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What do you expect from your au pair?
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13-06-2009 1:39pm#1If you have, or have had, an au pair, what did you expect of them, behaviour-wise? For example, when they were not on-duty, did you mind if they would rather spend their free time alone in their room or out with friends, or did you feel that they should spend some of their free time with you and the kids? How much privacy did you give them during their free time? If they wanted to be alone in their room would you leave them in peace and make sure the kids did the same?
Did you expect them to keep the house very tidy even when they were trying to look after the kids, or did you accept that kids and a spotless house don't really go together?
Was there a limit on how much of your food you would let them eat, or could they eat whenever they were hungry? What could your au pair do to please you and make you happy you hired her? What could she do that would make you want to get rid of her? What could she do that would annoy you but not enough to actually fire her?
On top of their contracted working hours, how much extra did you expect them to do around the house? Were they responsible for the majority of the housework?
Would they be allowed to use the house's utilities as much as they needed to, eg could they do their laundry whenever necessary or would they only be allowed to do it on one particular day a week?
Did you give them any "extras" above their basic wages, eg language course, travel card, etc?
Any other kind of behaviour you expect of them? As much detail as possible appreciated.
How did you feel about your au pair, I mean, did you really care about her and want her to enjoy her stay with you (if so, why, because if she's happy she'll be nicer to the kids, or because you really want her to be happy) and did you want her to feel part of the family? Or did you look upon her more as an employee?
What's the main reason you got an au pair - was it because it's cheaper than getting a nanny or because you wanted your kids to learn another language?
Was your au pair ever ill and unable to look after the kids for a few days or so? If so, how did you deal with that and were you annoyed at the au pair?
Did your au pair do anything that you did not like? If so, what, and how did you deal with it?0
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<snip> Unregistered posting facility is NOT a licence to post insulting and inflammatory remarks, folks.0
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StormWarrior, can you clarify why exactly you're asking so many questions please. You sound like you are carrying out a survey or researching an article. You've reeled off dozens of questions here and i'm more than a little curious as to why you haven't said why.0
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I was an au pair 3 years ago and had a very bad experience. The family treated me horribly. Just as a few examples of the things they did:
1. All of them, including the dad and teenage boys, would barge in on me while I was undressing or in the shower and refuse to leave.
2. I was made to work from 6.45am to 10pm every day and never given any days off, I had to do every scrap of housework for the whole family and walk the dog for 2 hours a day.
3. I was only allowed to eat cereal with yoghurt for breakfast, one peice of fruit for lunch and one scoopful of rice for dinner, while the family feasted on prime cuts of meat and other nice things. I was always starving, and if I ever ate anything out of the fridge, even an egg, the parents would scream at me.
4. They never paid me, and didn't give me the language classes or anything they had promised me.
5. They took away my suitcases and tried to stop me from leaving when I decided not to stay there any more.
6. The parents were terrifying, the dad often beat the kids for things that weren't even their fault.
7. I was expected to look after 9 kids, do all the housework, walk the dog for 2 hours per day, and still manage to keep the house absolutely spotless. If one thing was out of place when the parents got home, there would be hell to pay.
8. I was never given any privacy. If I so much as shut my bedroom door for a moment the parents would burst in and scream at me for being antisocial.
Anyway, that put me off being an au pair for years, but now I want to try again. I've found a family who seem really nice this time, but I'm really scared I'll have another bad experience. So, I am very curious to know from the host family's perspective, how they feel about having an au pair. I would really appreciate some totally honest answers. The questions I've asked are the main things that concern me, plus I'd like some feedback on how to make the host family appreciate me so that they treat me well. I didn't say at first why I wanted to ask these questions, because I thought it might influence the answers, and I need totally honest answers.0 -
It sounds like you weren't au pairing in Ireland. Are you planning to do it here now? Otherwise any advice might not be suitable.0
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No, not in Ireland but in the EU. But host families surely can't have expectations that different from each other. Any advice at all would be appreciated.0
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We had au pairs for a few years while we lived in Dublin. I think we were a pretty good host family, but we had a couple of experiences where we did not get on with the au pairs. We also heard some horror stories.
