When guys leer/comment

,8,1

nedtheshed wrote: »

Emmmm,she said some men.Not exactly a generalisation.

More like the truth,no?

It's still a highly generalising comment:

It's horrible, because it makes me doubt men's motives. Like, if a guy approaches me, I'm usually very guarded and presume he's shallow and vile like the rest of them

Lia_lia

GerCPM wrote: »

This thread is blow ur own trumpet thread..
"Oh I hate when men make comments or grab my bum":rolleyes:...When really u love and take it as a compliment..

Are you taking the piss? Do you really think girls like it when they are minding their own business and they get a hand on their ass? No thanks.


I get that that s*it all the time. If it's in a nightclub I usually physically push the fella away and shout horrible things to him. (being the lovely girlie I am!)

The worst was the rally weekend in Killarney this year. I couldn't walk into town to go to work..all those boy racers beeping and shouting...yock.

Dudess

Gals, WHY do ye feed it?!

,8,1 wrote: »

It's still a highly generalising comment:

Why do you hate women?

Dudess

,8,1 wrote: »

[Feminist Stock Response]Now now now, you mustn't generalise.[/Feminist Stock Response]

Also

[Feminist Stock Response]What's with all the hate on the forums these days.[/Feminist Stock Response]

Actually it's funny that those feminist stock responses are only valid if women are being generalised negatively.

Otherwise generalisations are just fine.

Why are you so confident those "stock responses" aren't genuine when made in relation to generalisations against men?
Answer: no reason but you need to hate women so you'll just say so anyway?

And you know the way you love Margaret Thatcher (zzzzz)? Well she wouldn't have got to be so powerful if it wasn't for the feminist movement.

Otis Driftwood

,8,1 wrote: »

It's still a highly generalising comment:

How about this then.


You meet 10 dogs (canines) and each of them bite you.

Canine #11 comes along,are you going to try and pet it?

Unlikely.

pikachucheeks

GerCPM wrote: »

This thread is blow ur own trumpet thread..
"Oh I hate when men make comments or grab my bum":rolleyes:...When really u love and take it as a compliment...

Imagine being in court;

"I didn't sexually assault her - I was paying her a compliment!"

No one has the right to touch you without your consent. I can't imagine any woman would be pleased if a stranger approached her and grabbed her - and I can't understand how a man would think it a good idea to grab a woman to get her attention or shout a comment at her.

What do they expect?

"I shouted 'nice arse' at her and she slapped me. I was expecting her to reply thanking me and giving me her number"

COME ON :P

gmitStu wrote: »

I saw a guy fall off his motor bike and nearly get run over by a car he was so busy trying to get a look at a lady jogger.

That just made me snort! :pac:

And ,8,1 ; I wasn't trying to generalise. I'm just a bit skeptical of some men, given some of the stories in the post and my experiences, it's hardly surprising.

pikachucheeks

"It's horrible, because it makes me doubt men's motives. Like, if a guy approaches me, I'm usually very guarded and presume he's shallow and vile like the rest of them"

men's motives ; the motives of the men who approach me.

like the rest of them ; the men I've had negative experiences with.

There.

I don't think all men are awful people, but I have met a lot of guys who give the male race a bad name.

FlawedGenius

Ok touching is a bit too far but, the whistles and all the shouting from cars, u love it ! Would u prefer people shouting "ha ur ugly" or calling u a fat bitch ?? No, it is a little confidence booster for yiz.
Very few wimmen hate it, most pretend they do when actually its a chance to let people know what happened the other day and that the felas in the cars fancy them etc.
Wimmen dont like the pinching of the bum, grabbing the TIT etc.. thats sexual harassment alright, but even a harmless pinch of the bum even, I reckon some females take it as a compliment.

pikachucheeks

GerCPM wrote: »

...Wimmen dont like the pinching of the bum, grabbing the TIT etc.. thats sexual harassment alright, but even a harmless pinch of the bum even, I reckon some females take it as a compliment.

