Reaching a drunk state without blacking out?

LegacyUser

I'm posting this in the hope that I can find a resolution without having to resort to coke or anything like that.

When I get drunk I black out. If I'm out after work on a Friday and I haven't blacked out yet then I'm not drunk. I will be slightly more confident and chatty but if I was to leave the pub nobody would notice that I'd have 7 or 8 pints. I'd still be stuck for something to talk about with a lot of women and wouldn't do anything to embaras myself.

When I reach the black out stage it's when I get up and dance, mingle with groups of women, probably even get a kiss out of it. But I'd then either fall asleep or jump in a taxi on my way out of the toilet and head home (I know this from the many stories).

The next day is when I feel my most confident. I must have the confidence I did the night before but obviously without the blackout. I'm a lot more laid back and talkative. I come across very confident and it just changes everything as women are much more likely to ask me questions or chat to me when I come across like this.

But it also means I'm likely to continue drinking that morning to keep myself feeling that way and it works. But I'd like to get that confident feeling on a random night out without blacking out. I have a bit of blind date on Friday (a friend is setting us up) and while 3 or 4 pints would help most people get over any nerves it doesn't with me.

But mainly to stop these blackouts. How come I can drink 20 bottles on a hangover and still feel confidently sober but 9 pints on a Friday can have me black out? It's a long shot but any idea's how to give myself the confident boost most people want from drinking without being on the edge of falling asleep?

Thanks.

dblennon

Sory mate but you have massive self confidence issues.

Your drinking is not creating confidence, I was the same...... Now I hate getting very drunk because I can't talk to women the way I want.

You will have to create a situation where you can get into a confident STATE with out the extra 3/4 drinks.

I used to start the night by talking to 4 random women, I would say that they were just practice, after that I would be on top of the world and had no problem chatting to anyone.

petes

The reason you are still confident the next day is because you are 'topping up'. The booze from the night before is still in your system which is probably why you end up worse off. Well that's my experience anyway.

homerun_homer

A lot of people will tell you that you shouldn't be looking to alcohol for confidence. I will agree, but I have to admit that I sometimes do the same. 40% of the time I'll have it naturally, and I don't just mean this in terms of talking to girls on nights out, just in general - to chat and be open to people I may not be too familiar with.

In relation to why are you blocked fridays and not saturdays, I suppose it's tolerance build up. Sometimes after a heavy night out you feel no matter how much you drink the next night, you can't get drunk. Do you drink during the week, a can or 2 when watching a movie or anything?

Instead of going the whole hog friday night why don't you try a small build up, or just stop drinking til you black out. Stop when you are adequetly drunk and save yourself for Saturday.

neuro-praxis

You are drinking far, far too much and it looks as though you may have a serious alcohol problem.

dreamlogic

Regrap wrote:

but 9 pints on a Friday can have me black out? It's a long shot but any idea's how to give myself the confident boost most people want from drinking without being on the edge of falling asleep?

If you're working Monday - Friday then it makes sense that you would be exhausted by Friday night and would really be better off going to bed around your normal time. Then on Saturday when you're well rested, you can drink if you want to with less likelihood of blacking out from tiredness.
I don't recommend this sort of reliance on drinking of course - that's up to you.

homerun_homer

neuro-praxis wrote: »

You are drinking far, far too much and it looks as though you may have a serious alcohol problem.

Then so is half the country by your view. I'm not sticking up for the amount OP drinks but to me this is nothing shocking. So if OP has a problem then you are saying me and everyone I know has a problem.

OP's problem here is that he wants to use alcohol for confidence which is the wrong way to go about things. Instead of harnessing how much he drinks to avoid blacking out and get to the point where he feels the right level of confidence I think he needs to build the confidence without relying on drink. Meet people/girls by not going to pubs, getting out there a bit more, taking a chance. It's not easy but it can be done.

nmesisca

homerun_homer wrote: »

Then so is half the country by your view. I'm not sticking up for the amount OP drinks but to me this is nothing shocking. So if OP has a problem then you are saying me and everyone I know has a problem.