We worked on the basis that their free time was their own. If they want to spend it with us that was fine. If they wanted to do their own thing that was fine too. We had a few au pairs that really became part of the family. That was really good. Very comfortable.StormWarrior wrote: »If you have, or have had, an au pair, what did you expect of them, behaviour-wise? For example, when they were not on-duty, did you mind if they would rather spend their free time alone in their room or out with friends, or did you feel that they should spend some of their free time with you and the kids?
Absolutely. If they wanted alone time then they got it.StormWarrior wrote: »How much privacy did you give them during their free time? If they wanted to be alone in their room would you leave them in peace and make sure the kids did the same?
We know that it is hard to keep a stopless house when there are kids around. That said, we did expect the au pairs to keep their own room and the family bathroom, which we did not use, tidy and clean. Additionally we did expoect a certain amount of tidying up after the kids.StormWarrior wrote: »Did you expect them to keep the house very tidy even when they were trying to look after the kids, or did you accept that kids and a spotless house don't really go together?
We did not set any limits. We did have one au pair who was really big and actually massively increaeed our food bill.StormWarrior wrote: »Was there a limit on how much of your food you would let them eat, or could they eat whenever they were hungry?
At the end of the day it is all about the interaction with the kids. That was the most important thing. Being cool and someone that was fun to hang out with was a good bonus, and we had a few like that.StormWarrior wrote: »What could your au pair do to please you and make you happy you hired her?
Not get one with the kids is the main one. Also if they were really hard top get on with.StormWarrior wrote: »What could she do that would make you want to get rid of her?
Contstantly be on the internet flashing her boobs to her boyfirend in France and having him pay surprise visits. Yes, that did happen.StormWarrior wrote: »What could she do that would annoy you but not enough to actually fire her?
No. As I said earlier, their own room, the family bathroom and tidying after the kids. Generally they are supposed to do two night of babysitting as well, though we generally did not ask them to do that.StormWarrior wrote: »On top of their contracted working hours, how much extra did you expect them to do around the house? Were they responsible for the majority of the housework?
The only restricxtion we place on the washing machine was that they put other clothes in with theirs and didn't use the machine just to wash a couple fo items.StormWarrior wrote: »Would they be allowed to use the house's utilities as much as they needed to, eg could they do their laundry whenever necessary or would they only be allowed to do it on one particular day a week?
We paid slightly over the going rate in most cases. Additionally we provided a mobile phone, with some credit and in some cases a weekly bus ticket.StormWarrior wrote: »Did you give them any "extras" above their basic wages, eg language course, travel card, etc?
We expected them to respect us, our children and where we lived. We tried to treat them as a friend or member of the family and we hoped they would behave in a manner that reflected this.StormWarrior wrote: »Any other kind of behaviour you expect of them? As much detail as possible appreciated.
We expected them to get on well with the kids and to keep them happy. We did not want them smoking in front of the kids or in the house.
We had three au pairs in particular that became very close. Tehy really were like close friends or family members. Though it has been years since they were with us, they keep in touch and have been over for holidays.StormWarrior wrote: »How did you feel about your au pair, I mean, did you really care about her and want her to enjoy her stay with you (if so, why, because if she's happy she'll be nicer to the kids, or because you really want her to be happy) and did you want her to feel part of the family? Or did you look upon her more as an employee?
We really wanted them to be happy and feel part of the family. I will admit that part of this is because we felt if they were happy they would be more likely to be good to the kids, but in the main it was because we are decent human beings and that is simply the correct way to treat soemone you have invited into your house.
We also had a coupleof au pairs that we really disliked. We were very glad to get rid of them.
For us it was money, at least initially. Our family was already multi-lingual. We both needed to work and we could not afford a creche. We found that having a really good au pair was a great life experience for the kids, so although it started for financial reasons we found other, better reasons to continue.StormWarrior wrote: »What's the main reason you got an au pair - was it because it's cheaper than getting a nanny or because you wanted your kids to learn another language?
