Flatmate won't stop smoking

AARRRGH

Hello all

I'm just looking for opinions on this.

My current flatmate moved in about three months ago. When she first came to see the flat she asked can she smoke in the apartment (wasn't a deal breaker, said she didn't mind either way) and I told her she could as long as she smokes in her room with the door closed next to the open window.

Well fast forward three months later and she's smoking 30 a day next to a closed window. The apartment reeks of smoke. It's disgusting.

I asked her last week to stop smoking in the apartment. She said OK but continued to smoke in her room. So last night I pleaded with her to stop as it's making the apartment disgusting and it's hurting my chest. I told her she will need to stand in the corridor outside the apartment (there is a large window which you can open in the corridor at our apartment door) if she wants to have a smoke.

She agreed to this.

Well guess what? No change, she is still smoking in the apartment.

Would it be unreasonable of me to have another talk with her tonight, telling her she will have to move out (two weeks notice) if she wants to continue smoking in the apartment?

I would describe her as a very childish, troubled girl, so I'm not surprised she is being a dick.

Any opinions?

Thanks for reading.

the_syco

AARRRGH wrote: »

it's hurting my chest.

AARRRGH wrote: »

Would it be unreasonable of me to have another talk with her tonight, telling her she will have to move out (two weeks notice) if she wants to continue smoking in the apartment?

Just boot her out. You gave her a chance, and she didn't take it. I'm a smoker, but I smoke outside, unless the others in the house smoke, and the non-smokers don't mind me smoking.

xxxevelinexxx

i use to smoke and there is no way i would rent a place where i could not smoke, she should of thought of that b4 she moved in ,she prob feels hard done by in her head !!!!thats why she is smokin in your apartment still ,just tell her that she has to go before one of ye lose your head some nite with each other , i feel sorry 4 her cause there soooooo hard to give up and the price

Eurorunner

Depends on how important the apartment is to you but the smoke will destroy it. Its a toss up between that and the bother of having her move out and having to get someone else in/ability to get someone else in.
IF you do decide to have her move out, she's probably well entitled to feel a bit aggrieved as you did kind of say she could smoke.
Maybe a few annoying smoke alarms would do the trick! (that said, would depend on the character - might end up annoying you more than her).
Have had three smokers in the house - all with prior agreement that there was no smoking in the house. 2 out of the three were true to their word. The third did his best to conceal it but probably should have been watching a bit more CSI (fag butts within firing distance of the window...).

Duckjob

If you were that straight-up about it from day 1 before she moved in, then by moving in she agreed to your terms. If she didn't like those terms she should've looked for another smoker to share with.

Sound like she's pushing it...

The_Conductor

Strong likelyhood that all your deposits are gone. Normally a landlord will insist on drycleaning any curtains and almost fumigating an apartment after a smoker.

The problem is two fold- she is taking the piss- and you didn't understand her smoking habit at the outset and gave her carte blanche, to take the piss (in her mind)......

Jaysoose

This is kind of self inflicted, you told her she could smoke inside beside the window, then outside and now you think your gonna have to kick her out.. conflicting messages from day one.

To be fair she doesnt sound very considerate and if she wont stop after a proper sitdown chat about the issue then personally i would look to get rid of her.

Is the apartment yours or rented? if rented then would there have to be a pre-existing non smoking rule of some sort put in place by the landlord or else she is not really breaking any rules.

Tough one though living with inconsiderate people good luck with this.

xxxevelinexxx

brill smoke alarms and by law they should be installed by the landlord already ,god i hope you have them SOOOOO important good luck

AARRRGH

Thanks for the replies everyone. Yeah she's still smoking in the apartment. Very childish.

I'm after coming down with a case of the mumps so I don't have the energy to deal with this now, so I'm going to tolerate it until I'm better.

Eurorunner

only last consideration is insurance....or is that all covered by a general policy via management cpy when it comes to apartments? If not, make sure you have policy adjusted to cover smoking occupant.

Kipperhell

There is a few things here that just seem wrong. Firstly permission to smoke was given and then retracted. The clear definition of where that was allowable was stated. Sounds like that agreement never stood.