OP's problem here is that he wants to use alcohol for confidence which is the wrong way to go about things. Instead of harnessing how much he drinks to avoid blacking out and get to the point where he feels the right level of confidence I think he needs to build the confidence without relying on drink. Meet people/girls by not going to pubs, getting out there a bit more, taking a chance. It's not easy but it can be done.

nothing shocking? 9 pints? bit more than 4.5 liters?
hes basically asking how can he get drunk without falling on his face.
yeah the country has serious issues with alcohol.

shellyboo

homerun_homer wrote: »

Then so is half the country by your view. I'm not sticking up for the amount OP drinks but to me this is nothing shocking. So if OP has a problem then you are saying me and everyone I know has a problem.

Did you miss this part?

Regrap wrote: »

I'm likely to continue drinking that morning to keep myself feeling that way and it works.

He's also drinking during the day to ensure he stays drunk from the night before. He says "confident", but he means drunk. He's on a slippery slope to needing "confidence" every day. He's becoming reliant on drink. I'd call that a problem.


OP, you want advice on how to handle your drinking - I say, stop.

homerun_homer

shellyboo wrote: »

Did you miss this part?

Aye, missed that part in response. That's not right at all.

LegacyUser

homerun_homer wrote: »

OP's problem here is that he wants to use alcohol for confidence which is the wrong way to go about things. Instead of harnessing how much he drinks to avoid blacking out and get to the point where he feels the right level of confidence I think he needs to build the confidence without relying on drink. Meet people/girls by not going to pubs, getting out there a bit more, taking a chance. It's not easy but it can be done.

I've been working in offices a few years now, talked to plenty of women and men and I still feel the same. In fact, in my last 2 jobs it was actually a foreign girl that I mainly had lunch with. Come to think of it I'm much more confident around foreign girls.

And another thing I noticed. Lots of friends of my 2 sisters would fancy me. One of my sisters told me she can think of only 1 of her friends that doesn't. While I've been with 2 friends of my older sister on a night out. But in work or places I'd see the same people I wouldn't get the sense that anyone younger than 40 would be into me. I haven't ever got with a girl on a work night out and there's been plenty of night outs.

So take from that what you will. Maybe I need to know someone actually fancies me before I'll dare even flirt with them. But I think, from my experience, confidence and personality is more important to a girl than looks. In fact a bad personality can turn someone off the physical looks. I don't know I'm just rambling on here.

I definitely do have a drink problem and have missed a few Monday's because I don't want to stop drinking when there's an occasion. btw, I don't wake up in my own bed on a Saturday morning after a night out and go to the off license. It's usually when I wake up in a friends house. But I also don't think I'll ever have anywhere near the confidence and personality without the drink. I know and live with my mam all my life but I only really have conversations with her after a few drinks. Or after a big adreniline buzz of winning a bet or getting a job.

Fiend-Foe

Wow.

This is almost like looking back in time. I could have wrote that a year ago. I was like that for a long long time.

Trust me, lose the crutch.

You'll be much better off. It takes some getting used to. But in the long term its much more rewarding. Its the only way.

homerun_homer

Why don't you try and not drink for a while OP. I've a friend who did something very stupid when catatonic drunk and he laid off the booze afterwards for a few months. Only 2 months before this he was giving out to me about how I had a girlfriend and he didn't and it made him depressed not having one.

He stayed going out with us while off the booze (he drank non-alcoholic becks) and within 5 months he met a girl and they have been together ever since, just gone a year now.

I'm not saying this will work for everyone but take a leaf out of my friend's book and give it a go. You might find confidence in yourself that you never knew you had.

username123

OP - whether or not you currently have a drink problem is debatable, certainly the amounts you describe would be classed as binge drinking, plus continuing to drink the next morning is not good news. If you want to develop a more serious problem with alcohol then you are going the right way about it. Your reason for drinking is a big worry - you drink for dutch courage. It gives you confidence, dulls down your insecurities and gives you the impression that the world is a better place.

The only answer for you is to stop drinking. You are actually re-inforcing your own insecurities by using drink this way. Your self esteem is low, you drink to give yourself an impression of higher self esteem, then you feel that you cant be confident without the drink, lowering your already low self esteem, leading to a vicious circle of needing more drink.