We were very lucky with our au pairs. We did have one that injured herself and was out of action for a few days. No big deal, these things happen.StormWarrior wrote: »Was your au pair ever ill and unable to look after the kids for a few days or so? If so, how did you deal with that and were you annoyed at the au pair?
We had a few things over the years. We had one that was over feeding one of the kids. We sat her down and explained the problem and that was enough. Basically that was how we handled it. Have a chat about it and explain the change we wanted. We would make it clear that the change had to happen or it was over. Generally this worked. We are not bad people and it was never anything particulary bad for the au pair to deal with.StormWarrior wrote: »Did your au pair do anything that you did not like? If so, what, and how did you deal with it?
MrP0 -
Thanks for the reply.1.Absolutely. If they wanted alone time then they got it.
2.We did not set any limits. We did have one au pair who was really big and actually massively increaeed our food bill.
3.We also had a coupleof au pairs that we really disliked. We were very glad to get rid of them.
MrP
1. Did you ever ask the au pairs to go anywhere with you, like on a trip for the weekend or something? If so, did you expect them to go or was it ok for them to stay at home if they preferred?
2. If you had an au pair who, say for example, did not eat red meat, would you have been ok with her just having chicken or something all the time instead?
3. Could you say why you disliked these au pairs, and did you send them home early?0 -
We did a few times. We took a couple of our Au Pairs to France with us to visit the GF’s family and probably about 4 of them to Northern Ireland to visit my family. It was always optional.StormWarrior wrote: »Thanks for the reply.
1. Did you ever ask the au pairs to go anywhere with you, like on a trip for the weekend or something? If so, did you expect them to go or was it ok for them to stay at home if they preferred?
I think that would have been OK, providing it was on the application form. We had an Au Pair who was actually Muslim and did not mention this, or her special dietary requirement, on the application form. She actually turned out to be the worst au pair experience we had.StormWarrior wrote: »2. If you had an au pair who, say for example, did not eat red meat, would you have been ok with her just having chicken or something all the time instead?
To be honest I would have an issue with a vegetarian. I have nothing against them, but it would be very difficult for us to cope with one. I think a chickenarian would be fine and we eat mostly chicken anyway.
I think in the six years we had au pairs only two left early. One of them was desperately homesick and simply could not cope. She was really nice, but she just was not ready to be away from home.StormWarrior wrote: »3. Could you say why you disliked these au pairs, and did you send them home early?
We had a major issue with the Muslim girl. She got off to a bad start as she was dishonest on her application form. It really went downhill from there. We had a very difficult time. She did not want to do the hours we had agreed, but wanted us to pay the additional money we had agreed to pay for the extra hours, she was very disrespectful to my girlfriend, she bad mouthed us to other au pairs and parents at our children’s school (not realising we knew all the au pairs and the parents very well,) and worst of all, she actually did not like children. She was truly awful. The agency we got her from arranged to move her elsewhere. In the end I actually technically threw her out a couple of days earlier than arranged (not in to the street, she went to her next family early.) When the new family came to collect her I was actually embarrassed. The woman gave me a look that was somewhere between fear and disgust. I don’t know what this girl had told her, but it must have been bad. I later found out that she called the agency two days later in tears demanding they get “that girl out of my house.”
I could write a book about our experiences with that girl, but I shall leave it at that.
We had a number of au pairs that we perhaps did not particularly like a people, they would never be friends and I would doubt they would ever come to visit us, but we kept things civil and kept them on because they were good with the kids, and at the end of the day that is the most important thing.
MrP0 -
So what what makes you actually like an au pair? What would make you consider them hard to get on with?0
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Ah now here people are people there is not way to say what makes you like a person or not people are people and so are au pair and families sometimes people just don't click or have different ways of looking at the world or takes on how children should be reared or just do not fit in the with the family ethos and those things you can't figure out or factor in ahead of time and there is no one size fits all and no way to safe guard that clashes don't happen.