Maybe some "wimmen" like it, but I take it as a pain in the arse - literally

challengemaster

nedtheshed wrote: »

Jesus Christ.
Any wonder its so bloody difficult to try and chat to a stranger on a night out when assholes like that exist.

And apparently are on boards too. in tLL *ahem*

:cool:

RealEstateKing

theres a huge difference between touching somebody and staring at them.

Noibody should be allowed to touch you if you didnt ask them to and the police should be called instantly, or the person ejectd from the club.

But staring is a world of difference, most of us WANT to be stared at a little bit, some of the time, its the degree that is bothersome.

But while yelling inappropriate comments is out of order, there has never been and never will be a time when men dont stare at the women around them, its simply the way of things.

In any case, one day when your looks have faded, you'll become invisible, and how you'll long fo rthe days when people stared.

Sic Transit Gloria Mundi and all that.

CoachBoone

Not trying to be controversial but can you blame men for leering? Its kinda what we are preprogrammed to do. Now dont get me wrong, I am respectful and mannerly always (well I like to think I am) but even my eyes wander sometimes but Id say thats natural.

Commenting is always disastrous because the commentator always makes a douche out of himself, and the commentee never feels good about it. Lose/lose.

pikachucheeks

RealEstateKing wrote: »

In any case, one day when your looks have faded, you'll become invisible...

Not if you become one of the lucky elderly ladies who gets a massive beard!

CoachBoone wrote: »

Not trying to be controversial but can you blame men for leering? Its kinda what we are preprogrammed to do. Now dont get me wrong, I am respectful and mannerly always (well I like to think I am) but even my eyes wander sometimes but Id say thats natural.

Commenting is always disastrous because the commentator always makes a douche out of himself, and the commentee never feels good about it. Lose/lose.

See, that's fine - you have limits! You know it's not ok to make remarks.
Looking is normal, everyone has a little peep at someone they find attractive - I can deal with that! I'd find it a bit scary if someone *obviously* stared at me and didn't break eye-contact at all though... and I'd say that's natural!

Dave147

Jesus it's pretty sad that these men feel the need to make comments about a woman passing, have they not seen that before? I must admit, if I'm out and about and I see an attractive lady (regardless of what she's wearing, not into stereotypical staring at skimpy dressed women) I'll have a glance, maybe two if she's striking. But I won't gawk nor will I make a comment, I am just appreciating a good looking woman. Why can't everyone else just do this and then be on their merry way?

spinandscribble

pookie82 wrote: »

Unfortunately I was standing at a bar once when a guy dropped his hand, shoved it up my skirt and grabbed a handful of flesh!!!! To me that was bordering on assault, drunk or not (him), so I retorted with violence. Not a smart thing to do I know, but it was a gut reaction.

Some guys are disgusting, thinking they can get away with doing that. I wonder how they'd feel if we willingly groped a handful of scrotum everytime we felt like it.

its that type of behaviour that made me dread going out at night sometimes. i'm sorry but no man in the land has the right to grab my ass/breast uninvited. alcohol is not an excuse. its a really horrible feeling and it makes you feel so powerless. if you twist his hand or bat him away you're the one getting spat on.

i find men around where i'm living in the states are more more like gentlemen on nights out then my hometown of galway. it could be where i'm going out though.

CoachBoone

pikachucheeks wrote: »

See, that's fine - you have limits! You know it's not ok to make remarks.
Looking is normal, everyone has a little peep at someone they find attractive - I can deal with that! I'd find it a bit scary if someone *obviously* stared at me and didn't break eye-contact at all though... and I'd say that's natural!

After re-reading my post again, I found there really wasn't anything controversial about it at all .

If someone didnt break eye contact with me I think Id be more freaked out by that than any comments. There is something really unnerving about someone giving you full focus.

Dragan

CoachBoone wrote: »

Not trying to be controversial but can you blame men for leering? Its kinda what we are preprogrammed to do. Now dont get me wrong, I am respectful and mannerly always (well I like to think I am) but even my eyes wander sometimes but Id say thats natural.

Commenting is always disastrous because the commentator always makes a douche out of himself, and the commentee never feels good about it. Lose/lose.

