Capitalism

Hagar

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

AMERICAN CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.

AUSTRALIAN CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

FRENCH CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.

JAPANESE CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them worldwide.

GERMAN CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat only once a month, and milk themselves.

BRITISH CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. Both are mad.

CANADIAN CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. Come to think of it, they look more like a pair of moose - in fact, yes they are. One speaks French, one speaks English. One fights to create a new country, the other won't let it. They both play ice hockey rather well.

ITALIAN CAPITALISM:
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.

RUSSIAN CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

SWISS CAPITALISM:
You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge an outrageous fee to others for storing them.

CHINESE CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest and detain without trial the journalist who reported the number of cows.

NEW ZEALAND CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. That one on the left is kinda cute...

kyote00

IRISH CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell the grass land to a property developer but continue to claim milk quota for 200 cows.:D

banquo

Thoroughly enjoyed that.

Stabshauptmann

Posted in the politics forum:

Clerk_T_Hazzard wrote: »

A Fianna Fáil corporation
You have two cows. You sell one cow and use the money to bribe a vet to have the other one rezoned as a bull. Using the bull****, you build a load of apartments.

A Fine Gael corporation
You are traditionally a big farmer. However, your heifers are jealous that they were never rezoned as bulls and your bullocks have a habit of clumsily slipping on banana skins as they vainly attempt to mount the heifers. Any milk you have is bitter.

A Labour corporation
You have no cows but plenty of smoked salmon which you want to nationalise. Hence, you smell a bit fishy, which is not much of an improvement on bull****.

A Green corporation
You have some lovely cows, which you bring to the milking parlour, promising everyone that you will return with wholesome, organic, free-range milk. You return with a barrel of piss and claim not to have broken any promises.

A Sinn Féin corporation
Your cows have been decommissioned but no one will drink your milk.

A Libertas corporation
You have no cows but stink of bull. Everyone wonders where the smell came from.

A Progressive Democrat
You only have one cow left, which you have been fattening for a long time ...