Where agreements are broken and there is abuse happening on either side then it's up to the person who is being treated unfairly to get help from the agency and get out of the situation.0 -
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Can you give me any other tips at all? On anything, mainly making sure the parents are pleased with me? Any faux pas to be avoided? Does how much you like your au pair have anything to do with how much of her free time she spends with you?0
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That will vary from family to family there is no single standard or catch all.0
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I would still like to hear Mr P's personal opinion.0
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StormWarrior wrote: »Can you give me any other tips at all? On anything, mainly making sure the parents are pleased with me? Any faux pas to be avoided? Does how much you like your au pair have anything to do with how much of her free time she spends with you?StormWarrior wrote: »I would still like to hear Mr P's personal opinion.
OK, I am not sure how much use this will be, as I think it needs to be a natural fit and not forced. I think if you try too hard it probably won’t work. Also, if you have to try hard, then you are probably in the wrong house.
This is very hard to do actually, a lot of the reasons we get on with people are very hard to put into words. If I look at the three “best” au pairs we had there are a number of common factors. They were quite mature, even though they were fairly young. They had their own circle of friends and spent free time with them, but they did still spend some of their free time with us. When they were off duty they would still pitch in if they felt something needed done. We had au pairs that would ignore one of the kids crying if they were not “on duty.” I understand that they are technically entitled to do that, but it is hard to get a warm feeling about someone like that.
All in all I would say the ones we really got on with were the ones we were really comfortable with. We could talk to them about anything and they could talk to us about anything. My GF would go out for drinks or go to the cinema with them whilst I babysat the kids.
They came to our BBQs and brought friends and let their hair down.
They acted like good friends or family members, not as employees. That really worked for us, though it might not work for every family.
Here are a few general recommendations:- Make sure you agree up front exactly what your responsibilities are. If you have any issues with anything they want you to do make sure you address it at this point.
- Be respectful. This can be hard as some of the host families are real @rseholes. If you have to struggle to be respectful then it is likely that they are not worthy of your respect, get out.
- If anything makes you uncomfortable get it in the open. If you can’t speak to the family about it speak to the agency.
- If you have any trouble with the kids speak to the parents openly and honestly about it.
- Find out the ground rules about your free time. Is there a curfew are you allowed to bring friends or BF / GFs to the house.
- If you have a bad feeling about the placement get out. You will know when it is hopeless and there is no point in trying to force it.
- Be honest in your application. Make sure you detail anything you think might be an issue, the fact that you are a chickenarian for example.
- Be as accommodating as you can, without becoming a slave.
- Keep you own room clean and tidy.
- Make sure you get a list of other au pairs in the area you will be in. You agency should be able to do this.
I don’t know how much use any of this will be as other families could be completely different to us.
MrP0 -
I've had 6 au pairs.
I draw up a written list of duties and send it to them before they come over. Also I make clear their place in the house and what is allowed and forbidden. We pay for the doctor, for food, for night classes, phone, internet sometimes for flights but every item is detailed otherwise their are misunderstandings. We specify what happens if the au pair wants to go home early or the family want the au pair to leave (eg 2 weeks notice).
As these are young girls (18+) they are at different stages of maturity. Some are still children who can't even look after their own rooms, some are more grown up. We only had to ask one to leave - for repeatedly neglecting the children. With the others we formed good friendships with 3. We visited their families later or their families came to visit us.
Our reason for getting an au pair was to provide high quality care compared to a creche. We felt better about having one person looking after our toddler when the parents were not around compared to the child being looked after by a number of different people.
We expect our au pair to do about 90mins house work a day and four days 9-5 of child minding. One evening babysitting a week. Also clean up after herself in general after using the bathroom kitchen etc. We detailed which tasks were to be done every day.
In our family the au pair is meant to be treated as a young adult member of the family. They get a degree of independence but they should also do something to show they are not just a lodger - such as having a meal with us once in a while.
Also being an au pair is not considered a job - there is no tax to pay as the state sees it as a form of student exchange. So we don't speak to the au pair as if she is an employee. Also we pay for english classes so that they have some distraction from home life and to give them a chance to meet other au pairs.
