Don't think I can cope...

LegacyUser

Hi all,
I have a wonderful baby and just returned to work from maternity leave. The lead up to today has been a very rollercoaster ride for me, with feelings of apprehension and severe stress ruling my life for the past two weeks. I was crying if I even thought about it...

I know my baby is in good hands in the childminders and she is getting to socialize with other kids and babies, but I will only get to see her for max two/three hours a day. She goes to bed at around 8pm, I don't get back to the childminders in the evening till six pm, and it might be even later in September when the kids will be back in school. I get to see her for an hour and a half in the mornings before I drop her off.

Today I got home and I just cried for about an hour and have cried twice since putting her to bed. Thing is there is no option to even go part time in my job...

Working Mammies, how do you cope with only seeing your child for a couple of hours every day?

Moonbeam

*hugs*

I am not back at work yet but dreading it too.
My options were that she commutes with me and is near me during the day or I drop her off as soon as the creche opens at 7:30 and collect her at 18:30.
For now she will be commuting with me but I hope it is not too unfair to her.

lalalulu

I really feel for you OP..
I work in childcare and have a 7 month old daughter. I can't imagine how hard it must be for you to leave your little one each morning
I have seen so many parents in tears when they drop their kids off with me, it seems so unfair that you have to leave your babs each day.
Is there really no way you can cut your hours because your time with you little one is so much more important than money (i know you already know this so i'm not trying to sound harsh)
I won't be going back to work full time so it means i can't afford a car i don't really socialise and i really watch what i'm spending my money on.
Children grow up so fast and before you know it they're starting school!

I hope you can either come to term's with the fact you must leave babs every day or change your hours.. Best of luck

Kashkai

Its tough for working fathers too! I hated leaving my kids into childcare as 2 of them would scream "Mammy gone" or "Daddy gone" as my wife or I were walking out the door. Hearing your child cry like that is heart breaking even for us hard hearted men :rolleyes:

I've given up work to be a full time stay at home Dad as the childcare costs were more than I earned each month plus a portion of my wife's salary so ridiculous as it seems, we are better off financially with me not working/earning and thus we save part of my wife's pay as well.

We have lost the stress of getting 4 kids out each morning, listening to them cry as we leave the creche, spending the day wondering if they're happy, rushing home through traffic to collect them by 6pm to avoid the late collection fee that the creche charged, and getting to spend just an hour or two with them in between making dinner, doing homework, washing them, getting them to bed etc.

Now we aren't well off, we're like 99% of working parents in this country who are just managing to keep their heads above water with no social welfare benefits apart from the childrens allowance. In our case we have a very simple lifestyle with at most 1 holiday a year (a week in a holiday home in this country), rarely go out, don't change the car until it falls apart etc but this allows us to get by on one wage and thus we know that our kids are happy being cared for in their own home by their father. We are also a hell of a lot less stressed than we were.

LegacyUser

Hi OP.
The answer is... it's rubbish and you never really get used to it, but you get a lot better at coping with the lows.
I work part time.. but with the commute, it might as well be full time.
And it's awful. I hate leaving my littley at creche, but I know she's ok. I know she loves the people who look after her, and that she really enjoys herself.

A degree of socialisng with other kids/babies is good for them.

So, you think of these things. You think of the kids you've seen sobbing and sobbing as their parent leaves, only to be laughing and running around 2 mins later (no exaggeration).. and you get on with it.

I'd give up work in a heartbeat, but with the economy in the current state, for me and my DH, it's just a case of who gets made redundant first.. so make hay while the sun shines. However rubbish it is making hay on a day to day basis.

Spend more time at the childminders when you drop off/pick up.. that will help your transition, and make reassure you that they are the right people.
Also think of being able to go to the toilet on your own, being able to read a book if you take public transport, try to see the good sides..

If you are stressed and upset, it's far worse for your baby, as they pick up on it and will associate you being upset all with going to into childcare all too quickly.

Going back to work is truly horrible, you are not alone feeling like this.

Good luck.

