Period during sex

RossFixxxed

It's no excuse but some guys are never all the clear on that 'whole woman thing, you know the one'!

Second off if they aren't together that long bringing up the 'i'm on my period' conversation may not be one they have! But yes, she didn't do anything wrong, and these things just happen.

The main issue, as above is the fact that SHE considers this something you could be dumped for. That's just crazy!

LegacyUser

shellyboo wrote: »

I'll ask you again - would you like your gf to warn you a few days before and after her period as well? That would mean about 10 days sex-free, just in case blood comes out.
What I'm saying is that there is a risk of a little blood all the time. Men should know this.

Exactly. If the guy is willing to put his penis in somewhere that blood is commonly known to come out of - and HE has strong feelings about said blood - maybe HE could be upfront about this and clarify anything HE wants to know about her cycle before sticking it in.

Now personally, I do think it would have been a good idea for the OP to bring it up, given that she has her own issues about believing this to be particularly embarrassing or shameful. That could have been avoided. But as a general principle, it should be a two-way conversation about what two people expect and like and don't like when they are going to have sex. It is a matter of maturity to be able to talk about this stuff even with someone you don't yet know very well. While it may feel difficult to bring the subject up, it really is usually worth it.

philologos

shellyboo wrote: »

Ok, you're a bloke so you obviously don't get it. She hadn't bled the whole day... she wasn't on her period. Her period had finished as far as she was concerned. She wouldn't have bled unless they'd had sex. The action of having sex is what made the blood come out.

Fair enough.

shellyboo wrote: »

I'll ask you again - would you like your gf to warn you a few days before and after her period as well? That would mean about 10 days sex-free, just in case blood comes out.

Yes, I personally would.

shellyboo wrote: »

She hadn't been bleeding that day - her period was finished.

Fair enough.

shellyboo wrote: »

I completely accept that. But she wasn't on her period. She wasn't actively bleeding. There was nothing to warn him about.

As long as you can see where I am coming from it's fine

shellyboo wrote: »

What I'm saying is that there is a risk of a little blood all the time. Men should know this.

Yes, I know, but people should know that not all people see this as kosher if you will.

Nevyn

Well a lot of people not just men don't know how the womb works and it is even possible to have some bleeding if the sex is rigorous enough when a woman is not due to to be, is currently or is finished her period.

Tordelback

Instant reactions can't be helped, but in no way should it be any kind of a big deal for a bloke once past the initial surprise. Personally, being of the gender that squirts sticky goo as a matter of course on these occasions, I don't think men have much to complain about where fluids are concerned.

You now know it makes you both uncomfortable, so perhaps you'll want to be careful to avoid the situation in future. Or perhaps you don't want to be in the kind of relationship where you have to always worry about offending your partner with natural occurrences. I'd try to stop worrying about it if I were you, but take what you've learned on board.

Oh The Humanity

Periods and bodies are not an exact science.

If 'some cultures' have a problem with it and see it as unclean then the onus is on them to have the woman complete a detailed questionnaire before sex. Sort of 'buyer beware' -let the one with the hang ups mitigate for seeing blood themselves.

The rest of the world. Proceed normally.

Women bleed, expetedly, unexpectedly and everything in between. Within reason we alert our men as we know they like to make the choice. After that for most its towels down and get on with it.

Those who choose to opt out, whatever, live and let live.

However, i dont want to see a return to the days where women were sequestered to a hut of shame with a bell around their necks shouting 'unclean!! unclean!!!'

LegacyUser

Jakkass wrote: »

Yes, I know, but people should know that not all people see this as kosher if you will.

So again, it is those people who do not see it as kosher, or as you said before, actually see it as unclean, who would probably need to take responsibility for communicating their strong feelings about this highly likely (at some point) scenario. Before they entirely voluntarily engage in exchanging bodily fluids.

philologos

Unregistered wrote: »

So again, it is those people who do not see it as kosher, or as you said before, actually see it as unclean, who would probably need to take responsibility for communicating their strong feelings about this highly likely (at some point) scenario. Before they entirely voluntarily engage in exchanging bodily fluids.

I don't think it's fair for someone to assume that someone else is okay with something like this. In the OP's situation her boyfriend didn't even know that there was a likelihood that this could happen or he didn't know that it was just the end of her period. Failing to disclose information like that IMO is unfair if you don't know how he feels about it.