We tell our au pairs that looking after the kids takes priority over housekeeping tasks. They are not in trouble if something is not done. I want the au pairs to be happy because otherwise I can't be happy at home. And how can they care for a child if they are unhappy?
From the au pair's point of view they get an arrangement that is mid-way being living at home and having a job - they don't have the pressure to earn enough money to pay rent and bills but they don't get much money. Also they get total immersion in another culture. Plenty of times I have spent a few months in a country and never really saw how people live there. Also, for a young woman you get to see what being a mother is like.
There are plenty of families who use au pairs as cheap labour or else they are just nasty abusive people. By the same token there is every kind of selfish au pair out there and that is the risk. Getting everything agreed beforehand should help but you have to be prepared to leave if it doesn't work out.0 -
Thanks Mr P and Gudgeon, there was definitely some useful info there.1.We expect our au pair to do about 90mins house work a day and four days 9-5 of child minding. One evening babysitting a week. Also clean up after herself in general after using the bathroom kitchen etc. We detailed which tasks were to be done every day.
2.Also being an au pair is not considered a job - there is no tax to pay as the state sees it as a form of student exchange.
3.you have to be prepared to leave if it doesn't work out.
1. Did you go through an agency? Every au pair site and agency I've seen says you mustn't make the au pair work for more than 5 hours a day in Europe.
2. In the country I'm going to, au pairing is apparently seen as a job and taxed. Do you think that would make the family see me differently?
3. The other time I au paired, I wanted to leave but the family took away my suitcases and tried to take away my passport. I had to wait until they went out and then quickly get my stuff and run away! I had such a bad time with them, I'm so worried about something similar happening.
During your au pair's free time, does she have a curfew, or can she come and go as she pleases and get home at any time, as long as she's quiet and doesn't wake anyone up?0 -
I got my aupairs from internet sites. Every country has its own traditions on how au pairs are treated - they are not hard and fast but a local au pair agency will give you an idea. There is a difference between being available to look after children and actually doing it. My au pair is available from 9-5 four days a week but she is only looking after children on her own for a maximum of 6 hours a day.StormWarrior wrote: »1. Did you go through an agency? Every au pair site and agency I've seen says you mustn't make the au pair work for more than 5 hours a day in Europe.
There is a spectrum of position from mother's helper to nanny. You could be 17 with no child care experience and paid €70 a week and never left in charge of the children without the mother present or you could be paid 30k a year for a full time live in position where you are mary poppins.
I'd imagine so but then maybe some people treat an employee better than a helper family guest.2. In the country I'm going to, au pairing is apparently seen as a job and taxed. Do you think that would make the family see me differently?
I heard these stories when I was young enough that some of my friends were au pairs. A lot of it comes from misunderstanding - you clearly got a bad family but in some cases the family's expectations are completely out of sync with the au pair's expectations. Did you agree how many hours you would work in advance? Did you know how many children they had? You should ask a host family for a reference from a previous au pair. If the conditions are completely different to those described then you leave the next day.3. The other time I au paired, I wanted to leave but the family took away my suitcases and tried to take away my passport. I had to wait until they went out and then quickly get my stuff and run away! I had such a bad time with them, I'm so worried about something similar happening.
She can do what she wants in her free time. This is exactly the kind of thing you want to agree in advance.During your au pair's free time, does she have a curfew, or can she come and go as she pleases and get home at any time, as long as she's quiet and doesn't wake anyone up?
Being with kids on your own every day is boring and isolating so it's important to try to hook up with other au pairs in the area so that you can look after the kids together in the park or at home (with the parent's permission) ro go into town.0 -
A lot of it comes from misunderstanding - you clearly got a bad family but in some cases the family's expectations are completely out of sync with the au pair's expectations. Did you agree how many hours you would work in advance? Did you know how many children they had? You should ask a host family for a reference from a previous au pair. If the conditions are completely different to those described then you leave the next day.
