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Confession

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  • 13-06-2009 5:37pm
    #1
    coldfire1x
    Registered Users Posts: 3,354 ✭✭✭


    This fellow comes to confession. "Father, he said, forgive me
    for I have sinned."

    The priest asked, "What did you do, my son?"

    "I lusted," the fellow replied.

    "Tell me about it," the priest said.

    The fellow then related his story. "Father, I am a deliveryman
    for UPS. Yesterday I was making a delivery in the affluent
    section of the city. When I rang the bell, the door opened and
    there stood the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She
    had long blonde hair and eyes like emeralds. She was dressed
    in a sheer dressing gown that showed her perfect figure. And,
    she asked if I would like to come in."

    "And, what did you do, my son?" asked the priest.

    "Father, I did not go in the house but I lusted. Oh, how I
    lusted," replied the man.

    "Your sin has been forgiven," replied the priest. "You will get
    your reward in heaven, my son."

    "A reward, father? What do you think my reward might be?"
    the fellow asked.

    The priest replied, "I think a bale of hay would be appropriate,
    you jackass."

    RICH WIDOW LOOKING FOR MAN TO SHARE LIFE AND FORTUNE WITH THE FOLLOWING QUALIFICATIONS:

    1. WON'T BEAT ME UP
    2. WON'T RUN AWAY
    3. HAS TO BE GREAT IN BED

    For several months, her phone rang off the hook, her doorbell was ringing constantly, she received tons of mail...all to no avail. None of the men seemed to meet her qualifications.

    Then one day the doorbell rang yet again. She opened the door to find a man, with no arms and no legs, lying on the welcome mat. Perplexed, she asked, "Who are you and what do you want?"

    "Hi," said the man "Your search is over, for I am the man of your dreams. I've got no arms, so I can't beat you up and I've got no legs, so I can't run away."

    The old woman asked, "What makes you think you're so great in bed?"

    To which he replied, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"

    Man in hospital bed wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose.

    'Nurse' he mumbles, 'are my testicles black?'

    Nurse raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand, testicles in the other. She takes a good close look and says, 'There's nothing wrong with them Sir'

    Man pulls off the oxygen mask and says very slowly,

    'Thanks for that, it was just wonderful, but listen very very closely and carefully....are-my-test-re-sults-back?'


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