Oh The Humanity

Jakkass wrote: »

I don't think it's fair for someone to assume that someone else is okay with something like this.

The boyfriend is a grown man, as such having sex with a grown woman it is implicit that he is able to deal with all the possible permutations of what happens when two adult human beings get together.

Jakkass wrote: »

In the OP's situation her boyfriend didn't even know that there was a likelihood that this could happen or he didn't know that it was just the end of her period.

He didn't know, she didn't know either. Unfortunately the uterus does not always behave like a swiss precision clock.
If he has hang ups then its up to him to ask. Not her to go around ringing a bell shouting unclean.

Jakkass wrote: »

Disclosing information like that IMO is unfair if you don't know how he feels about it.

I think you mean failing to disclose. If he is having sex with a woman he needs to understand the ramifications of that can include spots here and there. If he cant deal with that then he will find being regularly sexually active with a woman difficult going forward.

philologos

Oh The Humanity wrote: »

He didn't know, she didn't know either. Unfortunately the uterus does not always behave like a swiss precision clock.
If he has hang ups then its up to him to ask. Not her to go around ringing a bell shouting unclean.

You know as well as I do it's not a matter of publicising it to the world. It's just to ask on one occasion, what do you feel about having sex during my period? If it isn't kosher by his book, just avoid it during your period. If it is, that's fine no problem. It really is that simple.

shellyboo

Jakkass wrote: »

In the OP's situation her boyfriend didn't even know that there was a likelihood that this could happen or he didn't know that it was just the end of her period. Failing to disclose information like that IMO is unfair if you don't know how he feels about it.

Unless he's a moron, he should know that there is a likelihood of there being blood up there. There is ALWAYS a likelihood of there being blood up there. Oftentimes, cos I have a crazy cycle, I get an extra special surprise mini-period mid month. If I were to bank on this every month and "warn" my bf about it, we'd never have sex.

You're confusing principles with practicality and reality here Jakass. It's simply not possible to prevent this happen 100% of the time. The menstrual cycle is a weird and wonderful thing. There is always a chance that there will be some blood on the condom, no matter what time of the month it is.

You're just making the OP feel worse about something that's not her fault. She didn't realise she was going to bleed, it was an accident. She couldn't have warned her bf since she didn't think it would happen.

shellyboo

Jakkass wrote: »

You know as well as I do it's not a matter of publicising it to the world. It's just to ask on one occasion, what do you feel about having sex during my period? If it isn't kosher by his book, just avoid it during your period. If it is, that's fine no problem. It really is that simple.

She. Wasn't. On. Her. Period.

Period :pac:

She clearly DID avoid it during her period, and had sex with him after she stopped bleeding.

Oh The Humanity

Jakkass wrote: »

You know as well as I do it's not a matter of publicising it to the world. It's just to ask on one occasion, what do you feel about having sex during my period? If it isn't kosher by his book, just avoid it during your period. If it is, that's fine no problem. It really is that simple.

Well, thats stating the obvious. But I think you are mistakenly getting the impression that OP forced/tricked the fella into doing it against his will.
Or you are trying to rewrite it as women are going around with no descretion not caring. They do but the point is accidents happen and no amount of planning ahead is going to stop that. Simple.

She thought her period was over. Ok, so she didn't know any more than he did.

Everyone has the 'do you mind sex during periods' talk of course, it doesn't need to be said and its not whats being discussed here.

Whats being discussed here falls into the 'accident' category, neither OP or her BF wanted sex during the period, however it wasn't quite as over as she thought and things didn't go to plan.

That simple. As I said people who think the womb is as precision as a swiss clock are faling to understand mother nature does not work that way all neat and predictable.

LegacyUser

Jakkass wrote: »

You know as well as I do it's not a matter of publicising it to the world. It's just to ask on one occasion, what do you feel about having sex during my period? If it isn't kosher by his book, just avoid it during your period. If it is, that's fine no problem. It really is that simple.

