Football personalities most hilarious statements

Bounty Hunter

George Hamilton:

"Real Madrid are like a rabbit in the glare of the headlights in the face of Manchester United's attacks. But this rabbit comes with a suit of armour in the shape of two precious away goals."

"We're into the second moment of stoppage time of which there isn't one."


“He's pulling him off. The Spanish manager is pulling his Captain off!”

George: "Roy Carsley has it"
Jim: "Lee Carsley, George"
George: "Ah yes, perhaps it's because his head reminds me of Ray Wilkins"

"I might be tempting fate but I can't see the Poles Scoring...OH NOOOO they just have!!"

Kevin Keegan:

"I don't think there's anyone bigger or smaller than Maradona."

"I'm not trying to make excuses but I think the lights may have been a problem."

"You can't do better than go away from home and get a draw."


Bobby Robson:

"We didn't underestimate them. They were just a lot better than we thought."


"He never fails to hit the target. But that was a miss.’

John Motson:

"For those of you watching in black and white, Spurs are in the yellow strip."

"It’s so different from the scenes in 1872, at the Cup Final none of us can remember."

Eamon Dunphy

"The overwhelming view of the listeners is that… they are split down the middle."

"Usually it takes a bottle of Bacardi and a gallon of Coke to get John out of his seat."

"Kilbane's head is better than his feet. If only he had three heads, one on the end of each leg."

Giles: "Football fans have short memories, Eamon."
Dunphy: "I found at Millwall that fans had long memories, John. They never forgot how bad I was! HA HA HA HA HA!"
Giles: [Silence]


there must be plenty of other classics out there Chris Kamara etc

IvySlayer

Souness: Who have you managed?

Dunphy: No-one, but I've managed to survive for 63 and a half years, baby!

Legendary.

Bard

George Hamilton, not 3 minutes ago, referring to Italy's woeful performance in their match with Brazil. TV cameraman picks up child in crowd grinning in a frankly insane way while smearing his face with ice-cream. George says:

"Well, Italy could compare that... to their performance this evening... a bit of a mess."

Nice catch there George! Didn't miss that golden opportunity!

mcowhey

one of a few favourites
Nani speaking about Ronaldos imminent departure

"I'll replace him"

just truly legendary

Morzadec

Bounty Hunter wrote: »

George Hamilton:

"Real Madrid are like a rabbit in the glare of the headlights in the face of Manchester United's attacks. But this rabbit comes with a suit of armour in the shape of two precious away goals."

George Hamilton is great isn't he? That quote is genius, what a great analogy to describe the situation. He often starts says something, without really knowing where he's going with it and kind of makes it up as he goes along.

Another example from tonight:

Picture of a Brazilian girl in the crowd holding a sign saying 'I Love Kaka'.

George: 'I bet you do. And I'd bet you'd love him to...help Brazil toanother victory tonight.'

Also love the way he says 'oh dear!' and 'oh no!' when Ireland concede!

mcowhey

another cracker from Sir Bobby,

"Look at the bright side we dont have to play them every week, we do have to play them next week as it happens"

am i bovvered

Ex Ireland manager....... "Tactics are irrelevant"

mcowhey

'I've had 14 bookings this season - 8 of which were my fault, but 7 of which were disputable' - Paul Gascoigne

'The World Cup is a truly international event.' - John Motson

'I couldn't settle in Italy - it was like living in a foreign country.' - IAN RUSH

'It took a lot of bottle for Tony (Adams) to own up' - IAN WRIGHT on his team mate's admission of alcoholism

'If Glenn Hoddle said one word to his team at half time, it was concentration and focus.' - Ron Atkinson

'Their football was exceptionally good - and they played some good football.' - BOBBY ROBSON

'They (Rosenborg) have won 66 games, and they've scored in all of them.' - Brian Moore

'Liverpool's best chance ended when Beardsley shot himself.' - Daily Express match report

'...and France and Romania drew 1-0.' - MOIRA STEWART

'... and so they have not been able to improve their 100% record.' - reporter

'Hodge scored for Forest after 22 seconds - totally against the run of play.' - PETER LORENZO

'Gomes had scored four goals for Portugal against Andorra, including a hat-trick.' - BILL O'HERLIHY