Before I agreed to take the job, the family said I'd just be looking after their 3 kids, working monday to thursday. They said I'd just get the kids up in the morning and send them to school on those days, then I'd have the rest of the day free until 2pm when they came home. Then I'd watch them for 3 hours until the parents came home. They told me every evening and weekend would always be free, and said the only housework I'd have to do is just make sure the house was tidy by the time the parents arrived home (stuff like making sure the kids hadn't left their toys or shoes lying around and there were no dishes in the sink.) They asked me what kind of food I liked and said they would provide it.
However, it turned out I was working from 6.45am to 10pm on weekdays. I had to spring clean the entire house from top to bottom every week, keep it absolutely spotless at all times, walk the dog for 2 hours a day, do all of the laundry, ironing and bed changing for the entire family, look after 9 kids usually (each child usually had 2 friends staying over). If any member of the family, even the parents, ate or drank something and left plates or dishes lying around, even if it was supposedly my free time, I was expected to jump up and clear away their dishes at once. The parents would set me extra tasks in the evening, usually taking the kids to sports classes or doing extra laundry, while they sat on the sofa watching TV. They hardly fed me anything, I was starving all the time and if I helped myself to anything, even an egg, they would scream at me. They made me spend almost every weekend babysitting for them or accompanying them to places, even though they'd promised weekends would be free, and they would not take no for an answer if I wanted to do something else. Once when they sent me on an errand that should have taken half an hour, I got lost and didn't get home until hours later. They weren't worried about me at all, they didn't care where I had been. If anything was ever out of place when they got home, even a shoe, they would scream the house down. The beat their kids in front of me, even though hitting kids is illegal in that country. They didn't give me my wages and the mother screamed her head off at me when I asked for my money. They didn't pay for the language classes they had promised or anything. If I wanted to be alone in my room they just wouldn't leave me in peace. They barged in whether I was undressing or had just got out of the shower, they were constantly coming in to demand I did things for them. It was a bloody nightmare. It put me off being an au pair for years, but I think I've found a nice family this time (I hope so) and I'm going to give it another try.
It wasn't a misunderstanding about me wanting to leave. When I arrived they said they'd put my suitcases in the spare room to give me more space in my bedroom. I believed them but actually they had locked them in the garage. They insisted that I give them my passport too but I said I had to keep it for ID. When I told them I was leaving and asked for my suitcases they said no, they have locked them in the garage and they are not giving them to me and they are not telling me where the key to the garage is. They said I may not leave the house and gave me a big list of duties to do over the weekend. Thankfully they eventually went out, and I found the key, got my suitcases and ran away.0 -
Hope you reported them.StormWarrior wrote: »The beat their kids in front of me, even though hitting kids is illegal in that country.0 -
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I reported them to the agency who put us in touch with each other. I don't know what they did about it.0
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They insisted that I give them my passport too but I said I had to keep it for ID.
Stormwarrior - you should never surrender your passport to anyone except a policeman or immigration officer for examining. A photocopy should be enough for information purposes for any family. If they demand it walk away, no matter how much it costs you to get home.
My exgirlfriend was a childminder here in Ireland, she took a job in Cork to be close to me. The family she worked for never hurt her but constantly added more and more work onto her. Make sure you get a written list of duties that they expect from you and how much they are paying for these duties.Any extra work can be done for extra pay on eg if they want you to babysit one weekend you get paid extra. If you want your weekends free make sure you state this to them, my ex was told she might have to work an occasional weekend, she ended up babysitting every saturday so the couple could go out.