If she is smoking in her own room I doubt there would be any way the smoke could make the OP's chest hurt. Even in the same room for every fag this is is unlikely to have such an immediate effect.

I also doubt the number that is smoked as when I smoked a non-smoker in work thought I smoke 20 a day in work when I had max 5. Just difficult to judge if you never smoked

Smoke alarms for domestic use don't go off for cigarette smoke by design but will go off when you cook a rasher.

The only solution is to ask her to leave.

MysticalSoul

Kipperhell wrote: »

If she is smoking in her own room I doubt there would be any way the smoke could make the OP's chest hurt. Even in the same room for every fag this is is unlikely to have such an immediate effect.

As someone who has been asthmatic most of my life, one cigarette can trigger it. I am allergic to smoke, and just being around someone who has had one cigarette in my presence, my throat will hurt for 2-3 days afterwards. Some smokers don't seem to understand the negative effects it can have on non-smokers.

The_Conductor

MysticalSoul wrote: »

As someone who has been asthmatic most of my life, one cigarette can trigger it. I am allergic to smoke, and just being around someone who has had one cigarette in my presence, my throat will hurt for 2-3 days afterwards. Some smokers don't seem to understand the negative effects it can have on non-smokers.

If the OP is too- in all fairness- they should never have indicated that smoking, even of a limited nature, was fine.

HashSlinging

How have you lasted 3 months with this person, seriously give her notice to quit and get on with your life!

smccarrick

smccarrick wrote: »

If the OP is too- in all fairness- they should never have indicated that smoking, even of a limited nature, was fine.

This is the problem really. I've been away with non-smoking mates before and at the start they'd all say it was fine to smoke in hotel rooms etc, but tbh from a smokers POV you can't see how badly the room is with smoke because you're so used to it. Even when I'd be smoking out on a balcony I'd still end up with complaints that the smoke was blowing back into the room where as I wouldnt be able to smell a tiny bit of smoke it was a real annoyance to the non-smokers.

Lesson learned OP. Tell her you thought you could handle the smoke but from now on theres no smoking at all. If she wants to smoke out in the hallway like you said then let her, but otherwise she'll have to go because like any other smoker I know that if you're coming in late or having one in the morning you love to have it in your room and not have to go far to have one.

star.chaser

i'm in the opposite situation. went to see this house. asked if anyone in the house smoked. the guy showing me said yes but we smoke out the back. for the first few weeks they did. then it moved inside the back door. Then it was in the bedrooms. now its in the kitchen. bastards

AARRRGH

Thanks for the replies everyone.

Firstly, I accept responsibility for selecting her as a flatmate, and I should have been clearer about smoking from the start.

However she did say she didn't mind not smoking in the apartment, and is ok with the idea of smoking in the corridor, so I took this to mean "let's see how things go and if it's a problem she can smoke outside".

She does literally smoke 30+ per day (she told me) and the apartment is very smokey. It's not like it's just a bit of a smell of smoke (I can handle that) but that the place now reeks of smoke. As stated, even my bed smells of smoke, and my bedroom is not that close to her room.

I think the problem is that when I'm not there she is smoking with her door open. Also, the fact that she has continued smoking in her room despite having agreed twice to stop does suggest to me that she would have always ignored the "smoke by an open window" rule.

It's just annoying, as she knows it's bothering me but doesn't care. I currently pay more on the bills (for example, I pay all our internet bill) because I know she doesn't have a huge amount of money, so it seems a bit unfair that she's taking the piss when I am being reasonably kind to her.

Anyway, when I get better I will have another talk with her. If she refuses to stop smoking in the apartment I will just kick her out.

AARRRGH

AARRRGH wrote: »

She does literally smoke 30+ per day (she told me) and the apartment is very smokey. It's not like it's just a bit of a smell of smoke (I can handle that) but that the place now reeks of smoke. As stated, even my bed smells of smoke, and my bedroom is not that close to her room.

I think the problem is that when I'm not there she is smoking with her door open. Also, the fact that she has continued smoking in her room despite having agreed twice to stop does suggest to me that she would have always ignored the "smoke by an open window" rule.

