIC FAIL!

and I don't even do history!:D:D

da_shivsta

The whole father business is a bit awkward and not really that original (no offense here I don't mean to insult you) but maybe you should go into alot of detail about the actual combat, you know to show descriptive skills etc. And end it kinda ambiguously in the middle of it all... a shot gets fired n then it ends.... or something.. I should be better at this lol I'm doing English in college

Delta Kilo

You could still get away with that story even if a soldier doesn't come up. Last Year they specified a short story where setting is an important feature. I'm banking this year it will be where a character is significant.

I've one in the back pocket about a sniper. How original I hear you ask but it is after he has shot the victim. The cops are closing in and have set up a perimeter and it is how he avoids the police and escapes that is the story. There is another character whom he meets based on Susan Boyle. She is key to the escape!

If that fails, I'm fairly sure I could come up with something on the day. I'd probably be able to reuse some of the phrases anyway.

pathway33

Delta Kilo wrote: »

There is another character whom he meets based on Susan Boyle. She is key to the escape!

love it .....does she distract the garda suiochana with her singing?

If I could give people a bit of a tip on writing short stories:

Don't use big dramatic storylines (such as a sniper, or someone in a war etc.) - they won't get you your marks. The key to a good short story is to make the reader relate to the mental and emotional states of the main character; to show the reader (without explicitly saying what it is) what the main struggles are that the character has to overcome, and how these struggles affect his/her state of mind/emotional state. The best way to do this is to use a relatively mundane event - that way it won't distract the reader from the characters emotional and mental struggles.

Weekend Warrior

-JammyDodger- wrote: »

If I could give people a bit of a tip on writing short stories:

Don't use big dramatic storylines (such as a sniper, or someone in a war etc.) - they won't get you your marks. The key to a good short story is to make the reader relate to the mental and emotional states of the main character; to show the reader (without explicitly saying what it is) what the main struggles are that the character has to overcome, and how these struggles affect his/her state of mind/emotional state. The best way to do this is to use a relatively mundane event - that way it won't distract the reader from the characters emotional and mental struggles.

Yeah I'd agree with that...Most of my essays just had one or two characters and very little actually 'happened' in the stories, and I got A's. I wrote lots of desciptive stuff on their situation, how they felt, and the like.

christina_x

Id agree too! my sister did one with the title "war" and she twisted it to a group of kids having a water fight "water war 1" and got an A. its cute and unusual and easy to describe!

Delta Kilo

pathway33 wrote: »

love it .....does she distract the garda suiochana with her singing?

Not exactly. He is trying to escape and goes into a restaurant. He sees Susan Boyle sitting alone. She looks like she doesn't get male action too often so he goes over and chats her up. Anyways, long story short, they go off together to collect her cat from the vet and the last line of the story is "the police were blind to the loving couple" He just used her because he knew the police wouldn't see suspicion in a couple. He has his rifle in a guitar case.

-JammyDodger- wrote: »

If I could give people a bit of a tip on writing short stories:

Don't use big dramatic storylines (such as a sniper, or someone in a war etc.) - they won't get you your marks. The key to a good short story is to make the reader relate to the mental and emotional states of the main character; to show the reader (without explicitly saying what it is) what the main struggles are that the character has to overcome, and how these struggles affect his/her state of mind/emotional state. The best way to do this is to use a relatively mundane event - that way it won't distract the reader from the characters emotional and mental struggles.

Ya I agree. Mine isn't about the drama of the sniper waiting on his prey. It is how he meets Susan Boyle and uses her to escape. There is like 2 pages of dialogue in it, really clever dialogue.

I wrote it over the easter and gave it to my teacher to correct it. She thought it was class. She said she threw away the red biro after the 2nd paragraph and just sat back and enjoyed it.