Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie

few funnies

Options
  • 15-06-2009 5:56pm
    #1
    thebullkf
    Registered Users Posts: 3,012 ✭✭✭





    What do you call a hippy's wife?

    Mississippi .



    I'm an attractive, intelligent 25 year old man, who's in peak physical condition, and enjoys, romantic novels, long walks on the beach, and deep conversations.

    I'm looking for a hot, gullible 20 year-old woman, who isn't likely to put up much of a fight.




    As I sat in the living room my 5 year old shouted at me from the back door.

    'I can't hear you if you're shouting from outside,' I said.

    Again, he shouted back.

    'I told you, I can't hear you from there. It's rude to shout. If you want me to hear you, walk into the living room,' I replied.

    A few moments later my son appeared in the living room.

    'Dad, I've got dog sh1t all over my shoes.'



    I once had sex with my wife against her will.

    She was furious.

    I smudged the ink on her signature.





    I saw a sign that said.
    'Have you seen this man?'
    So i phoned them up and said
    'No'




    A woman is wondering what to buy her husband for his birthday when she walks past a pet shop.
    "Excuse me could you help me with finding a present for my husband?"
    "Of course madam" says the shopkeeper, "what you want is this frog."
    "A frog?"
    "Yes, this frog has been trained to give the best bl0w jobs in the world, trust me he will love it!"
    "O.k then i'll take it."
    That night she givesher husband the gift and goes to sleep knowing that he wont be pestering her for anything.
    After a while she is woken up by noise coming from down stairs.
    She walks into the kitchen to find her husband and the frog surrounded by pans, food and cook books.
    "What's going on?" she asks.
    Her husband replies, "If I can teach this frog to cook, you're f^&king out of here!"



    I entered the young musician of the year once...

    He was furious.



    A guy walks into a pub, and sees King Kong sitting at the bar

    'KING KONG!' he shouts, 'Oh, you're my hero! Please can I buy you a drink??!'

    'Sorry,' he says, 'I've got a plane to catch.'




    I met a guy who told me that he was a very famous singer in the 80's.

    I asked him, "Are you sure?"

    He said, "Of course, I'm AdamAnt."





    I went to the doctors because my hair keeps falling out, I asked him:

    "What do I do? Do you have anything to keep it in?"

    He handed me a cardboard box


Advertisement