I hope it all works out for you, if they're willing to answer all questions openly and honestly they're probably a good family to work for.0 -
Thanks. The last family I worked for were really strange. Because this was a few years ago and I didn't have any experience with aupairing then, I didn't really know what to ask or look for in a host family. This time I know what qauetions to ask and things to check (I hope) and I won't be going there with rose-tinted glasses like I did last time. The first family I worked for, I had stayed with them for a week, a couple of months before my placement was due to start, to see if we got on or not. They acted really nice then but totally changed as soon as I arrived. It went wrong immediately. They had promised to pick me up at the airport but they weren't there. I phoned them to ask where they were and they said they had work the next day and wanted to get an early night, so I would have to get the bus. This was in a strange city I didn't know and I wandered around for ages trying to find a bus stop. When I called the family back for help, they refused to help, told me to find my own way and said it was my own fault for not looking up busses on the internet before I arrived, and that I was "stupid" for not having done so. Well, why would I look up busses when they said they would pick me up? It was downhill from there. Instead of treating me like their daughter, they treated me like an unwanted intruder who was only there to be their slave. They did not give me a contract or anything before I rrived. I was too naive and inexperienced to know that I should have one. The new family I'm going to seem much better, they've already given me a contract which seems very fair, says exactly how much and when I'll be on duty and how much I'll get for overtime. Their current au pair recommends them. So fingers crossed this time! The thing is, if the family start adding more work onto you, it's hard to discuss it with them because you're worried they might just fire you!
You know, when I finally arrived at the house the family were all asleep but had left the door unlocked for me. When I finally saw them the next day they didn't even ask if I had let my parents know I had arrived safely or anything. The didn't even ask about my family or for details of my next of kin. I really think that family had something seriously wrong with them. The 12 year old boy even told me that he wanted to kill himself and said that he would do so by jumping from a height. The kids were a bit messed up I think. They walked around the house naked in front of me (they were 10, 12 and 14 years old) and the middle boy was always barging into my room when I was undressing and gawping at me with a massive grin if I wasn't dressed. When he found out I'd been using a sunbed he got a really excited look on his face and asked if I went on the sunbed naked and started making disgusting suggestions.0 -
I'm about to get an au-pair to live with my family for the first time. I was interested to see Gudgeon has a list of duties- would you mind to share more details?
I have already met the au-pair- I travelled to meet her in France with my family as I was anxious to meet her before she came. She seems like a lovely young woman so I hope it works out. However I also see that you are not supposed to ask an au-pair to work more than 5 hours a day? I'm a little alarmed at this, it's the first time I've heard it. I had planned that she would have our two children from when I go to work in the morning- around 8.30am until I get home- around 5.30 or 6 pm. One of the children goes to school so she would drop her off and pick her up ( it's a five minute walk) and mind our 3 year old during the day. This would be three days a week. On a fourth day she would drop off the older child to school and pick her up and mind her until I get home. She would have one free day a week ( wednesday) and her weekends to herself. Also on that fourth day she would have the morning to herself while my daughter is at school.
Does this sound like too much work? She is aware of what we have planned. But it would be good to have feedback from others with experience.
I would not expect her to do any housework- except feed the children a lunch ( sandwiches or else heat up pre-prepared meals that I will have made in advance).
Obviously her weekends will be her own.0 -
Well, every au pair agency that I personally have ever contacted, say that according to immigration laws or something in Europe it should be no more than 5 hours a day in Europe (in America they can work the au pair for 10 hours a day but they have a very different system there). However, as an au pair, I would be happy to accept the situation that you describe, assuming that you really do stick to it (no offense but many host parents end up pushing more and more work onto the au pair.)
If I had every wednesday and weekend free, I'd be happy to work the hours you suggest even if it's more than the agencies say it should be for one day. s long as she has known and agreed in advance it shouldn't be a problem, plus the no housework is an added bonus. If she is happy with the situation, she is not going to "tell on you" or anything.
Btw for the sake of both you and the au pair I strongly suggest that you write her working days and hours and duties very clearly in a contract.0 -
Never had any personal experience with Ireland, but just looked up the regulations and it seems you guys can actually work the au pair for up to 35 hours a week, most EU countries only allow 25. It doesn't say if you can only work her a maximum number of hours a day, most EU countries only allow you to work her for 5.
http://www.aupair-world.net/index.php/visa/ireland/0 -
These are not regulations, this is a set of rules made up by a german web site. I would imagine they found them by ringing an irish au pair agency and asking informally how things are done here.StormWarrior wrote: »...just looked up the regulations and it seems you guys can actually work the au pair for up to 35 hours a week,...