You do not need drink or drugs to have higher self esteem or more confidence - you need to work on your own issues and get your self confidence up without resorting to alcohol to get you there.

On a more practical note, what girl is gonna be interested in a drunk mess who disappears off into a taxi and blacks out? Seriously? What girl is going to be happy to wake up with someone who gets out of the bed and needs more drink before he can talk to her? Girls will back away from that kind of behaviour.

Its interesting that you feel more confident around foreign girls, I would think its because you can more comfortably 'slip up' in conversation or body language without it being picked up as easily - as it would be by someone with the same cultural background.

You also say that you are better talking to your mam after either drink, winning a bet or getting a job (adrenaline buzz) - again this is just an indicator that your self esteem is down, and the buzz you get in those situations takes your mind off feeling embarrassed or shy or self conscious for a while.

Work on your self esteem, your self confidence and your social skills. Thats all you need to do. You nailed it when you said confidence and personality are far more important than looks for most girls - course they are, and judging by your posts you seem like a reasonable enough chap, can say what you want to say, and you have the ability to look at yourself and recognise when there is an issue that needs addressing. These qualities in themselves are enough to set you off on your way to addressing your self esteem issues.

Do it - dont end up a sad lonely old drinker who can only interact with the crutch of a number of pints in him. Ireland has enough of those types.

LegacyUser

you're describing an attribute and a behaviour which typically diagnose the alcholic condition. Blacking out and drinking the next morning are not what happens to regular social drinkers. Drinking to the extent that you do are symptoms of underlying causes. Now I'm not saying that you're an alcoholic, but you will become one at the rate you're going.

Do yourself a favour, work on the esteem/self confidence, use affirmations anything you have to because your life is going to go down the toilet if you develop a dependency on alcohol.

HouseHippo

Jesus Christ 9 pints....maybe you wouldn't black out if you didn't drink so much!!!!!
You aren't embarrassiing yourself...well how the hell could ya remember after that much!!

LegacyUser

Im not defending the op's drinking but 9 pints wouldnt be a massive amount of drink by Irish standards and it would be common for me and people I know to drink more from time to time without being anywhere near blacking out.

LegacyUser

username123 wrote:

Work on your self esteem, your self confidence and your social skills. Thats all you need to do. You nailed it when you said confidence and personality are far more important than looks for most girls - course they are, and judging by your posts you seem like a reasonable enough chap, can say what you want to say, and you have the ability to look at yourself and recognise when there is an issue that needs addressing. These qualities in themselves are enough to set you off on your way to addressing your self esteem issues.

Excellent post. What would I do to work on issues? Buy a book or get out and about more?

I'm going to America next week for a couple of weeks with friends so I'll be meeting plenty of different people but I'm also going to be drinking probably every night.

antiskeptic

Regrap wrote: »

Excellent post. What would I do to work on issues? Buy a book or get out and about more?

That wasn't the only excellent post. Folk have been literally yelling at you that you're heading into the trap of alcoholism which, if you've any appreciation of it (and you should have - by anecdote, down-and-outs around Dublin, films, everyones got an Uncle Fred who drinks too much) should cause you to tremble.

No trap worth it's salt advertises its dangers directly to it's potential victim whilst remaining a successful trap. So the only thing you have to go on is the indirect warnings of the success of the alcohol trap. Look around at how many it's caught.

Consider counselling (of the professional kind). It's good to have your behaviour challenged by someone who won't be put off by the stories addicts employ to fool themselves that they haven't a problem in fact

I'm going to America next week for a couple of weeks with friends so I'll be meeting plenty of different people but I'm also going to be drinking probably every night.

So? Have your first pint as fast as you like. Make your second last the remainder of the 1st hour. Make every pint go 3/4 hour-to-an-hour after that. If you can't manage that with ease then worry.

LegacyUser

antiskeptic wrote: »

That wasn't the only excellent post.

I know that and I appreciate that, I didn't feel the need to reply to a lot of them.

antiskeptic wrote: »

Folk have been literally yelling at you that you're heading into the trap of alcoholism which, if you've any appreciation of it (and you should have - by anecdote, down-and-outs around Dublin, films, everyones got an Uncle Fred who drinks too much) should cause you to tremble.

