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Advice ladies please.....

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  • 02-06-2009 5:15pm
    #1
    purplelady83
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9 ✭


    Not sure how to start this so I'm just gonna jump straight in. My boyfriend (of just over a year) was away with friends at the weekend. Anyway, after he got back, he asked me to send a txt from his phone while he was driving. I noticed that the last txt number on his phone was from a girl. Giving in to my curiosity I checked the sent messages (I know I shouldn't have) and the one(/s) to her had been deleted. I didn't say anything to him at the time, due to shock, confusion etc..etc.. I have no idea who this girl is but I know that he's had her number for a good while. Should I be worried....?


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    #2
    minidazzler
    Registered Users Posts: 14,739 ✭✭✭✭minidazzler


    If I was going out with a girl and texting another girl about even the most innocuous of things I would delete the messages and any trace of them that would lead to any amount of suspicion simply because I don't want to be asked why I am texting someone.

    So don't be worried.


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    #3
    shellyboo
    Registered Users Posts: 5,883 ✭✭✭shellyboo


    purplelady83 wrote: »
    Not sure how to start this so I'm just gonna jump straight in. My boyfriend (of just over a year) was away with friends at the weekend. Anyway, after he got back, he asked me to send a txt from his phone while he was driving. I noticed that the last txt number on his phone was from a girl. Giving in to my curiosity I checked the sent messages (I know I shouldn't have) and the one(/s) to her had been deleted. I didn't say anything to him at the time, due to shock, confusion etc..etc.. I have no idea who this girl is but I know that he's had her number for a good while. Should I be worried....?


    I don't think you need to be worried. If he had something to hide, he'd be too nervous and paranoid to let you anywhere near his phone, just in case!

    There's a million reasons why he could have been texting her - perhaps she text him, and he replied out of politeness, but deleted the messages in case they caused trouble? I've had to do that once or twice, and there was truly nothing going on except old flames hassling me.


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    #4
    monellia
    Closed Accounts Posts: 284 ✭✭monellia


    minidazzler wrote: »
    If I was going out with a girl and texting another girl about even the most innocuous of things I would delete the messages and any trace of them that would lead to any amount of suspicion simply because I don't want to be asked why I am texting someone.

    So don't be worried.
    That's a rather narrow-minded view. It may very well turn out that she does have a reason to be worried. Whatever your motivation for deleting the messages, it's still deceptive behaviour and people don't feel the need to be deceptive unless they have something to hide. OP, I think it highly unlikely that he would delete these particular texts if they weren't in some way incriminating. They're probably being "harmlessly flirtatious" with each other, and he thinks that you would be intolerant of this.


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    #5
    Khannie
    Registered Users Posts: 37,485 ✭✭✭✭Khannie


    monellia wrote: »
    It may very well turn out that she does have a reason to be worried.

    Maybe.
    monellia wrote: »
    They're probably being "harmlessly flirtatious" with each other, and he thinks that you would be intolerant of this.

    I don't mean to be pedantic, but on one hand you're saying "maybe" and on the other hand you're saying "probably". They're two /very/ different words. To be fair they're "possibly" being flirtatious with each other, but your idea is no more valid than any of the other ones put up here.

    OP: You said you checked his sent messages folder. Did you check his inbox too? If so, were there any many messages from this woman in there? Also, are you sure he has storing sent messages on? (I don't, but there may be some sent messages in my sent box). Maybe have a look for the message you sent.

    Is he doing something he shouldn't be? Hell...maybe. Unfortunately you're not going to get an answer here though. Maybe just ask him?


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    #6
    minidazzler
    Registered Users Posts: 14,739 ✭✭✭✭minidazzler


    monellia wrote: »
    That's a rather narrow-minded view. It may very well turn out that she does have a reason to be worried. Whatever your motivation for deleting the messages, it's still deceptive behaviour and people don't feel the need to be deceptive unless they have something to hide. OP, I think it highly unlikely that he would delete these particular texts if they weren't in some way incriminating. They're probably being "harmlessly flirtatious" with each other, and he thinks that you would be intolerant of this.

    Hello Kettle this is pot, you're black.

    You called my view narrowminded, yet your view insinuates that it is more likely he is flirting with this girl than anything else. That's a very Narrowminded view of men.

    It's not Deceptive to delete one's own PRIVATE messages, who are you decieving? I am not Judging to OP on reading his messages, I know it happens but still that can be equated to an unwarrented search by the Cops.

    If there is no hard evidence of anything going on except a few deleted messages then she has nothing really to worry about.

    As Shelly said, he could have just being responding to be polite.

    OP, do ou have any thoughts something might be going on except the Texts? If not then just file it under something odd and keep on trucking. If other odd stuff catches your attention in future then it may indicate a problem.

    Remember, the vast Majority of men are totally faithful, we aren't all cheaters.