'Ian Pearce has limped off with what looks like a shoulder injury.' - TONY COTTEE

'When a player gets to 30, so does his body.' - Glen Hoddle

'I was a young lad when I was growing up.' - David O'Leary

'Home advantage gives you an advantage.' - Bobby Robson

'It's the only way we can lose, irrespective of the result.'
- Graham Taylor

'We must have had 99% of the game. It was the other three per cent that cost us the match.' - Ruud Gullit

'The philosophy of a lot of European teams, even in home matches, is not to give a goal away.' - Alex Ferguson

'In a year's time, he's a year older.' - Bobby Robson

'The first 90 minutes are the most important.' - Bobby Robson

'Shearer could be at 100% fitness, but not peak fitness.'
- Graham Taylor

'As I've said before and I've said it in the past...' - Kenny Dalglish

'He was a player that hasn't had to use his legs even when he was nineteen years of age because his first two yards were in his head.'
- Glenn Hoddle

'I've seen them on television on a Sunday morning most days of the week.' - Jack Charlton

'People always remember the second half.' - Graham Taylor

'If they hadn't scored, we would've won.' - Howard Wilkinson

'Paolo Di Canio is capable of scoring the goal he scored.'
- Bryan Robson

'It was a game we should have won. We lost it because we thought we were going to win it. But then again, I thought that there was no way we were going to get a result there.' - Jack Charlton

'We keep kicking ourselves in the foot.' - Ray Wilkins

'I have a number of alternatives, and each one gives me something different.' - Glenn Hoddle

'Of the nine red cards this season we probably deserved half of them.'
- Arsene Wenger

'It wasn't going to be our day on the night.' - Bryan Robson

'Very few of us have any idea whatsoever of what life is like living in a goldfish bowl,except, of course, for those of us who are goldfish.'
- Graham Taylor

'If you can't stand the heat in the dressing room, get out of the kitchen.'
- Terry Venables

DazMarz

Reporter: Gordon! Can we have a quick word?
Gordon Strachan: Velocity (walks off)

Legendary....

Morzadec

Haha George is really supplying us with some ammo here! Did anyone hear that?!

(Little Trumpet Noise) 'Here comes the cavalry'

therecklessone

Was I hearing right, did Hamilton do a version of the Ryanair "arrived on time" bugle during the 2nd half tonight, and say something like "here comes the cavalry"?

Bizarre.

JerryHandbag

Big Ron Atkinson was legendary for his words of "wisdom"

"He sliced the ball when he had it on a plate"
"The Cameroons are literally gonna catch fire here"
"He had acres of time there"
"Someone in the England team needs to grab the ball by the horns"
"That was a moment of cool panic there"
:D

ecoli

IvySlayer wrote: »

Souness: Who have you managed?

Dunphy: No-one, but I've managed to survive for 63 and a half years, baby!

Legendary.

Absolutely brilliant.... nearly bust a gut listening to that

Daemos

"He strokes the ball like it's part of his anatomy"

John Motson (?) referring to how someone kicked the football.

A Primal Nut

DaPoolRulz wrote: »

"He strokes the ball like it's part of his anatomy"

John Motson (?) referring to how someone kicked the football.

Nope, 'twas the legendary Jimmy McGee

This one had me in stiches for about ten minutes; one of the few I'd never heard before:

"I was watching the Blackburn game on TV on Sunday when it flashed on the screen that George (Ndah) had scored in the first minute at Birmingham. My first reaction was to ring him up. Then I remembered he was out there playing."
Ade Akinbiyi

Thanks, Sugarman.

You could write a book on Kevin Keegan quotes - I remember our Maths teacher had us in stiches reading them out one day:

20 'It's like a toaster, the ref's shirt pocket. Every time there's a tackle, up pops a yellow card.'
19 'I don't think there's anyone bigger or smaller than Maradona.'
18 'The good news for Nigeria is that they're two-nil down very early in the game…'
17 'They're the second best team in the world, and there's no higher praise than that.'
16 'I'll never play at Wembley again, unless I play at Wembley again.'
15 'Shaun Wright-Phillips has got a big heart. It's as big as him, which isn't very big, but it's bigger.'
14 'You get bunches of players like you do bananas, though that is a bad comparison.'
13 'We are three games without defeat is another way of looking at it. But if we are honest we have taken two points from nine.'
12 'I want more from David Beckham. I want him to improve on perfection.'
11 'Argentina won't be at Euro 2000 because they're from South America.'
10 'The 33 or 34-year-olds will be 36 or 37 by the time the next World Cup comes around, if they're not careful.'
9 'You're not just getting international football, you're getting world football.'
8 'In some ways, cramp is worse than having a broken leg.'
7 'There'll be no siestas in Madrid tonight.'
6 'They compare Steve McManaman to Steve Heighway and he's nothing like him, but I can see why - it's because he's a bit different.'
5 'Goalkeepers aren't born today until they're in their late twenties or thirties.'
4 'Despite his white boots, he has real pace.'
3 'I know what is around the corner - I just don't know where the corner is. But the onus is on us to perform and we must control the bandwagon.'
2 'I'm not disappointed - just disappointed.'
1 'Nicolas Anelka left Arsenal for £23million and they built a training ground on him.'


And of course this gem:

England have the best fans in the world and Scotland's fans are second-to-none.

What makes these footballing quotes extra funny is because of how pundits, managers and players are so obsessed with the same old cliches so its great to see them feck them up now and again.

Shanotheslayer

Barry Davie - If it had gone in, it would have been a goal

David Coleman - The Italians are hoping for an Italian victory

Commentator - Minutes to go, and it's still 1-0 apiece

Necronomicon

No Ian Holloway so far? :eek: For shame!

“Right now, everything is going wrong for me - if I fell in a barrel of boobs, I'd come out sucking my thumb!”

"I couldn't be more chuffed if I were a badger at the start of the mating season."

"I've got to get Dan ****tu ready for the Stoke game. I've told him to go to Iceland and ask if he can sit in one of their freezers."

“To put it in gentleman's terms, if you've been out for a night and you're looking for a young lady and you pull one, you've done what you set out to do. We didn't look our best today but we've pulled. Some weeks the lady is good looking and some weeks they're not. Our performance today would have been not the best looking bird but at least we got her in the taxi. She may not have been the best looking lady we ended up taking home but it was still very pleasant and very nice, so thanks very much and let's have coffee.”

portumna

A few more from sir Bobby. The Ameobi one's my favourite though!

Shola’s nicked name:

Reporter to Newcastle's Shola Ameobi: 'Do you have a nickname?'
Ameobi: 'No, not really'
Reporter: 'So what does Bobby Robson call you?'
Ameobi: 'Carl Cort.'

Sir Forgetable:

Alan Brazil: "I'm delighted to say we've got Sir Bobby Robson on the
end of the phone, fresh from getting his knighthood at Buckingham Palace.
Bobby, terrific news."

Sir Bobby Robson: "What is?"

Brazil: "You know, getting the old sword on the shoulder from Prince
Charlie."

Sir Bob: Eh? [Long pause] "Oh yeah... well, it was a day I'll never
forget."

Who’s name is it anyway?:

Sir Bobby to Bryan Robson: “Good morning, Bobby.”
Bryan: “You’re Bobby, I’m Bryan!”


The Quotes
“Andy O'Brien has an horrendous nose, the poor lad. It is massive, it is black and blue and it is awful.” – Getting personal.

“Titus looks like Tyson when he strips off in the dressing-room, except he doesn't bite. And he has a great tackle." - On Titus Bramble, we think the ‘tackle’ referred to was his defensive qualities.

"We didn't underestimate them. They were a lot better than we thought"
- After England sneaked through against Cameroon in the 1990 World Cup.

"Hitler didn't tell us when he was going to send over those doodlebugs, did he?" - On why he was refusing to name his England team before a World Cup qualifer against Sweden in 1989

"We're taking 22 players to Italy, sorry, to Spain... where are we, Jim?"
- On whether Paul Gascoigne should have gone to the 1998 World Cup in France.

"There will be a game where somebody scores more than Brazil and that might be the game that they lose."
"Steve Hodge has been unfit for two weeks, well, no, for 14 days."

"Ray Wilkins' day will come one night."

"Tottenham have impressed me: they haven't thrown in the towel even though they have been under the gun."