I know full well I have an alcohol problem. I was ordered to go to councelling by the court because of my 2nd charge for fighting while drunk. The solicitor advised the judge to do this when most people would have gotten a conviction. It was 4 one on one sessions and we talked about plenty. He actually put my fighting down to an anger problem. Drink takes every ounce of fear out of me and if someone decides to skip me in a queue at the bar I would lose the temper for a split second.

Drinking wise he said the most important thing was how to try and get over that first few hours in the morning until the urge to drink again passes.

I'm on tablets at the moment that affects my liver when I drink on them. For the first month on them I was drinking shandy's but now I'm back to the full blown sessions.

The more I go on about all this the more I'll just be told how much of a fool I am.

Believe me or not though I just think I actually need a girlfriend to settle me down. Maybe that would only last for so long. But I'm certain that I wouldn't need to get drunk if I had a girl. But at the moment it would take hospital or something to get me off it. A way of telling people not to buy me a pint because I literally can't drink it.
So hopefully Friday goes well and I'm in a chatty mood.

Liam Byrne

Regrap wrote: »

I'm also going to be drinking probably every night.

EVERY night ? For a couple of weeks ? And you obviously don't do "drinking sensibly" or "in moderation", so I'm assuming you'll be drinking to the point of passing out every night ?

So the question you should ask yourself is : WHY ?

If you do drink 9 pints a night for a few weeks, I wouldn't bother booking the return flight.....you probably won't need it.

bushy...

Regrap wrote: »

Excellent post. What would I do to work on issues? Buy a book or get out and about more?

I'm going to America next week for a couple of weeks with friends so I'll be meeting plenty of different people but I'm also going to be drinking probably every night.

Try drinking something different on a night out before you head to America - worth a try a least for the craic , you'll be out anyway surely.

LeixlipRed

I think you need to seek help. And soon.

craichoe

Unregistered222 wrote: »

Im not defending the op's drinking but 9 pints wouldnt be a massive amount of drink by Irish standards and it would be common for me and people I know to drink more from time to time without being anywhere near blacking out.

It depends on what the person is drinking.

Irish standards my hole.
Drinking in the morning is just not right.

And it would depend of 9 pints on what over how long, but every day .. no way.

Believe me or not though I just think I actually need a girlfriend to settle me down. Maybe that would only last for so long. But I'm certain that I wouldn't need to get drunk if I had a girl. But at the moment it would take hospital or something to get me off it. A way of telling people not to buy me a pint because I literally can't drink it.
So hopefully Friday goes well and I'm in a chatty mood.

You don't need a girlfriend to settle you down, you need to sort yourself out. If its that bad that you feel like you need you can't turn down a pint then don't put yourself in that situation. Find something else to do.

Nevyn

http://www.asap.gaa.ie/cgi-bin/audit.cgi

Take the questionnaire and see what your score it.
I do think you are abusing alcohol and have developed a dependency on it but you have to figure out if that is true for yourself, when is the last time when you went 10 days with out a drink?

If you have such social anxiety that you are having to medicate yourself with drink then I think you should talk to your dr about it.

LegacyUser

Thaedydal wrote: »

http://www.asap.gaa.ie/cgi-bin/audit.cgi

Take the questionnaire and see what your score it.
I do think you are abusing alcohol and have developed a dependency on it but you have to figure out if that is true for yourself, when is the last time when you went 10 days with out a drink?

I scored 28 in that. Only recently I went a couple of weeks without drink. I've gone 3 weeks off it this year. It's the thought of staying in when my friends are out having a good time that is hard but that's only natural. Could I go to the pub and not drink? If at least one other friend was doing the same and we weren't going to get harassed into drinking by people leaving pints beside us. For example I watched the rugby in the pub yesterday with friends and we didn't have a drink. That's no problem.

With regards America. I think my limit for drinking is about 3 days anyway. On Monday gone one of the girls who stayed the night at a barbeque was asking me to go with her to the off license. I'm usually the one people can rely on for that. But I just wasn't bothered. I was happy to be drinking my water in the sun and I think my body just had enough anyway.