That is the most tired argument i have ever seen in my life, "we are just men".

I am not ****ing enlightened or anything, but i know it's simple manners to NOT shout rubbish at people in the streets, particularly to a female on her own, particularly if i am in a safer position ( removed by them being on foot and me being in a car ) and particularly if i am with more people and outnumber them.

That's basically called being a ****ing pussy.

You say your eyes wander sometimes....there is a pretty MASSIVE difference between that and shouting "Hey lady, did you ever have your asshole licked out by a fatman in an overcoat."*

*Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, quote inserted for comedy purpose.

I grow tired of this common defence of men, that we are just men. From what i can gather, being "just a man" means i am supposed to get too drunk, talk too little, be emotionally closed off and apparently completely lacking in any control between what goes on in my hind brain.

It's ridiculous.

Personally these shouty types are my own favourite victim and should a female friend or family member be on the receiving end i will happily get in their face if given the nod ( my female friends are very forgiving and often forego their female independance in favour of allowing me to entertain myself for five minutes ), the attitude seems to change very dramatically and suddenly these men, acting only on their own programming have no desire to hang around and slouch off like scolded puppies, tales between their legs.

So, is that what a man is programmed to do, because the ratio for these "men" ****ing off after i tell them to is about 1:1.

MadgeBadge

My friend, who's particularly large chested, encounters this sort of behaviour all the time. Sometimes we'll be on a walk and cars will slow down, beep horns, things shouted from the window, etc. Even when she dresses conservatively. I don't know how she puts up with it. The worst is when men older than her Father leer or pass a comment. I suppose it's toughed her up, because I don't know anyone more able to counter their comments. They don't stand a chance.

I rarely come up against this (being of the small chested variety), however I have noticed that hot days, and being stuck in a car appear to be the ideal conditions for this behaviour to breed.

Loomis

Dragan; his argument of "we are men after all" was a defense for looking at women, not groping or making comments. Rant wasted.

I've seen some men make comments to women walking or running around Dublin and it tends to be a big show for the friends they are with. Which makes them morons in general, not specifically disrespectful to women. Guys who make comments like that to get adoration from d'lads are pretty much guaranteed to be spastics in any other situation also.

I'm not sure about the comments thing. I definitely wouldn't approve of disgusting comments where insults are thrown or sexual comments are made but I would agree with other users that women would enjoy some comments if they aren't completely tasteless. If a guy simply said you looked hot I don't see why this should be a problem. On the other hand I think there could be the argument that if the guy who made a comment was the girls idea of sex on legs I doubt they'd have a problem with almost any comment he had to make.

As for groping I've no idea how a guy can even contemplate this. It's beyond crazy. It's either a sad case that he's never had and never will again have physical contact with a woman so gets a grope in or that he thinks he's somehow hilarious or will gain the affection of the woman. Either outlook makes the guys who do this fairly braindead.

The majority of men are not braindead I might add.

Khannie

GirlInterrupted wrote: »

I would never let the bad manners of passers-by make me insecure about my appearance though.

Do you really consider it bad manners to look? Boobs practically poke men in the eye. It is almost impossible not to look at them when an attractive pair pass you by (god knows I try). You multiply this by half the population and I'm sure it gets irritating, but men do it because it's natural to want to look at boobs.

I would never open my gob mind you. That is beyond bad manners IMO. Also, I wonder what these people hope to achieve....

"hey....mr. shouter man.....come back....I find you irresistible with your shouting about my appearance as you drive past!" *purr*

shellyboo

GerCPM wrote: »

Ok touching is a bit too far but, the whistles and all the shouting from cars, u love it ! Would u prefer people shouting "ha ur ugly" or calling u a fat bitch ?? No, it is a little confidence booster for yiz.

It's a testament to stupid men everywhere that you seem to think that these are the only two ways a man can interact with a woman.

Dragan wrote: »

That is the most tired argument i have ever seen in my life, "we are just men".


I grow tired of this common defence of men, that we are just men. From what i can gather, being "just a man" means i am supposed to get too drunk, talk too little, be emotionally closed off and apparently completely lacking in any control between what goes on in my hind brain.

