Fencepost tortoise

ART6

Quote from an English newspaper I read yesterday -- was aimed at Gordon Brown, but .....

An old Farmer remarked that Brown was a "fencepost tortoise". When asked what that was, he explained:

"When you drive along a country road and you see a fencepost with a tortoise balanced on top, that's a fencepost tortoise."

Bewildered looks from the listeners, so he went on:

"Well, you know he didn't get up there by himself, he definitely doesn't belong up there, he doesn't know what to do while he's up there, and you just have to wonder what kind of idiot put him up there in the first place."

patmac

Very good.

Slightly related story of a tortoise on the way home from the pub after a few pints who got mugged by two snails. When the Garda showed up they asked him:'what happened'
To which the tortoise replied ' Dunno it all happened so fast'

Slightly related story to the one above.
A man answers the door after hearing the doorbell ring. Can see nothing. So shuts the door 3 hours later the doorbell rings again and he answers it but still see nothing but hears a voice saying 'hello'.
He looks down and see a snail who asks 'Would you like to make a donation to the ISPCS'
To which the man replies 'fcuk off' and boots him down the driveway.
Six months later the doorbell rings again and the it's the same snail who says;'that was'nt very nice was it?'

oneeyedman

Heard a good one during the week relating to our former Taoiseach.

If you missed it Bertie and d'brudder hijacked a film showing of Ken Loaches new film by presenting Eric Cantona with a Dubs jersey with Cantona7 on the back of it. When Loach was asked what he thought of the stunt, he replied "The higher a monkey climbs a tree, the more he shows off his arse", which I thought was very appropriate!!