The reason I opened this thread was because I'd like to get to that point of drinking that we all like to get at but to actually remember it. I could spend an hour talking to a girl but wouldn't remember a thing of it. Obviously everyone is just telling me to quit the drink. I do genuinely talk to a lot of people when I'm not drinking. It'll never give me the confidence I have with a drink and it's the same for everyone.

Can someone just explain one thing. My mam just told me a bit of local gossip a few minutes ago that I'd have an interest in. I just gave a little laugh and shake of the head. If I was drinking and she told me the same story I'd have something pop into my head to continue/start the conversation. Obviously I don't need anymore confidence around my mother so what is it in drink that brings all these thoughts flooding to your head? You're never stuck for something to say, and it's not just rubbish talk.

shellyboo

Regrap wrote: »

The reason I opened this thread was because I'd like to get to that point of drinking that we all like to get at but to actually remember it.

Alcoholics lack the capacity to do this. They don't have a 'stop' mechanism once they start. It's the essence of being an alcoholic - you are physically and mentally incapable of drinking the way a non-alocoholic is. You cannot just stop once you've started.

Regrap wrote: »

I could spend an hour talking to a girl but wouldn't remember a thing of it. Obviously everyone is just telling me to quit the drink. I do genuinely talk to a lot of people when I'm not drinking. It'll never give me the confidence I have with a drink and it's the same for everyone.

It's not the same for everyone. I don't drink for confidence for one, I'd say I'm more confident sober than drunk. When I'm drunk I'll stay quieter cos I know I'm drunk and don't want to embarass myself in situations where I would definitely speak up if I was sober. Not everyone uses drink as a crutch the way you do - you need to get that perception out of your head. Your relationship with drink is not the same as everyone else's. Not by a long shot.

username123

Regrap wrote: »

What would I do to work on issues? Buy a book or get out and about more?

Seek professional help - in light of your other posts you have made it clear your problem with alcohol is far more serious than you first made out.

Regrap wrote: »

I know full well I have an alcohol problem. I was ordered to go to councelling by the court because of my 2nd charge for fighting while drunk. The solicitor advised the judge to do this when most people would have gotten a conviction. It was 4 one on one sessions and we talked about plenty. He actually put my fighting down to an anger problem. Drink takes every ounce of fear out of me and if someone decides to skip me in a queue at the bar I would lose the temper for a split second.

Seriously, youve been in court twice for alcohol related violence and you are still drinking?

Drink takes every ounce of fear out of you and it probably turns you into an idiot as well. You perceive the good feelings of being less self conscious - people around you probably perceive you as a pain in the a$$ while youre drunk.

Regrap wrote: »

Drinking wise he said the most important thing was how to try and get over that first few hours in the morning until the urge to drink again passes.

He was wrong - drinkwise you need to stop completely.

Regrap wrote: »

I'm on tablets at the moment that affects my liver when I drink on them. For the first month on them I was drinking shandy's but now I'm back to the full blown sessions.

Do you realise how serious this is? To be perscribed these tablets and to continue to drink is just crazy behaviour. You need to face up to reality and sort this problem out before it takes a good hold of you and you end up end stage alcoholic.

Regrap wrote: »

The more I go on about all this the more I'll just be told how much of a fool I am.

No - youre in denial, but you dont come across as a fool.

Regrap wrote: »

Believe me or not though I just think I actually need a girlfriend to settle me down. Maybe that would only last for so long. But I'm certain that I wouldn't need to get drunk if I had a girl. But at the moment it would take hospital or something to get me off it. A way of telling people not to buy me a pint because I literally can't drink it.
So hopefully Friday goes well and I'm in a chatty mood.

A girlfriend wont make any difference to your drinking habit except for to put you in a position of trying to hide it more and feeling even worse about it and to put her in a position of being damaged by an alcoholics behaviour. Sort yourself out first - then get a girlfriend.

Regrap wrote: »

The reason I opened this thread was because I'd like to get to that point of drinking that we all like to get at but to actually remember it. I could spend an hour talking to a girl but wouldn't remember a thing of it. Obviously everyone is just telling me to quit the drink. I do genuinely talk to a lot of people when I'm not drinking. It'll never give me the confidence I have with a drink and it's the same for everyone.

You are not capable of getting to that point without over stepping the mark. It is not the same for everyone, the sooner you accept that the better itll be for you.