There is no reference to au pairs in Irish law. The relevant government minister in Ireland has stated that Irish au pairs are not regarded as employees but as language students on exchange and that their work is not taxable. Ireland is not one of the 6 countries that signed the European Agreement on au pair Placement. If you choose to go to one of the signatory countries than you are protected under this agreement:
http://conventions.coe.int/Treaty/en/Treaties/Html/068.htm
Au pair arrangements are not regulated by the state. An au pair is in the same situation as an adult child in the family who is helping out her parents for bed and board and pocket money. What do you do if you are an adult child in a family and your parents are making you do too much housework? You just refuse or renegotiate or you walk out the door. The same options are open to an au pair. Au pair means 'as an equal' with the other members of the family. There are abusive families in every country and people need to get out of them.
Young au pairs, particularly those from poor backgrounds, are in a vulnerable situation and you could argue that they should have more protection from the state.
Also you need to decide what constitutes work. Heavy cleaning is obviously work but what about cleaning up after you use the kitchen or bathroom? What about sitting on the sofa watching daytime TV while a child is playing at your feet? Being present in a house where children are playing?
The best au pairs we had were the ones who enjoyed playing with the children, the ones who still had a bit of childish creativity in them to take part in the kids games. The kids loved them and they loved the kids and as parents we were very fond of anyone who could make our children happy.0 -
Also you need to decide what constitutes work. Heavy cleaning is obviously work but what about cleaning up after you use the kitchen or bathroom? What about sitting on the sofa watching daytime TV while a child is playing at your feet? Being present in a house where children are playing?
Wantobe you should definitely very clearly lay all of this out in a contract and make sure she's happy with it before she arrives. No au pair is going to stay very long somewhere she's really not happy and she could just walk out with no notice, leaving you with no childcare. It always amazes me that the bad host parents never consider that when mis-treating their au pair (not that I'm saying you'll be a bad one!)0 -
I think the key part of this scenario is that you child is at her feet. If the au pair is responsible for your child then she is working.Also you need to decide what constitutes work. Heavy cleaning is obviously work but what about cleaning up after you use the kitchen or bathroom? What about sitting on the sofa watching daytime TV while a child is playing at your feet? Being present in a house where children are playing?
With respect to working hours, I was under the impression that whilst the Irish governments might not have specific regulations there are relevant regulations in European Law. My understanding was that the limitations in hours came from this, The European Working Time Directive. If found this strange, as they are not considered as employees, but apparently they are covered.
We had a requirement for more than 35 hours and so negotiated a higher rate of pay to reflect this. We based working hours on the time when we expected the au pair to be responsible for the children.
MrP0 -
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I recently had a great au pair experience, i thought the family were great, but their previous Au Pair thought they were auful and left early.
I think what makes the difference is what your expectations are before you arrive. Personally I talked to the family several times on skype before I went there, so i got to 'see' the kids and have a proper conversation with both parents.
I love kids and i know that the parents really appreciated the initiative i took with them, taking them to playgrounds or swimming or doing crafts instead of sticking them in front of the tv all afternoon.so although i never spent alot of time with the parents, they liked me and were willing to accomidate me because they liked how i was with th kids.
the cleaning was arranged before i got there so there was no misunderstandings. I explained that i didnt feel comfortable cooking dinner for the kids, so we agreed that I didnt have to make dinner, i could do the school lunches instead. compremising on things like this before you arrive makes everything alot easier.
I worked maybe 40 hours a week and then babysat every friday night. They definatley treated me as a member of the family and not as an employee, I could eat whatever i wanted and do laundry whenever, I had almost full use of one of the cars and they paid for the petrol and any entry/food costs if I was out with the kids.
In the evenings I always kept to my room, which had wireless internet and at the weekends I would usually go out in the car or stay in my room, although sometimes i would go out with the family if they were skiing or swimming.
at the weekends I wouldnt ignore the children, its hard to explain to a 3yearold that you cant sing songs with her today because you arnt working! but i didnt take them any where or spend much time organising games with them. also the weekend is the kids chance to play with mum and dad and i think thats really important.
hope you have a better experience this time! and NEVER give anyone your passport!
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