It's ridiculous.

It's incredibly ridiculous. I'd love to see the reaction of women in here if we explained any female trait away with "sure we're only women".

Men are just as capable of having manners and respect as women are. We shouldn't hold them to a lower standard than we expect from ourselves just because they're men. That kind of attitude perpetrates the behaviour we're talking about.


As for rude comments and groping... not so much during the day, but it always, always happens when I go out sans bf. Was on a hen weekend recently and spent half the evening removing hands from my arse and boobs. It's not just straight men, either - gay guys are actually worse, in my experience. I've been snogged on the lips by random men in the George, and on one occasion, motorboated. And it's not ok.


Guys, when you're wondering why women are narky to you when you approach them - this kind of guy is the reason. It's not an excuse for women to be rude, but it really does put us on our guard.

DapperGent

Thread made me remember this:

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28017

hobochris

The uninvited touching or shouting obscenities is a bit much..

But as far as the looking is concerned: (Straight)Men Like to look at attractive women.. Deal with it, if anything you should be flattered, because if a guy is looking at you in the manner described here he clearly finds you attractive.

Dragan

Mr. Anderson wrote: »

Dragan; his argument of "we are men after all" was a defense for looking at women, not groping or making comments. Rant wasted.

A good rant is never wasted.:)

Doghouse

GerCPM wrote: »

Ok touching is a bit too far but, the whistles and all the shouting from cars, u love it ! Would u prefer people shouting "ha ur ugly" or calling u a fat bitch ?? No, it is a little confidence booster for yiz.

:rolleyes: I think most women would rather that these people kept their comments to themselves. It's not a confidence booster to have remarks passed loudly and publicly about your appearance, no matter how 'complimentary'. It's just embarrassing and annoying and you wish they'd f*ck off and mind their own business.

winking weber

Yes this sort of behaviour is widespread, especially where there's drink taken. And then people wonder why women act all defensive when approached.

Nothing is guaranteed to set me off quite like an unsolicited grope.

pikachucheeks

Khannie wrote: »

Do you really consider it bad manners to look? Boobs practically poke men in the eye. It is almost impossible not to look at them when an attractive pair pass you by (god knows I try). You multiply this by half the population and I'm sure it gets irritating, but men do it because it's natural to want to look at boobs.

hobochris wrote: »

But as far as the looking is concerned: (Straight)Men Like to look at attractive women.. Deal with it, if anything you should be flattered, because if a guy is looking at you in the manner described here he clearly finds you attractive.

I don't think it's bad manner to look but when someone is obviously staring at you and making comments about you to their friends, or staring and not looking away when you've clearly noticed ... it's more than a little uncomfortable!

Everyone has a little look when they see someone they think is hot - but it's all about being somewhat subtle!

Doghouse wrote: »

:rolleyes: I think most women would rather that these people kept their comments to themselves. It's not a confidence booster to have remarks passed loudly and publicly about your appearance, no matter how 'complimentary'. It's just embarrassing and annoying and you wish they'd f*ck off and mind their own business.

Too right!

Plus, really, what do the guys expect? "I shouted 'nice tits' at this lovely-looking woman today, they she came over, gave me her number and asked me to call her whenever I felt horny!"

At most, they can expect a dirty look!
:P

Professey Chin

I really gotta wonder why so many men do stuff like this One of the girls I know gave the best response I ever heard though.
Headin home from a night out and fellas drivin past did the usual window down, start shoutin the usual "nice legs,arse,t!ts etc etc etc"
Without a 2nd thought she just shouts back "I HAVE A KN0B!"
After a few seconds of shock they disappeared quite rapidly.

Khannie

Ultimate Chin wrote: »

Without a 2nd thought she just shouts back "I HAVE A KN0B!"
After a few seconds of shock they disappeared quite rapidly.

Still laughing about 2 minutes later. You get a roflcopter.

Searlait

Personally, I just throw on the headphones when running, I'm out for a run, who needs to be bothered by all that sh1te!