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child doesn't want to go to school

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  • 12-06-2009 5:04pm
    #1
    deisebabe
    Closed Accounts Posts: 199 ✭✭


    hi, my nephew is 9 and frequently does not want to go to school. He fakes an illness/whatever to stop from going. When he does go in to school it seems to be fine. The problem is that he's now started running off when his mother gets him to the school. Does anyone have any advice on this?
    I've told his mother she needs to speak to the teacher/school itself so hopefully that will be done on monday. But is there anything else she should be doing? Or any one else she should be talking to?

    Thanks


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    #2
    seamus
    Registered Users Posts: 68,317 ✭✭✭✭seamus


    If he has normally been OK about school, I would guess it's one of the below scenarios:

    1. He being bullied
    2. He doesn't like/doesn't get on with the teacher
    3. He's bored (and so dreads spending all day sitting bored).

    So in any of these cases, speaking to the teacher should reveal it. In the case of no. 2, his mother should be able to tell by the teacher's attitude. I can remember around the same age I started faking illness once or twice so I wouldn't have to go to school because the teacher didn't like me. My mum agreed (when I was older) that the teacher didn't like my attitude at all and I obviously picked up on that, even though I was never in trouble with her.


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    #3
    byhookorbycrook
    Moderators, Education Moderators, Regional South East Moderators Posts: 12,498 Mod ✭✭✭✭byhookorbycrook


    The tummy pains can often a habit more than anything else. If it happens again, he should be put to bed fot the day, no tv, no ds etc. Cures a lot!I'd mention it to the teacher in case of any issues like bulllying.


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    #4
    deisebabe
    Closed Accounts Posts: 199 ✭✭deisebabe


    1. He being bullied
    2. He doesn't like/doesn't get on with the teacher
    3. He's bored (and so dreads spending all day sitting bored).

    ok scratch number two as he gets on great with the teacher. He's a really nice young teacher with a good attitude towards kids...unlike most of the teachers when I was in school!

    AFAIK he's not being bullied. I think it may be the bored thing. He does tend to come out with "I'm bored" a lot if he's not out running around.

    Either way he has to go in. I agree with the leaving him in bed all day. And his PS3 has just been taken from him. We're just trying to gather all the options together even before she sees the teacher.

    Thanks for the replies


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    #5
    Deliverance
    Registered Users Posts: 1,674 ✭✭✭Deliverance


    deisebabe wrote: »
    hi, my nephew is 9 and frequently does not want to go to school. He fakes an illness/whatever to stop from going. When he does go in to school it seems to be fine. The problem is that he's now started running off when his mother gets him to the school. Does anyone have any advice on this?
    I've told his mother she needs to speak to the teacher/school itself so hopefully that will be done on monday. But is there anything else she should be doing? Or any one else she should be talking to?

    Thanks

    Apart from the above mentioned... Personally I think that he is not bored, bullied or ill. Rather he is being given the option to cop off and stay at home by some kind of 'enabler', possibly the mother? The little tike sounds to me like he has a fall back i.e. the mum? Maybe the mother is the person that needs help with this issue?

    That is my instinct from what has been said, feel free to argue otherwise.

    Ps I have nephews with similar issues so I feel qualified to answer as such. Apologies if I'm wrong.


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    #6
    deisebabe
    Closed Accounts Posts: 199 ✭✭deisebabe


    Rather he is being given the option to cop off and stay at home by some kind of 'enabler', possibly the mother?

    I have to agree in that after he did his running off etc he was allowed to go home! When I was a kid I wouldn't have even chanced the trying to get off school that way. Just cant figure if it is something wrong or is it a case of knowing he'll get away with it?

    I don't mean to pry but is there anything your family have been doing about your own nephews? The last thing i want is for my nephew to miss out on half his education.


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    #7
    VaioCruiser
    Closed Accounts Posts: 750 ✭✭✭VaioCruiser


    Another thing I would toss in is do try not to make going to school sound like a punishment if you can. Always speak of it as an important place to be and to make friends and to learn and to play, so that he can grow up smart.


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    #8
    Deliverance
    Registered Users Posts: 1,674 ✭✭✭Deliverance


    deisebabe wrote: »
    I don't mean to pry but is there anything your family have been doing about your own nephews? The last thing i want is for my nephew to miss out on half his education.
    Your not prying at all. Feel free to ask anything.

    My nephews had a v.hard upbringing due to the Mother who had her own serious problems (Alcoholism), I imagine that from what you have said that your going through a similar thing.

    The only thing that helped my nephews was our extended family who like your good self took an interest and acted as 'surrogate parents' and 'role models' for the nephews, this extended family has given these nephews / kids a stable environment. This has resulted in them turning into lovely lads with some kind of direction: despite the damage that the mother has done in the past (she is improving slightly).

    The nephews went absolutely wild for awhile and were in danger of losing their way, this could have led to them becoming lost and running wild in the streets.

    I have seen the opposite effect happen with some of the Mothers 'chosen friends' kids. These kids have grown up on the wrong side of life due to not being lucky enough to have an extended concerned family.

    For example: an intelligent lad called 'Jack' (One of the Mothers friends kids) enjoyed working with motorbikes i.e. mechanics. I met and worked with him for awhile whilst he was within the family circle I gave him an adjustable spanner and we worked on a bike together. He was totally chuffed when I gave him the spanner for 'keeps' and I guess I was a role model for him for awhile. He was a clever lad with great potential.

    Unfortunately I lost contact with him and the last time I saw him he was hanging with 'scumbags' and acting wild. The last bit of news I got about him indirectly was: he had been arrested and charged with stealing cars.

    Apparently from what I have heard he broke down in the guarda station upon arrest and admitted to a lot more crimes that he had commited. Personallly I think that he wanted to get away from this lifestyle by that admission. A cry for help if you like.

    It makes me sad to think that 'Jack' didn't have the support of the extended family that my nephews had, it could so easily turn out bad for these kids i.e. my nephews if they didn't have the extended support provided by my great family.

    You can only do what you can really, and a proactive family do and have in my view made a difference with my nephews. Hope that makes sense by the experience expressed.


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