On the first point, she probably wouldn't be able to smell anything if she went into her room. She's too used to it so probably can't see what the fuss is about.

Secondly, smoking out a window - half the smoke goes out and half of it goes back inside. At 30 a day the house is gonna smell anyway. I doubt she would smoke with the door open, us smokers are well aware of things like that. Smoking with a window open can end up just pushing the smoke back under the door and through the house.

She's either going to have to smoke outside (What I have to do and I actually like it seeing as I smoke alot less now and well, it's summer - in the winter it sucks.) or move out. You're gonna keep thinking she's breaking your rules and she's going to keep thinking you're nitpicking over nothing.

AARRRGH

**** ANNOYING UPDATE ****

So, my flatmate is still smoking. Today she tells me she can't pay the rent - she wants to use her deposit to pay this months rent. There is no compromise available as she says she has no money.

Couple of problems with this -

- She is moving out in the middle of next month, so she has to pay some rent next month too. What if she has "no money" then? The security of a deposit won't be there.
- She has the emersion on all day (really annoying - I've asked her to stop this but she won't) so I'm expecting a large ESB bill roughly around the date she is moving out. Will she be able to pay this?

She says there will be no problem, she will have money next month, but I dunno, I have a bad feeling about this.

My option is to kick her out now, but the problem is I am going on holidays for three weeks this weekend, so I won't be around to make sure she leaves.

WTF is wrong with people... ahhh why can't they just be reasonable and pay their rent and not be dickheads.

Any advice? I really don't know what to do - risk losing money (she may or may not be honest next month) or kick her out during my holiday so when I get back I have *some* of the deposit left to pay for bills?

Annoying.

Gulliver

If she can afford to smoke 30 a day, she can afford to pay her rent. Tell her she can use her deposit next month if she wants. Don't let her leave you in the lurch. You may also find it hard to get a non-smoker to take that room now. The mattress, curtains etc will reek.

The_Conductor

Its a really poxy time to be going on holidays- if I were in your shoes I'd show her the door and change the locks *before* I went anywhere. In short- she is abusing the place, not paying rent, knows she is going- and has free rein to do whatsoever she chooses for several weeks in your absence. I'm really sorry- but I think its insane to consider going on hols allowing her to stay in those circumstances. If she was a good flatmate, had paid her rent- and you thought she was there in the medium to longterm- that would be different.

Ps- leaving the immersion on all day will burn out the element- totally aside from the ESB bill......

D3PO

do not accept this. demand she gets a loan from somebody. shes taking you for a mug and will continue to do so until you take action.

tell her to pay up by the end of the day or her stuff will be in black bags outside the front door.

Duckjob

Agree with SMcCarrick.

Worst thing you could do is head off on holidays telling her she's to be gone when you get back. God knows what she might do if she has to leave with bad blood between you and is feeling spiteful.

Edit: I bet the room-living introvert doesn't seem so bad now :pac:

AARRRGH

Thanks for the replies everyone.

Yeah I have just told her she has to pay the rent, no choice. If she refuses, I am going to try to get a new flatmate today or tomorrow, and kick out my current flatmate immediately.

As she is under the "rent a room" scheme, I have to give her "reasonable notice". Do you think no notice qualifies as reasonable notice when you aren't paying your rent?

Duckjob wrote: »

I bet the room-living introvert doesn't seem so bad now :pac:

Haha yeah at least she paid the rent and bills on time. Although, in fairness, that should not be seen as a bonus!

D3PO

under rent a room you dont have to give her any notice. sling her out the door today

NewFrockTuesday

AARRRGH wrote: »

Thanks for the replies everyone.

Yeah I have just told her she has to pay the rent, no choice. If she refuses, I am going to try to get a new flatmate today or tomorrow, and kick out my current flatmate immediately.

As she is under the "rent a room" scheme, I have to give her "reasonable notice". Do you think no notice qualifies as reasonable notice when you aren't paying your rent?




Haha yeah at least she paid the rent and bills on time. Although, in fairness, that should not be seen as a bonus!

