Want to start trying

Bee07

I would love to start a family but I know my husband wants to wait - I have tried to bring up the topic a few time but ... we're married a couple of years now - we're both 33 - I am not working at the moment .. last year I brought up the topic and my husband said lets wait a couple of years - at the time I agreed, but in my head I was thinking we'd start this year to have the baby next year.. since then most of our friends have ahd babies, including 2 of his sisters, with one due at then end of the year... but any time I try to bring the topic up now, (and he knows me too well) I can feel him claming up streight away and he doesn't want to talk about it -

now that I am not working I feel I have no right to even try and bring the topic up, becasue as hard as it is to find something now it would be impossiable if I were pregant - and with the work I do I am looking at twelve hour days (with commuting) so even if I got something now I'd only be able to do it until I had the baby and then what - child care from 7 in the morning until 7 in the evening would be mad expensive - I have been trying to get something in a different area of work closer to home for the past year and its just not happening for me - but that off the topic

I had always thought that when his friends started having babies we'd soon follow - but its not the case, I only found out by accident that two were having a family as my husband didn't tell me when he found out - I am sure he thought it would mean I'd ask about us and its the whole avoidance thing again

I read some of these site, and the weddingsonline one and read about fellas wanting and trying to start a family and can never imagine it being us - sometimes I think the only way I'd ever get pregnant is if we had an accident - I have come off the pill - but hubby is still using condoms - and we're together long enough now for nothing to have happened so its unlikely now

Sorry I am ranting - just needed to get things off my chest a bit - any advice - anyone in the same situation?

foxy06

I think maybe you should just bring it up again and make him listen. I am not in the same situation but your husband sounds similar to mine and takes a lot of work to get him to even listen to ideas I have or things I want to do because he just doesn't like change. He is however reasonable and after some manipulation he will sit and hear me out and sometimes even go along with my ideas.
Having kids is a wonderful life changing experience that you both deserve to have so make yourself heard. It is expensive for childcare but if your out of work now and coping you will manage with a child. I always think back to how our own parents and grandparents did it and they usually had nothing.

Best of luck

PCPhoto

OP - why not get a lil kinky on him - quickie before work...or even in work - not giving him time to get a condom...and hope nature takes its course.

KittenCaboodle

To be honest, I think you should work on sorting out your communication problems with him before starting a family.

No subject should be off limits and he needs to be open with you about his intentions and his fears. It's not fair that he refuses to talk to you about it.

Tricking him into getting you pregnant (as suggested above) is such a bad idea it's not even funny.

Bee07

Thanks for that - what you say makes sence - its the change thing with the hubby, I know he is happy the way things are and doesn't want change - he has always been like that - needed a little nudge to get married too (but nothing like this)- it this is totally different ball game, marriage wasnt such a jump strangely, we're together 13 years - and I know in a way that's the problem its just been the two of us for so long, I think the change would be easier for a couple who were only together 4/5 years got married and started a family..

I know I just have to sit him down - I also know what I want to say - and how even if we started to try now there is no guarentee when I'd get pregnant, we could be still trying this time next year (which might make it less scary, but I don't think I'll even get that far - I think I'll be shot down streight away) - and I am a real push over and when he sets his mind to something its impossiable to change it (99% of the time I get my way, but when he sets his mind thats it)

Funny I was just thinking I tried a different approch a couple of months back - asked him what he'd thought we'd be doing in 5 years time - just wanted to see if he even pictured kids at that time - and I thought I could say where I pictured us - that didn't even work - made a joke about something and then completely changed the topic - sometimes I wish he din't know me so well

by the way I'd never trick him into getting pregnant, he knows I am off the pill - but it was for another medical purpose - but at this stage I could go back on it, if I wanted...and I feel a bit guilty about that

b3t4

Bee07,

The fact of the matter is that you aren't getting younger and your biogical clock isn't getting any younger. Sure, it's possible to still get pregnant when you're older, my mother did with no problems, but are you willing to face the idea that for you, if you leave it till you're older, it might just be too late.

Also, put it to your husband that if he were to have children would he be Ok if ye only had one child? As if you wait any longer this might be outcome of things.

Say you take a year to get pregnant and you're 34. By the time baby comes along you're nearly 35. It would be a good idea to give yourself and your body a rest till you try for the next one (if you want more than one that is) so you start trying for another baby at 36-37. It possibly takes a year to concieve your second baby. You're 38 having that baby.

The above scenario is for if you start trying now. How long is your husband going to not answer your question? You need to call him on this. Or you need to realise that he may not want children after all and you will either have to weigh up staying with him with no children or leaving him to have them.

LegacyUser

It took awhile for my husband to understand about declining fertility. He really believed we could try at 40+ and it would be fine.

Perhaps get your OH some facts. Get him on the internet, get him reading the articles about declining fertility and explain that you just don't have time to wait anymore, that he's making a decision for both of you for rest of your lives right now. If he's more invloved he might get the picture.