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Lawyer Comments

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  • 16-06-2009 3:56am
    #1
    Senna
    Registered Users Posts: 8,800 ✭✭✭


    * Lawyer: "Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?"
    * Witness: "All my autopsies have been performed on dead people."


    * Lawyer: "Are you married?"
    * Witness: "No, I'm divorced."
    * Lawyer: "And what did your husband do before you divorced him?"
    * Witness: "A lot of things I didn't know about."


    * Lawyer: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"
    * Witness: "No."
    * Lawyer: "Did you check for blood pressure?"
    * Witness: "No."
    * Lawyer: "Did you check for breathing?"
    * Witness: "No."
    * Lawyer: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"
    * Witness: "No."
    * Lawyer: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?"
    * Witness: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."
    * Lawyer: "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?"
    * Witness: "Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere."


    * Lawyer: "What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?"
    * Witness: "He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'"
    * Lawyer: "And why did that upset you?"
    * Witness: "My name is Susan."



    * Lawyer: "And what did he do then?"
    * Witness: "He came home, and next morning he was dead."
    * Lawyer: "So when he woke up the next morning he was dead?"


    * Lawyer: "This myasthenia gravis -- does it affect your memory at all?"
    * Witness: "Yes."
    * Lawyer: "And in what ways does it affect your memory?"
    * Witness: "I forget."
    * Lawyer: "You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?"


    * Lawyer: "Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?"
    * Witness: "Yes."
    * Lawyer: "Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?"
    * Witness: "Yes, sir."
    * Lawyer: "What did she say?"
    * Witness: "'What disco am I at?'"

    * Lawyer: "When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station?"
    * Other Lawyer: "Objection. That question should be taken out and shot


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