Ok. One more try. How about this:
"You know as well as I do it's not a matter of publicising it to the world. It's just to state on one occasion, this is how I feel about having sex during your period. It's not kosher in my book, so I will avoid it if you let me know you are having, are about to have, or have just finished having your period."
Could you please acknowledge Jakkass that the person who has the specific anti-blood preference or cultural imperative here has at least an equal responsibility to state their own case about when they do and don't want to have sex?

iheartny

Hmmm...I think if that happened to me (a woman) and I was in a new relationship I'd be quite mortified myself, but I would try and laugh it off as it's really nothing serious to worry about, and OP I wouldnt let your boyfriends reaction worry you.
Quite often women can bleed during the month, even when they're not on their period so its nothing you should take personally. ie his reaction - he cant really be blamed for initial shock but being funny about it the next day is a bit silly isnt it!!
Don't feel bad for 'putting him in the situation' either because you thought your period had finished - it happens and it's nothing you can control.
I tell my boyfriend when 'ladies time' is so there's no way he could be surprised, and in turn it's his decision whether we have sexy time!!
I suppose it's all about personal preference (for the man) but now you know your bf is a little squeemish, you can just be extra sure next time!!

puglover

I seriously can't believe that such a simple everyday thing has gone on for 5 pages.

OP I haven't read through all the posts so apologies if I missed more of yours. From your original post it sounds as if bf was fairly ok about it even if his initial reaction was a little ott.

Ask him if he has an issue with it, and if he does just make note and avoid it for a couple of days longer after your period in future. He may have just been a bit shocked (he might have thought there was something wrong).

It's really not a big deal though so don't be so embarassed.

Mimikyu

This post has been deleted.

bronte

Op, I hope you're feeling a bit better.
What happened could happen to anybody, and while I realize you may have felt better if you and your BF where more established, there really is NOTHING to worry about.
He seems to have taken it in his stride, and by constantly bringing it up and mentioning it, you are only highlighting it over and over again.

Tbh, if a bloke were to make a fuss about this I'd be questioning his maturity levels, but your guy seems fine.

smileykey

If you're in a monogamous relationship the other alternative for him would have presumably been to have not gotten laid, which do you think he'd prefer?

It isn't disgusting, its part of the human body and if you want to have sex with women under 55 or so you've got to be prepared for a little it of period blood every now and then. You don't need to redeem yourself, your boyfriend needs to grow up and realise that these events happen and don't warrent a freak out.

Mikia

It's not disgusting and if he freaks out and dumps you over something as stupid as that he not worth it. I used to think like you, be embarassed about my period, not talk about it to my partners at all. Now I'm with an amazing guy who's very open about these things and i don't have to feel ashamed of being a woman. When the time of the month comes I tell him so he knows to ignore my mood swings, cuddle me every night when the pain comes and buy me loads of chocolate when the craving comes.
A situation like yours happened to us at the beginning of our relationship and it didn't bother him at all. It's a natural thing. To be honest if men don't wanna turn gay they v to get used to the fact that once a month this happens.

So like i said if he'll freak out it'll mean he's immature and not worth your time.

philologos

smileykey wrote: »

If you're in a monogamous relationship the other alternative for him would have presumably been to have not gotten laid, which do you think he'd prefer?

You're kidding me. You think just because he wouldn't have got it any other way that he doesn't have any right to be a bit freaked out about it?

LegacyUser

OP here! Thanks so much for all the advice/opinions!!! I know I completely over-reacted and panicked over it. I think I was just as surprised that it happened and felt crap about the whole situation. Think we're over it now anyway. I honestly dunno why I got so upset over it but I do appreciate the comments! Thanks again!

bronte

Glad to hear you feel better!

coadyj

wrote: »

I had sex with my bf last night. Last day of my period, no bleeding all day so I didn't think it would be a problem in fact it never entered my head that I might bleed during sex (thick yes I know now!) Anyway of course I did bleed and he freaked out a bit. Calmed down and told me all was ok and it had happened him before but I feel like a total b!itch! Was awake the whole night worrying about it. Not even the embarrassment coz I can get over that no probs but it's a newish relationship, only started sleeping together in past 3weeks or so and I am just scared that he is gna end things over this. I totally understand if he does because I know it's disgusting and he has every right to want rid of me now but things were going great til this! Tried asking him about it this morning he just told me I was over thinking it and to stop bringing it up! Have never had sex on my period in any relationship before this but I really like and trust him and really thought it would be ok. Has this happened? Is there anything I can do to redeem myself or make it blow over. We're going so well I don't want this stupid mistake to ruin everything!

I know its been said a million times, but calm down, you are totally over thinking this. Its not a big deal and it certainly isn't cause for a guy to end the relationship. you never know, he might have gotten off on it