"Look at those olive trees. They're two hundred years old – from before the time of Christ!" - Sir Bobby illustrates how great life is in Barcelona.

"If we invite any player up to the Quayside to see the girls and then up to our magnificent stadium, we will be able to persuade any player to sign." – Playing up Newcastle’s Playboy image.

"They can't be monks - we don't want them to be monks, we want them to be football players because a monk doesn't play football at this level."
- Justifying Newcastle's Playboy image.

"They're two points behind us, so we're neck and neck."
"I'd say he's the best in Europe, if you put me on the fence"

"I played cricket for my local village. It was 40 overs per side, and the team that had the most runs won. It was that sort of football."

"If we start counting our chickens before they hatch, they won't lay any eggs in the basket."

"I would have given my right arm to be a pianist."

"What can I say about Peter Shilton? Peter Shilton is Peter Shilton, and he has been Peter Shilton since the year dot."

"I'm not going to look beyond the semi-final - but I would love to lead Newcastle out at the final."

“Home advantage gives you an advantage.”

Paparazzo

IvySlayer wrote: »

Souness: Who have you managed?

Dunphy: No-one, but I've managed to survive for 63 and a half years, baby!

Legendary.

I thought it was more cringeworthy than legendary. Especially the "baby" bit at the end:o

Morzadec

therecklessone wrote: »

Was I hearing right, did Hamilton do a version of the Ryanair "arrived on time" bugle during the 2nd half tonight, and say something like "here comes the cavalry"?

Bizarre.

You heard right yeh. It was odd because he said it literally about 5 minutes after this thread was started!

I'm pretty sure George was drunk last night, there was some very odd commentary. Hilarious though.

therecklessone

Morzadec wrote: »

You heard right yeh. It was odd because he said it literally about 5 minutes after this thread was started!

I'm pretty sure George was drunk last night, there was some very odd commentary. Hilarious though.

And I've only seen you posted the exact same as me but before I did, so kudos to you :P

Fratton Fred

Peter Crouch was asked what he would be if he wasn't a footballer. His response? "Probably a virgin"

Hoki

My fav by Ray Houghton

"I played in a golf charity match to raise money for a boy injured in a car accident. I had to drive like a lunatic to get here." [Ironically explaining why he was late for a talksport show]

CiaranC

Rico on MNS tonight, commenting on a ball across his own box from a Bray defender:

"Thats the football equivalent of eating yellow snow, you just dont do it"

Paparazzo

CiaranC wrote: »

Rico on MNS tonight, commenting on a ball across his own box from a Bray defender:

"Thats the football equivalent of eating yellow snow, you just dont do it"

Could do a whole thread on Rico

DeadSkin

Morzadec wrote: »

You heard right yeh. It was odd because he said it literally about 5 minutes after this thread was started!

I'm pretty sure George was drunk last night, there was some very odd commentary. Hilarious though.

Me and a few mates are saying the same thing, but reckon, George and Kenny are pished all tournament. Can't remember right now, but both of 'em have come out with some daft stuff.

Headshot

legend

taidghbaby

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fB9rI7p7vmk

cashback

Some more classic Keegan quotes. I think my favourite has to be the goalkeeper one!

"I've had an interest in racing all my life, or longer really."

"I came to Nantes two years ago and it's much the same today, except that it's completely different."

"You can't do better than go away from home and get a draw!"

"You can't play with a one-armed goalkeeper - not at this level!"

"He's using his strength, and that is his strength - his strength."

"People will say that's typical City, which really annoys me. But that's typical City, I suppose."

"Mark Hughes at his very best: he loves to feel people right behind him."

"His (the assistant referee's) job tonight was to try and be fair to both sides but every time something happened in that corner - and there were quite a few incidents there - it was as if he had arthritis in one of his arms, and he could only point the flag in one direction!"

"The tide is very much in our court now."

"Bobby Robson must be thinking of throwing some fresh legs on."

"I'm not disappointed - just disappointed."

"Gary always weighed up his options, especially when he had no choice."

"Tactically at this level [international], results will tell you that I have struggled."

Fratton Fred

There are some Redknapp classics (Rushes off to wash mouth out with holy water), my favourite is about DiCanio

"He was so good I was going to pull him off at half time, but then I thought, nah, **** it, he can have a cup of tea like everyone else"