I learned the hard way to be tough with housemates. I had a thread up before about one girl in particular. Thankfully, I dont have to live with anyone now, but for 2 years I did.
My own opinion is pretty hardline. I was a smoker for years and smoked in the house. Now I dont and cant tolerate it at all and wont. Housemate a messy feck? Heres the door. Housemate not paying rent? Heres the door. Bills arent luxury items - having lived with one guy who nearly cried everytime I had to wrestle the leccy money out of his clenched hands - heres the door, dont let it hit you on the arse on the way out.

In short, shes doing this because she can. Put your foot down, get whats owed to you and then get rid of her in the fastest time possible. No respect, no room.

Good luck

AARRRGH

Deepsense wrote: »

In short, shes doing this because she can.

I agree. It wouldn't be the first time someone has taken advantage of my good nature.

I have an advert up on daft and I'm already getting replies. If she doesn't have the rent today, she's gone... Ah I hate doing this, but my gut instinct is telling me she is up to no good.

What is wrong with people...

Xiney

I've said it before (probably on this very forum) but I'll say it again:

There are two things in the world that are guaranteed to turn you into a cynical misanthrope: coworkers and roommates. If they don't, you're probably the one causing the problems.

The_Conductor

Xiney wrote: »

I've said it before (probably on this very forum) but I'll say it again:

There are two things in the world that are guaranteed to turn you into a cynical misanthrope: coworkers and roommates. If they don't, you're probably the one causing the problems.

Lol..... so true.....

OP- its not the case that you have to be the good guy- or even give her notice of any kind whatsoever. She is living with you- under licence, she is not a tenant, and she has none of the rights afforded to a tenant. If she tries to tell you otherwise (and she will, believe you me), she is wrong.

Advise her to pack her things and leave this evening. If she doesn't- wait until she goes in the morning- change the locks on the door- and advise her she can collect her things at 5PM (or whenever suits you).

S.

AARRRGH

Thanks for the replies everyone. I'm thinking I will say this to her -

Option 1 - pay your rent and continue as normal.
Option 2 - I give you three weeks notice (i.e. move out the day I return from my holidays) and I keep the extra money (i.e. the fourth week) from the deposit for bills.
Option 3 - move out tomorrow, as I have someone ready to move in on Saturday.

The reason I am giving option 2 is because (sorry) even though she is a spa, I want to continue being myself, i.e. a nice person.

What makes this worse is she knows I've been really sick the past three weeks (mumps + mumps complications) and knows I'm going on holidays this weekend, so she knows I'm not 100%.

Btw, she is not Irish, and she is leaving Ireland forever next month. It's easy for her to do a legger.

NewFrockTuesday

AARRRGH wrote: »

Thanks for the replies everyone. I'm thinking I will say this to her -

Option 1 - pay your rent and continue as normal.
Option 2 - I give you three weeks notice (i.e. move out the day I return from my holidays) and I keep the extra money (i.e. the fourth week) from the deposit for bills.
Option 3 - move out tomorrow, as I have someone ready to move in on Saturday.

The reason I am giving option 2 is because (sorry) even though she is a spa, I want to continue being myself, i.e. a nice person.

What makes this worse is she knows I've been really sick the past three weeks (mumps + mumps complications) and knows I'm going on holidays this weekend, so she knows I'm not 100%.

Btw, she is not Irish, and she is leaving Ireland forever next month. It's easy for her to do a legger.

Option 3 should be what you tell her. If you start giving choices out shes'll just feck you about while she decides and presto! youre gone on Saturday and when you come back, shes gone and your gaff is robbed or trashed. If shes leaving next month, shes just trying to make an eejit of you and not pay rent. If she has no money, show her the phone book and tell her to ring for a hostel cos youre not a charity.


It might sound a bit coldhearted, but people do try to rip you off. I would never have allowed anyone to use their deposit as rent. Its your wall against damage. Youre the one left with the bills and whatever damage has been done through wear and tear. Honestly, I was dreading the confrontation with my ex housemate, but when I mulled it over, she was completly in the wrong and using weapons such as moodiness is just bullying.

Xiney is so right!