Few Jokies

I fell asleep at the wheel today. Oh Christ! What a mess.
There was clay everywhere!



I've invented a more efficient whisk,
It's causing quite a stir.



I just broke up with this cross-eyed chick.

I thought she was seeing someone else.



Did you hear about the man who opened a yacht showroom?

Sales went through the roof.



My mother just rang me - she's worried she may be getting Alzheimers.

I told her to forget about it.

chin_grin

LittleNipper wrote: »

I fell asleep at the wheel today. Oh Christ! What a mess.
There was clay everywhere!

Facepalm moment with this one......was sitting there going "whu?" then "AAAAAAAAH".

Thanks a mil!

L_gaucho

chin_grin wrote: »

Facepalm moment with this one......was sitting there going "whu?" then "AAAAAAAAH".

Thanks a mil!

Yep , same as that

Podge2k7

Good stuff!

TheKnowledge

While in the playground with his friend, Little Johnny noticed that Jimmy was wearing a brand new, shiny watch. "Did you get that for your birthday?" asked Little Johnny. "Nope." replied Jimmy. "Well, did you get it for Christmas then?". Again Jimmy says "Nope." "You didnt steal it, did you?" asks Little Johnny. "No," said Jimmy. "I went into Mom and Dads bedroom the other night when they were doing the nasty. Dad gave me his watch to get rid of me.

Little Johnny was extremely impressed with this idea, and extremely jealous of Jimmys new watch. He vowed to get one for himself. That night, he waited outside his parents bedroom until he heard the unmistakable noises of
lovemaking. Just then, he swung the door wide open and boldly strode into the bedroom. His father, caught in mid stroke, turned and said angrily. "What do you want now?" "I wanna watch," Johnny replied.

Without missing a stroke, his father said, "Fine. Stand in the corner and watch, but keep quiet."

Lon.C

Two youngfella's were caught by the guards this afternoon..One was drinking battery acid.The other was eating fireworks....They charged one and let the other off.

Did ye hear bout the fella who lived in a wheel.
He got a puncture, now he lives in a flat.

A pair of battery jumper cables walk into a bar. The bartender says, "You can come in here, but you better not start anything!"



A penguin walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Has my father been in here?" The bartender says, "I don't know. What does he look like?"




A guy with dyslexia walks into a bra.

bigtimecharlie

LittleNipper wrote: »

A guy with dyslexia walks into a bra.

A guy with dyslexia swallowed an F.