Deliverance

workingmum wrote: »

Hi all,
I have a wonderful baby and just returned to work from maternity leave. The lead up to today has been a very rollercoaster ride for me, with feelings of apprehension and severe stress ruling my life for the past two weeks. I was crying if I even thought about it...

I know my baby is in good hands in the childminders and she is getting to socialize with other kids and babies, but I will only get to see her for max two/three hours a day. She goes to bed at around 8pm, I don't get back to the childminders in the evening till six pm, and it might be even later in September when the kids will be back in school. I get to see her for an hour and a half in the mornings before I drop her off.

Today I got home and I just cried for about an hour and have cried twice since putting her to bed. Thing is there is no option to even go part time in my job...

Working Mammies, how do you cope with only seeing your child for a couple of hours every day?

I can only speak for my partner and in some ways myself as well. This is my experience in as short a way as I can put it.

My little one... since her mum re-entering work has been farmed out to trusted babysitters, extended family and myself in a complex time managed excercise. Her mum hardly sees her, I hardly see her, at least that how it feels.

Myself and my little ones mum feels guilty almost all the time. The time that we do get to spend with our little one we appreciate it and tell her how much we love her and this time is well spent. She does miss us as her parents when we are at work and guilt is / was an issue.

On a v.v. positive note... she started 'big' school today and because she was so used to so many different 'trusted' folks looking after her... she didn't even look back when we left her there. I think that is because she knows that mum and dad, no matter how little time that 'we feel' that we spend with her, she knows we are still there for her and love her a lot. Not to mention the being used to so many different folks looking after her.

It is only natural to feel the way you are feeling OP I know that for sure because I felt it myself. It is a guilty feeling which in time you will have to get used to and you will get past. Point in fact that I would have to say is that your concern and stress only goes to show how good a parent that you are in the first place. Because I recently went and am still going through the same thing as a father with a mother of the same child who is going through the same thing i.e. guilt (It is never good enough).

If it helps, I think your original post expresses exactly what I felt myself recently and in a way it confirms to me that I have not been over concerned with my feelings on the same issue in the recent past. My little ones first day at 'big' school' was a turning point today.

In a way I'm kind of glad to see that someone else is going through these early stages of guilt as well. I don't feel so bad now. So thanks OP for confirming that I'm not the only one.

Having kids is a life changing experience in crazy ways, I'm sure that you and I in our own moments in the future will look back at this and laugh whilst tearing out hairs from heads when the little feckers hit the teens.

PM me if you want support in any way. But I think your doing fine from the sounds of it. Good luck.

trish23

You're right, it is hard. I would say enjoy every minute that you do have. I have 3 children with an age gap between the first 2 & the 3rd. I stayed at home with the 1st 2 & loved every minute but I'd be lying if I didn't say there were times I'd love 'me' times - even a lunch hour! I was working when Delilah (:)) came along & she's now 2 but I still feel I'd love 2 be home with her. But she enjoys, & gets great benefits, from school (as we call it) & when I am home it's always fun. Don't waste your time with her crying. It's always been like this - guilt trip if you work & guilt trip if you don't!

LegacyUser

ohh you poor thing,i dont know how you feel hun,when i had my child i could afford to stay at home he had the best of both worlds i was home for 2 years untill he started creche part time while i got a part time job,times were hard financially but i dont regret it,im delighted i got the chance as now im pregnant again i dont think ill be so lucky,with mortgage payments and car loans i dont think DH can afford it but im thinking of selling the car so i can be with the new baby at least for the 1st year,its tough i dont know what is harder being at home or working full time?
my mother was a stay at home mam so its important to me too,but the way things are gone in this country jobs are important to have money to give your child a better life so try keep that in mind,your doing whats best for her in the long run!

di11on

Poor you, OP... and poor baby. To be blunt, the only person your baby wants to socialise with right now is you. But you have to do what you have to do.

You're entitled to 14 weeks unpaid parental leave per child under 8. Could you use this?

Really feel for you OP... hope it works out for you.