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    #7
    shellyboo
    Registered Users Posts: 5,883 ✭✭✭shellyboo


    Yeah, it's not deceptive behaviour to delete my own private text messages. What happened with past boyfriends is PAST. I don't think my boyfriend would ever look at my phone, but on the off chance that he did, I don't want him being confused, suspicious or upset by some twat I had the bad sense to hook up with texting me sleaze. Which happens.

    What happened in the past is my business, not his. That could very, very easily be the case here - an old flame trying to stir trouble. The fella put the girl off and deleted the messages for good measure. Nothing deceptive about that.


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    #8
    mental07
    Closed Accounts Posts: 994 ✭✭✭mental07


    Could it just be a friend...?

    I'd agree with the poster who said that if he really had something to hide, he wouldn't have let you anywhere near his phone.


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    #9
    purplelady83
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9 ✭purplelady83


    cheers guys, think i'm just going to play it by ear and see what happens for the time being. If it was a harmless text then that should be the end of it. On the other hand, if there's something more to it, at least i'm alerted to it now so I'll be on the look out for "suspicious" behaviour... I do trust my boyfriend, I would've said 100% but the fact that i'm writing this means that's probably not true. However, deep down I don't believe that there's anything going on between him and someone else behind my back. I think (hope) I was just getting paranoid. It might've been a stupid text while drunk, or it may just have a friendly chat...i'll never know. All I can do is just run with things as they are and see what pans out...fingers crossed :)


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    #10
    Faith
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 30,657 Mod ✭✭✭✭Faith


    Are you sure he actually texted her back at all? Maybe there was no replies in the "sent box" because he hadn't sent any?


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    #11
    monellia
    Closed Accounts Posts: 284 ✭✭monellia


    Khannie wrote: »
    I don't mean to be pedantic, but on one hand you're saying "maybe" and on the other hand you're saying "probably". They're two /very/ different words. To be fair they're "possibly" being flirtatious with each other, but your idea is no more valid than any of the other ones put up here.
    Yeah, you're right. "Possibly" is a more suitable word for what I was trying to get across.
    minidazzler wrote:
    Hello Kettle this is pot, you're black.

    You called my view narrowminded, yet your view insinuates that it is more likely he is flirting with this girl than anything else. That's a very Narrowminded view of men.

    It's not Deceptive to delete one's own PRIVATE messages, who are you decieving? I am not Judging to OP on reading his messages, I know it happens but still that can be equated to an unwarrented search by the Cops.

    If there is no hard evidence of anything going on except a few deleted messages then she has nothing really to worry about.

    As Shelly said, he could have just being responding to be polite.

    OP, do ou have any thoughts something might be going on except the Texts? If not then just file it under something odd and keep on trucking. If other odd stuff catches your attention in future then it may indicate a problem.

    Remember, the vast Majority of men are totally faithful, we aren't all cheaters.
    Men are pricks, whut.


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    #12
    kevmy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,178 ✭✭✭kevmy


    Well chances are it means nothing. If he's had her number a good while then they are probably just mates and nothings going on. There could be a million different reasons why he deleted messages. His messages were full, his mates sent the texts for a laugh, it was something private between friends, etc. etc.

    I know I got texts from a mate one night, she was very drunk and probably sent something on she shouldn't have sent. Now her and her bf are together for ages and neither would ever cheat on the other. Anyway long story short he saw these messages and they had a row. So essentially this could have been avoided if she had deleted the drunk, innocuous, flirty texts. Sometimes deleting messages can be good for relationships and not really trying to hide stuff.


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    #13
    KAZ0077
    Closed Accounts Posts: 88 ✭✭KAZ0077


    I think perhaps that he should have said that he was talking to XYZ....and maybe explained that she was just a mate....now...after deleting texts and being caught out a little bit it has aroused a suspicion about something that could be totally innocent and which could lead to mistrust and the OP always wondering....which I think will lead to its own problems....

    Just my 0.02c


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    #14
    Nervous Wreck
    Closed Accounts Posts: 16,115 ✭✭✭✭Nervous Wreck


    I have loads of girl mates and I certainly don't stop talking to/texting them just because I have a girlfriend.


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    #15
    kevmy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,178 ✭✭✭kevmy


    KAZ0077 wrote: »
    I think perhaps that he should have said that he was talking to XYZ....and maybe explained that she was just a mate....now...after deleting texts and being caught out a little bit it has aroused a suspicion about something that could be totally innocent and which could lead to mistrust and the OP always wondering....which I think will lead to its own problems....

    Just my 0.02c

    Yeah but the OP didn't say anything to him about it so why bother bringing it up if it was just a normal nothing incident. He hasn't been caught out really, as most people have said it's probably innocent and even if it isn't it hasn't been brought up so he hasn't had a chance to explain himself.


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    #16
    jellie
    Registered Users Posts: 15,503 ✭✭✭✭jellie


    i delete my sent messages all the time because my phone is always telling me i have no space for messages.

    i doubt hed have given you his phone if he there was anything you shouldnt see.

    if it bothers you then ask him, we know even less than you do about the situation.


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