I strongly suggest you go to an AA meeting, go to your GP and investigate attending an alcohol dry out program, therapy, support etc....

I think from your later posts that your self esteem problems are way secondary to your alcohol problems, get your priorities in order and get off the drink - believe me, Ive seen a life wasted on it and have experienced the damage it does to all around. You do not want to go down that road. If you continue to drink your self esteem issues will worsen.

LegacyUser

Regrap wrote: »

I scored 28 in that. Only recently I went a couple of weeks without drink. I've gone 3 weeks off it this year. It's the thought of staying in when my friends are out having a good time that is hard but that's only natural. Could I go to the pub and not drink? If at least one other friend was doing the same and we weren't going to get harassed into drinking by people leaving pints beside us. For example I watched the rugby in the pub yesterday with friends and we didn't have a drink. That's no problem.

With regards America. I think my limit for drinking is about 3 days anyway. On Monday gone one of the girls who stayed the night at a barbeque was asking me to go with her to the off license. I'm usually the one people can rely on for that. But I just wasn't bothered. I was happy to be drinking my water in the sun and I think my body just had enough anyway.

The reason I opened this thread was because I'd like to get to that point of drinking that we all like to get at but to actually remember it. I could spend an hour talking to a girl but wouldn't remember a thing of it. Obviously everyone is just telling me to quit the drink. I do genuinely talk to a lot of people when I'm not drinking. It'll never give me the confidence I have with a drink and it's the same for everyone.

Can someone just explain one thing. My mam just told me a bit of local gossip a few minutes ago that I'd have an interest in. I just gave a little laugh and shake of the head. If I was drinking and she told me the same story I'd have something pop into my head to continue/start the conversation. Obviously I don't need anymore confidence around my mother so what is it in drink that brings all these thoughts flooding to your head? You're never stuck for something to say, and it's not just rubbish talk.

I get the feeling I'm a few years younger than you. I'm 25 and have been drinking like you are for years. In the last 3 years I took up drinking the next day. Great craic for about 2 hours and then you're just smashed drunk, whether you realise it or not.
I've been in court recently for doing something stupid when I was drunk and there's a possibility I'll be brought to court again in the near future for an older incident I had while being pissed. Nothing violent or anything but just stupid stuff I would never have considered doing sober.
This literally scared the **** out of me and I'm off the booze at the moment, possibly forever. There's a good chance I could end up with a conviction and mess up my life even more.

I was that guy who people can ring to have a few cans with any time because I'm always up for it. The party guy. For the last perhaps 6 months to a year of my drinking I realised that drink doesn't make me any more confident. It makes me THINK I am, when in reality I'm just being obnoxious and hammered. I imagined if someone had video'd me on a night out and how I'd look and I cringed. I have much better and meaningful conversations sober than I ever have drunk. You and some guy you hardly ever see deciding you're best mates because you've been slamming tequila all night together is not a meaningful conversation. Waking up and not knowing how you got home or what you did is bloody scary. It happened to me nearly every week.

It made me feel like I had lost my true personality I had growing up before drink came into the equation.

Girls don't like guys stumbling up to them and muttering stuff to them, unless you're somewhere like copper face jacks where the girls will be just as drunk and obnoxious. Any decent girl won't go for that type of behaviour. I don't know how girls put up with me over the years as I went from a lovely chap to a douche who thought he was the MAN in the space of about 4 hours.

It really is cringeworthy and I'm embarrassed and ashamed that it took me so long to figure out that it's not a bad thing to not want to drink all the time. I've possibly ended up with a conviction because of it, blown literally about 7-10k a year on it, failed year after year of college because I was too hungover to go in and the only thing I can be thankful for is that I didn't come to this conclusion in ten years time instead.


I'm not the type of person who goes for the AA "alcoholism is a disease" type of deal, and I'll probably drink again. But not until I'm drinking for the right reasons, and not just to forget about the world for a while. To be honest, I feel a million times better now than I ever did on booze - and it's only been two weeks.


So in response to your original question.
I guess you could change your drink, or else just change your outlook on life. There's more to it than the inside of a pub, and you don't have to spend your whole weekend with a beer in your hand.